Chapter Twenty

The flight was four hours too long, but by the time it touched down in Newark, Dan had made up his mind. Kayla was half asleep beside him, and Ian and Helena bickering behind them. Dan had discovered Helena lived and played for the women’s Manhattan team when she showed up at the gate, grinning and flashing her boarding pass.

Ian had shrugged sheepishly. “You’ll be seeing more of each other, I guess.”

Dan had rolled his eyes since he’d figured that out anyway when Ian had told their mother he planned to keep seeing Helena.

“So,” Rafael said, nudging his elbow as they headed for customs. “Bobby.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Dan said, swallowing hard. “It is what it is.”

“Come on, man.” Rafael looked like he gave a damn, which wasn’t a surprise. He was Bobby’s friend as well, and Dan was trying not to ask him to get a message to Bobby now that Bobby was ignoring him. “I like you both. This is messed up.”

Dan shrugged, adjusting his bag as they stepped into line. He really didn’t want to be having this conversation with Rafael, but he turned back anyway. “I’m giving him space like he asked for. While I, and I quote, ‘realize that I control my career’.”

Understanding crossed Rafael’s face. “You know when he first came out, he was terrified? Didn’t think it was the right thing to do.”

It was something Bobby should have been telling him and Dan knew it, but he couldn’t deny that he wanted to hear it, wanted to know why Bobby was so adamant that he stop hiding behind his mother—and hockey—even when he could see how hard it was for Bobby.

“Told me the freest he ever felt was when he was being honest.” Rafael stared at Dan hard, then shrugged, tugging his passport from his pants’ pocket. “But he doesn’t play hockey.”

Dan was beginning to think that hockey was a convenient excuse. Not that it made it any less easy to make the decision, but he had been brave about Bobby so many times during the Olympics that the justification for hiding and taking the coward’s way out was difficult. He hadn’t cared then that he was touching Bobby, wanted him so obviously. He had panicked a few times, sure, but there had never been an outright dismissal of his feelings for Bobby until his mother showed up.

There wasn’t much time for him to rest; he would be back on the ice and playing for Manhattan the next day. It would be exhausting, but Dan knew going in that there wouldn’t be time for him to relax any before playing.

Making any decision about his career in the middle of the season, however close they were to the playoffs, had never been something Dan had ever had to consider. He had been happy with his mother in the beginning, at least happy enough to be far away from her, but let her have control of his deals. Trading him to Manhattan had been against his wishes but signing off on it had seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

There were so many things he could have changed over the years that if he worried about which one could have turned things around, he’d get stuck bemoaning every life choice. Parting ways with Ian and Rafael at the airport, and giving Helena a reluctant but sincere hug, he grabbed a cab despite the traffic that would no doubt be clogging the roads, and gave the driver his address.

His phone had been on silent since he’d boarded the plane. Digging it out of his pocket, he turned up the volume, unsurprised to see missed calls and messages. Most from his mother, all of which he ignored, but there were a couple from teammates glad to have him back stateside, and two from Kayla.

Kayla: Bobby is sitting next to me.

Kayla: He’s totally upset about you, I can tell.

The problem with Kayla was that he could never tell whether she was serious, excited, or trying to make him feel better. Her texts could be read all those ways and he wasn’t keen on trying to decipher her mood.

Dan: Was he really or are you just trying to make me feel better?

Dan dropped his phone to the seat beside him, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically, just wanted to get into bed and sleep the rest of the month away. Unfortunately, he had hockey to play, and despite his feelings over how difficult it was making choices about his love life, Dan loved it enough to keep going.

His phone vibrated.

Kayla: I don’t know. He seems sad. Talking to me though.

It didn’t give Dan much to work with.

There was a headache starting to blossom at the base of Dan’s skull, so he slipped his phone into his bag. Manhattan was a blur of lights and darkness outside the window and Dan stared at the passing buildings. His home was in an affluent part of the city, worth every penny he’d paid for it, probably the only benefit of the contract his mother worked out for him with Manhattan.

Shoving bills at the cab driver, he had never been so glad to see his own apartment in months and hurried up the steps, nodding at the guy behind the security desk. There was a flickering light in the elevator which didn’t do anything to improve Dan’s headache, and by the time he shut the door behind him, he just wanted to take some meds and tumble into bed.

Friends and family didn’t seem willing to let him be.

Max: Mom says you’re sleeping with guys now?????

Ian: See you at practice. BRING YOUR A-GAME

Kayla: A-game? Max don’t listen to mom. She’s a liar.

Max: She showed me pictures. He’s hot, Dan.

Ian: A-game! He scored the game winner. We need that against Las Vegas.

Kayla: I’m gonna go practice my spins. Dan, IT WILL BE FINE.

Dan didn’t know where to begin. Max’s question caught him off guard, but of course, their mother would have worded it that way. He gritted his teeth, trying to keep the anger at bay.

Dan: Mom wasn’t wrong about the guys. Explain later.

Knowing that his siblings would not let that stand, Dan didn’t care, shutting his phone off and tossing it on the other side of the bed. Skate was optional the next day and though coach would be pissed off if he missed it, especially given his taking time out for the Olympics, Dan didn’t care. He had shit to do before the game next night and he was determined to have it all done before he could change his mind.