Chapter 26

CARRIE

As I wrap myself in Blake’s arms, I struggle to contain my smile. It spreads across my face with force and broadcasts openly just how happy I am right now. And it’s not just how great the sex is, although that is on another level. It’s everything.

Blake is just so damn incredible. He is caring, kind and considerate. He is funny, warm and compassionate.

He is the opposite of how I pictured him when Lyndsey used to describe him. Sure, she would tell me how hot he was, but she would also complain about how cruel he could be, and how he used to use her for his own means. I just don’t see any of that in him. Or at least, I haven’t yet.

But whenever I think of that, and whenever my future plans come to the forefront of my mind, I have to work to contain them and push them away. I don’t want to think about that right now. I don’t want to ruin the moment. For right now, the moment is perfect.

“Well, that was something else,” Blake finally says after a long silence.

I nuzzle against his chest, stroking the lines of his muscles.

“I’ve definitely had worse,” I joke. I kiss his chest as I do, concentrating on his pecs.

“Easy,” he warns jokingly. “I might not be so considerate next time. I might have to just start thinking about my own needs.”

“Does that mean that we will be done faster? Because I think I’d be okay with that.”

“That’s it!”

He pulls his arm from under me and holds me down as he begins to tickle me. I scream, batting him away as best as I can. But he is far too strong, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from rolling from the bed and falling on the ground.

“Okay,” I scream. “I’m sorry. I take it back!”

“Good,” he says with a smile. He stops tickling me, allowing me to rest back in his arms. “You’re far too sassy for my liking.”

“It’s a defense mechanism,” I say. “The benefits of being an only child and an orphan.”

“I didn’t know you were an orphan,” he says, sitting up and looking at me with curiosity.

I had forgotten that I haven’t told him that yet. I’ve been trying to keep my past hidden and secret, just in case.

“Oh, did I not mention that?” I ask quietly.

“No. You told me you had a sister who passed away. And the way you spoke, it sounded like you had a family, too?”

“I was adopted,” I admit.

It’s odd, but I want to tell him more. I want to open up to him and share my secrets with him. I’m usually pretty closed off, but Blake brings it out in me.

“Are you and your adoptive parents close?” He asks.

“Not really,” I admit. “I was close with my adoptive sister, but when she passed away, I kind of lost contact with my adoptive parents. Her death was hard on us, all of us.”

“How did she die?” He asks softly.

I can tell that he is treading lightly, not wanting to push me to hard. I appreciate it.

“I’d rather not go into it,” I say. “It’s hard to talk about.”

“Sorry, I’m sure it must be difficult.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize. I’d just rather hear about your childhood. I’m sure it’s much more interesting than mine is.”

I try my best to deflect the line of questioning, and it seems to work as he sits up further.

“Oh, it’s your typical broken home story,” he says. “It’s a wonder I turned out so normal.”

“Did you?” I joke.

“Relatively. But I think that’s why I want a child so much. I had a pretty lousy childhood, and I feel that I need to remedy that, to prove that it wasn’t my fault. If I can be a good father, it might do some work erasing some of the bad memories I have of my own childhood. You know?”

His voice is soft, almost vulnerable. It’s the most open he has ever been with me.

“And a wife?” I ask. “Any plans for that?”

“Hang on,” he says, grinning. “I barely know you. A kid is one thing but slow down.”

“Shut up,” I say, slapping him on the chest. “You know what I mean.”

“I do. And yeah, one day maybe. I’ve never really had a long-term relationship before. So, let’s concentrate on that first. Then, if you’re nice to me, I’ll ask you to marry me.” He chuckles to himself.

“You can,” I begin. “But I probably won’t say yes. I’m holding out for someone really special.”

“Oh, well I wish you good luck, then.” He kisses me on the forehead, as if giving me his blessing. I slap him on the chest again.

“Anything else I need to know about you?” I ask. “I am trying to have a baby with you after all.”

I decide to change the topic. The conversation is getting very intimate, and I can’t help but feel the need to change it. Every time he opens up, I feel myself falling harder for him. I can’t let that happen.

“Hmm, I love pineapple on my pizza,” he says.

“That’s it,” I say quickly, sitting up and pretending to climb from the bed. “We’re done here. You’re clearly unhinged and your mouth is broken.”

“I don’t think so,” he says, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me back. “And just so you know, my son is going to love it, too.”

“Son?” I ask suddenly. “You think it’s going to be a boy?”

“A son. A daughter. As long as it’s healthy and happy, I don’t care. I just want a child,” he says seriously.

I stop what I am doing and stare at him properly for the first time. At the mention of a possible child, my heart begins to ache. I don’t know why, but until this point, this whole thing has felt kind of fake. Like it wasn’t really real. But thinking about the gender of the child? That makes it so much more tangible.

It hits me hard. To me, this has been about the money, but to Blake, he really wants a child. He really wants to be a father. And not just a father, but a good father. And what’s more, this will make me a mother.

He leans forward and kisses me on the forehead, wrapping his arm around me. I fall into him, allowing for him to pull me back into bed. Despite myself, I feel a tear rolling down my cheek.