Chapter Thirteen
Tabitha
“I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT I’M going to be a grandma.” My mom gushes over the phone.
When Brandon dropped me off at the apartment yesterday evening, I handed him the DVD of my sonogram and asked him to drop it off at my mom’s house. I invited him over to dinner this weekend, so I can thank him for being there for me. Plus, I knew both Beth and Steve will be here, so I wouldn’t have to revisit the confusing feeling I was feeling the evening before. I know it’s not cheating, but I feel guilty having even a slight crush on another man, when I am still mourning the love of my life and the father of my unborn child. I think there might be an unwritten rule that you should never like a guy while still pregnant with another guy’s baby, especially if the guy has recently passed away. It feels insensitive. I’m also not entirely convinced I’m not just latching onto new feelings because I’m vulnerable right now, and my mind is trying desperately to avoid the pain.
Mathew’s been dead for two and a half months, and he left to go overseas almost six months ago. I miss him more every day. Our love still burns. It’s criminal to even think about this. Brandon is just a really good friend. He’s my best friend’s big brother, and therefore he’s kind of my big brother by association. I do not have any feelings for him. I was just overly grateful last night, because he was there for me in a desperate time of need. I’ve never mistaken feelings whenever Steve did anything sweet for me, so my reaction toward Brandon’s kindness last night confuses me.
I decide I’m just being ridiculous when I realize I’m still on the phone. I return my focus back to my conversation I’ve been having with my mom for the past eight minutes.
“Honey, are you still there?” she asks, and I can feel her concern through the phone.
“Yeah, Mom, sorry. I must have spaced out there for a minute.”
“Honey, if this is too difficult to talk about right now, we can talk later. I just want to tell you I love you, and that your father and I are so proud of you, sweetheart. We are so excited to meet our granddaughter.”
I wipe a stray tear from my cheek. “Thank you, Mom, I love you too. It’s not too hard. I’m just home now, and I need to unload the truck and go in.” I’ve been sitting out in front of my apartment since she called shortly after I parked the truck. “I think I’m just tired. Sorry this conversation has been so weird.”
“Don’t worry about it, sweetie. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? I love you.”
“Love you, too,” I say back to her before hanging up the phone and tossing it in the bottom of my purse.
I reach over to grab all the shopping bags holding my new maternity clothes I have to wear now. I about had a heart attack when I saw how expensive maternity clothes were. They are almost triple the price of regular clothes, but my dad told me to use the credit card and to get everything I needed to keep myself from having to attend class naked. I bought a couple pairs of jeans with elastic waists that pull up over my tummy, a few dresses, a couple cardigans, and several shirts. I also purchased a few bras. I bought the shirts a couple sizes too big, so that hopefully, I don’t have to buy any more maternity clothes.
I’m so exhausted all the time. I have class tomorrow morning, and it’s getting late already. I probably won’t unpack the bags until after class. I’ll pull out what I need to keep it from getting wrinkled and probably crash the rest of the night after I take my vitamins.
I get all the way up to the front door before I notice Beth’s car is sitting right next to where I’m parked. She shouldn’t even be here. She’s left to spend the weekend and Monday with John up at his school several hours away, and Steve works on Sunday nights. I was expecting to have the entire apartment to myself tonight. I’m not complaining, I’m actually happy that I’m not coming home to an empty house.
I unlock the door and walk in with all my bags. I carry them across to my bedroom and walk inside. I pull out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt from my bags and fold them neatly on my dresser for tomorrow. I quickly jump in the shower and change into Beth’s sweatpants and Steve’s T-shirt that I’ve been using to sleep in lately. I’m not planning on ever giving it back. It’s so soft from being washed so many times.
After I’m dressed and my hair is brushed, I go in search of Beth. She wasn’t in the living room when I walked in, so I assume she’s in her room. I tap lightly before I enter her room. It’s completely dark in here, but I can make out her form on the bed.
“Beth, are you awake?” I whisper as I approach the bed.
I hear her sniffle, so I reach over and turn on the lamp on the stand beside her bed. Once the light fills the room I see she curled up in a ball on her bed, and her face is a deep red, puffy, and soaked in tears.
“What happened?” I ask, as I reach over to run my fingers through her hair.
She waves me off and sits up to face me. She sniffles again then lifts her face to mine. “John broke up with me!”
“What? Are you kidding? Why?” Shock and anger on her behalf rush through me. “He didn’t do it right when you got there, did he?”
“No.” She sucks air in through her nose, making a mucus-filled gurgling noise. “He did it after I got back, th-through a t-text.” She breaks down in heavier sobs, as her body starts shaking with the force.
I pull her close to me and hug her to my chest, where she cries until she’s able to calm down enough to talk a little more. She sits back on her legs and tries to give me a smile, but it’s physically painful for her to smile right now. “How’d the baby appointment go?”
I shake my head. “We can talk about that later. What happened after you left yesterday?”
She sniffles and wipes her sleeve across her face, then gives me a pained look. “I drove up and waited in his dorm for like five hours, while I tried to get a hold of him on his cell. When he didn’t come back, I almost left, but his roommate came in and told me he was at the frat house. He gave me directions, so I went there. There was a party going on, and since I still couldn’t catch him on his cell, I paid for a cup and went inside. That’s when I found him taking shots out of this giggly blond bitch’s belly button. I lost it.” She shakes her head in disappointment. “I threw my cup at him and drove home. When I got here, I saw I had a missed text from him.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” I’m in total disbelief. I’m trying to stay neutral for the benefit of both of my friends’ sake but dumping via text is a total jerk move.
“He said he couldn’t do this anymore. That we had a good run, but now things have gotten too complicated. Then!” She raises her voice slightly. “Then he ends the text by saying ‘peace out’!”
“You’re fucking joking, right?” Steve says from the doorway.
We startle at his sudden appearance. He looks angry when he storms out of the room. We listen in silence as we hear him swearing in the next room. We hear his keys jingle in his hand as he slams the front door as he leaves. It doesn’t dawn on us that we should follow, because it’s rare to see Steve mad. It’s like spotting Big Foot, or a unicorn. It just doesn’t happen.
“What was that all about?” I ask nobody in particular.
Beth shrugs her shoulders but starts to act a little weird too. It may be my pregnancy hormones that are making me feel all sorts of weird about the way my roommates are acting. I don’t think we’ve all been in the same room for long all week. You would think living together meant we would see more of each other, but it’s proving to be the exact opposite. Everyone is working and going to classes. We see each other in passing. Is it possible to miss your friends when you see them every day under the same roof?
I realize we need to plan a friends’ night as soon as possible. Beth needs support, and we both need Steve’s goofy shenanigans that make us laugh. We’ve all been dealing with too much stress and experienced so much tragedy in such a short amount of time. It’s just time for us all to find a little sunshine in all the murky gray that’s been clouding our lives lately.