IN A SURPRISE to myself, I have taken to having a big family like a duck to water. It’s been so long since Dillon and I were a part of something bigger, and even back then it had never been as big as the family we have now. I love it. Dante, Damien and Spencer all go out of their ways to see and contact me all the time. They want to know everything about me and it’s sweet how proud they are of my career choice.
Spencer in particular loves spending time with me. While Dillon and Dante tend to hang out together a lot, Spencer is always calling to go do things with me. Since Spence and Damien are best friends I see a lot of Damien as well, and the two of them are a trip to be around. They’re hilariously funny and so sweet to me I can’t help but eat it up.
I’ve been getting to see for myself what Minnie has been talking about for all of these years as far as women go. Everywhere I go with any of my four brothers, women try to get their attention in any way possible. If I’m out with more than one of them, forget it. It’s basically a free-for-all, or, as Minnie says, like a visit to Sluts-R-Us.
It’s insanity and I don’t know how their women handle it on a regular basis. If my brothers weren’t all so amazing, I’d bail out on hanging with them due to the simple fact it’s annoying and creepy as hell to watch as they are stared at like prime slabs of meat as women fall all over themselves to create ways to flirt with or touch them.
The worst is what happens when Minnie’s new brother Flynn comes out with us. He’s gorgeous so women coming on to him is to be expected, but his fame makes it so much worse. I’ve gotten to be friendly with his girlfriend Tessa and I honestly don’t know how she deals with it. Where my brothers are on the receiving end of flirty looks, lewd suggestions and general sluttery, Flynn has women throwing panties and bras at him. They follow him into bathrooms, restaurants, parking garages, stores…you name it and a fan will do it. When I first met him, it seemed pretty chill but now that his band is ramping up to go on their farewell tour, it’s pretty much open season on them all.
Yesterday, at the conclusion to lunch with the entire family, our waitress handed Flynn the check. When he opened the leather folder to look at it, he found her folded up G-string inside with a post-it note stuck to the crotch that said ‘EAT ME.’ He dumped it onto the floor lightning fast, and I saw how disgusted he was by it, but still. A woman had taken off her panties and given them to him in front of his family. I was in shock.
Tessa had been deep in conversation with Flynn’s Gram so she missed it, but I saw the whole thing. All I could think was…there is no way I could ever date someone who was famous, ever. Flynn doesn’t court the attention—quite the opposite, really—but it’s still there. Always.
Not that I date. Or have any feeling I’ll ever be ready to do so. In addition to my issues, I’ve acquired three additional crazy protective brothers. Maybe a normal person would be annoyed about that, but not me. Having three more people in line to protect me is a good thing. As far as dating goes, when it comes right down to it, I’m afraid to even try—afraid that if the worst happens again, I won’t be able to survive it.
Dante is big on family dinners and every Sunday we gather to eat together as a group. It’s a massive group, fifteen in total, big enough Dante had to get a much larger outdoor table. The new table holds twenty—or, as Dante has explained, there is room for Dominique, Dillon and I to bring our future significant others. If I hadn’t already been ninety-nine percent certain that Damien thinks something is going on between Dillon and Minnie, I am after the way his head snaps up and he looks between the two of them after Dante says that.
Tonight I’m feeling pretty chill after I hit my two-glass limit at dinner. Tessa and I have been having a conversation about the upcoming Renegade Saints tour and I’m asking her questions about her part in it. In addition to being Flynn’s girlfriend, she is also the band photographer and she’s explaining that during the coming week, she will be taking photos of each member of the band individually. The wine has relaxed me enough that I’m able to make some jokes about how awesome of an assignment that must be.
“Ooh, you get to take pictures of them all individually?”
Suddenly I shiver as I think about taking Mr. Intensity’s photo. Are his eyes really so piercing, or have I made that up?
Letting out a little laugh that brings me out of my fantasy, Tessa nods. “What a hardship, right? It’s like a dream assignment. Four beautiful and talented men forced to endure my lens. Of course, my favorite of the four is the lead singer. I’ve got a huge crush on him…but let’s keep that between us. His head would swell if he knew.”
She and Flynn are adorable with each other, and I’m annoyed with myself for feeling a twinge of jealousy. Not because she’s with Flynn, but because she’s found love. Knowing that I will never have that connection with someone always bothers me.
Flynn tickles her side. “You keep your eyes on the singer. Those other guys better not turn that beautiful head of yours baby.”
Jabbing her elbow into his stomach, Tessa blows a raspberry at him as she rolls her eyes. “You and I both know they don’t turn my head at all. There’s only you, honey.”
Every time I see Flynn or hear about his band, I think about Gavin. The only reason I haven’t freaked out about the six degrees of separation between Gavin and me is because I am positive Gavin will never recognize me even if I do end up having to see him. While Flynn and Tessa are busy flirting with each other, my mind goes back to the idea of taking pictures of Gavin. He never smiled at me during the few hours I’d been in his presence, and I wonder if he ever lets his walls down.
“What I wouldn’t give to spend my days photographing…rock legends.”
I’m about to say photographing Mr. Intensity, but catch myself just in time. I can hardly believe I just said what I did. The damn wine has relaxed me too much. From the corner of my eye, I see Minnie turn to look at me. She’s probably in shock I’ve said something to imply I actually have a sex drive.
I know if Minnie ever figures out I think Gavin Wilde is hot, she’ll stop at nothing to get the two of us into a room together. She has tunnel vision where getting me into a relationship is concerned, and I don’t want to get her hopes up.
Realizing I need to throw her way off the trail I start babbling. “Especially Tyson. His face! I’m not sure how anyone of the female persuasion manages to think, much less get anything done, when he’s around. He’s so hot it’s not fair to other men. Sorry, Flynn.”
When in doubt, divert the attention away from what, or whom, you’re really thinking about. Now if I ever meet the rest of the band, Minnie will be trying to push me toward Tyson. I could totally handle it because he does nothing for me and therefore is not a threat to my self-imposed exile. Flynn has a good sense of humor and he laughs at what I say, no offense having been taken.
“No apology necessary,” Flynn assures me. “When I look at him I see the guy I used to share a tour bus with. The two of us used to puke in the toilet together, at the same time, after some of those shows. He’s a great guy but he needs a good woman. He’s had it very…rough.”
Figuring it can’t hurt to feign interest, I raise my hand in the air and say, “I’d volunteer!”
I don’t of course, but there is no harm in joking about it.
“You know, there are two more single guys in the band,” Tessa chimes in. “Or…erm…well, there’s really one, I think. But that’s a long story. Anyway, Gavin’s single too. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit it off with Gavin or Tyson. A girl can dream.”
I have to say something in order to keep her from trying to play matchmaker with the one person in the world I actually feel attracted to. I search my brain for something to say, almost blurt out that Mr. Intensity needs a strong girl with a backbone of steel, but I keep that to myself. I know I don’t fit that bill, but I don’t need to advertise it.
“Gavin’s scary intense. I don’t think I could handle that for even five seconds. It’s too much. No, of the guys in the band, I’ve always had it for Tyson. God, he’s beautiful.”
Tyson is beautiful—but not my type at all.
“You’re welcome to meet him on the opening night of our tour,” Flynn announces. “The entire family is going, and I’d love to see you and Dillon there as well.”
I am happy to be included in a family outing, but I can feel the panic inside of me bubbling to the surface. In the aftermath of my rape, one of the things that Michael said was I had let him know I wanted it. He’d claimed all of his victims weren’t victims at all because we’d all been asking for it. I wasn’t asking for it—no rape victim ever is, but the things he said have taunted me for years. I don’t want Flynn to think that I’m some wild and loose girl who intends to throw myself at his friends. He needs to know what I just said was not serious.
“You know I’m all talk, right? I would never randomly throw myself at someone just because they were famous,” I explain.
His smile fades as he waves his hand. “Aw, Leah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that at all. I don’t think that about you, I just figured if you wanted to see us live and meet the band, you should be there with the rest of the family.”
I want to go. Who wouldn’t want to? Telling myself once again that there is no way Gavin will recognize me I go all-in and agree to go to opening night.