Chapter 23
Hanna
“Thanks for the job!” I yelled back to Kason.
“It’s an internship!” he yelled back.
“Whatever!”
I walked into the house and decided to give Stacey a call. I really wanted to see how she was doing and—if she was up for the talk—I wanted to tell her about these new developments. The last time I had tried to talk to her, Brad told me she needed some space and time to rest, so I was only getting updates through him. But I needed my best friend now more than ever. She would want to know all the sordid details about Kason and me. I figured I could stay away from all the baby stuff since Kason made himself really clear about where he stood on all that.
“Hello?” Stacey asked.
“Hey, Stace. It’s Hanna. How you feeling?” I asked.
“Hey, Hanna. I’m doing all right, I guess. Slowly getting better. How are you?”
“Doing good. Things have gotten…interesting…with Kason.” I smirked.
“Fuck, Hanna,” Stacey said.
“Don’t worry. We’re using protection,” I whispered.
“Oh. Well, good!”
“I was wondering if maybe you felt good enough to have some company?”
“Will I get all the details about you and Kason?” she asked.
“I’ll even bring cake over.”
“Oh, yes. I’ll see you soon.”
I went upstairs and changed quickly. Then I ran downstairs and hopped into my car. I drove through our favorite eatery and picked up two massive slices of chocolate cake and some coffee for both of us, and then I was on my way to Stacey’s. I had missed my best friend through all of this, and I really wanted to spill my guts and tell her everything. I wanted to tell her about the argument and Marcus’s blowup and how I felt about Kason and our talk about babies and how my mom still wanted me to be a young mom… But I knew that would be a really sore subject for her and I didn’t want her to think I was being insensitive. I had missed my best friend too much to be kicked out for my idiotic mouth.
So, I decided to stick to Kason and me sleeping together and the internship.
I pulled up to her and Brad’s and practically stumbled out of the car. I knocked on the door and Stacey ripped it open. I was tackled by a massive hug that lasted until I couldn’t breathe. God, I had missed my best friend. I couldn’t wait to fill her in.
“Coffee,” I said, holding it out.
“You’re a goddess.”
“And chocolate cake for two.” I smiled.
“Yeeeees,” she groaned.
We went into her kitchen and sat down. I was glad Brad was at work. I really needed some alone time with Stacey, and I didn’t want to risk him making me leave early.
“All right,” Stacey said. “So, Kason.”
“Well, the small detail is this: my mentor at school informed me I needed an internship for both semesters of my senior year and not just one.”
“Wait. What?” Stacey asked.
“Yeah. Isn’t that shit? Anyway, Kason’s giving me an internship at his company.”
“That’s awesome!”
“Yeah. He’s also hired Marcus full time to do stuff with his website. I don’t really know much about it, except that it’s apparently up Marcus’ alley.” I shrugged.
“Hanna, that’s really cool. What’ll your internship be?” she asked.
“I’ll be his secretary.”
“Oooooh, sounds sordid,” she whispered.
“Yeah. We’re slowly signing the papers as we need to.”
“Why ‘as you need to’?” Stacey asked.
That was when the smirk crossed my face.
“Do you really think Marcus would be happy about me hooking up with his best friend?”
She squealed. “Oh my god, I knew it! Tell me everything. What’s he like? How big is he? How many times? God, Hanna, did he agree to your deal? Please tell me you weren’t lying about using protection.”
I was honestly shocked that she’d brought that part of the story up. I stared at her for a second, and she caught my reaction before she reached out for my hand and took it within hers.
“Did he agree?” she asked again.
“No,” I said. “And at first I fought him on it. But…I really enjoyed being with him that first time, and I guess he just…eroded my walls?”
“But you still want a child?” she asked.
“Of course I do. But Kason isn’t wavering, and I…”
“Enjoy being around him too much?” Stacey smiled.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling.
“Hanna’s got a crush. Hanna’s got a crush,” she chanted.
“I mean, have you seen him? I’ve practically drooled over him since middle school!”
“I know! Which is why I want all the details!”
“Well, we’ve sort of been sneaking around and using the internship as a cover. I mean, the internship is happening, but we’ve slowly been signing papers over lunch dates just in case someone catches us coming or going from them. You know, so they don’t get suspicious.”
“I’ve never known Hanna Rendon to be that concerned with what people think,” she said thoughtfully.
“Well, my brother’s practically about to blow a gasket about it and our age gap is probably startling to some people.”
“Eh. I didn’t really think about that. But still!”
“Anyway, we’re sort of sneaking around. And god, Stace…he’s incredible in bed. No man has ever done to me the things he can.”
“Uh huh.” She smirked. “And what exactly does he do?”
“For one, he’s big. I mean massive. And god, it feels so good when he pounds me into the mattress.” I sighed. “And he’s commanding. He loves telling me what to do in bed, and he’s the only guy I’ve ever been with who can make me come multiple times.”
“Oh god, those are the best sessions.” Stacey sighed.
“Does Brad do that to you?” I asked.
She smiled. “We found our way to it.”
“Anyway, it’s awesome, being with him. I feel like I’m heard when I’m with him. Well, mostly.” I shrugged.
“How do you feel about all this?” she asked.
“I mean, it’s really good sex. And the internship is something I need for school. And he obviously loves what we’re doing. So all in all, it’s good!”
“I didn’t ask what you thought, Hanna. I asked how you felt.”
“And again, it’s just good sex and an internship. It’s not like I’m in love or anything.” I giggled.
Maybe? I didn’t really know. Stacey sat there and stared me down while she took a bite of her cake. For a split second, I thought maybe she could read my mind. I honestly wasn’t sure how I felt about Kason, but when I’d told her I wasn’t in love or anything, there had been a pang of guilt. Sure, I had a bit of a crush because he could wield that thick piece of man meat in bed, and sure, it was fun to sneak around and feel like we were doing something scandalous. But that was it.
Right?
Stacey sighed. “Well, I’ve got some news of my own.”
“Really? What’s going on?” I asked.
Stacey took my hands and pulled them onto the table. Then she looked me straight in the eyes and told me the one thing I never thought I’d hear during this conversation.
“The doctor has cleared me for sexual activity, so we’re going to start trying for another child in a few weeks.”
“Stacey,” I said, “are…are you sure?”
“I am. I’m positive. You know me, Hanna. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. And yeah, this last episode was devastating, but Brad and I had some tests run and neither of us are struggling hormonally or physically in any way. So, we’re going to try again.”
Tears rose to my eyes. I was honestly worried for my best friend and yet simultaneously happy for her. I wanted her to have all her dreams come true. I wanted her to have the life she and Brad had always wanted and craved. I wanted her to fill this home with children I’d pull my hair out babysitting so they could go rekindle their love for one another in a hotel for the afternoon.
“I’m so happy for you,” I whispered with tears in my eyes.
“Hanna…” she soothed.
“I’m just so worried for you, too,” I choked out.
“I’m gonna be all right,” she reassured.
“God, I hope so.”
“Do you still want a baby, Hanna? I mean really?” she asked.
I nodded. “More than anything.”
“Well, I’ve been doing some thinking since Brad essentially quarantined me from the outside world. And…if you want to have a child now, with Kason or whoever, then I’ll support you.”
“Wait. What?” I asked.
Stacey smiled. “I’ll support you.”
“But I thought—”
“I’ll blame our last conversation on my hormones and leave it at that. I know you want children and I know you’d be an amazing mother. I know you can’t stand guys and their shit sometimes. If anyone can successfully pull off the single-mother thing and raise a stable child, it’s you.”
Tears streamed down my face, and we suddenly forgot all about our cake. For the first time, someone other than my mom had told me they supported the choice I’d made for my life, and it made my soul swell with delight. It made my previous conversation with Marcus and Kason disappear. It made me want to renew the conversation with Kason altogether.
“A child is a lot of work,” Stacey warned. “But I’m sure you’ll be up to the task.”
I nodded. “I know I will be.”
“I’ve seen the way your face lights up when you talk about having a child. You don’t talk about it like it’s a fantasy or fetishize it like it would somehow make you a better and more desirable person. You really know what you’re going to get yourself into, and I support you one hundred percent.”
“God, you have no idea how much that means to me. Marcus just keeps railroading me all the time about how I’m destined for better and calls it ‘just being a mom.’ He’s making me so angry, and I just—”
“Hey, Hanna,” she said, “we all know your brother’s always been a hard ass when it comes to you. At first I was worried that maybe your mom was influencing you or something, but I can see it in your eyes even now.”
“I’m so fucking happy to hear you say that,” I said.
Stacey stood me up and embraced me for a long time, and all I could do was hold her in return. I cried into her shoulder, letting out all the emotions I’d been feeling the past couple of weeks. She held me in her kitchen and let me sob. I forgot all about the cake. I forgot about the internship. I forgot about the sex stories. My parents fell to the background and I forgot we had steaming hot coffee to drink. Everything just fluttered from my mind in that moment. I finally had someone on my side, and I wasn’t going to let her go anytime soon.
I’d do whatever it took to keep her on my side throughout this journey.
“God, you know what I forgot today?” I sniffed.
“Everything? You can be a very forgetful person.” Stacey smirked. “It’s why you love that phone calendar of yours so much.”
“I don’t think I took my birth control this morning,” I said.
“Well, you might want to get home and do that if you haven’t gotten Kason to agree yet.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, the cakes are yours.”
“And I’ll cherish them both while I stuff them in my face.”
“Thank you so much,” I whispered.
“You’re my best friend. Anytime, Hanna.”
I grabbed my coffee and went back out to my car. I was sure Kason would call sometime today and want to see me. The last thing I needed was a lag in my protection since we weren’t using condoms. He hadn’t yet agreed to give me a baby, and while I planned to reopen the conversation sometime soon, right now I needed to get home and get the pill into my system before I did anything else.
I pulled into my driveway and burst into my home. Then I took the stairs two at a time and threw the door open to the bathroom. I dug through my drawer and found the little package of pills, but when I threw it open, my eyes widened and I filled with panic.
I was four pills behind.
“Oh, no,” I murmured.
Fuck! I’d forgotten my pills for four fucking days? Damn it! Oh my god. Kason was going to kill me. He was going to think I’d done it on purpose. If I got pregnant, he was never going to forgive me. He was going to make my life a nightmare and—holy shit, I couldn’t believe I’d fucking forgotten!
In a frenzy, I popped out all four and tossed them in my mouth. I chugged them down with some coffee and looked at myself in the mirror. A wave of panic rushed over my body. Kason wasn’t going to want to be with me anymore if he knew I had been behind on my pills.
So, I just needed to keep him entertained and distracted by other things until these pills worked their magic.