Chapter Six
Tabitha
IT’S BEEN TWO AND A half months since Beth and I moved into the dorm. I’ve only received two letters from Mathew, even though I’ve sent him one every other day. I know he can’t write me every day, but I thought it would be more often than it has been. I thought he would be able to call, Facetime me whenever he wanted. His letters are short, and they don’t have a lot of details, because that’s not allowed. It’s just been a real eye-opener, because so far it hasn’t been the way I thought it would be at all. I miss him so much it hurts. We’re hoping we get to Facetime soon. I don’t know when exactly he will be online, but I do have a timeframe to work with. I have my laptop open and turned on. I keep refreshing my Facetime screen every couple of minutes, hoping his little icon pops online soon.
“So are you going to tell him?” Beth asks as she drops down next to me on my bed.
She’s dressed up to go out again. She looks flawless. I feel disgusting, which makes me look kind of disgusting too. Beth and I definitely were a mismatched pair these past few weeks.
“Of course I’m going to tell him, but I’m a little scared. Wait... should I tell him?” I’ve been going back and forth in my head about telling him. I want him to know, but I’m also worried it may do him more harm than good while he’s over there. I don’t want him to be too distracted worrying about me. I want his head clear and focused on his job, so he comes home safe.
“Matt’s a great guy, Tabby. Just watch, he’s probably going to be super excited.” She gives me a side hug and jumps up. “Well, I’d say you should come tonight, but I already know you won’t.”
“Yeah, I’m going to stay here and wait on my call from Mathew, then I’ll probably study and take it easy.” I hate that I haven’t been able to go out with her as much, because I’ve been feeling sick, plus being pregnant really limits some of the things I can actually do. I’d probably rain all over her new college girl parade if I did try to go out with her and Steve.
“All right, girly, you have fun with all of that.” She gestures toward my desk that is covered with my open laptop and books. “I’ll probably stay in Steve’s dorm if it gets too late. Love you, sweetie!” Beth drops a kiss to my cheek, checks herself in the mirror one more time, and then heads for the door.
“You know that’s against the rules, right?” I shout after her, causing her to stop.
“Yeah, but I told his RA that he was my brother, so they let it slide.” She winks, tosses her hair, then closes the door behind her.
I shake my head, because Beth signals so many stereotypes. If she didn’t have a boyfriend, she’d probably represent a dozen more. The girl is uncontrollable, but I love her brand of crazy.
I hit refresh again, but Mathew still isn’t online, so I pull out my biology textbook. I start reading the chapters scheduled for Monday morning’s discussion. I haven’t read much before my stomach twists, and I’m making a mad dash for the bathroom.
I always thought being pregnant would be this amazing adventure, but in reality it sucks. I have spent the past month sicker than I have ever been. My stomach cramps from all the vomiting I’ve had to endure. I look strung out, and I have zero energy to even care about what I look like. I hope the entire pregnancy doesn’t end up like this, because if it does, I’m never doing it again.
I need to tell Mathew tonight. Beth, Steve, and I are going to Monroe this weekend to have dinner with our parents, and I would really like him to know first, before all of them.
I manage to get my stomach settled again. I wash my hands and exit the bathroom to head back to the room. Once I slip inside, I grab a sleeve of saltine crackers and a can of ginger ale to calm my stomach, and I head back over to my bed. I hit refresh on my computer again and see I have a missed call.
I missed him!
He called while I was in the bathroom. He left me a message, so I click it to hear his voice.
“Hey, Tabby, I miss you so much, babe. I hate that I missed your beautiful face. I’ll be on again in the morning your time, so hopefully I’ll see you on here then. I love you so much.” There’s a click then the messages closes.
My heart breaks a little bit, and disappointment mixed with guilt sets in. If I had just stayed put, I would have gotten to see and talk to Mathew. It would have been worth making my room smell like vomit. I should have just puked in the trash can and disposed of it after we got a chance to talk. I send him a message back explaining that I was in the restroom and missed him too. I leave the app open for another hour, hoping he’ll jump back on, but he doesn’t. Eventually I give up and shut down my computer. I dress for bed and crawl under the warm, fluffy covers. Completely depressed, I cry into my pillow until I pass out from exhaustion. Not only do I constantly feel nauseous, but I am hyper sensitive and overly emotional. I feel horrible sometimes, okay most of the time. I hate that Beth has to put up with me. She handles it like it’s not a problem at all, which makes me love her even more. I wish I wasn’t such a burden to my friends during our first year of college. I’m ruining everything for them, because they keep trying to include me. I try to stay back every chance I get now, so that they get to enjoy the whole college experience, without the miserable pregnant tagalong.
The next morning I wake up to Beth’s arm and leg wrapped around me. She’s snoring softly in my ear, and I’m pretty sure that’s drool on my shoulder. I really have to pee, but my passed-out compadre has me pinned down where I am almost positive I’ll end up peeing my bed.
“Beth…I need to get up.” I try nudging her awake, but it’s all in vain. Beth snorts and clings on tighter, making my potty situation even more urgent. I shake her harder.
“Come on, Beth, I gotta pee,” I whine.
She’s completely dead to the world. I get desperate. My need to pee just hit defcon two. I push and gently kick with my legs, and it knocks Beth onto the floor. She sits up, looking panicked.
I jump up shamelessly. “Sorry! Bitch at me in a minute. I gotta pee really badly.” I run toward door. I can feel her sleepy glare burn against my back, but I’m not even able to care right now.
I should feel bad that I woke her in such a way, but not really. She chose to crawl in bed with me, when she had her own freaking bed. I don’t care so much that she crawled in with me, because we’ve shared a bed multiple times throughout the years.
Once I finish taking care of business in the bathroom, I wash my hands and quickly return to our room. I find Beth passed back out on my bed, snoring even louder than she was before. She’s probably drooling again too, all over my pillow. I don’t really want to fight her for room on my bed, so I walk over to her bed instead. I crawl under the covers and find myself snuggled up on top of Steve. His beefy arms wrap around me, and he pulls me close.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he mumbles sleepily into my hair as I try to wiggle away. “If you needed some ‘Snuggle Steve’ time, all you had to do is ask.” He grins before kissing me on the forehead.
I finally wiggle free of his grasp and jump up. “Ugh! What are you doing in Beth’s bed?” I whisper.
“Dude tried to get handsy with Beth, so I punched him out and got us kicked off the floor.”
“You couldn’t just go to your room?”
“Nope.”
“And why not?”
“The dude who got handsy was my roommate,” he says with a stretch before sticking his right hand inside his pajama pants. I roll my eyes, trying not to gag.
Why do guys do that?
“So are you staying here for a while then?” I ask, now knowing why Beth crawled into bed with me. Steve’s a large guy, so sharing with him is close to impossible unless you want to be right on top of him. Steve wouldn’t mind, but Beth and I would.
“Naw…just the week until they can do some housing switches.” He pulls his hand out and sniffs his fingers before shoving it right back down into his pants.
Ewwwww!
I start to complain about how disgusting he is, but before any words can come out of my mouth, my phone chimes, telling me someone logged on to Facetime. I suddenly forget Steve exists as I jump over and grab my phone off the charger. I swipe the screen on and open the app to find Mathew online. I hit call and dash out the door, waving goodbye to my disgusting friend. Mathew’s face fills my screen after a moment, and I can’t help the sigh that leaves my mouth when I smile back at him.
“There’s my girl,” he says with a tired smile.
“Hey, hold on a second,” I whisper as I walk down the hallway. I hurry to the common room. It’s seven in the morning on a Saturday, so I’m certain no one will be in there for a while, and we can have some privacy. When I walk into the room, I find it completely empty. I smile back at my phone screen. “I miss you so much,” I say, trying to keep my tears tucked away.
“I miss you too, babe. So much it hurts.” He rubs a spot on his chest and smiles, but it does nothing to erase the fatigue in his eyes.
“Are you being safe?” I ask.
“I am, Tabby. How about you? You look beautiful, so don’t take this the wrong way, but you look really stressed out.” The concern shows deeply in his eyes.
“I have something to tell you, but I’m scared,” I blurt out.
He sits straighter in alarm. “Babe, you can tell me anything. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know, but this is different.”
“How’s it different? What’s wrong, Tabby? Are you okay?” He’s frowning, and I’m fighting even harder to hold back the tears that are struggling to break through. “Are you in trouble?” He freaks out. “Wait, are we in trouble? Are we breaking up?” he whispers.
“No! We are perfect. At least, I hope we are. I’m pregnant.” The words slip out, and I cringe at how I basically just ripped the Band-Aid right off. I can no longer stop the tears from falling, and I have to fight to keep my vision clear enough so I can see his face on the screen.
The room is coated in silence for two excruciating minutes, then he clears his throat. “How far along are you?” he asks.
“About ten weeks.”
“So, the last time we…”
“Yeah…” I search his face for signs of anger, or disgust. “Are you mad at me?” I ask in a shaky voice. My chest feels like someone is sitting on it, and I’m on the verge of passing out.
“No, Tabby, I’m not mad. I love you, babe. This is good news,” he assures me. “I’m just shocked, that’s all. I’m a little sad that I’ll miss all the beginning parts.”
I’m now crying so much that my eyes flood, blocking my view of the screen. I reach up and wipe my eyes with my sleeve, and a relieved giggle leaves my body, as I let his words sink in. I don’t have to do it alone, and I finally feel free to get more excited about it. We talk for ten more minutes about the baby, and that I’m planning to get an apartment with Steve and Beth for next semester. He’s happy about this news and talks about how we will get married as soon as he returns. I promise to tell his dad and my parents with either Beth or Steve accompanying me. After he logs off, I sit there and silently cry into my knees as I hug them to my chest on the common room couch.
My phone is discarded somewhere beside me and I just let the tears fall. This time the sad tears are mixed with some happier, almost excited, tears. The relief and sadness I feel are overwhelming, but I welcome them. I finally get it all under control twenty-five minutes later. I get up and slowly make my way back to the room. I make another quick puke and pee pit stop in the bathroom, and I head back into the dorm.
Beth is awake by the time I return to the dorm. She and Steve are arguing over who would win a fight between Batman and Spiderman. I roll my eyes and giggle when it gets heated. It’s ridiculous to even consider Spiderman winning against Batman, but I keep my opinions to myself. There is absolutely no freaking way I want to get roped into that debate. Not to mention, there would be no living with Steve if he knew I sided with him over Beth. I smile and shake my head at my dorky friends. I grab my shower kit and flip-flops and head back out of the room to take a shower.
As I wash my hair, I’m hit with a sudden rush of excitement and hopefulness about the next six and a half months. I hope August gets here quickly. I can’t wait to marry Mathew, so we can start our life together with our new baby. I know we can do this. The fact he and I have grown up together as friends and then have been dating since we were both thirteen years old proves we are capable of going the distance. We’re going to be together forever. We were always meant to be.
I feel like the luckiest girl alive, even with the sporadic nausea and constant potty breaks that currently rule my life.