CHAPTER SEVEN.
Steve had been persistent, Desiree had to give him that. He had rung twice every day, and had quite obviously not expected her to pick up today. But she was going out of her mind sitting at home. There was too much time for thinking at home. Besides, it was not cool to stay home and drink by yourself. And Desiree had wanted very much to drink, to try to diminish the thousand thoughts of Jack that raced through her head every day, but she had resisted. Steve had presented her with the perfect opportunity to get shit faced.
She didn’t offer, and he didn’t ask for an explanation as to why she hadn’t talked to him in the last few days. She was glad he didn’t press her for an explanation, because she probably couldn’t have given him one - at least, not one he would have liked. And while she still felt guilty about their one-nighter, between the choice of having to face Steve, or having to face yet another evening alone resisting the calls of her friends Jim Beam and Johnny Walker, Steve was the lesser of the two evils.
Or so she had thought. She had to keep downing the drinks so that she could drown out Steve’s incessant nattering about his job and his band, and everything else going on in his life. It seemed as soon as he got a few ales in him, the hinge holding his mouth shut broke loose. Words spewed out of his mouth and Desiree felt vaguely guilty because she couldn’t care less.
It was on Desiree’s fourth bourbon that Steve brought up their one nighter.
“It was pretty good the other night, babe,” he said, scooting his barstool as close to her as he could and putting a hand on her knee. She looked down at it and anxiety sparked through her body, clutching at her chest And making it hard to breathe. Despite the alcohol, she was still far too clearheaded. She knew she had to tell Steve the truth. What she did was wrong, even for her. There was a world of difference between a nice, light relationship and doing what she had done.
“Listen, Steve, about that.”
“I wouldn’t mind doing it again if you’re up for it.” He lifted one eyebrow and a smile crossed his face.
“Steve,” she started, but just at that moment she noticed someone walking into the bar and her heart sank.
That’d be fucking right. This just keeps getting better and better.
It was Jack.
Not only was it Jack, it was Jack with another woman.
Well, this is just fucking fantastic.
Desiree watched them as they walked across the floor, Jack handing the lady into a chair and then leaning down to ask her what she wanted to drink. Desiree wanted to smack the lady in the mouth for the way she let her eyes roam over Jack’s face, a self-satisfied smile on her smug face.
He stood up, and made his way toward the bar. It was then that he spied Desiree and his face lit up. Desiree, on the other hand, wanted to hide under her barstool.
“Howdy,” Jack said in his familiar Texan twang.
“Hi.” Desiree tried to sound cheerful. “How’s things?”
“Can’t complain.” Jack caught the bartender’s attention and placed his order.
Steve piped up. “Do I know this guy, Des?” He seemed to be having trouble focusing, and he seemed to be swaying wildly. Desiree hoped he wouldn’t tumble right off his barstool.
“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.” Jack stretched his hand out. “Jack Duncan.”
Steve made a grab for his hand, missing the first time, but, by concentrating really hard, making it into the handshake on the second. “Steve Adams.” Steve nodded, confirming that he got his name right. Desiree rolled her eyes.
“He’s very drunk,” she confided loudly to Jack, who laughed and replied, “I figured he was.”
“I’m pretty drunk, too.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”
“You’re a gentleman. I think it’s very obvious that I’m drunk.” She crooked her finger at him and he leaned in. In a loud whisper she said, “You know what? I’m getting drunk tonight on purpose.”
“Is that so? Is it your birthday or somethin’?”
She stared at him, confused. “No, I don’t think so. Hey Steve. Is it my birthday?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I know your birthday.”
“Oh. Jack, is it my birthday?”
“Actually, you know what? I don’t think it is.” He nodded to the bartender who had deposited his drinks on the bar. “So, why are you getting drunk?”
“Who says I’m drunk?” Somewhere in her hazy mind, she realised that she didn’t want Jack to see her like this. “I am one hundred percent sober. Fucking soberific. That’s what I am.”
Jack laughed. Desiree said earnestly, “I like your laugh. You have a nice laugh, Jack Duncan.”
“Thank you ma’am.” He picked up the drinks from the bar, but hesitated before walking away. “You might not remember it tomorrow, but I thought you might like to know, I won a secondment to my office in Perth, so I’ll be around a whole lot more for Faith.”
Desiree smiled in genuine, not-drunk pleasure. “That’s awesome, Jack. Good news. How does Faith like it?”
“She’s over the moon. She can’t wait for me to sack the nanny.”
Desiree snorted with laughter. “I bet she can’t.”
“Who has a nanny?” Steve had been trying to follow the conversation, without much success. Desiree said to him, “Jack has a second something so he can stay in Perth so his daughter wants him to sack the nanny.”
“Is she hot?”
“Who, Jack’s daughter? No you fucking perve, she’s only fourteen.” Desiree cracked up with laughter at her own attempt at drunken humor. Jack shook his head, the curve of a smile on his face. Steve just stared at her, his brow creased, trying to understand the joke.
“No, I mean the nanny.”
“I dunno. Jack?” She turned back around to face him. “Is the nanny hot?”
“She’s not really my type, Steve, but I’m sure someone, somewhere might think she was hot. Alrighty, I better get back to my date. Good to meet you Steve.” He shook his hand. “You folks have a good night.” He put a hand on Desiree’s shoulder and she involuntarily reached up to hold it there for a moment. An easy smile crossed his face before he gently pulled his hand away and went back to the woman at the table.
“Bye Jack.” Desiree could hear the mournfulness in her voice. Apparently Steve could too. He watched Jack walk away, then said, “You’re into him, aren’t you?”
“Yep.” Desiree suddenly remembered that she was here with Steve. “Oh shit. No, but I’m glad to be here with you, right?” She patted his hand and nodded.
“Can’t fool me, Miss Desiree.” He pointed at her with one wobbly finger. “I can tell you’re into that guy.”
“So much,” she said sadly, “Only he’s my student’s dad.” She put one of her elbows on the bar and sighed. “And he’s out of my league. I can only get guys like you.”
Steve was too drunk to be offended. “Yeah, I know. I can only get girls like you.”
“Hey.” She frowned and slapped his arm. “That’s not very nice.” She sighed. “But probably true.”
Jack arrived at his table, a smile lingering on his face.
“Who was that?” Lisa, his date for the evening, smiled up at him as he placed their drinks on the table then took his seat.
“My daughter’s teacher.” He looked back at Desiree for a moment then turned back to Lisa. “Of all the people you don’t expect to see proppin’ up a bar, your kid’s teacher has to be right up there.”
“True. I’m not sure how happy I would be about it.” Lisa gave a sniff. “Especially when tomorrow she will need to be on her game, in front of thirty kids. Seems a bit irresponsible to me.”
Her tone brought Jack’s hackles up. “She’ll manage,” he said lightly, but it seemed Lisa could hear something in his voice, because she looked at him sharply before shuttering her eyes and taking a sip of her drink. “Is that her boyfriend she’s with?”
“I don’t know. His name is Steve, and they seem pretty chummy.”
“Good.” Lisa moved her chair closer to Jack’s and put a hand on his knee. “I don’t want to have to share you with anyone.” She smiled and the smile was full of promise. Jack should have been flattered, but all he felt was a choking panic, which he swallowed down, along with a large gulp of bourbon.
Lisa was a good looking woman round the same age as him – slim with long blonde hair that she let flow down over her shoulders. She was dressed in a white pinstripe shirt and a black skirts with black low heels. She looked as if she had come straight from work, however the top couple of buttons of her shirt were undone, allowing Jack a view down her cleavage when she leaned forward, like she was doing now. He caught a glimpse of soft, white, lace encased breasts.
Truth be told, he wasn’t feeling it. Any other red blooded male would have been looking for more of those lovely breasts, and responding to the invitation in her smile. All Jack wanted to do was finish his drink and get the hell out of there.
It was just his luck that Desiree had chosen this bar tonight of all nights. Especially since Jack was doing everything he could to put her out of his mind.
Desiree had pretty much consumed his thoughts since they met up with her at the markets. Her deft handling of the boys, and her green, smiling eyes had Jack undone. But he knew she was out of bounds, so he had taken the only action he could think of – he had cranked up his old online dating account.
He didn’t have much faith in the online dating scene – he had briefly dipped his toe in the water about a year after Susan left, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually meet any of the women he spoke to online. Maybe it was some perception on his part of the women who were dating online being needy, or too picky or something. Whatever it was, that last try had been a failure.
At least this time around he had picked someone and asked them to go out with him.
But the date was doomed to failure when the girl he would prefer to be here with was here with someone else. Someone younger, better looking and more suitable for her. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, forcing himself not to turn around and check whether the guy had an arm around her, whispering in her ear and whether she was responding with blushes and warm smiles.
“Jack?” Lisa had taken her hand off his knee and leaned back in her chair. “Earth to Jack? Hello, are you with me?” She seemed amused by his lapse in concentration, which Jack was pleased about. There was nothing worse than a peeved woman sitting beside you. And he could imagine his behavior was something to be peeved about.
“I’m sorry.” He bestowed his most charming smile on Lisa. “My head is all over the place. I guess I’m not particularly good company.”
“You’re OK.” Lisa sipped her drink, holding eye contact. “You’re much better than some of the guys I’ve met up with.” She proceeded to tell him a handful of online dating horror stories that had him laughing, cringing, and apologizing for the boorishness of the entire male population. But they also had him thinking that maybe, just maybe, she was too particular for her own good. Or maybe she wasn’t going to settle. That was fair enough too.
Whatever the reason, Jack had to let her down gently. She really was a nice lady, and she didn’t deserve to be thrown over. It wasn’t polite to leave her guessing.
“Listen, Lisa, I need to say somethin’.”
She held up a hand. “It’s OK, Jack. I already know.” At Jack’s frown, she laughed shortly. “Something changed when you saw that girl at the bar.”
Jack started to explain, but she cut him off. “I don’t really want to know. It’s none of my business. But since you’re not here with her, I’m guessing it’s either history, or she’s unattainable?”
Jack confirmed with a nod.
Lisa smiled gently. “And you’re not over her?”
“No.” Jack didn’t want to go into the details.
“Okay. Well, I tell you what.” Lisa leaned forward, a businesslike expression on her face. “How about you and I forget this is supposed to be a date, and just be a couple of friends having a few drinks?”
Jack looked into her eyes. He saw a friendly, sympathetic gaze, and a wave of relief washed over him.
“That sounds super. Thank you for bein’ so understanding. I really do appreciate it. And sorry…”
“No, there’s no need for apologies. I actually don’t mind not having to do the whole ‘on my best behavior’ thing tonight. It’s been a fairly hectic day.”
Jack inclined his head. “Well, for a lady who’s had a hectic day, you certainly do turn out alright, Ma’am.”
She smiled. “Cheers.”
They both raised their glasses.
Desiree scowled as Jack and the woman laughed uproariously again. Jack was having far too good a time. She hated watching him, hated that other woman, whoever she was, and hated herself for watching with such jealous eyes. She had no right to feel this way.
“I’m going home,” she announced to Steve, who grinned, and jumped off his bar stool on to wobbly legs.
“Can I come too?”
She looked at him and a wave of pity passed over her. “No, Steve. I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“Listen. The other night, I made a bad mistake. I never should have gone there with you.” She looked into his eyes, silently pleading with him to understand.
“But we had such a good time.”
She gave a wry smile. “I’m glad you did, because I really didn’t. I’ve been guilty about it ever since.”
“Why?” Poor Steve looked so confused and miserable, Desiree put a hand on his arm.
“Because I’m really not that into you.”
Steve’s gaze narrowed, and he sobered up in an instant. “So, I was just another one of your quick fucks?” He shook Desiree’s hand off his arm and took a step back, his curled lip and hard expression signaling his disgust. He gave a brittle laugh. “Wow. And I thought I was different to all those other guys.”
Desiree licked her dry lips and tried to keep her voice from shaking. “I don’t usually do that stuff, Steve.”
“Yeah? Because the way I hear it, you pretty much do that all the time. I thought maybe when you came out tonight, when you wanted to keep seeing me, that I was different. I guess I was wrong. And I was wrong about you. You really are a slut.”
Desiree shied back as if he had slapped her. “What?” She was aghast at the slur. But was it a slur? Or was it the truth?
Everything seemed to slow down, all the colours of the evening mixing together into a muddy swirl in her mind. The buzz of conversation in the bar dulled, until it was only the heavy buzz in her brain and Steve’s voice that she could hear.
“You’re a slut, Desiree. A one-fuck wonder.”
She stood still, shell-shocked by his words. A single tear fell down her cheek. She couldn’t even defend herself because, she realised, it was actually what she had become. She hadn’t meant to. But one night stands and relationships with no future? Steve was right. She used people. She was a slut.
Steve threw a few bills on the bar. “I don’t even know why I bothered. Have a nice life, Desiree. Or not. I don’t care.” And with that, he turned and walked away.
As the world around her returned to normal, Desiree looked around her. No one else seemed to have noticed their conversation. The other patrons continued to laugh and drink, as if a huge chunk of Desiree’s soul hadn’t just died. She swallowed, feeling ill.
She used people, the same way her father had, over and over again until her mother had thrown him out of the house for good.
She was more like her father than she realised.
The thought made her want to throw up.
Then, just as she was about to lay her head in her hands and sob on the bar, she realised something inside herself. She didn’t want to be that person any more. She didn’t want the one nighters and the short termers. She wanted something more. Something different. And she wanted to experience it with Jack. She gave a strangled half-laugh, half-sob. She could march over right now and tell Jack what she wanted. He was right there behind her.
But when she turned, smiling, to where he and his date had been, they were gone.