IT HAD FELT like my heart was in a fucking vise. How fucking dumb was I to have let the drama of the previous five days stop me from keeping in touch with Tessa? The distance had made me miserable, and the effect of it on her made me feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. Her uncertainty about our future had been written all over her face.
Pulling her to me, I cupped her face in my hands. “I’m not above begging, Tess, at least not where you’re concerned. So here I am, begging you not to walk away from us. Give me another chance to prove to you we’re worth it and I promise you, I won’t fuck it up. You’ve got me in the palm of your hands, baby. Don’t throw me away.”
Closing her eyes, she shook her head and let out a sad sigh before speaking. “You hurt me, Flynn. I’m not jaded or experienced enough to deal with your lifestyle. I feel like a total moron standing here admitting it, but I’m not sugarcoating it, so there it is. You need someone to accept that you’re a free agent, someone who can be accessible on command at your whim, who will understand when you don’t make any attempt at contact. I’m not that girl and I never will be. To be perfectly blunt, I wouldn’t want to be, either. You and I aren’t on the same page. Clearly there’s an attraction between us, but it doesn’t mean it needs to be explored. Chemistry can’t overcome the obstacles between two people. I’m thankful to you for showing me that I could enjoy being sexual, and I will always cherish the memory. But the fact is, we don’t go together and we never will. On a positive note, I’m glad this was all figured out before this went any further. We’re letting whatever this was go now, no hard feelings.”
Letting her go, I had started to pace as I fumed and tried to collect my thoughts. I couldn’t fucking believe the bullshit she was slinging at me, and I didn’t hold back when I responded.
“Abso-fucking-lutely not. Hell no to every ridiculous thing you just said. How about instead of building your wall, you let me in? When have I ever given you the impression I wanted you to be my beck and call girl? NEVER! I’ve told you time and again what’s between us is very fucking real to me. I’ve shown you in every way I can that I want to go all the way with this. I fucked up over the last few days and I admit it, but it wasn’t because I didn’t value you, or because I thought I was a free agent. I’ve had serious family shit going on that came into my life like a fucking atomic bomb and I’ve been dealing with the fallout. I don’t see myself as free baby, because I’ve already jumped in, feet first, to what you and I have. You are the one in this relationship who’s sitting on the side of the pool clinging to a life vest. The irony of the fact you think I don’t take what’s between us seriously but you are the one taking the first available out isn’t lost on me. You changed your fucking phone number in a rage and my response was to get my ass on a plane to talk to you in person. I really don’t know how the fuck else you want me to demonstrate to you how deep I am in this, but what I do know is I’m not quitting on us, and neither are you.”
When I stopped pacing, she was standing right where I’d left her. Her lower lip was quivering and I could see she was struggling, so I went to her and pulled her into my arms. “Baby, we’re going to be fine. Give us a chance.”
Shaking her head, she pushed me back. “I can’t.”
Putting my hands on her shoulders I said, “It’s not that you can’t, Tess, it’s that you won’t. Give me one good reason why you’re turning your back on something this fucking powerful.”
Glaring at me, she tried to wiggle away from my hold. “I don’t have to have a reason. It’s enough that I’m saying I can’t. I don’t want this.”
I’d never wanted to put a girl over my knee before, but suddenly the idea of spanking the shit out of her stubborn ass held tremendous appeal. She was lying and I damn well knew it.
“Bullshit,” I roared. “Give me the real reason why you’re taking the nuclear option instead of giving us a chance!”
Stomping on my foot, she pushed away as she yelled, “Because I’m fucking terrified of you!”
Before I could respond, her roommate’s bedroom door flew open and she came running into the living room. Glaring at me, she grabbed Tess. “Tessa, do I need to call the police because this asshole is scaring you?”
My day just kept getting fucking better and I couldn’t believe on top of everything else, her friend was thinking I was some creeper asshole who was trying to force myself on Tessa. I was caught up a shit spiral and I couldn’t get out of it.
Stepping away from the roommate, Tessa waved her hands in the negative. “No! God, no, Jess. What I just said had nothing to do with me being physically afraid of him. He would never, ever lay a hand on me. I’m sorry that I scared you. Flynn and I will finish this discussion in my room.”
Gesturing toward the hallway, Tessa motioned for me to follow her. Giving the roommate an apologetic look, I went and followed Tess to the bedroom. The look her roommate gave back to me left me with no doubt she would castrate me with a plastic knife if I fucked with her friend in any way.
After closing the door behind me, Tessa sat on the bed. I didn’t wait for an invitation to join her before I sat right down next to her. “Babe, what the fuck do you mean you’re terrified of me?”
Running her hands through her hair, she looked away before she blurted out her answer. “I’m terrified of the way you make me feel. It’s been no time at all, Flynn, and I shouldn’t have cared as much as I did when you didn’t call. You make me feel things I have no defenses for, and I know if I let you in I’ll only get more attached.”
I was relieved we were getting somewhere real.
“Sweetness, you aren’t alone here. It’s scary shit, what’s happening between us, and the reason it’s scary is because it’s for fucking real. You’re scared for your reasons, and I’m scared because you’re pushing me away like it’s your goddamn job and I can’t lose you. Neither of us would be scared if we didn’t know what’s happening between us is huge. Tell me what you need to do to make you feel more confident about this.”
Sighing, she looked me in the eye and asked, “If I agree to this, what are we? Are we exclusive? Will you tell people we’re dating, or is dating too exclusive for you? Are we fuck buddies?”
My teeth ground together so hard I’m surprised I didn’t crack one. I had to calm myself way down before answering her.
“If you ever even hint to me again that we are fuck-buddies, I’m going to flip. First, we haven’t fucked. Second, we won’t be just fucking when I’m buried inside of you and you’re screaming my name. Sorry if you had your heart set on it, but my answer is no to fuck-buddies, sweetness. We also aren’t just going to be dating. This is more. You want to know how far into relationship territory I’m willing to go? Let’s review my actions today and see if you can figure it out.
I started pacing the room as I reeled off a rundown. “For starters, I got on the first available flight out of LA after you changed your phone number. At the airport I was randomly selected for a body-scan and carry on search. I flew coach on a packed flight and I had a three-hour layover. I could have waited six hours to get on a flight that went straight through and had first class available, but I didn’t take that option because getting to you as quickly as humanly possible was the only thing I cared about. I was stuck on two different flights in aisle seats, which means I spent seven hours being slammed into by people walking in the aisles. When I entered Chicago O’Hare, I got recognized and chased because I didn’t have any security.
I’m pretty fucking far into relationship territory with you babe, but to give it to you in no uncertain terms I’ll lay it out like this. From this second on, you’re my girlfriend and I’m your boyfriend. Yes, we’re fucking exclusive. If some asshole touches you, I’ll break his hands. And finally, fuck yes we’re telling people.”
I plopped back down next to her calmly. “Does that answer your questions?”
Her mouth had opened in shock about a third of the way into my speech, and she continued to stare at me wide-eyed for a moment before collecting herself enough to speak. I was as patient as I’d ever been as I waited for her response. By then, my only hope was that I’d gotten it through her stubborn head that I was with her all the way.
“Flynn, don’t you think it’s too early for us to take the jump to being girlfriend and boyfriend? Dating is one thing, but…”
My hand covered her mouth before she could say something else ridiculous.
“Tess, babe, you’re talking bullshit. Too soon? You either feel it or you don’t. I feel it, or I wouldn’t be here right now. You feel it too you stubborn ass, or you wouldn’t have been as upset as you were. Answer this question. When you were with boyfriends in the past, at any point in time in the relationship did you feel like this?”
Her answer was immediate and it put my mind at ease.
“No. My stubborn ass,” she paused and smirked at me, “never felt anything like this.”
It was all I needed to know. Bottom line, where it counted most—we were on the same page.
“I’ve never felt like this, either. Nothing’s even come close. I want us official. From here on out I’m your man, babe. And there’s no doubt you’re my girl. Do you feel me?”
I got my answer when she reached out and cupped my cheek with her hand and smiled shyly at me. “I feel you.”
Pulling her onto my lap so she was straddling me, I smiled at her. “Good girl. Now give your boyfriend a kiss. He’s missed you something awful.”