Chapter Twelve
Tabitha
I TRY PULLING MY FOURTH pair of jeans over my hips, and they won’t budge. I yank them off in frustration. I try one more pair, and they make it all the way up, but then I try to fasten them. I can’t get them to close at all. I fall back on my bed and cry. My clothes don’t fit me anymore. I have an hour before my sonogram appointment, and I’m going to have to go naked.
I grab the phone off my pillow and dial Beth to see if she’s on her way home yet. She promised to go with me today for moral support.
“Hey, Mama, what’s up?” she answers on the first ring, and it sounds like she’s in traffic, so I let out a breath of relief.
“My clothes don’t fit, and now I have to go to the doctor completely nude!” I bawl into the phone.
She laughs. “Oh, honey, I’m sure we can find something. You don’t have to go streaking.” She goes silent for a minute, thinking up a solution. “Just put on a pair of yoga pants and steal one of Steve’s hoodies.”
“I’m already wearing his shirt, but my yoga pants keep rolling down.” The tears won’t stop pouring down my face.
“Then go in my room and grab a pair of my sweats. My hips are wider than yours, so they’ll definitely fit.”
“Okay, thank you, Beth.” I sniffle into my phone. “How close are you, anyway?” I ask once I’ve calmed down a little bit.
“What do you mean? I’m headed to John’s for the weekend.”
“My sonogram appointment is today!” I try to rock my way forward so I can sit up, but I don’t want to grunt into the phone, so I give up and lie back. “I thought you were going to go with me.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I totally forgot.” I hear the click of her turn signal. “I’m turning around. I can meet you there.”
“No! Don’t turn around. It’s okay. I can go by myself.”
“Nuh-uh, you are not doing this alone. I’m calling my dad. He can take you.”
“You don’t need to do—” She hangs up before I can finish my sentence.
I toss my phone down and roll off my bed to my feet. I grab a pair of sweatpants out of Beth’s room and slip them on. They are snug, but they do fit better than any of my things. I toss my hair up in a messy bun and apply some mascara and a little lip gloss to my face. I’m going to have to go clothes shopping this weekend, because I can’t keep wearing my roommate’s clothes.
I slip on my Toms and sit on the edge of my bed to catch my breath. My phone buzzes beside me, so I pick it up to see I have a text from Beth.
Beth: Brandon will be there in twenty. I’ll make it up to you. I love you.
Beth: I’m sorry.
I send her a thumbs-up in response. She really doesn’t have anything to be sorry for. I am not her responsibility. I am grateful enough that they gave up living in a party house and experiencing the full college life experience just to be here for me. I try not to ask too much, because I feel guilty enough.
I am done getting ready and see I have ten more minutes before Brandon arrives, so I decide to lie back and rest my eyes for a few minutes. I nod off and am being shaken awake in what feels like three minutes later, by my best friend’s older brother.
“Hey.” He smirks down at me when I wake with a little panicked jolt.
“Hey back.” I blush. I must look like a complete train wreck. “Thank you so much for agreeing to do this on such short notice. I really appreciate it.”
“Not a problem at all. It’s actually my day off, so I wasn’t doing anything important.”
“I’m sorry you got asked anyway.” I hope he’s not just being polite and really didn’t have any plans.
I almost tell him he doesn’t have to go, but I really don’t want to go do this alone. He picks up my purse and drops my phone inside for me, then he reaches for my hand and helps me get off the bed.
Brandon has always been a gentleman. I remember having a little crush on him when I was in middle school. Beth hated it and would tease me all the time for it, but never in front of anyone. It was a secret between just her and me. I could always trust her to keep my private stuff just between us.
The crush didn’t last long, anyway. In eight grade Mathew asked me out, and I said yes. The very second Mathew and I became more than friends, no other guy existed for me. Mathew was my one true love. We became instant friends that first day of preschool, and when we became a couple, it progressed so fast because we were already halfway in love with each other. My parents loved him, and I was already close with his, aside from his mom. She was hardly ever around even when she was still married to Phil. She never took much interest in any of Mathew’s friends.
I shake my head to push all thoughts of Mathew down, because I need to stay composed for the next few hours. I don’t want to make this anymore awkward than it probably already is for Brandon. Being asked to take your little sister’s pregnant best friend to her baby appointment has to be really weird. Brandon is a nothing short of chivalrous, though so he would never let on that he is uncomfortable. I’m both grateful and guilty that I would never know if he wanted to be here or not.
We walk out to his truck—thank God we’re not riding via the police cruiser—and he helps me up into the passenger side. There’s nothing sexier than a man who drives a lifted truck, but having to climb in as a pregnant lady is super awkward. I’m not even that huge yet, but I’m already getting that pregnant lady swagger. Steve was more than happy to mention I was adorable when I waddled the other day, and I wanted nothing more than to strangle the crap out of him for teasing me.
It takes us fifteen minutes to get there, and they are able to get us back into a room almost immediately despite the fact we are early. Brandon goes to wait in the waiting room, but I quickly grab his hand and drag him back with me. I’m way past caring if he wants to be here anymore. My nerves instantly fry when the nurse calls out my name. He doesn’t resist at all. He just squeezes my hand back and gestures for me to lead the way. I’m totally taking him to dinner or baking him cookies for this.
The nurse walks me back to a room with a padded table with stirrups sitting next to a table with a computer monitor floating over the top of it. She hands me a cup to pee in. I take it to the bathroom attached to the tiny room and do my business before heading back into the room. The nurse is gone when I step back into the room, and Brandon is sitting in a chair that looks really uncomfortable and almost too small for his large frame. He has his arms crossed over his chest, and his knees are spread apart the way almost all guys do.
“She said to climb on the table and to lie back. The doctor will be in soon,” he tells me before I can ask.
“Okay.” I climb up on the table ungracefully and lean back.
He stands up and almost reaches out to help me. I laugh because guys get so macho whenever they are within two feet of a pregnant lady. It’s more adorable the bigger and manlier the guy looks. I’m always teasing Steve that his teddy bear is showing. He hates it, but it make Beth and me giggle.
The nurse walks back in and to check all my vitals and writes them down just before Doctor Boulder walks into the room.
“Afternoon, Miss Thomas, are you ready to learn the sex of your little one?” He gives me a warm smile that reaches his eyes, and it instantly makes me feel comfortable.
“Yes, please.”
“I need you to roll your pants down to just under your stomach, and your shirt pulled up to just under your bra,” he says, as he moves around, grabbing a bottle off the shelf. He boots up the screen and turns to wait for me to finish adjusting my clothes.
Once I’m done, he moves forward and squirts warm jelly on my exposed stomach. I jump a little because I expected it to be cold, like the first ultrasound I had when I found out I was pregnant. I giggle because I’m nervous and excited and a little embarrassed all rolled up together.
“Sorry, I was expecting it to be cold,” I explain when everyone looks at me with different variations of amused expressions on their faces.
Doctor Boulder chuckles. “I like to keep it warmed in here, because it seems to help calm the nerves of the patients.”
I chose him to be my doctor because he has one of those smiles that instantly erases away all of your stress and fears in the moment. He’s older, but his hair is still a wavy golden color, so I’m guessing he’s in his mid-forties. He’s gorgeous. The type of guy who makes a girl be into older men. I almost suspect it’s why Beth is so eager to take me to all my monthly baby appointments.
He walks over with the wand thing attached to something on the table with the monitor and moves it around in the jelly on my skin until a quick thumping sound takes over the room. The baby’s heartbeat. A tear falls down my cheek and I reach out for Brandon’s hand. He must have been watching me, because he takes my hand and moves to stand at my side.
“Wow,” Brandon whispers under his breath. He smiles down at me, before looking directly at what’s happening on the monitor across from him.
“It sounds like your little girl’s got a very strong heartbeat, Daddy.” Doctor Boulder smiles over at Brandon, and I feel him go tense slightly.
He starts to correct the doctor, but I squeeze his hand and shake my head slightly, telling him not to. I really don’t want to explain my situation. My heart’s already breaking a little bit more.
I feel Mathew’s absence intensely in this moment. I wish he could be here so badly. He was never going to be here for this, but I would have still been able to tell him all about it afterward. I don’t even get to do that now, because Mathew is gone in a way he’s never coming back. He’ll never get to experience any part of this.
I feel guilty that I’m so completely overcome with joy over hearing our daughter’s heartbeat. I want Mathew back so bad. This hurts. There isn’t a word invented that would adequately describe exactly how I’m feeling right now.
I don’t even notice when the doctor and nurse leave the room. I don’t feel Brandon wipe the jelly off my stomach. I don’t feel him pull my hoodie back own, and I don’t feel him pull me into his arms. I’m sobbing and completely locked inside my grief. I cling to him weakly. He holds me against him and rocks me until I’m calm enough to breathe easily again. He kisses the top of my head and hands me a disk that’s been placed in a plastic sleeve.
“Are you okay to walk out on your own, or would you like me to carry you?” Brandon asks out of concern.
Embarrassed floods me that I had a complete meltdown, and he had to handle it. “I’m sorry about all that.” I try to say without crying again, but my voice cracks, and tears are still sliding down my face. “I can walk.” I look down, completely ashamed of how I’m reacting to something I should be absolutely ecstatic about.
“Darlin’, you have nothing to be sorry for. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling after everything you’ve been through these past few months.” He walks over and grabs some tissue out of the box on the counter by the sink, then hands them to me. He bends down so his face is level with mine. “You are Wonder Woman in my eyes, Tabby Thomas, and nothing could ever convince me otherwise.”
I wish I could hate Brandon Kane right now. I love Mathew with every part of my heart and soul, but I may have just fallen a little bit for Brandon in this moment. I wish I could hate him, but I don’t hate him, not even a little bit.