Chapter Thirty-Two
Mathew
“SO WHERE YA TAKING ME, sweetheart?” Steve ribs as he climbs into the passenger side of my truck and slams the door behind him. “I take it everything didn’t go well if you’re picking me up from my house this early, or at all really.”
I don’t respond. I’m still running everything that just happened at Tabby’s through my head. It didn’t go the way I figured it would at all, and I expected it to go several possible ways. A part of me was hoping, naively, that it would be like one of those bullshit fairytale moments that had her crying out in joy as she leaped into my arms, then we would spend the rest of the evening making love. I knew that scenario was pretty farfetched, but it was still more expected that the reaction I got. I was ready for her to be confused and maybe a little hurt but not angry. I never considered she would get angry. There was so much anger bottled up inside that beautiful little frame of hers. I did get the confusion and pain I was expecting in the beginning. She listened to everything I said and even asked questions. I thought it was going pretty well, considering how awkward it started. I never took Tabby as a fainter, but it did give me the chance to hold her in my arms for the first time in over a decade. A part of me wanted to stay in that moment forever. It felt familiar but also brand-new. She smelled like sunshine and dessert. It was intoxicating. I can still feel her on my skin and smell her scent on my clothes just from that brief moment.
When we were sitting on the couch, and she was listening to everything I had to say, I was almost positive the night would end with her back in my arms. Then something happened, and it all took a turn for the worse. I’m not totally sure what it was that made her so angry. I mean, I have some idea, but it was like flipping a switch. She was understanding, and in the next moment she was kicking me out the door.
“Bro, if you need me to sit here silently while you go all broody Mcteenage heartthrob, then I will, but at least tell me where we’re going so I can tell my wife,” Steve speaks up. I actually have no clue how long we’ve been sitting in his driveway.
The last time I checked the time was when I’d first arrived at Tabby’s house, which used to be my childhood home. I guess when my dad passed away, he left it to her. I’m okay with that. In fact, it’s almost like we are fated to be together again.
“Matt?” Steve interrupts my headspace again.
“Tell her you’re going to the tower and will be back later,” I answer him. He pulls his phone out and talks low into the receiver. “Tell her that Tabby knows you all knew,” I add.
I don’t miss the slight flinch, as tension builds in his shoulders when my words register. I can hear Beth flipping out on the line. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but I know that Steve and I will have a lot of angry words coming our way when we return. I’ve managed to piss off every woman I know in a matter of days. I can almost consider it a talent.
I’ve lived near my mother since I returned. I knew she and Tabby didn’t talk, so I figured it was the safest place for me to be if I wanted to remain invisible from Monroe. We became closer than we were after she left my dad when I was kid, and I got to know my stepbrother and half-sister. It wasn’t too difficult to start over, so I could try to move on.
I did try to move on. When I got back to find Tabby getting married to Brandon, I was riddled with mixed emotions. Then I saw how happy she was and how he took care of her. I couldn’t ruin that. I’d lost her. She was his, and it looked like he was exactly what she needed. I was devastated, but I couldn’t blame anyone for it. They all thought I was dead.
Brandon was probably the best man to take my place. He loved her as much as I did. I always knew he had feelings. It was one of the reasons behind what gave me the courage to ask her out in the first place. I was always afraid he’d beat me to it. He never caused us any problems and always seemed to respect that she’d made her choice. Our friendship never faltered, despite having feelings for the same girl. He just stepped back and took on a different role in her life. I always assumed he would eventually move on. But you can never truly move on from a girl like Tabitha Thomas.
I know this, because I’ve spent the last ten years trying. I’ve dated other girls. I’ve had one-night stands. Nothing could ever erase Tabby from my mind. I could never move forward with someone else, because I still couldn’t ever let Tabby go. My mother never mentioned her. I’d heard how she reacted at my funeral, and I was disappointed that she and Tabby couldn’t get past it for my daughter’s sake. My mother is an amazing grandmother to my stepbrother, Darrin’s, son. I wanted that for my little girl, but I’d also chosen not to reveal my status, so it had mostly become my fault that they had no relationship in the end.
When I got news that Brandon had passed, I wanted to run to my girls. It killed me that Tabby had to go through all of that again. I had my bags packed, and I was in the truck ready to leave. Then John talked me down. He told me it wasn’t the right time, so I stayed away for two more years.
It wasn’t until I found the box my mother kept hidden away that I decided to get my girl back. Mom needed her bed frame repaired, and her husband, Dale, was never too good at fixing things. The box was just under the edge of the bed.
Tabby had written my mother constantly over the years. She sent photos and updates. She invited my mother to be a part in our daughter’s life. Even when she never received a single response, she kept sending updates.
I confronted my mother about the box, and all she could say was it was too late. That she was so awful that there was never going to be any coming back from some of the things she’d said at my funeral. She was depriving herself of playing grandma to my daughter, because she was too stubborn to swallow her pride. I told her so, and she immediately turned it around on me. She said she couldn’t reveal that I was alive, and that she couldn’t see me give it all up for ‘that girl’ all over again.
I refused to stick around for any more. I left and headed straight for Monroe. I called my friends, and they helped me get a chance to be alone with Tabby. The very chance I destroyed by opening my mouth and saying the wrong fucking things.
I pull up to the parking lot that featured in hundreds of hangouts from my childhood and teen years. John’s car is already parked, and he’s leaned up against his driver’s side door. Steve must have shot him a message on our silent drive here. I park my truck and turn off the engine, but Steve is already out the passenger side door and walking over to John. I climb out of my side and head toward them.
“Fancy seeing your pretty baby doll face here,” Steve says with a wink and a playful punch to John’s ribs.
John dodges the blow, then focuses on me. “The hell did you say to her? She’s dodging all my calls.”
“Why the fuck you need to be calling her anyway?” I try to dodge his question.
“Douche Ass here says she threw your ass out.” He smirks. “You’d have to do a whole hell of a lot for Tabs to get mean.”
“He threw us all under the bus and told her we all knew he was alive,” Steve answers for me.
“Fucking hell,” John curses under his breath as he shakes his head in disbelief.
I walk toward the water tower, leaving them behind to follow me. I get to the ladder and make my way up. They don’t follow me right away. I can see them exchanging words below, and I’m certain those words are all about me, but then they move to join me up on our spot.
The place looks almost exactly the same, except now it looks like the spot doesn’t only belong to us anymore. It’s been quite a while, so I’m not in the least surprised that others decided to make this place theirs too. I find the heart with Tabby and my names inside it that we painted on the tank back when we were seventeen, next to the one with Beth and John’s names. Steve’s name is there too, but instead of a girl’s name it just says ‘Titties.’ I can’t figure out how he ended up with Beth instead of John, or how they all still remained friends after it all. I’m sure I’ll hear the whole story one day, but it seems to be one of those unmentionable things. Like it’s a little raw somewhere. I never tried to pry either. I’ve always been solely focused on Tabby to even see anything else that was happening around her.
They reach me and our painted hearts. The air gets really awkward, so I walk around the tank a couple feet and plant my ass down on the ground with my back propped up against the tank. The guys join me on my left side, and we stare off for a moment at the park below. Everything down there looks exactly the way we left it. Monroe isn’t one of those places that changes too often. That’s one of the things that always draws you back, its lack of change. You can leave home, but when you come back, it’ll always feel like you never left.
I break the silence after a few minutes and rehash everything that happened tonight, from the moment I arrived on Tabby’s doorstep, all the way until she was kicking me out and slamming her door in my face.
“I don’t know what to do.” I reveal once I’m finished telling the guys everything I had to tell. “I may have lost her for good this time.”
“So, you’re just going to give up?” Steve asks in disbelief. “She gets all pissed off once, and you’re willing to throw in the towel.”
I shake my head. “That’s not wh—”
“I’ll tell you what,” Steve interrupts. “I must piss Beth off a dozen times a day, but in the end she always forgives me. She knows she couldn’t quit me even if she tried.”
“Are you done?” I chuckle. He nods. “Before you got all hot and bothered and felt the need to jump up on your fancy little soap box, I was going to tell you I wasn’t even close to giving up.”
“Okay. Good, I was about to dump your ass too.” He looks toward John, who sits silently and listens.
John could always tell you more with his silence than any normal person could with their words. Steve never shuts up, and John never stops listening.
“I’m going to have to win her back.” It’s not just words. I knew it the moment I held her in my arms again. She’s mine. I’ll do whatever it takes to convince her she belongs with me again. I need her, and I know deep down she needs me just as much. My love never waned, and based on how she reacted earlier, I don’t think she’s done loving me either.
The guys and I move away from the heavy topics, and John climbs down the ladder. He returns with a six-pack of beer, and we watch the sunrise from the town’s water tower with beers in our hands. Eventually we make our way back down the ladder. John takes off toward wherever he’s staying, and I take Steve to his house to drop him off.
We arrive to find Beth in tears, sitting on the front steps of the porch. Again, Steve is out of the passenger side door before I’m able to come to a complete stop. One of these days, someone’s going to run his ass over. He makes a beeline for his wife and wraps her up into his arms.
I sit in my truck until I’m certain he’s gotten her calmed down, then I hop out of my truck to see what’s going on. I immediately regret this decision when she pulls away from Steve and stomps her fussy slipper-covered feet across the grass until she is standing almost chest to chest with me. She’s angry, and her finger is poking me right in the chest.
“You better fix this, Mathew Summers, or so help me God. You will wish you had died in that desert.” She gives me another poke to the chest before forming a fist and bringing it down to her side. Her face softens around the edges, and a tear falls down her face. “I can’t lose her.” She sobs.
I pull her toward my chest and hug her tightly. I look over at Steve to make sure this is okay. He nods his consent, then turns to walk inside, probably to check on their kids. I press the bottom of my chin to the top of her head.
“I’ll fix it,” I promise. “I can’t lose her, either. Not again.”