Chapter Twenty-Five

The press conference was scheduled for the same day as a game.

Dan had tried desperately to get them to change that, not wanting anything that happened at the media event to interfere with his hockey, but the front office was adamant that the timing was best.

“They probably think anyone with a problem will be distracted by the game,” Ian said, with surprising insight.

They were waiting outside the rink, the three of them crammed into Ian’s ridiculous sportscar, more because Dan was terrified to show his face, than out of any sense of privacy.

“I can’t do this,” Dan said, for about the fiftieth time since Gary had called. “I can’t tell everyone.”

“You’ve told the people that matter,” Rafael pointed out. He was sitting in the passenger seat, meeting Dan’s eyes through the rear-view mirror. “Whatever the rest of the world thinks is up to them.”

“Except it could affect everything,” Dan said faintly. He wasn’t going to throw up in Ian’s car. He was going to sit here and get himself together and then he was going to tell the world that he was gay. In a press conference.

“I hate that I have to do it like this. Nobody has to hold a press conference telling people they’re straight.” It was an old argument that Dan always fell back on, but it was starting to lose its weight.

Ian turned around in his seat to stare at Dan. “They’re gonna make a circus out of this anyway. You can get through it, man. If you can deal with Mom for most of your career, you can handle a little media storm.”

Little.

The media storm about this was going to be anything but little, but the longer he sat here, the more chances he would have to talk himself out of it. “I guess I better get it over with then, huh?”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Stop treating it like a death sentence?”

“I’m trying to,” Dan snapped. “This isn’t easy, you know?”

“Yet you’re doing it anyway,” Rafael said, annoyed. He shifted so that he could glare over his shoulder. “I’m not trying to make light of this, Dan, but you’re a goddamn hockey player. Nut up or shut up. Stop being a pussy.”

“Fuck you,” Dan said, clenching his hands into fists. “Kayla would kick your ass for using that word.”

Rafael snorted but held up his hands.

“What the hell is your problem?”

“Bobby wanted you to fight,” Rafael said, calmer than Dan would have expected given his attitude a second before. “This isn’t fighting. This is sitting still and hoping everything works itself out.”

Dan stared at him hard, opening his mouth to snap back, but couldn’t come up with an argument that worked. Something hadn’t been working for Dan, he spent most of the time worried and exhausted in equal measure. He’d been trying to tell himself not to get worked up so many times.

“How do I not care what people are saying about me?”

“You’ve spent years ignoring what Mom was saying about you,” Ian said. He shrugged easily at Dan’s pointed look. “You have. She was probably the person you liked least on the planet and you faced her down and told her to fuck off.”

“I guess there’s always Europe,” Dan said with a light laugh. It wouldn’t be the ideal situation, wasn’t even one he could take seriously, not even for Max.

“So, we going?” Rafael asked.

“Yeah,” Dan said, grabbing for the door. “Let’s do this.”

Gary and Chris were already waiting for him outside the press room. Thanks to Rafael and Ian – both of whom had offered to run in and distract the press if Dan didn’t like how things were going. He’d been genuinely touched by the offer but told them to fuck off.

“You doing all right?” Chris asked.

Dan was surprisingly calm as he looked out at the waiting press. It could be any other press day, any other contract extension meeting or a conference about his trade. He had been in a room like that too many times to fear it. Sure, the message itself would be a bomb, especially on behalf of the NHL, but Rafael was right; he hadn’t really been fighting. He’d made the decision to come out and then figured it would all work itself out. It wouldn’t unless he fought for it.

The muttering of the reporters as he, Gary Poirier, Chris, and a few others trooped out to the table, grew. Dan took his seat in the center of the group and pasted his media smile on his face. Cameras flashed immediately, and Dan slid the microphone a little closer toward him.

“Thank you all for coming,” Gary Poirier said, voice booming out over the room. He had a way of commanding a room. “This press conference is being held on Dan Matthews’s behalf. We’re sorry this has to happen this way given the nature of the news.”

Chris drew attention with his polite greeting. “Dan came to me and asked me to be his agent a week ago for this very purpose. That’s probably as shocking to me as it is to you.” There was a smattering of polite laughter. “It was an honor to be asked and I look forward to navigating this minefield.”

The murmurs were growing in volume and Dan decided he would just take the bull by the horns. There was a system to how this conversation was supposed to go, and he knew other people had to talk before him, but he nudged Chris, pointing at the microphone. He got a stiff nod and Chris leaned over to whisper something to Gary, but Dan was already leaning forward to speak into the microphone. He had his Hunters hat pulled down over his head, was wearing the jacket they had given him in support of the team.

“I’ve been so angry lately about the fact that I have to do this,” he said honestly. “I know this is gonna be a huge thing to most of the people out there but I’m tired of pretending it’s not happening just to make other people feel better.” The room was silent but for the flash of cameras and the click of phones. “I’m gay.”

The silence seemed to drag though it could only have been a couple of seconds before reporters burst into conversation, some shouting, others already talking into their phones and devices.

Gary yelled for calm and the reporters quieted, though not enough that Dan wasn’t going to have a headache before the game. Wonderful.

“All right,” Gary said, clasping his hands in front of him on the table. “We’ll take some questions.”

Hands shot into the air, and Dan waited for the media to pick them. He knew they were vetted beforehand, but there was no way they could know what questions they were going to get. Nobody had talked about this press conference beyond the customary it’s important tag.

“Dan,” someone near the back said. “What made you decide to choose now to come out?”

Dan wanted to laugh. “When would be a good time?” He rubbed his eyebrow. “It wouldn’t have mattered if I’d chosen now, the summer, or at the start of the season. The fact that I have to do this at all is a pain in the ass.”

There was an awkward chuckle around the room.

The next reporter was one Dan recognized from the locker room. She was good at her job, knew her hockey. “Why did you decide a press conference was the way to go?”

“I get to control the way the news is shared,” Dan said honestly. “Everyone deserves to come out on their own terms. My private life is still private. I just want people to know I’m not ashamed of who I am.”

More questions were fielded by the media team, and Dan tried to answer them as honestly as he could. Most of them were soft and easy to answer, a couple cut deep, but Dan navigated them just as well. It was nearing the end of the conference and Dan was flagging, desperate to get into the locker room and play good hockey.

“Dan.” The reporter was near the front, his hair slicked back, reporter pass around his neck flashing a website logo that Dan couldn’t make out. “What do you have to say on the rumors that you have a boyfriend?”

Dan startled, swallowing thickly. “Where did you hear that?”

“Calgary,” the reporter said, and though Dan didn’t know him, he felt a sense of dread settle in his stomach. “There were rumors you and Bobby Lake were together.”

Fuck. Dan didn’t want to drag Bobby into this, didn’t want people to flock to Bobby and assume that he was Dan’s boyfriend. Chris looked like he was going to step in, so Dan adjusted his hat, quirking his lips up into a self-deprecating smile.

“If I ever get lucky enough to snag Bobby, it wouldn’t just be a rumor.” When the laughter started up, Dan shrugged and folded his arms, leaning forward. “Bobby knows my sister, skates with a couple of friends, but he’s not my boyfriend. I should be so lucky, right?”

The reporter was frowning, but Dan didn’t care. He felt as if he had answered the question well enough. Nobody else seemed intent on bringing Bobby up. When the questions tapered off, Gary intervened.

“Thank you all for listening today. We appreciate you coming out, and we hope you’ll be respectful of Dan and his privacy. Thank you again.”

Dan followed Chris away from the table, shoving his hands into his pockets, trying to keep the smile on his face until they were out of the eye of the reporters.

“God,” he said, leaning against the wall, forehead touched to cold stone. “That was fucking awful.”

“I think that went quite well,” Chris said, resting a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “You answered well and didn’t look startled by some of the questions.”

Dan huffed a laugh and waved a hand. “I’ll be all right. I’ll head to the locker room soon.”

“Dan,” Gary said, and Dan raised his head. “If there’s anything you need, let me know.”

“Thanks,” Dan said around the lump in his throat. “Thanks for your help.”

Gary nodded at Dan then Chris and left them alone. Chris didn’t stick around much longer before Dan was alone with his thoughts.

“God,” he muttered, rubbing at his face. He’d already stowed his gear with Rafael and Ian in the locker room so that he wouldn’t have to go back out to the car. Still, the thought of the locker room and the team he would have to face with the news that he was gay was still mildly terrifying. Though not, he thought in retrospect, as terrifying as admitting it to a room full of reporters. Granted, the reporters didn’t have the means to plow him into the boards, but he had been playing hockey for decades.

Dan could escape a check if he needed to.