CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
____________________
Ella
"Are you sure you're not a superhero?" Violet asked Calder from the back seat of his sleek black Tesla. "Because this car looks like a superhero's car."
Calder snorted out a laugh and briefly glanced in the rear-view mirror at my daughter, his crystalline blue eyes dancing in amusement. She had a point. The sumptuous black interior with carbon-fiber accents was beautifully elegant, yet eye-catching, exactly like something a playboy superhero would drive.
"I'm still pretty positive I'm not, kid," he replied with a smirk that twisted his full lips in a devastatingly sexy way. Add that to the way the muscles in his forearms flexed and shifted under his skin as he handled the powerful vehicle with sure confidence, and it was too much for my libido. I looked away, trying to banish the sudden throbbing of arousal between my thighs and the urge to keep staring at him. Seriously, what the hell? My daughter was in the car. My body and my head needed to get on the same page here.
I'd been sitting mostly quiet in the car as Violet and Calder bantered back and forth playfully. He never seemed perturbed by her endless flood of questions and answered every one, no matter how silly or ridiculous. It was sweet, and exactly like the old Calder I was in love with twelve years ago. It was nice to know, despite the darkness that resided inside him now because of me and his subsequent addiction, that the sweet man I remembered was still in there.
Guilt struck me yet again at what I'd done to Calder, now made worse by the knowledge that I'd driven him to use heroin to deal with it. He could say all he wanted that it wasn't my fault, but I knew the truth. The last thing he ever wanted was to be like his addict mother, and thanks to me that's what he became. He should hate me for it, yet inexplicably here he was, voluntarily spending time with me again, and this time with my Violet, the child who should have been his. I didn't understand it, but I'd enjoy it until he came to his senses and realized I wasn't worth his time.
Calder and Violet were both laughing about whatever she'd just said as he pulled the car into a vacant parking spot along the street downtown. I looked out my passenger-side window at a small homey-looking diner I'd never been to before, called The Verity Diner.
"I hope you don't mind this is a vegan place," Calder said apologetically. "I promise it's very good."
"I don't mind," Violet answered enthusiastically. "I'm a vegan now too."
I narrowed my eyes at Calder. "You're a vegan?"
"I am," he answered with a smirk.
"So you're where she got the idea from." I grinned and shook my head. "Do you know she conned Evan into taking her to the store and buying a bunch of vegan stuff for her?"
Calder's eyebrows rose in incredulous amusement. "Evan? The guy who thinks barbecue is a food group?"
"Yup," I replied. "You're not the only one she's turned into one of her minions."
"You know Uncle Evan?" Violet asked curiously.
Shit, I'd forgotten I didn't want her to know about my past relationship with Calder or whatever the hell was going on between us now. Panicked, I didn't know what to do and clammed up.
"Um..." Calder shot a worried look at me before answering. "Evan and I were friends a long time ago." He cleared his throat. "We should head inside," he added. "I know I'm hungry. How about you, kid?"
"I'm starving," she replied, drawing out the last word dramatically.
I shot him a grateful expression for distracting her, and he acknowledged it with a slight nod before getting out of the car. He went around to the passenger side, opened the door, and gave me a hand up out of the low vehicle. I tried to ignore how my heart fluttered from his touch and being so close to his big body. Then he opened the back door and plucked Violet out of her seat, lifting her up in the air like she weighed nothing and plopping her down on her feet on the sidewalk as she giggled and grinned up at him happily.
He turned to lead us toward the restaurant entrance, and I watched incredulously as Violet grabbed Calder's right hand as she walked next to him. Calder didn't even flinch and gripped her hand right back, then reached over with his other hand to place it firmly at the small of my back before escorting us into the building.
The interior was nicer than I expected, like a modernized version of an old-school diner. It had all the prerequisite booths and chairs, but the booths were upholstered in earthy green fabric with dark wood tables, and the chairs were sleek brushed aluminum. The far back wall had a huge lit up sign that said, "Meat free since '93" on it. A long dark wood lunch counter stretched across one side of the room with a row of tall brushed aluminum stools lined up in front of it. It was fairly crowded for a weekday and that, along with the delicious scent of food, boded well for our lunch.
A young man with a friendly smile greeted us warmly as we approached the host station. Calder politely asked for a table for three outside.
"Certainly, sir," the man replied as he picked up some menus. "Does your daughter need a kid's menu?" he asked Calder.
Calder's eyes flew wide at the innocent comment and pulled his hands away from Violet and me. He began rubbing at the crook of his left elbow as a discomfited expression crossed his features. Violet opened her mouth most likely to correct the guy, but I interrupted her.
"That would be great," I answered. "Thank you." Calder was already uncomfortable, and I didn't want to make it worse.
"Right this way," the host said, oblivious to the wrong assumption he'd made with Calder.
We followed the host across the interior of the restaurant and through a door that led out onto a large deck area that was tucked in between the surrounding brick buildings. Lots of planters filled with plants and flowers surrounded the space, giving the area a much-needed shot of nature. Wooden outdoor tables with colorful umbrellas, and more of the same aluminum chairs from inside, were scattered across the deck. The host led us over to one of the few unoccupied tables in a corner. We took a seat, and he left us with our menus after telling us to enjoy our meal.
Violet opened her menu and began hitting Calder with a barrage of questions about the food here, banishing the disquieted expression from his face. He was smiling again in moments, thanks to my daughter and her infectious enthusiasm. I eyed the menu myself and decided on the black bean veggie burger. Calder and Violet both ordered a spicy barbecue sandwich made from seitan. When I asked Calder what seitan was, Violet chimed in to tell me it was a meat substitute made from wheat. I guess my daughter knew more about this vegan thing than I thought.
The food ended up being delicious, just as Calder promised, and we all cleaned our plates. I even tried a bite of Violet's barbecue seitan and loved that as much as she did too. My daughter had never been a picky eater, something she got from me, and was always willing to try something new.
We finished eating, and after the waiter dropped off the bill, Violet hopped up to go use the restroom, leaving Calder and me alone. He glanced at the check and pulled out his wallet to pay. Guilt reared its ugly head as I watched him take out some cash.
"Thank you," I murmured in a subdued voice. "And I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" he asked in confusion.
"For being such a pathetic charity case."
"You're not pathetic." He frowned at me worriedly. "And it's not charity. I wanted to do this." He reached over and took my hand gently, squeezing it reassuringly. "For you," he added in a soft tone. His blue eyes brightened and warmed, pulling me in as his thumb glided caressingly along the back of my hand. I wanted him to kiss me, to hold me and take all my pain away. If only he could.
The waiter walked up at that moment to get the check, smiling at us and ending the brief moment between us. "You're daughter is so sweet and adorable," he said to Calder, who stiffened in his chair and looked distinctly uncomfortable as he pulled his hand away from mine.
"Thank you," I replied with a nod and a forced smile.
The waiter wished us a great day and left us alone again. I could practically feel the tension bleeding from Calder now. His face grew lost and sad, and I wanted to fix it, but didn't know how.
"I wish she was yours," I whispered softly without thinking, and regretted it instantly.
He pressed his lips together as his eyes shimmered with sudden tears that were just as quickly banished before they could actually fall. Thankfully, before I could say anything else to make things worse, Violet returned to the table grinning happily at him.
"You ready to go, kid?" Calder asked her evenly as he stood up from the table. His tone and demeanor were calm and in control once again as if his emotional reaction had never happened at all. He ushered us swiftly out of the restaurant to his car, probably because he was eager to get away from me.
I remained quiet and let Violet and Calder do all the talking again on the way home, for fear I'd upset him some more. Halfway there the backseat grew unusually silent, and I glanced over my shoulder to find that Violet had fallen asleep. It was no surprise considering how hard she'd played in Calder's pool earlier. I was still trying to figure out a way to get her out of the car without waking her when Calder pulled to a stop in front of my brother's house. He turned in his seat to smile at my sleeping little girl, who really wasn't so little anymore. There was no way I was getting her out without waking her up. I reached over to shake her gently awake.
"Don't wake her," Calder said softly, his eyes growing warm as he watched my daughter. "I'll get her out."
He climbed out of the Tesla and came around to the passenger side. He opened the door and helped me out, then opened the backseat door and leaned in to get Violet. She didn't even stir as he unbuckled her seatbelt and pulled her into his arms. The next thing I knew I was following Calder up the sidewalk to the front door with Violet's head lolling on his shoulder, and her body draped around him like a limp and sleepy spider monkey.
I unlocked the door and opened it for him. He silently carried Violet upstairs and gently laid her on our bed as I watched from the doorway in awe.
"See you later, kid," he murmured as he pulled the blankets up over her.
Calder's face was soft as he turned and walked toward me with his eyes fixed intently on mine. It made my heart flutter and want things it couldn't possibly have. I felt vulnerable and disconcerted. I looked away and went back downstairs with him a shadow right behind me. I headed straight for the door, eager to be alone so I could grapple with my confusing emotions.
"I'm sorry I took up so much of your time today," I said apologetically as I reached for the door knob. His hand shot out and stopped me from twisting the knob.
He turned me to face him and lifted my chin with gentle fingers until I had no choice but to meet his eyes again. They were bright and vividly intense, swimming with emotion and seeming to see right through me. I fell into them and couldn't look away.
"I'm not," he said in a rough voice.
He kissed me before I could even form words, his lips firm and confident as his tongue swept across the seam of my lips seeking entry into my mouth. I whimpered as I let him in, the kiss deepening as all coherent thought was driven from my head. It felt so good. A tide of emotions flooded me, longing, hope, fear. It was too much, and I pulled away gasping as I looked up at him.
"What are we doing here?" I whispered raggedly. "What is this?"
He shook his head as he gasped for air himself. "I don't know," Calder replied huskily. "But I can't stay away from you. Can't stop wanting you."
His lips crashed into mine again, this time with a hard and desperate edge. He groaned and pulled me closer, his strong arms solid and comforting around me as his steely erection pressed insistently against me. I melted into him, latching my fingers into his soft thick hair and breathing in this gloriously virile man. My body was nothing but stark desire now, lost and taken by lust. The kiss went on and on, until Calder somehow managed to rip his mouth from mine. We were both left panting for air as he rested his forehead against mine and held me close.
"I won't be at The Indigo Room tomorrow, but I will be there Friday night," he rasped out as his body trembled with need. "Come to my office after work then."
I nodded, helpless to deny him because I desperately wanted him as much as he obviously wanted me. I knew it was foolish, but I'd take advantage of it as long as it lasted so I didn't have to feel so alone.
He kissed me again, briefly yet savagely. Then he was gone in a rush, hurrying out to his car and leaving me to close the door behind him. I leaned back breathlessly against the door and touched my tingling and swollen lips, feeling unbelievably horny and questioning my sanity yet again for letting this hopeless thing between us continue.