CHAPTER 20
Brea
I held Elle while Ryan got my things together. We’d been in the hospital for a week now, in the smaller room he’d asked for once I was officially released. He stayed with me almost all the time, leaving only to get fresh air or make a phone call. He was a great father and I loved watching him with Elle. He was gentle with her and everything that a daughter needed from a father. I knew he would make sure that she had everything she needed and guide her as she grew older. I fell in love with the way he looked at her, though I was reluctant to say that to him yet. I didn’t know if he felt the same way.
The doctor came in to talk to us, assuring us that Elle was healthy and should have no lingering health problems from being premature. She was eating well, and we were both ready to go home and start our new lives. I dressed her in the outfit Ryan had given me with her name on it. We took several pictures in the process, never wanting to forget this moment.
Lucy brought us a car seat, and we secured Elle in it after they did all the security checks for us to leave. I felt scared when a nurse wheeled me to the car as Ryan carried the car seat in his hand, unsure of what to do next. We’d had nurses and doctors to help us with everything for the last week, and now I would be responsible for her. A nurse who had gotten close to us pushed a cart with all our flowers and balloons, and I blinked as we emerged into the sunlight. I had gone outside a few times but hadn’t wanted to leave Elle for too long.
Ryan told me he would go get the car and set Elle next to me as he jogged off, leaving me with the nurses. I looked around and thought about taking a shower when we got home, wherever that might be. I still had no idea if he wanted me to go to his apartment or start over somewhere new.
His car pulled up and he loaded up the back with the flowers and balloons, along with the bag Lucy had ended up bringing me. Ryan looked at me, taking in my face with a gentle expression as he picked up the car seat. Elle was sleeping, and I felt a tug of nervousness as I thought about her being in the car. Ryan assured me the base was properly installed in the back seat and that the nurses had checked. They laughed as they told me Elle was going to be perfectly safe in the car. He got her situated, and I stood as I looked from the front seat to the back. I knew she was fed and would more than likely be fine for a little while, so I scooted into the front seat, giving the nurses each a long hug good-bye.
Ryan closed my door gently, and I looked back to see a mirror positioned just in front of Elle since she was facing the back. It gave me a perfect view of her beautiful face, and as I looked in the rearview mirror, I realized that anyone driving could check on her whenever they needed to. I smiled, thinking how perfect Ryan was as he got into the driver’s seat and buckled his seat belt. We pulled out of the parking lot and I looked back to check on her.
“I can’t believe we’re taking her home,” I said softly as I took a deep breath. I watched as Ryan turned right onto the street, expecting him to drive to his house. We didn’t have a crib or anything yet, but we could make do for a night or two. I could have everything delivered if need be. I closed my eyes as we drove, still tired from everything, and I heard him turn on the radio at a low volume.
I dozed, and when I came to, I realized we were still in the car. I opened my eyes and looked around to see that we were on the freeway. I glanced at the clock to see that we’d been driving for forty-five minutes. I looked at Ryan in confusion.
“Where are we going?”
He merely smiled and kept driving as I gazed around some more. The scenery was beautiful, with trees and water ahead. I gasped as I recognized the location. He laughed and glanced at me. I stared back at him in disbelief.
“What did you do?” I demanded as I stared at the familiar surroundings I had fallen in love with the last time we’d been here. I remained silent as we drove, anticipation bubbling over in my stomach as I looked from the road to Elle. An abundance of nervous energy was coursing through my veins. Ryan pulled off the highway and turned down a few side streets before parking in the long driveway of a house. He shut the engine off but still didn’t explain himself.
“Ryan?” I asked as he looked over at me. The house was a two-story brick house that was spread out and gorgeous with a spacious front yard. “Are you renting this?”
He got out and walked around to my side of the car, letting me out. I looked all around again, seeing the ocean toward the back. I smiled.
“This is our home, Brea,” Ryan said softly. I hugged him tightly as he spun me around, laughing.
“How? When? Oh, God,” I said as I started to cry. We heard the baby through the open passenger door, and he kissed my hair as he set me down to get her out.
“Come on. I want you to see it,” he called out. I grabbed my purse and scrambled to the front door with him. There was a wraparound porch that already had a couple of swing chairs and a small bistro table set up. I squealed as I looked at it, tearing up slightly. There were beautiful flowers set in pots around the furniture, and I imagined sitting there with a book on a pretty day, just breathing in the ocean air.
Ryan unlocked the door and opened it as I took in the heavy white wooden door with the pretty stained glass in various shades of blue. He allowed me to walk in first, following with Elle. He set the seat down and unbuckled her. I looked around the open living room that had a wall of windows offering a beautiful view of the ocean behind us. Tears slid down my face as Ryan smiled at me. He offered me our daughter with shimmering eyes. I moved to an oversized blue chair that looked out over the water and lifted my shirt to loosen my bra. I stared as I acted on instinct and latched Elle. I took a slow, deep breath.
I looked around at the large kitchen to my right. Everything looked new, the thick gray marble counters and white cabinets, the shiny appliances and island. It was as bright as the living room, and I knew I’d be able to see most of the first floor from the beautiful room. I looked at the furniture, all new and matching and in shades of gray and blue with light coffee tables scattered about. There was a large fireplace made of light gray stones that faced both sides of the room, offering us a smaller living room to the left.
“How?” I asked. Ryan cleared his throat and sat down.
“I started looking as soon as you mentioned raising Elle here. I have a friend in real estate and told him what I was looking for. This house came up the same day, and I came to look at it the day you went into labor. I signed the paperwork and paid the earnest money before I headed back into the city to Dad’s. He handled the rest once we knew you were in labor.” He smiled at me. “It’s five bedrooms, four of them on the second floor. There’s one down that hallway that we can set up as a guest room or an office. The master is upstairs, and it’s so big with a great balcony overlooking the ocean. Elle’s room is right across from us. It’s beautiful.”
I stared at him in shock. “Her room?”
“Dad and Lucy teamed up. She got the things from the shower and set everything up. We decided to go with a housewarming celebration for Elle instead in a few weeks. You have everything you’ll need right away and Lucy handled the nursery. I think she did a good job, but we can change anything you don’t like. Nothing is final.” He smiled at me as I moved Elle to the other breast and breathed out.
“I’m in shock. I didn’t know that all of this was happening when I was in the hospital. I was wondering where we were going to live.” I blinked as more tears fell, and he leaned forward to wipe my cheek with his thumb.
“I was on the phone a lot at the hospital. Everyone else did this for us. I knew what we’d like and Lucy ran with it, using all of her connections.” I looked around at the soft cream walls of the house, at the high ceiling where a fan was spinning. I looked at the perfect crown molding and lines, then again at the sea. I could tell there was a deck area outside. It looked like there was already a grill out there and a picnic table with some other furniture.
I felt Elle slip off and looked down to see her eyes closing. Ryan took her and burped her gently, bouncing her in his arms just the way she liked. I fixed my clothes and stood to walk over to the window to look out. There was a deck and a beautiful backyard with green grass and what looked like a garden. There was a fence in the back, and I smiled as I shook my head.
“That goes to the private beach. We share it with the neighbors, but it’s private to us. It’s a great place for a walk or a family day once Elle is a little older.” He came to stand beside me and I looked over, unable to speak. Elle was asleep on his shoulder, and he glanced at the staircase. “Want to see her room?”
I nodded and he led the way. I looked over at the windows, seeing more of the beautiful waves through them as I held on to the railing. There was a hallway upstairs, and he walked to a window at the end before turning left. The entire house was a soft hardwood with rugs placed around for color. I stood in the doorway as Ryan walked over to a white crib.
My mouth dropped open as I looked around at the soft pink walls and cream lace curtains. Elle’s name was spelled out in cream-colored cursive letters hanging near the crib. There was a beautiful mural of trees against the back wall where a soft green glider chair sat, waiting for a nighttime feeding. It was near one of the windows. I looked over to see a view of the side yard and the water. I smiled brightly.
Ryan placed Elle in her crib, and I walked over to peer down at her. She looked so small against the cream sheet with a light green wedge that kept her on her back. Ryan and I stared at her for a moment while he stroked my back gently.
“Come on. I want you to see the rest.” He took my hand and led me from the room. I stared back over my shoulder at Elle, moving slowly. He walked into another room, the master bedroom judging by its size. It had a king-sized bed against the left wall that overlooked windows and another balcony. There was another high ceiling with a fan, and I noticed a few doors off the room, so I walked toward them.
There were two large walk-in closets that already held our clothes and a big bathroom that took my breath away. It had a big bathtub as well as a shower with high windows that let the light in but were frosted for privacy. There were two sinks and a soft gray counter as well as a door that led to the room with a toilet.
I dropped to the floor and cried happy tears. I had never expected this of Ryan. He walked in and looked at me on the floor with a worried expression.
“Are you okay?”
I started to sob softly as he knelt before me. “This is so much. You gave me what I wanted and I don’t know how to thank you. Everything is so beautiful.”
“This is where we need to be. I knew it the weekend we came here, and now that we’re going to be set financially, why not settle down?” Ryan pulled me to him as I cried, stroking my hair and murmuring soothing words to me before I managed to calm down. “I’m glad you like the house.”
“I love it,” I assured him as I stared into his eyes, wanting to say so much more.
“Good. I think it will be a great place to raise Elle,” he murmured before kissing my hair. I got back to my feet and walked over to the balcony to see a beautiful beach. I imagined Elle walking and us holding her hands down there in the future. I smiled, leaning over the edge of the railing.
Ryan took me into the other bedrooms, which were good sized, and I looked around. We’d been sleeping together before Elle’s birth, but what now? Were we just here as parents? The fact that he’d bought us a house in the place I loved so much spoke volumes to me, but I wondered if I was reading it wrong.
I knew I wouldn’t go back to work now, not living here. I also knew I didn’t have to with the money in the bank. I could pay off my loans and figure it out from there. Staying home with my baby sounded wonderful right now with her being so little. I walked over to the window that looked over the other houses as I played back everything that had happened today.
His family had done this for us, for Elle. Lucy had shopped for furniture for the whole house, and I loved every piece she’d bought. I thought I would have chosen the same things myself and couldn’t imagine changing anything. I heard Ryan walk in after checking on Elle, and I turned slowly to look at him.
“Are you keeping the penthouse?” I asked. He smiled and nodded.
“That’s a family property. I think it will be nice to have if we ever want to stay there. I didn’t call your landlord yet other than to tell him about the baby. I figured you should let them know that you’re moving out.” He walked over to look out the window, and I smiled. I could fit my entire apartment in the living room of this house.
“I suppose I am. I thought I’d move into the penthouse. I can’t believe you did all of this for us.” I was still in shock as I looked around the room that was decorated to perfection. The only thing that needed to be done was adding our own pictures and little things that represented us. That would come in time with photos of Elle and the memories we created with her.
“It just clicked. I loved it as much as you do, and having a baby changed our life in more than a few ways," he joked. I smiled at him. It sure had.
“Are we going to share the master?” I asked him softly. Ryan stared at me for a moment.
“Yes, Brea. Her bassinet is in there and a comfortable chair if you want to sit with her. We’re in this together, and I am not going to have you in another bedroom hiding away. She’s my daughter as well. I want to help in every way I can.”
I had friends who complained about their husbands never helping or changing a single diaper. Ryan wanted to do it all, and I thought to myself that he would nurse her if he could. The thought made me laugh. Ryan smiled at me with a curious gaze, and I covered my mouth.
“What are you laughing at?” he asked.
“All of this. I left the hospital with my new baby today, not sure of anything, and now I am standing here. I found out you bought a beautiful house and your family did everything we needed to make it comfortable. I mean, your dad and Lucy worked together. She always told me that she didn’t talk to her aunt and uncle. And your mom is getting help.” I beamed at him. “It just feels so right.”
“Feels amazing,” he agreed as he stepped forward and leaned down to brush his lips against mine. “Are you happy?”
“Pinch me. I think I’m dreaming.” I whispered as our lips met again. I suddenly resented the fact that I had to wait a few weeks before I could feel him inside me again. No matter what my body had gone through, I wanted Ryan as much as I ever had. I slipped my arms around his neck. Our kiss deepened as he gripped my hips, moaning into my mouth as he pulled me closer. I knew we couldn’t go too much further, but I slipped my hand over the bulge in his pants.
“Brea,” he groaned as I worked to loosen his jeans.
“I know what I can’t do. I also know what I can do,” I said, kissing him again and slipping his pants down to take him in my hand. I started to stroke him, feeling him rock into me as our tongues danced together slowly. “I can’t wait to feel you again.” I kissed him again as I tightened my hand and moved it, desire coursing through my body.
I pushed him back onto the bed and crawled carefully over him to take his cock into my mouth. Ryan gripped my hair as I sucked him. I longed to show him everything I was feeling inside. I wanted to show him my gratitude, but I stilled, not wanting to push my body too far.
I thought about the way he had looked at me in the hospital as I’d been in labor. He had looked worried and in awe of me as I’d delivered Elle, and he’d treated me like a queen afterward. He had watched over us nearly twenty-four hours a day, and I realized how surprised I was.
We had planned to have a baby together so he could get some money and start a new life. I was going to have a chance to rid myself of the debt that weighed me down. I never imagined a man like him ever being in my life. I also never imagined living in such a beautiful house on the beach. Even Elle was more than I could have prepared for.
He came in my mouth as I cried out, swallowing him. Ryan was making me so happy, and I planned to do the same for him any way that I could. We both heard the baby as I pulled away and rested my head on his sculpted stomach, breathing heavily.
“This is our reality now,” Ryan murmured, making us both laugh. I pushed back gently as I made my way to Elle’s room. Her still blue eyes were open, and she cried louder as I reached into the crib. I walked her over to the chair and looked over the trees as I opened my bra and settled her against my breast. There was something soothing about it as I smiled and looked around, feeling the warmth of the house. I glanced up and saw Ryan watching us with a smile on his face as he buttoned his jeans.
“You two look beautiful in this room,” he told me. “I think it’s amazing, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I replied and smiled. A phone rang downstairs, and he pushed away from the door to go answer it. I stared outside at the bright sun and beautiful scenery. Elle ate well, and I burped her before changing her and heading downstairs to take it all in again. Ryan was looking in the fridge, and I tilted my head at him. “What’s up?”
“Lucy is coming over. Are you okay with that? I insisted on checking.” He looked at me for a long moment. I smiled and nodded.
“She said that Elle misses her. I figured I’d throw together some dinner since she stocked the fridge for us.” He shook his head, and I held Elle carefully as I walked in to look around. It was a large, updated kitchen with new stainless-steel appliances—perfect for someone who enjoyed cooking. Ryan pulled out some steaks and vegetables and glanced at us and smiled. “It’s our first dinner here.”
“Yes, it is,” I said. He smiled brightly.
“I’m going to fire up the new grill so we can eat outside. How does that sound?” I laughed as I stroked Elle’s back and listened to her coo at me.
“Is she coming alone?” I asked, making Ryan scowl. He still hadn’t spoken to Lewis and had kept our time with Lucy away from him, swearing that she needed to dump his sorry ass if she was still seeing him. I didn’t disagree, but I left Lucy alone since she was my best friend.
“Yes. I don’t want to deal with Lewis right now,” he grumbled as he stacked the food on the counter and pulled out two waters. He opened them and handed one to me, and I took a long sip.
“Thank you,” I told him as he walked over to a cupboard and pulled down olive oil and seasonings. I left him to his preparations and walked around the house, telling Elle all about our new home. I told her how we were going to spend time down at the beach, exploring and having fun. I promised she would always be happy and that when she wasn’t, we’d be here for her. I bounced her in front of the window and looked out at the water.
There was a knock at the door about an hour later as Ryan was prepping the grill. I walked over to get it with Elle still on my shoulder. When I opened it, I smiled at Lucy. “Surprise!”
“You are all amazing,” I told her as she hugged me gently and asked if she could hold Elle. I handed her over and walked out to see if Ryan needed any help. He placed the steaks on the hot grill and asked me to bring out the vegetables. He waved at Lucy, who was still inside, and I nodded, smiling at him happily.
“Thank you again,” I told him as I walked in to get the asparagus and zucchini that were marinating in a bag in the fridge as well as a plate and tongs. I offered Lucy a beer on my way out, and she walked over to take it with her free hand as I looked at my daughter lying on her shoulder.
We ate inside with the window open, and Lucy asked me what I thought about everything. Elle was sleeping in her downstairs bassinet as we enjoyed dinner.
“You did such an amazing job. I can’t think of anything I want to change, Lucy. You got us perfectly, and the setting of this place… I’m still in shock.” Tears filled my eyes again as I shook my head, and she leaned forward.
“Are you okay?” Lucy asked, touching my arm gently.
“Hormones. I started sobbing in the bathroom earlier,” I admitted weakly as Ryan sipped his water. He’d calmed down from earlier while cooking and talking to Lucy about the house. He was relaxed and laughing with her like they usually did. I watched them, sipping my water.
“How long does that last?” she asked. I shrugged. Lucy never expressed any interest in having kids, and I admitted that I hadn’t before Ryan, either.
“I don’t know. The doctor told Ryan to call if I get depressed or anything like that, and I know he’s keeping a close eye on me.” I smiled at her weakly. “I feel fine, though. Just emotional. This was a real shock.” She giggled.
“Elle came a lot earlier than expected. I went into action right when that happened. I was surprised that Uncle Mike was so easy to work with, Ryan. He’s changed so much. I’m happy for you.”
“Me too. It was ugly for a while,” Ryan said, smiling at me.
Elle woke up to eat, and I went over to the couch to feed her as they kept talking. Lucy was trying to plan our housewarming, and I listened as I stroked my daughter’s hair and closed my eyes. I was still tired from broken sleep at the hospital and knew it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. Newborns weren’t known to sleep well for the first few months. I must have drifted off, because I woke up a little while later with a blanket over me and the baby in her bassinet. Lucy was sitting on the balcony with Ryan, and I blinked as I rubbed my eyes.
Having a baby had kicked my ass. I was willing to admit that, but I was so happy as I looked around the living room. I felt like I had everything but Ryan as I leaned back and took a deep breath.
We lived here together and we were parents. I knew that. I knew I was falling for him, if not already in love with him. How could I not be with all he had done for our daughter? I rose and checked on her before going to get some water and sipping it in the kitchen as I looked around again.
When would this feel like home to me?
Ryan and Lucy both came in after talking for a while, and Lucy picked up Elle when she started to fuss. She held her until I needed to feed her and then gave her back as Ryan joined me on the couch.
“Tired?” he asked softly. I smiled at him.
“I think I’m going to be tired for a while. I’m happy. That’s what matters,” I assured him. He nodded and covered my hand with his. We walked Lucy to the door and got the house locked up before putting Elle to bed in her bassinet. I fell against the pillows in the master bedroom, completely exhausted from the day.