CHAPTER
TWELVE
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Calder
I watched in stunned silence as Ella fell apart right in front of me. Her slender frame shook violently with uncontrollable sobs, her body hunching over as she covered her face with her hands. It wasn't an act. That much was clear to me from her desperate and agonized words. She was broken and lost. I knew that feeling well, and the part of me that wanted to gloat and revel in her suffering was fading fast in the wake of my empathy.
It pained me to see her like this and broke my heart, no matter how I might wish the feeling away. Without a conscious thought, I rounded my desk and went to her, dropping to my knees on the rug next to her chair. I reached out to brush my hand over her flaxen hair. It was just as soft as I remembered.
"Ella," I murmured gently, longing to comfort her, to soothe her. I ignored the voice of self-preservation inside my head that told me to stay the hell away from her, that still wanted to hate her.
She let out another painful racking sob and flung herself out of her chair at me. She collapsed against me as I automatically wrapped my arms around her. Her hands latched into my suit jacket, her fingers clutching tightly into the fabric as she pressed her face to my chest. I held her shuddering body close and laid my cheek on her head. The familiar and sweet citrus scent of her filled my nose, making my heart clench and my body yearn for her.
What was she doing to me? I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be feeling like this. She was the enemy, the instrument of pain and destruction that nearly destroyed me, yet I couldn't stop holding her. I couldn't let her go as she fell apart in my arms for several long heart-wrenching minutes. Part of me never wanted it to end.
"I'm...I'm...I'm s...s...sorry," she hiccuped out between tearing sobs. She lifted her head and met my eyes, her face a twisted mask of pain and agony that glittered with tears. "So...so s...sorry."
I stared down at her face helplessly, unable to speak, taking in those familiar and so beautiful steel-blue eyes, those plush heart-shaped lips. I was suddenly very much aware of her soft pliable body in my arms, her breasts pressing up against me and her ragged breaths making them rise and fall so hypnotically. Lust hit me like a fist, slamming into me and chasing all coherent thought away. I wanted her. I wanted her so fucking badly. I hadn't felt anything like it in so long, not in twelve long years.
She gasped in my arms as her eyes flew wide, and I knew she felt it too, this desperate need, this desperate desire. Her lips parted in an invitation that I didn't think she was even conscious of, and I lost any semblance of control I had left and gave in.
The next thing I knew, our mouths were crashing together in a blistering kiss that sent fiery electric heat through my entire body. I pushed demandingly at the seam of her soft lips and parted them with my tongue, delving it in to twist and tangle with hers. The kiss deepened, and I gripped her ass in one hand and the hair at the back of her head in the other. I mindlessly pushed my now throbbing erection against her pelvis, growling with want and need.
Ella mewled so sweetly into my mouth as her fingers twisted into my hair, her legs wrapping around my waist as she ground her core against me. Holy fuck, I wanted her so much that I couldn't take it anymore, couldn't think past the lust burning me up inside. I flew to my feet with her still latched onto me. I turned to my desk and released her hair, flinging my arm out to shove everything out of my way. Papers went flying and my laptop thumped onto the floor, but I couldn't care less. I laid her on her back across the desk, following her down and brutishly rutting my hips against her.
"Ella," I growled against her mouth, before blazing a trail with teeth and lips down to her neck, sucking and nipping hard at her tender flesh as I went. She smelled and tasted so good. I laved my tongue against her skin, relishing the desperate whimpers she made in reaction.
Her hands began grabbing desperately at my collar in an attempt to push my suit jacket off. I let go of her just long enough to pull it off and throw it aside. I pounced on her again, pulling her shirt up out of her pants and shoving it up to expose her black lacy bra. I grabbed its front closure in clumsy fingers and somehow managed to unfasten it, letting her breasts spill out. I stared down at them in utter fascination for a moment. Fuck, I'd forgotten just how beautiful they were, so round and soft. Her erect nipples were perfect pink little buds.
Ella made a desperate whimper and fisted my shirt in her hands, pulling me back down to her. I let her, immediately latching my mouth onto one breast, licking and sucking on her pert little nipple as I roughly kneaded the other in my hand. I flicked my tongue across the tight little nub, taking the other between my fingertips. I bit down and at the same time squeezed and twisted with my fingers. She arched her back with a soft cry of pleasure, her fingers sinking into my hair and weaving into it to tug sharply and painfully at the strands. Fuck, I loved it, the sweet bite across my scalp making my blood surge and sing with desire. I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. I needed to be inside her now.
I straightened and clawed open the zipper of her pants. Ella reached up and pulled my shirt out of my slacks, her fingers flying over the buttons as she swiftly unfastened them. When they were all undone, I started shrugging out of my shirt, desperate to have her skin against mine. I paused as a sudden wave of panic fell over me. I couldn't risk letting her see my needle track scars, couldn't let her see what I did to myself. I was too ashamed.
She made an impatient noise, and started pushing my shirt off my shoulders herself. I immediately grabbed her hands in a firm grip to stop her.
"No," I growled out harshly, putting power and dominance into my voice.
She instantly stilled, her eyes going wide in surprise, but her body immediately went soft and pliant in instinctual submission. Holy fuck. I hadn't expected that, and it sent my lust soaring into the stratosphere. Mine, mine, mine, the Dom inside me suddenly chanted, rejoicing at her reaction with a possessiveness I'd never felt before, wanting to control her, take her, claim her.
I snarled and shoved her hands above her head, bracketing her wrists together there with one hand. "Don't move your hands," I told her fiercely through clenched teeth.
I let go of her wrists, and she obeyed. She curled her fingers over the edge of the desk as her body reacted to my command again, arching up in a silent plea for more as her lips parted and a soft submissive sigh slipped out. Fuck. I was undone.
In a frantic and violent rush, I shoved her pants down her hips and pulled them off along with her shoes. I grabbed the front of her panties and tore them from her body with a loud rending tear as the fragile lace gave way. Ella gasped in surprise and moaned deeply as her hips bucked up toward me. I could smell her arousal, thick and musky and so feminine. I swiftly undid my pants and pulled out my aching and leaking cock, desperate now to fill her, to penetrate her. I lined myself up with her slick and soaked core, and did just that, driving into her with one brutal thrust that was so hard and deep it moved the desk several inches forward. We both cried out. The wet heat of her pussy was so tight all around my cock, her insides pulsing and fluttering as if trying to draw me in deeper. I didn't remember her ever feeling this good before, but it had been such a long time.
"Ella," I groaned out as I stilled above her, my body trembling as I fought for control over the release that threatened to unman me already. "So tight, so warm, so good."
Her eyes were wide and dilated with her arousal, her plush lips parted as she moaned in pleasure. I leaned over and kissed her, sucking her lower lip between my teeth and worrying at it with a low animalistic growl. Her taste drove me insane. She mewled and writhed under me, her hands coming up to twine in my hair again. She pulled and twisted, the pain sending me out of control once more.
I pulled my hips back and slid halfway out then slammed into her again. Sparks fired behind my eyelids and shivered through me as the thrust forced a keening sound from Ella's lips. Fuck, it felt so good, and I wanted more. I wanted all of it. I reached down between us and found her clit with my thumb. I rubbed small circles into it as I began thrusting deep and forcefully in and out of her pussy with firm measured strokes, her juices already soaking both of us.
I moved to put my lips next to her ear. "You're going to come for me," I told her, my voice deep and husky and strained as I continued to pump in and out of her. I pressed my thumb more firmly into her sweet flesh. "You know you want to. You know you're going to."
"Yes, Calder," she whimpered out so softly, so sweetly, and shuddered under me. "Please, Calder."
I ignored the surge of happiness that sang in my heart at hearing her say my name like that, begging and pleading for me. I wrapped my free hand around the back of her neck, my thumb coming around to rest on her pulse point, so I could feel her heart rate flutter under her feverish skin.
"You're going to splinter apart and give me everything," I told her, my voice firm, yet still deep and seductive.
I shifted my hips until my cock hit a new spot deep inside that made her gasp and cry out. I knew I was on the right track, and sped up the pace. I hit that same spot again and again and again, harder and faster as her body grew tighter and tighter with tension. She arched up into me as she gasped with each thrust, her soft breasts pressing up against the hot bare skin of my chest.
"You will come for me," I said, my tone sure and confident as my lips brushed against the soft shell of her ear. "You're going to come." I pushed in deeply once more and swiveled my hips as I pressed hard against her clit with my thumb. "Now," I snarled commandingly.
She obeyed, her body igniting under me in an instant. She gripped me tight, her nails digging into my scalp as she held me close. Her pussy clenched down on my dick so hard it almost hurt as her entire body quaked and writhed under me. She pulled in a breath and let out a long keening whine between her clenched lips as she tried to hold in her scream.
"Yes," I snarled in dark satisfaction as her orgasm waned. "Come again." I straightened and gripped her hips in both hands, pounding into her harder and sending her up again. I wanted to prolong her pleasure and wring every last drop out of it for her.
This time she opened her mouth to scream, forgetting to stifle herself. I lifted my hand, and shoved the thumb that still glistened from her juices between her lips. She drew it right into her mouth, and began sucking eagerly and swirling her tongue around the pad. It was so fucking hot.
"Fuck," I groaned incredulously as my release ripped through me out of no where.
It surged up and out of my balls in a brutal and devastating rush, tearing through me and ripping me apart. My grip on her hip tightened, and I pushed my thumb further into her mouth. I pressed my hips forward one last time and hit the end of her, my cock jerking violently as I emptied everything I had into her. My vision went dark, and I lost all sense of self and everything around me beyond the woman still shuddering underneath me from her own release. I collapsed onto her just as the last wave of bliss shivered through me and finally faded away.
When awareness returned, I was still on top of Ella, my body limp and panting for oxygen as sweet languid euphoria pulsed through my veins. I hadn't felt this right or so good in so long, so blissfully out of control. Not since the last time I shot up. Horror instantly struck me at that thought.
Oh fuck.
I jerked up and away from Ella, backing up until I hit the wall behind me with a thud. I looked down at my softening cock, wet and shiny from being inside Ella with my cum still dripping from the tip.
Oh fuck, what have I done?
I didn't wear a condom. The edges of my vision blurred and wavered as panic set in. My legs suddenly felt weak, and I slid down the wall onto my ass. I closed my eyes and fought the wave of shame and panic, sucking in panting breaths for several long moments as I grasped desperately at the unraveled threads of my control.
A rustling noise caught my attention and drew me back to the present. I opened my eyes to see that Ella was no longer on the desk. She was pulling her pants on with her back to me, her shirt and bra already back in place. Her body was tense, and her shoulders hunched.
"Ella," I called out, my voice harsh, and sharper than I intended. She startled at my voice, but ignored me and kept her back to me as she pulled her shoes on in jerky harried movements.
"Ella, wait," I said again as I watched her hurry toward the door. I tried to get up, but my legs were still rubbery and not working right.
She turned back for just a second, just long enough for me to see the lost and stricken expression on her face. A fresh deluge of tears were streaming down her cheeks. Then she flung the door open with a sob and fled the room, slamming the door in her wake.
"Fuck," I growled out as I slumped back despondently against the wall, too ashamed and stunned over what I just did even to attempt to get up and go after her.