Chapter Fourteen
Tabitha
THE SWIVEL CHAIRS ATTACHED TO the tables in the lecture hall no longer fit my growing stomach. I knew this was bound to happen, but I didn’t expect the solution to be that I had to sit at a table next to the podium, at the front of the room. I have no choice but to pay attention, because the professors are always standing a couple feet away. If I were to fall asleep, it would happen in front of the entire lecture hall and right under the professors’ elbows. My grades are pretty fantastic as a result.
I’m a month away from being a new mom, and luckily that also happens to be when the spring semester ends too. I’m due two weeks after finals, which is a shiny little bright side to everything else that’s happened this year. I’ve learned to appreciate the things that work out exactly the way I need them to. I had so many things happen beyond my control, but I can’t let the negatives outweigh the positives.
Being the pregnant college student is so weird. Everyone is helpful and nice, but you also don’t get invited to anything. When my roommates are walking on campus, they get excluded from invites too. This made Steve a little broody until I banned them from hanging out with me on campus on the days surrounding the weekends. To be fair they didn’t really fight me hard on this. Immediately they started getting invites, and Steve became less of a whiny baby.
He’s been getting pretty popular since I became obviously pregnant too. Because we live together, everyone assumes the baby is his. You would think that would scare all the girls away, but it sure doesn’t. It makes him a hot commodity. Girls are lining up to show him what he could have instead of being tied down. For the record, some people are just awful.
Beth and I caught Steve telling a group of girls that he knocked me up as a favor, because Beth didn’t have the plumbing to do it herself. I laughed at the insinuation that I might be gay, but Beth tore into him on the spot. She was irritated that he would go around “vag-blocking” her.
I don’t care if people think I’m gay, because I’m nowhere near ready to date again. Mathew’s death is still fresh in my heart. He’s been dead for four months now and gone for eight. If he were alive, he still wouldn’t be here right now. Knowing that he’s not returning hasn’t fully hit home yet, I don’t think. I’m not sure I can survive the moment it does all hit home, that I’m truly alone.
The professor finishes up his lecture over photosynthesis and chlorophyll just as I am able to bring myself back out of my head. Biology 101 has to be one of the most boring subject ever. Not only that, but it’s the worst class you can possibly take while pregnant. I have to struggle not to nap during lectures. It’s just not my thing. Science should be considered a foreign language, because it takes a really strong nerdy individual just to understand it. The reproduction unit was the worst part so far. I struggled with all the terminology. This is funny because I’m an obvious example of how it all works. I was ecstatic when we moved on to plants. At least with plants the professor doesn’t try to use the confused pregnant girl as a teaching tool.
Don’t get me wrong, I totally get into the whole mom-nerding thing when it comes to talking about baby stuff and the progress of where I’m at in my pregnancy, but not in front of fifty other college students who couldn’t care less. I am definitely not majoring in biology, not that I ever was. I’m only taking this class to honor my general education credits. I still have no clue what I want to be when I grow up. I thought I knew, but then my whole world got turned upside down.
I do know, however, that I’m psyched to be done with this class for the rest of the week. I only have to come here once a week for three hours straight. It’s pretty rough, but I always leave feeling super grateful.
I have to wait until everyone else exits the class, because college students don’t care who they have to trample to escape class. This means it’s not a long wait, so I am out the door within less than ten minutes.
I exit the building and head toward the courtyard located at the center of campus. I’m supposed meet Beth and Steve, so we can all go out to dinner. We do this once a week because it gives a chance to hang out, and we also get to avoid campus food. Despite living in an apartment off campus, we still eat on campus most of the time, because it’s easier than cooking. We’re totally lazy.
I spot them as soon as I reach the courtyard. It’s hard not to. In fact, everyone in the courtyard notices them, because Beth is yelling and slapping him. I waddle quickly over to try to rescue Steve from getting mauled by the crazy lady currently laying into him.
“I swear to God, Steve!” Slap. Kick. Slap.
I jump between them to stop the assault between friends, but instead of accepting me as his human shield, Steve immediately grabs me and shoves me behind him. He completely missed the point of what I was trying to do!
“I am so tired of this!” Kick. Slap. Slap. Kick. “You have no right!” Beth is on a roll, making herself look like a crazy person.
“I’m doing it for you!” Steve says back.
I’ve had enough of not knowing the crap that is going on, so I step in again, earning myself a surprisingly powerful slap to the boob. Beth immediately sobers, and her face turns less red.
“Oh my God, Tabs, I’m so sorry.”
I wave off her apology. I did it to myself. I take advantage of the attention to insert myself into the conversation that has the entire school watching us like we’re their favorite reality TV show. “What the hell is going on?”
Steve looks at his feet, trying to hide a smirk that risks the chance of him getting slapped again. He remains silent. Beth definitely sees him smirking but doesn’t want to accidently hit me again.
“This douchenugget was at it again, making sure no guy on campus wants to date me!”
I should have known. “I think it’s pretty obvious that you and I aren’t a lesbian couple, Beth.”
“Obviously, but that’s not what he said this time.” She glares up at our idiot roommate again.
“Okay…so what’s the story now?” I’m trying really hard not to smile, but it could literally be anything.
“He said I was his girlfriend!” She throws her arms up in the air as she shouts the word girlfriend.
This time I do laugh, and the glare stretches toward to me too. “I’m confused, why is that so bad?”
“Yeah!” Steve chimes in. “Ladies are lined up, trying to tame my prime grade meat stick.”
I try not to throw up in my mouth. “Oh.” I honestly am at a loss for words and wondering how we became friends.
“Yep,” Beth adds. The three of us stand silently for a minute, trying to decide where to move this awkward conversation next.
“So, where are we going for dinner tonight, ladies?” Steve wraps his big, meaty arms across each of our shoulders.
Beth wiggles out from under his arm. “Oh no. I am not going anywhere with you.” Then she looks at me. “Sorry, Tabs, I’m out for the night. I’ve had enough. My appetite’s gone too.” She waves apologetically then walks off.
I turn to see what Steve wants to do, but when I look up I notice he’s staring off after Beth’s retreating form, with an unreadable look on his face. He pulls his arm off my shoulders, giving my shoulder a quick squeeze before taking off after her. He doesn’t say a word. He just leaves, which means I’m on my own for dinner.
I head home. Eating out alone sucks, but being the pregnant girl who eats out alone is just depressing. We live close enough to campus that driving and fighting to find an empty spot in the campus parking is a complete waste of time. I walk the three blocks to our apartment to find Beth’s brother’s truck parked out front.
Brandon’s been coming around a lot lately. He’s been taking me to my monthly appointments, despite my telling him I don’t need him to. I don’t argue too much because it’s nice not having to go alone. Brandon’s been so amazing I’m starting to have a little crush on him. I hate it. Every time I catch myself thinking about Brandon, I instantly feel guilty, tears building up behind my eyes.
I’ve managed to keep my emotions schooled when I’m around people. I would be humiliated if people started avoiding me because I cried all the time. I don’t want people to pity me. I want them to see how strong I am.
I walk into the apartment and drop my bag down on the floor by the front door. I’ll put it away later because I’m starving, and I need to handle that situation first. I hear the shower going, and I know it’s Brandon because nobody else is home. I have no idea why he’s in the shower, but I try to put it as far into the back of my mind as I can because it’s not my business.
I go straight to the fridge and begin pulling out all the ingredients for sandwiches. I pull down two plates because he’ll probably want food after he gets out of the shower. I quickly whip up a couple plates of food, pull out a barstool, and sit down to eat my sandwich at the bar.
I hear the water shut off and stall to take my first bite. When I don’t hear anything else I take a generous bite out of my ham and Swiss. Of course, that is the exact moment Brandon walks out of Beth’s room wearing nothing but a towel hanging casually off his narrow hips.
I can’t. Stop. Staring.
A look of surprise flashes across his face, but he quickly covers it with that sexy crooked smirk he’s always had. Brandon was very popular back in Monroe with all the women. It’s always been like that. Beth and I used to laugh at the girls who tried pretty much anything to get his attention. It never worked. He remained single. I’ve seen him kiss other girls, and Beth said she walked in on him having sex once, but we never saw him bring a girl home. It was definitely weird, but I never paid too much attention to Brandon’s love life. I had my own romantic story to keep me busy. Brandon’s always been super good-looking, though.
“Hey, I thought you guys were going out to dinner tonight?” He walk toward the bar, completely comfortable walking around in Beth’s purple bath towel like it’s a comfy skirt.
I swallow the mouthful of food I was still chewing and force myself to look away. “We were going to do that until Beth and Steve got into it in the courtyard. Then she ran off, and he followed her. It was really awkward.” I set the sandwich that I noticed I was still holding down and reluctantly look back up at Brandon, who is now stand painfully close. “I didn’t want to eat out alone, so I decide to eat at home.” I point toward the other plate. “I made you a plate too.”
He flashes an appreciative smile then lifts the top slice of bread like it’s a present, to reveal what’s underneath. “Thanks, Tabby, I could definitely eat.” He looks down at his towel skirt. “Let me just go get dressed and I’ll be right back out to eat dinner with you.”
I nod dumbly.
“Oh, and, Tabby.” He steps closer so that our knees are now touching.
I hold my breath in, unsure of what to do in this moment. He reaches up and runs his thumb across the corner of my mouth, then pulls his hand away. I’m completely frozen as my hormones work overtime.
“You had mustard on your face,” he explains, then he brings his thumb to his mouth and sucks the mustard off. He turns and walks back into Beth’s room.
If I could be a puddle, I would be. That was probably one of the hottest moments of my life, and that’s definitely not my pregnancy hormones talking. I squeeze my knees together, where I sit, and I take a couple deep breaths to try to calm my nerves before he returns. I’m flushed, and goose bumps are scattered all over the surface of my skin.
He returns quickly, dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. I think I prefer the towel, but this outfit will make me not act so braindead around him.
He grabs his plate and scoots it over across from me. He picks up his sandwich and leans down to take a large bite. We eat in silence until both of our plates are clean. He reaches over and takes my plate with his and walks them over to the sink.
“So not that I don’t love seeing you, but why did you come by? I doubt it was to shower using the weakest water pressure known to man,” I ask him, trying to guide the conversation anywhere other than the silence we just sat through.
A smile takes over his face, and his eyes sparkle with excitement. “I have a surprise for you.” He comes over and takes my hand, dragging me off the barstool toward the back room we planned to make a nursery. We walk through the door, and I am completely blown away.
The room is painted a seafoam green color, and there is an entire set of nursery furniture already assembled. There are rainbows and unicorn stuff everywhere, and I giggle, because Steve is absolutely going to hate it. Unicorns freak him out, and I get the funny feeling Brandon chose unicorns based on that fact alone.
“Oh my God, Brandon, I love it,” I say through the tears that are pouring out of me. “This must have cost a fortune.” I look down, embarrassed that I’m bawling over a room full of rainbows.
Brandon brings his hand down to lift my chin up, so he can look me in the eyes. “It’s a gift. We all pitched in. I promise.”
“Steve have any input on décor?” I ask, knowing the answer.
“That’ll be a surprise for him.”
I giggle but then become all too aware that my chin is still being held up by his hand, and that we are standing close enough that we are front to front. The room goes deathly silent, and it feels like all time stops. It’s just the two of us in a magical fairytale nursery.
We stare at each other silently for a minute, before he dips down, and his lips cover mine. I feel my legs turn to jelly, and I reach up to hold on for dear life, because this kiss is as magical as the stuffed unicorns that surround us. I weave my fingers through his hair and pull him in closer. He nips at my bottom lip, urging me to open up for his tongue to push through and massage itself against mine. He steps even closer, as I step back, while pulling him forward by his hair. My back presses gently against the door, and it’s enough to jolt me from the moment and remind me this is exactly what I shouldn’t be doing right now.
“Stop.” I push him back and turn to face the closed door behind me. “I can’t do this.” I reach over to open the door, but his large hand covers mine.
“Wait, Tabby. Stop for a minute, okay?” He’s so close I can feel his breath sway my hair.
I turn around and move around him to create space between us. His hair is standing up in all directions in that sexy way that looks like he’s just rolled out of bed, and his lips are still damp from our kiss. My cheeks burn in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry,” I say when the tears are back to falling down my face.
“Why are you sorry?”
I can tell he wants to step closer to me, but he’s holding himself back.
“Wh-what?” I’m completely taken aback by his question, and I have no idea how to respond.
“Why are you sorry, Tabby?” he asks again. “Are you sorry that we kissed, or are you sorry that it was with me?”
“Neither.” I try to think of a way to explain myself without making this whole situation worse. “I—we—y-you deserve better than being stuck with a girl like me. I’m nothing but responsibilities, and it wasn’t fair of me to lead you on. So for that I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean a girl like you, Tabitha? You’re pretty damn close to perfect.”
“Don’t! You can’t say things like that!” I cry.
“Why not? It’s true.”
“Because when you say things like that, it makes me fall harder for you!” I’m not sure if he’s being obviously frustrating, or if he’s actually clueless.
“Why is that so bad?”
“Because I’m pregnant with my dead boyfriend’s baby! It’s selfish to expect anyone to take that on.”
“What if I want to?” He steps closer but not a big step. It’s like he’s trying to approach a wild animal without spooking it.
“Nobody wants that, Brandon. Get serious. I’m the very definition of a burden.”
“I love you, Tabitha.” He steps all the way and takes my hand in his, bending down so we are face-to-face. Our eyes connect, and I can see the truth in his. It terrifies and excites me all at the same time. “I’ve always loved you, Tabby. You, any part of you, would never be a burden to me.” He presses his lips to my tear-soaked ones, but when he moves to take the kiss deeper I move away and swing the door open when I get to it.
I stop with my back facing him and my gaze pointed at the floor. “I’m not ready for this. You need to leave,” I whisper, trying to hold back the whimpers bubbling up through my throat.
He doesn’t say anything else, sensing that this conversation is going nowhere. He walks through the nursery door and stops. “This conversation isn’t over,” he says before he grabs his keys and wallet off the table in the other room and exits out the front door.
I stand frozen as I watch the front door and listen to his truck drive off. I slide down the open door onto the floor and try to hug my knees, but my stomach is so big it’s a lost cause. I place my palms on my swollen belly and lean my head back with my legs spread out in front of me. The tears fall fast and furious down my chin, soaking the front of my shirt, but I don’t care. I’m not even sure why I’m so upset right now, because every emotion I feel is more confusing than the other. I sob until I’m too exhausted to move, but I can’t let my roommates find me on the floor looking like a train wreck, so I drag myself up awkwardly and move my pity party of one to my bedroom and call it a night.