Chapter Twenty-Eight

Iris

Kal and Rett were in high spirits on the walk home, laughing and teasing the kids while Laia and I walked arm in arm behind. Kal had Luna on her shoulders, and the sight of it melted my heart. Meanwhile, a sleepy Eliot was snoozing on Rett’s big shoulders.

“No one was too prying or anything, right?” Laia asked in an undertone as we got closer to where we’d take our separate ways home.

“Oh, not at all. Very polite.”

She slowed us down to a stop. "Are you sure?" Laia's golden eyes flashed in the dark, and she shook her head. "You seem okay but…distant. Did Kal say something?”

“Oh, no, no, Laia, I’m just tired,” I said.

“Maybe,” she said dubiously. “You just don’t seem like yourself. And neither does Kal, but that’s a good thing.” For once she didn’t say it with a snort, but rather with a detached, observant air. “It’s almost like the two of you are switching personalities or something.”

“What?” I asked with a startled laugh.

“Well, Kal seems to be taking his walls down, and you seem to be putting them up.”

I gaped at her, heart pounding, and Laia gave me a wise look in the gloom. She’d hit on something I hadn’t yet wanted to acknowledge myself. It made me think of Tiani, who said a real friend was the one who told you what you needed to hear, not what you wanted.

That made me laugh a little. “You and Tiani would get along well.”

“Tiani?”

“A friend of mine,” I said, and my stomach jolted. With everything else, I’d forgotten to ask Kal if he could look into her. “More like a sister. I miss her so much.”

"Laia!" Rett called, and we turned to see that they'd stopped several yards down the trail. "Gossip tomorrow, woman. Otherwise, Luna will be up all night."

“Only because her daddy spoils her rotten,” Laia retorted, and we hurried up to them.

After an exchange of goodnights, I found myself dragging as we made our way up the hill. All I wanted to do was collapse into bed. My soul was twisted and worn thin.

I had a feeling, too, that it wouldn’t escape Kal’s notice for much longer, and I wouldn’t have a mass of Deacons to distract him.

Yet when I was finally in bed, I couldn’t fall asleep. I tossed and turned, falling into half-dreams where I watched Kal and a faceless woman laugh along with the Deacons from outside. In another, I saw Kal standing alone, eyes closed, in a winter storm. In yet another, I sank into icy waters, and no one knew. I simply vanished without a trace.

That last one had me waking up in a hot, sweaty mess, the blankets kicked to the floor. It was a sharp contrast to the half-frozen river I’d just drowned in. Taking deep gulps of air, I swung out of bed and went to the window, cracking it open.

Oddly, though, I was parched. And wide awake.

Of course, I’d forgotten to get a glass of water, though. Annoyed, I slipped out of my room and crept downstairs. In the kitchen, I drank a whole glass of water in one gulp, then another.

As I went to pour the third, there was a sound of a doorknob, and Kal stepped through the side door. His movements were slow, and I could tell he was in deep thought, his face creased into a frown. I froze, hoping that in his distraction, he wouldn't see me, as I'd realized I'd traipsed down here in a loose shirt and panties and nothing else.

Worse, Kal was wearing nothing but a pair of baggy shorts.

I couldn’t even focus on how absurd it was that he went outside in only shorts. His bare skin and hard muscles had fried my brain. In the dim light, his size and strength had never been more apparent, every shadow sharp and deep. Tingles raced up and down my skin, my breathing uneven as I watched him close the door and lock it. A big hand rested on the glass, and he was frowning, lost in his own world.

Finally, Kal stepped away and cut through the living room, not seeing me. I listened as his footsteps padded into the hall and then stopped. My heart leaped into my throat as they changed course into the kitchen. I should’ve moved—I had enough time to hide in the living room—but I was rooted to the spot as he came in and stopped short.

“Iris,” he exclaimed, and silver flashed in his eyes. “What—why are you up?”

“Water,” I said and held up my empty glass.

“Did we…?” He glanced over his shoulder. “Did you see me come in just now?” I nodded and went to speak, but he continued. “Did you hear something?”

“No,” I said, and a shiver ran up my spine as he walked towards me. “Did you?”

“Yes,” Kal said shortly. “Or I thought I did.” He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and set it down. “So strange, I could have sworn—but there was nothing there.” He glanced at me. “I thought maybe you’d help me figure out if I’m starting to lose my touch or not.”

“I’m sure you’re not,” I said, trying to keep calm and not stare at him.

“Yeah, well…” Kal poured himself a glass of water and drank it, his powerful throat rippling. I needed to get out of there. He set it down and went to pour another when he went still, his gaze slowly returning to me and running down, then up. I thought I saw the cords of his throat stand out. The silver in his eyes was molten, his chest rising and falling hard.

“You said you came down here for water?” he finally asked in a hoarse voice.

“Yes,” I squeaked out.

Kal wordlessly held out his hand as I tried not to shake as I handed it over. Our fingers brushed, and he looked away, his big hands flexing around the glass. He filled it and slid it back. I had the strangest impression he was either about to speak or trying not to speak.

I didn’t wait to find out. Snatching the glass, I said thanks and fled upstairs.

 

Dawn was not long off, and I’d still barely gotten any sleep. Mortification scalded me from head to toe, replaying that moment in the kitchen. If only I’d grabbed a robe or something.

Add that to the leaden weight of the Deacon dinner, where I realized that not only was the family of the man I was the fake mate of wonderful and warm, but they were also overjoyed to think that their obstinate and walled-off polar bear was no longer alone.

When in fact it was by a fluke that I’d shown up in Kal’s life and formed a friendship with him.

There was a pressure in my chest that was getting worse. Needing to get out of my room, I threw on sweats and a shirt, padding downstairs. Restless, I paced around before I went into the study and skimmed my fingers across Orion’s book.

A few days ago, I’d cracked that stubborn page, which had opened up far more than I’d expected. I’d thought I was almost done, but now I wasn’t so sure.

Worse, I’d come across Sierra’s and Laia’s names in his notes. Sierra, especially, seemed to infuriate Orion. He’d written a nasty amount of things about her and the “half-breed” who’d pretended she could fire a gun. That was a strange thing. Guns had infamously stopped working around shifters, and most people had resigned themselves to it. Orion had not.

There was something else that didn’t make sense, either.

Shadow-dweller, can she see them? The secrets? Invisible, deal with the devil, devils.

Secret-eater, Unseen, fears the pure elements.

Then there had been words in Arabic, which translated to, swallow the secret and behold the unseen, followed by a string of gibberish or language Orion had made up, a mix of Arabic and Latin.

“Dal hoc, vasiri arcanstrum,” I said out loud slowly. Suddenly, my throat burned, and I coughed, eyes streaming. When I got my breath back, I found myself overheating again.

Getting up, I went and pulled on boots and a jacket, then one of Kal’s hats. Instead of going out the front door, which Kal would hear, I snuck out the side door and into the crystal-like dawn.

The urge to run was growing in me, an almost primal panic, and I kept glancing over my shoulder, feeling watched. My feet slipped as I walked away from the house, trying to gather my thoughts. I found myself thinking of my mother and brother, of Tiani, who’d left me behind. The unbroken chain of lonely days before and after the Rift. The fragile bond between Kal and me.

My unrequited feelings. All my stupid hopes and dark fears.

Suddenly, I found myself near the river that ran behind Kal’s house, churning and swollen from the snow. It hissed and steamed around the rocks. Closing my eyes, I tried to listen to it and not the gnawing around my heart.

Putting a hand to my forehead, I thought of going to Kal and shook my head. No, I couldn’t burden him, I couldn’t ask him…he’d find out. “He can’t find out.”

He will.

I whirled around, my heart slamming so fast I thought it would break a rib. “What…?”

What was that? Had someone spoken? 

So many burdens, unshared and swallowed deep. Unspoken by the unwanted one.

Adrenaline and fear cleared my head. Hallucinations? Or Excris? Another breach? My breath was coming in sharp, panting bursts, and I took a step back, only to realize the river was at my back.

What the hell was I doing out here? Why had I left the damn house?

Give us your fears, Secret-Keeper—we will keep them. You could satisfy us for an age…

“Who the hell are you?” I shouted and seized a sturdy branch.

There was an uneasy muttering, and I cast my eyes around. Nothing there, invisible.

“Secrets…” I breathed and choked out, “Dal hoc, vasiri arcanstrum!” Immediately, I coughed again, but it was lesser this time. The air rippled, and I forced myself to say it again. Three was usually the magic number. Then the branch fell from my nerveless fingers as I screamed.

Three horrifying, misshapen creatures had appeared, less than three feet away, hunched and curious, with a single black and insectile eye set in each of their heads. Their bodies were contorted and strange, with lines of words wrapping around their pale flesh. A slash of a mouth was set under each of their flat nostrils and sewn together with heavy black thread. No hands—instead, six hooked, spider-like limbs jutting out from their ribs.

“Kal! Kal, where are you?”

I wasn’t sure if I screamed or thought those words, but the creatures narrowed their gaze at me. I couldn’t breathe, and fear clawed its way through my chest. Followed by a crippling loneliness so great, I thought I might have gotten lost in some corner of the universe with no hope of getting home. But dimly, in the back of my mind, I thought I heard Kal’s voice.

It was enough to snap me awake, and I dodged as a hooked arm spun out at me. But it caught my side, and I slipped, plunging into the river. My scream was cut off by the water and the cold.

A bone-deep, shocking cold that burned across my skin as I burst to the surface and choked for air. I tried to swim, but the current was too swift and swept me down, knocking me against rocks and plunging me down into the depths.

Numbness spread through my veins, and my panic increased until suddenly I went down, plunging deeply, and then surged back up, my feet finding purchase. With a gasp, I staggered upright and let out a cry of agony at the cold. Teeth chattering, bones rattling, I sloshed towards the shore, and then those creatures reappeared.

I stopped and gasped as they waited. Turning, shivering, I saw there were three on the other side. Anger boiled up in me, and I kicked out, sending a spray of water towards them. They hissed and babbled, drawing back, eyeing the water with distaste.

“P-pure el-elements,” I murmured and kicked again.

But my strength was failing, and I was shaking with cold, struggling to keep my eyes open.

“No,” I gasped, and my chest ached. “Kal, please, help…”

You are alone, Iris Lisay.

“No, no, not again,” I said, and a scream built in my throat, but I couldn’t open my lips.

A burden, unwanted, alone, no use…what is the point, child? Come to us, let us ease your suffering. Dear little Secret-Keeper, it is the end. You will not unravel our plans.

The water was rising around me, and I couldn’t move, could barely breathe. I thought I heard something, but it was all a dream. There was nothing here. No one.

My eyes fluttered shut, and the cold receded. I was drifting away.

And no one would know I was gone.

I would!

The shout was from a distance, desperate and deep.

Iris, I would! Wake up. Open your damn eyes!

Something wouldn’t let me go—something had stopped me and was tugging me back.

Iris, please, please come back.

A big thumb brushed the corner of my mouth, and my eyes flew open to a rush of color, sound, and agony. I was standing knee-deep in icy water as though pinned there, with Kal staring down at me, wild-eyed and soaked to the bone, his hands clutching my face.

“Iris?”