Chapter Two
Tabitha
I WAKE THE NEXT DAY depressed. The night before was perfect, but now it’s gone, and we are onto the day that is guaranteed to break both of our hearts. I know the moment he wakes up when his arm tightens around my waist.
“I was about to ask if you were awake,” I whisper sleepily, as I move to rest the side of my face on his chest and tilt my chin up to catch an eyeful of his scruffy chin.
“Were you watching me sleep?” He smirks, knowing how creepy I thought it was to watch someone sleep.
I slap his chest and try to wiggle away from him, but he pulls me over on top of him, and the sheet falls off the both of us, revealing our bare skin. I watch the look in his eyes shift, and as much as I want to give him exactly what he wants, the alarm goes off, telling us it’s time to get ready to go. Reluctantly, I pull myself off him. He groans but follows me off the bed.
We walk toward the bathroom so we can shower together before we get dressed.
I make us a quick breakfast, because we took so long in the shower, while he loads up the truck with his bags. He’s dressed in his ACUs. I can’t even enjoy how amazing he looks in his uniform, because it means we’re on borrowed time. I have to fight back the tears. I’m not ready, but I have no other choice. The time for him to ship off is today.
The ride to the base is depressing and quiet. Mathew cranks up his god-awful country music, and I can’t even bring myself to roll my eyes at his horrible taste. He isn’t humming along to the radio, like he normally does. This whole moment is ruined by our joined emotional state. I am trying not to be selfish and to show him my support, but it’s exhausting having to constantly keep a brave face. I want to keep Mathew to myself for always. I know he’s feeling everything that I am. We’re just sitting in silence, holding hands, as I stare out the window, wishing we could go back to his house.
We arrive on base, park the truck, and climb slowly out of his side. He pulls his bag out of the back of the truck and grabs my hand with his free one. He holds it until we reach the spot where he has to leave me behind. Mathew stops and pulls me into his arms. He leans down to place his lips to mine in an earth-shattering kiss that breaks my heart all over again. When his lips leave mine, I almost crumple at his feet. Tears start falling down my face. I can no longer hold them in. I cling to him, and we kiss again, until both of our lips are swollen and red.
“I love you, Tabby.” His voice is gruff. He’s keeping it all together, whereas I’m failing, because I’m now a disgusting, blubbering mess.
“Mathew, I don’t think I can do this.”
“Yes, you can, baby. It’s only gonna be a year, I promise.”
“Oh my God, you just jinxed it! Tell them you quit. I’ll find a job, and we can find a way for you to go to college with me.” I’m panicking, because I can’t let him go. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
He chuckles. “Tabby, we both know you’re not superstitious, and it’s too late to quit now. I have to follow through.” He kisses me again. “Besides, it’s my job to take care of you.”
I nod and tip up to kiss him one more time before he pulls away to leave.
We say more goodbyes and offer promises to write, to call, and to see each other in this place next year. He eventually leaves, hefting his bag over his shoulder. He joins the rest of the soldiers who have also left their loved ones behind the gate. We’re all in tears, and all the soldiers look so strong. We watch them climb onto the bus. I remain frozen to my spot on the concrete. I wait long past once they’re gone. My world shatters around me, and it’s only been half an hour. How am I ever going to survive an entire year if I can’t even function after thirty minutes?
I return to his truck, dragging my feet with every step. Pulling Mathew’s truck keys from my pocket, I climb in and drive toward home. I have to pull over to the side of the road, because the tears are falling so fast that my vision blurs, and my chest seizes up so much I can’t breathe. It takes twice as long to reach my house. Once I pull into my driveway, I almost run inside and up to my bedroom. I can’t let anyone see me like this.
I have my face buried in my pillow. I’m letting every emotion I’m currently feeling pour out of me like a massive tidal wave. I’m trying to muffle the sounds of my pain but failing miserably. I honestly don’t care if anyone hears me, because my pain is raw and real. My heart is breaking. I don’t care if I come across as melodramatic. Nobody else had to send the love of their life away for a year, because life isn’t fair, and there weren’t any other options to pay for school. I hate everything about this.
“Sweetie?” My mom steps quietly into my room. I wish we were a knock first kind of family. My bed dips a little when she comes to sit at my side. “Sweetheart, is there anything I can do right now?”
I shake my head into my pillow, because there isn’t a single thing she can do to fix this for me. “Mom, I don’t want him to go,” I whisper.
“I know, honey, but what he’s doing is honorable, and something you should be so proud of.” She runs her fingers through my hair. I love when she does this. It helps to calm me a little, like it always did when I was a kid. “He’ll be back sooner than you imagine, and then you guys will have all the time in the world to continue with the rest of your lives.”
“I’m proud of him too, but it still hurts so bad.”
“I know, sweetheart,” she coos. “You can stay up here, until the hurt dulls enough that you can move on to the day to day, okay? I’ll keep all the vultures away.”
“Mom?”
“Yes, honey?” she hums.
“Will you stay with me a bit?” I ask, knowing how pathetic I must look, needing my mommy to make me feel better, but again, it’s my mom. She’s kind of obligated to make me feel better.
“Mmhmm.” She climbs up into my bed beside me and pulls me to her chest.
I nuzzle my face into her chest and continue to cry as she runs her fingers through my hair until I’m relaxed enough to fall asleep. I spend the rest of the day going in and out of consciousness. I only leave my bed to relieve my bladder.
My mother probably stayed with me until I fell asleep the first time, but she would have stayed the entire time if I had asked. I'm truly lucky to have a mom like her.