CHAPTER 19
Ryan
The night before flashed through my mind as I sat beside the bed in Brea’s room. Elle was small at just under six pounds, but they felt good about her development. She would stay here in the hospital in the NICU, but she was here with us for now.
I held her and stared at her tiny face. She had dark blond hair and the sweetest heart-shaped mouth. From what I could tell, her eyes were a dark blue, but I knew they could change. So could her hair.
I looked up at Brea as she looked at Elle and me with a loving smile. She had done a great job yesterday, and while she was a bit sore this morning, she was happy. We were both relieved Elle was going to be fine and that we’d get to take her home after a short hospital stay. Brea already told them she wanted to stay with her here until they could both leave so she could nurse and always be available for Elle.
My daughter fussed, and I handed her to Brea. She held Elle close to her chest, preparing to feed her. Elle latched on a few times and was doing great, but I wasn’t exactly sure how it all worked. I had bought the right books but wasn’t to that chapter yet. Elle let out a cry, and Brea lowered her gown to give her one nipple as I thought to myself how much I loved her. She looked beautiful right now, more so than ever before. I watched as she pulled the gown over them. I snapped a photo of Elle’s little head peeking out from the pink material. I was going to take so many photos of these two that I thought about buying a new camera just for the occasion.
There was a knock on the door.
“Can I come in and see my new granddaughter?” Dad asked as he pushed open the door to peer in at us.
“Come on in. She’s eating, but you can hold her after,” I told him as he stepped forward hesitantly. He was nervous, glancing around as if he’d never been a hospital before.
“I wasn’t sure if you would be sleeping or not after the long day yesterday,” he said softly, looking at Brea. “You look beautiful. Great job, Mama.” He looked at the tiny lump underneath the pink gown, and I swore I saw tears in his eyes. “She’s healthy?” I’d been on the phone with him several times, keeping him updated, but I could still see the worry on his face.
“They’re both doing great, but they’re going to keep Elle for a few extra days before they send her home.” I looked up as he glanced at me and then back at Elle.
“Are you going to go home without her?” he asked, and Brea shook her head.
“Ryan already arranged a family room for us so I can keep nursing. We’ll be leaving together,” she said softly as I looked at her, falling more in love with her as she stroked Elle’s tiny head. “We don’t even have a place together yet. She came too early for that.”
“That’s not even an issue, Brea. We’ll sort that out,” I assured her while she stroked Elle’s back. “Is she finished?”
“For now. I think she’s falling asleep again.” Brea continued to stroke her, urging a burp out of her as I leaned forward. She moved Elle from under the gown and handed her to me as she fixed herself, blushing a bit. Brea was a modest girl and had already said she would be covered if she ever nursed in public. It was sweet considering how comfortable she’d gotten with me over the last few weeks.
“Want to hold her?” I asked Dad. He looked scared for a moment. “Hold out your arms.” He did, and I placed her there easily, tucking her head in the crook of his arm. She went back to sleep, her eyes fluttering with exhaustion.
“She’s so tiny and beautiful,” he whispered as tears filled his eyes. I looked at Brea and could tell she was feeling emotional after everything that had happened with my family lately. “I can’t believe I almost threw away the chance to be a part of her life.” I watched as tears rolled down his cheeks and felt a little choked up myself. What had happened with my mother had been awful, but at the end of it all she was going to finally going to rehab. My parents had had a long talk in the morning and she’d agreed to his terms. “I’m sorry. I am sorry to both of you for acting the way I did.”
“I’m just glad things are sorted out now. I can’t wait for your wife to meet her too,” Brea assured him as she wiped tears from her own cheeks.
“She’s looking forward to that,” Dad told her as he moved to sit down. “She already told me to get you anything you need. Elle arrived too early for the baby shower, didn’t she?” He looked at us as Brea sighed and nodded.
“Lucy will work something out. She’s good at that,” I said as I reached for Brea’s hand.
“I guess she can just push it back. The guests and everything will still be the same,” Brea said sleepily as she looked at my dad and Elle with a warm look on her face. “They look so cute together.”
“He’s going to be good for her,” I agreed softly, and she smiled wider.
“I think she’s going to be good for him,” she said. I squeezed her hand.
“Probably so. I’m just glad there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.” I took a deep breath and thought about my mom. She was currently on a plane with a chaperone, going to the rehab center, which sounded more like a resort in the Hamptons. It was going to be good for her.
Dad stayed for a while, holding Elle as she slept. Brea closed her eyes and finally rested while I watched her. The labor had been long and wearying, but she’d held out like a champ.
Brea had cried when they’d brought Elle over to us and we both looked her over slowly. She had a lot of dark blond hair and was tiny, but beautiful. Brea had tenderly counted her toes and fingers as she’d whispered how much she already loved her. I got her a large private room with a couch so I could stay with her and help when Elle was in the room. Since she was healthy, that would be often. I loved watching Brea nurture our daughter already. I had also asked for a room once Brea could check out so she could be available to nurse and bond with Elle.
I hugged my dad good-bye when he excused himself to return home, thanking him for coming by with a large bouquet of pink flowers and a teddy bear for Elle. The baby was fussing, and I passed her to Brea to nurse again and then held her while Brea took a nap. I stared into her face, seeing my future. I had never thought I wanted this until I’d met Brea and gotten the crazy idea to have a family with the initial intent of getting my inheritance. It wasn’t about that anymore, though I was grateful to my gram for setting something aside for me.
I wished she could see Elle now. She’d passed away too long ago to even know that I wanted a baby. I thought about my parents. I had expected us to be separate families when Elle was born. It had made me sad when I’d thought about it, but things had changed for the better. I would always hate the fight I’d had with my mom, but it had made Dad see something he hadn’t before. He knew things needed to change and he finally told Mom that. He defended me and my family, giving me real hope for our future.
I leaned back as my daughter yawned and snuggled closer to me. I was already in love with her and wanted to do everything I could to protect her. I wanted to take care of her and wrap her in a safe blanket so nothing could ever hurt her. I wanted her to stay away from boys like me when she got older. If she looked anything like her mother, that was going to start early. I looked at Brea, sleeping against the pillow with her hands folded over her stomach as she breathed evenly.
It made me think back to the first morning I’d woken up beside her. I’d never felt like that about a woman before, no matter how much I had tried to deny it. I had chalked it up to good sex, but there was a feeling of comfort that came from being with her. I smiled as I wondered if marrying her had been a part of my plan the entire time, and it was just a matter of time. I shook my head as I leaned down to kiss Elle’s soft head and breathe her in.
They came in to check on the baby a few times throughout the afternoon as Brea chatted with her coworkers on the phone. They were surprised by the early birth and thrilled for us both. Brea promised she’d come to see everyone as soon as she could. We also Skyped with her mom. When she saw Elle, both women cried as I held her in my arms and rocked her gently. Elle seemed to be affected by the tears, and I smiled at Brea as she wiped a tear from her face.
Her mom promised she’d come once we were out of the hospital, and they hung up as Brea sniffled. “I actually feel closer to her now. Is that what happens when you become a mom?”
“Maybe the priorities shift. You let things go and look for a different life. I know I’m glad that Dad came around and Mom is getting the help she needs,” I said slowly as I thought it through. Brea nodded. “Maybe we’re just growing up. I think that’s better than freaking out, right?”
“I’m doing that as well. I wonder how I’m supposed to care for her the right away and make her happy. What if I fail?” she asked softly. I looked down at Elle. She was wiggling, and I pulled the blanket from her body and handed her over to Brea, who pressed her against her bare chest and stroked her gently.
“You already know what to do. She knows that she wants you. It’s chemistry,” I said. “I’ll be here to help when you need it. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I always knew that, even when you first brought this up. I always trusted you and I never understood why, but now this just feels so right. It feels like it was always meant to be.” She looked down at Elle, who was rooting around, and slowly guided her to latch on. “There you go, sweet girl. Take everything I have to give.”
Elle did and would keep doing so. She knew how much her mother loved her already, and I cleared my throat watching them. God, I felt emotions surging through me that I had never known existed. I wanted forever with this woman. It was more than an arrangement. It was more than sex. It was everything.
Lucy arrived to see Elle a short while later, bringing with her food from Brea’s favorite burger joint, pink balloons, and flowers. She stumbled through the door as I moved to help her, chiding her for not calling me for help. I got the flowers set up beside my dad’s and the ones that Brea’s mom had sent over and put the balloons in the corner so Brea could see them floating there.
Lucy dropped the bag on the table and rushed over, tears streaming down her cheeks. Elle was still sleeping on Brea, and Lucy gave her a pleading gaze as Brea giggled. “Want to hold her?”
“Yes!” Lucy squealed. Brea sat up slowly and wrapped Elle up in a soft blanket before handing her to Lucy. Elle snuggled into her, and Lucy dropped slowly into a chair, staring at the baby with misty eyes.
“So, that’s what it takes to quiet her down,” I noted as I went for the bag of food. I was starving, and I knew Brea was not a big fan of hospital food. I set her lunch up on a bed tray and she dug in, her eyes sparkling with joy. I sat on the right side of the bed and used the same table while Lucy spoke softly to Elle, promising her the world. She told her that she would tell her everything she needed to know and take her to the places she loved the most.
Lucy told us she was going to paint Elle as often as she could and take a trillion pictures of her. I told her she’d have to stand in line, and Brea laughed as she took a drink of the chocolate shake Lucy had brought her. Lucy handed the baby back to Brea for a snuggle and a quick feed since we were trying to get her as comfortable as possible with nursing early on. Then I took her and gave her back to Lucy.
We hung out together for a few hours, talking about Elle and life as Brea let Elle sleep on her chest with a soft smile on her face. I couldn’t help but think that life was nearly perfect right now. I rested my hand on Elle’s back and Lucy took some candid shots of our new family.