Chapter Seventeen
Tabitha
THE PAST THREE DAYS HAVE flown by. I think that now, because now it’s time to go home. There were moments when I was wide awake and completely bored out of my skull. Other times I struggled through my exhaustion, because Matilda needed fed and diapered every couple of hours. Friends and family surrounded me throughout visiting hours, so I wasn’t ever really alone, but I still felt Mathew’s absence. His death hung heavy like a black cloud the entire time, except when Brandon would show up after work. Brandon always brought sunshine to my rain.
His shift ended after visiting hours, but being a police officer had its perks. Brandon never had to worry about being turned away, because the nurses let him see me at any hours he wanted.
I would count down the minutes until I knew he would arrive, and I would fight sleep until I got to see him. He would show up and spend time with Matilda and me until I would finally pass out from exhaustion. He was the last thing I saw every night before I fell asleep. I fell harder for Brandon in those moments. Any doubts I had over telling him I would marry him were gone. I know Mathew would want me to find love again. If the roles were reversed, I would want the same thing. It may look like we moved fast, but I think I might have loved Brandon long before Mathew and I even knew each other.
Beth and I have been best friends our entire lives. It makes sense that Brandon and I would end up together. He was always there, and even after Mathew and I became a couple, I could depend on Brandon for anything. I thought it was because he saw me as family. I never thought it was because he loved me. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to love someone you couldn’t have. I never knew Brandon cared about me in that way at all. It would not have changed what Mathew and I had, but it definitely changes things now.
Today I get to take Matilda home. I’m so ready to leave this place, but I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to be terrible at this. At least at the hospital I had doctors and nurses around to help me do things right. What happens when I get home? I wonder if all moms feel this way. I’m riddled with worry, guilt, and self-doubt. I’m a complete train wreck.
Beth was supposed to be the one taking me home today, but Brandon took the day off, so now I’m waiting on him. I wish I had packed makeup, so I could at least look a little put together. He’s seen me at my worst, and he’s gentleman enough not to point it out that I look bad. He’s what Beth would call a unicorn, and she would absolutely hate it that I would consider her brother one.
I giggle when I imagine Beth’s face if I ever told her that her brother is a unicorn. The nurse pushing the wheelchair, that she insists is hospital policy that I ride out of the building in, asks me in a concerned voice if I’m okay. It only makes me laugh harder. Matilda is sleeping in my arms, and the sudden burst in laughter startles her, causing her arm to shoot out, before she curls back up. I shake my head, and we head to the entrance in silence. We make it to the front doors just as Brandon pulls up in front.
He parks in the no parking zone, climbs out of the truck, and walks around the front toward us. My breath stops, and I can tell the nurse gets struck too, based on the sharp intake of breath I hear behind me. I want to laugh, but I also want to stake my claim. Possessive feelings are something new for me, where Brandon is concerned.
He’s smiling his handsome crooked smile as he approaches us, and he looks like a dream. It should be a sin the way his jeans hug his muscular thighs, and the way he has his red button-up flannel shirt sleeves rolled up to expose those strong forearms makes my body feel things I haven’t felt in a while. The top couple buttons of his shit are unbuttoned, exposing hints of a strong chest that makes my mouth water. I imagine running my tongue across every inch of him. I feel like a perv, but I’m not sorry about it at all.
My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I can’t speak. I am at a loss for words, which is insane, because I’ve never lost the ability to speak around Brandon before. Agreeing to marry him and seeing him in the hospital was easy, but going back to everyday life makes it seem all too real. I’m suddenly overcome with shyness, and I feel like a lovestruck little girl. I both love and hate the feelings I feel right now.
Brandon takes my overnight bag from the nurse, thanks her, and pushes my chair toward the truck. He takes Mattie from my arms and secures her in her seat before helping me up and into my seat beside my daughter in the truck. He closes my door, jogs around the front of the truck, and climbs in behind the steering wheel. We head toward my apartment in awkward silence, and it hits me we haven't discussed his proposal since it happened.
Instantly I panic inside my head. Is he just doing what he’s always done and making sure I’m taken care off? What if he’s just being a really nice guy, and I’ve created this fantasy at a vulnerable time? The ride home doesn’t last long, but it feels like forever as I spiral down. Brandon said he loved me, and he wanted more than friendship, but did he really want to marry me? These thoughts race through my head. I’m so focused on my internal struggle that we arrive at my apartment and go inside in a complete blur.
Mattie wakes to eat, so I take her to my room to breastfeed her. I am just putting her down in the bassinet by my bed after burping and changing her when a knock comes at the door. Brandon pokes his head in, and I am right back to panicking.
“Is everything okay?” The look of concern on his face causes a tightness in my chest.
“Do you want to marry me?” I blurt it out. My cheeks burn with embarrassment.
“I wouldn’t have proposed if I didn’t.”
I push out a large whoosh of breath of relief and giggle like an idiot. I grab his hand and quickly drag him out of my bedroom, so we don’t wake up my daughter. We make it to the couch and my giggles turn into tears. “I thought I imagined it.”
Brandon brings his hands up to my face and frames it. He uses his thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks and leans down to bring his lips to mine. The kiss heals the pain I put myself through since he picked me up from the hospital. I melt into him and he drops his hands down to my hips. I wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. The kiss lasts a while, but not long enough before he pulls away.
“So does this mean your answer is still yes?”
I giggle. “Yes!” I answer before climbing into his lap and pulling him as close as I can.
“Thank fuck.” He groans before sealing his lips to mine.