Chapter Fifteen
Tabitha
“BUT WHY DOES IT HAVE to be unicorns?” Steve whines from the kitchen.
He’s being a big baby after Beth and I sent him into the nursery earlier to see if there were any party supplies in there. We knew there weren’t, but we also knew he hadn’t seen inside yet. The girly squeal, accompanied by the swearing, is still looping in our minds and making us giggle. He’s been pouting and shooting us dirty looks all morning.
“I love what my brother did. I can’t wait to tell him later.”
“He’s coming?” I try to keep my question sounding casual, but inside I’m panicking.
“Um, yeah. Why wouldn’t he come? He’s been in this more than the rest us.”
Steve nods along with Beth’s words.
“I just thought baby showers were a thing just for the women. I didn’t realize guys were attending too.”
“Where do you think I was going to go?” Steve asks.
I shrug then turn to finish helping Beth set out the finger foods, as she orders Steve with the decorations. I suddenly don’t want to go to my own baby shower. I’m okay with Steve or my dad attending, but I’m not sure I’m ready to face Brandon yet. It’s been a week since we kissed amongst the unicorns, and we haven’t spoken once. I skipped class the day after that and spent that time feeling sorry for myself in bed. My roommates are clueless as to what went down between us. I didn’t want to do anything to embarrass the situation even more, and he’s Beth’s brother, so I doubt she would want to hear about her brother kissing anyone. She used to hate when girls fawned all over her brother back in Monroe. So I kept it all to myself.
I feel embarrassed, confused, and a little ashamed of myself. I know it’s not cheating. I’m not being unfaithful to Mathew because I’m falling for Brandon. Mathew would want me to move on, but how soon is too soon? I loved Mathew with my entire heart. Isn’t there a mourning period I should be adhering to? I just feel like maybe falling in love with someone else is completely disrespectful.
But is it love that I’m feeling for Brandon? I might just feel grateful for everything he’s done for me since the funeral. I’m not so sure I’m not just projecting my feelings of gratitude and loneliness on the guy that’s still here. That could be it, except I’m not attracted to Steve, and he lives under the same roof as me.
He said he loved me. I think that’s the most confusing thing of all. He said he loved me, that he’s always loved me. I love him too, but I don’t know to what degree. It could be the way I love Beth, or Steve, or even my parents. I’m still in love with Mathew, so how can I feel the same for someone else?
“Queenie?” Steve breaks me out of my head. He’s holding up a box of streamers in various pastel colors. “What am I supposed to do with these?”
“Those are for a game I have planned out. We are going to guess how big she is.” Beth answers the question as she walks back into the room holding a purple foiled gift bag for each of us. “I got us matching shirts!” She’s jumping up and down in excitement.
Steve pulls the shirt out of his bag, and laughter erupts from my throat the second he holds it up against his chest and looks down.
“No fucking way! Nuh-huh.” He shakes his head stubbornly. “A man has his limits, Bethany Kane!”
Beth and I are laughing so hard we’re holding each other up as we try to catch our breaths between cackles.
The shirt in question is Cotton Candy pink, and it features an adorable little baby riding on the back of a white unicorn with purple hair as it gallops across a rainbow. It’s probably the best shirt ever created.
“Oh don’t be a big baby, Steven. Tabby and I will be wearing shirts just like it.” Beth manages to squeal out.
“But why does it have to be fucking unicorns?” he whines.
Beth and I share a look and manage to stop giggling long enough to reward Steve with our best pouty faces.
“I hate you both,” Steve grumbles. He points at us then he pulls his shirt off and replaces it with his new shirt.
Beth goes silent and stares transfixed as Steve pulls his shirt over his chest and stomach. I swear I see a little drool. I look over at him and see that he’s seeing it too. I bump Beth with my elbow and toss her a questioning look. She shrugs as if to say, “What? He’s hot.” She then turns and stomps into the kitchen, trying to hide the flush that’s taken over her skin. I expect Steve to follow after her, to terrorize her for her reaction to his abs, but then the doorbell rings. He tosses me a wink and heads in that direction. Beth runs up, grabs my hand, and rushes us off into her room.
“Come on, we gotta put our shirts on!” she whispers excitedly.
We finish putting our identical shirts on. The same color and the same picture. The only difference is that my shirt is of the maternity variety and hers is a tank top. We hear laughter in the next room, so we head back out to greet our first guests so we can get the baby shower started.
We walk in to find Phil and my dad hooting in laughter while pointing at Steve, as my mother rubs his back in pity. Steve’s face is expressionless, but he’s being a good sport about it.
“Usually you’re getting laid when you agree to shit like this, but you value your life, so we know that’s not the case,” my dad muses. My mom shoots him an amused frowny face.
“I don’t even feel the slightest bit sorry for you, son.” Phil chuckles. “You did this to yourself by agreeing to live with women.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” my mom asks in faux indignation.
“Women are evil in nature, dear,” my dad says, as he walks over and plants a kiss on her lips. She swats at him but smiles.
They notice Beth and me watching the scene, and the laughter isn’t extended onto us, but they are all beaming.
“It just keeps getting better.” Phil chuckles. He walks up and wraps me in his arms and plants a kiss to my forehead. “Hello, pretty girl.”
I hug him back then wrap my arm around his waist. “I’m so glad you could come.”
“Always.” He gives me a warm squeeze around the shoulders.
We don’t get to chat long before the doorbell rings again. Beth runs over to answer.
“Daddy!” She jumps into Hank’s arms. He chuckles, and they step the rest of the way into the apartment with Brandon following closely behind. The apartment suddenly feels half its size, and the oxygen seems to have left the building. Our eyes meet, and my chest aches. I am almost suffocating on the tension between us. It must not be obvious to anyone else but us, because the room is full of laughter and smiles. Hank leaves Beth’s side to wrap me up in a warm hug, then he walks over to join Dad and Phil in the corner. I’m now left facing Brandon.
I look up at him. My knees go weak just by the look in his eyes. He appears apologetic but also hurt. I am doused in guilt. I did this to us. I hope I didn’t ruin it. I hope we can repair our friendship.
He steps forward and folds me in his arms, and I stifle a sigh because it feels so good to be so close to him. “Hey, Tabby,” he whispers in my ear, and I have to fight the wave of emotions buzzing through my body.
“Hey,” I whisper back. I’m afraid if I say any more, any louder, it’ll trigger a tsunami of sobs. He holds me in his arms long enough that the room goes quiet, and this situation becomes a thousand times more awkward. I break away from Brandon’s embrace and walk off toward the kitchen. I’m parched for some reason and in desperate need of water. I open the fridge to grab a drink. I close the door and find Beth standing there.
“What was that with my brother?” she asks quietly, giving me a look I can’t interpret.
“Nothing.”
She snorts. “Mmkay.” She obviously didn’t buy it.
I give in just enough that I know she won’t pry any further. “I embarrassed myself in front of him the other day when I became overly emotional,” I explain. “I was worried I freaked him out, so I’ve been avoiding him.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s seen us both at our worst, Tabby. There’s nothing we can do to freak him out.” Beth giggles at my apparent ridiculousness and walks away. She seems to have bought my excuse.
The rest of the guests arrive, and we play every insanely embarrassing game that Beth’s crazy brain could think up. I open more gifts than what I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I’m pretty sure I have enough baby stuff for a whole litter of babies. Once the food is gone, and the excitement dies down, people trickle out the door. Beth and Steve have disappeared, and all the parents are hanging out in the living room. Brandon is helping me clean up in the kitchen.
“We need to talk.” He breaks the silence first.
“Not right now, we don’t.” I look around the bar to make sure nobody is watching. “This is probably the worst possible time to talk about that.”
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I’ve been busy,” I argue.
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” He bends to tie up all the trash bags he’s filled, then grips them tightly and lifts. “I know you feel it too, but if you want to put it off until it’s just the two of us, then fine.” He steps closer and leans down so his lips are almost touching my ear. “But we will be alone to discuss this, and it’s going to happen soon.” He kisses me on the spot just above my temple and walks off, carrying all the trash with him out the front door.
I blow out all the toxic air my lungs have been holding for far too long, then I replace the trash can with a new liner before exiting out of the kitchen.
I walk into the living room where my parents are still laughing with Hank and Phil on the couch. “Hey, guys, I’m exhausted, so I think I’m going to go lie down. Thank you so much for coming, and sorry I’m being such a party pooper.” I hate that I’m ditching everyone in a selfish attempt to escape.
My mom steps up first to hug me and reassure me I’m doing nothing wrong, then the men follow behind. Once I’ve been hugged and kissed by all of them, I head into my room. I curl up on my bed in all my clothes, not bothering to change into sweats, or even take off my shoes.
I want to cry again, but I think I’m too exhausted. It’s been a really long day. I am about to drift off to sleep, when a knock on my bedroom door startles me. I ignore it, but it slowly creaks open, and Phil peeks his head in.
“Are you still awake?” he asks quietly.
I sit up and give him a smile. He takes that as an invitation to enter, so he does, and he walks over to join me on the bed.
“Brandon’s a good kid.” He gives me one of those serious fatherly looks that make you feel protected and little at the same time.
“I don’t know what you’re getting at.” I draw my brows together in confusion.
“I saw how you two looked at each other out there today and that hug spoke volumes. The whole room felt it.”
“That wasn’t…we’re just friends.” I try to explain, but he shakes his head and it cuts me off.
“Honey, that boy’s been watching you since you all were little. If Matt hadn’t found the courage to ask you to be his girl first, I’m almost certain Brandon would have beat him to the punch.” He chuckles as he is clearly envisioning something from the past.
“I’m still in love with Mathew. I wouldn’t—”
“Wouldn’t what?” Phil cuts me off. “Move on? Honey, my boy is gone. There isn’t anything wrong with moving on and finding someone else who can love you as much as Matt did. In fact, he wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I don’t know what to say, so I remain silent. My eyes feel heavy with unshed tears, because I don’t want to make this conversation any more overwhelming.
“Just think about it, kiddo, okay?”
I nod then wrap my arms around him. He hugs me back.
“I love you, Tabby, and I love that baby you’re carrying. You’re stuck with me for life. No matter what you decide.”
He stands up, drops a peck to the top of my hairline, and then lets himself out of my bedroom door without another word. Nobody else checks on me the rest of the night, so I spend it sleeping restlessly.
***
It’s the last day of finals before summer break, and I am dragging my feet. I only have my Geography 101 final left, and I’m grateful it’s the last one because it’s going to be the easiest. I didn’t really have to study for this one because the information hasn’t changed since I began learning this stuff in elementary school. Steve takes this class with me, so he insisted that we drive. He’s been more irritatingly overprotective of me lately. I almost ditched him this morning just to get a break from him.
I finish filling in the last four circles to my test, then I set it on the stack faced upside down across from me on the table I’m sitting at. I flash the professor a smile, thanking her for her time, and I pull myself out of my chair. There’s a vending machine across the hall, and I’m really in the mood for some celebratory Oreos.
I take about three steps, and a cramp crawls across my stomach, and I feel a sudden wave of warm fluid wash down my thighs and pool at my feet. I’m frozen in place, and everything around me becomes muffled in my state of fear and shock.
Steve is suddenly at my side. He’s freaking out and asking me questions, but I can’t focus on him long enough to understand anything he’s saying, so I tell him the only words I can through my panic.
“I think my water just broke.”