Current Day

Walking into the nursing home depresses the heck out of me. With the money I make, no family member should have to live in one. And Nana wouldn’t if it was up to me. She’d be living in a nice home with twenty-four-hour care. Unfortunately, Nana is as stubborn as they come and trumps what I say.

“Hey, Nana.” A rancid odor hits my senses, knocking me back a step, as soon as I step into her room.

“Roommate had an accident,” Nana says. She sits across the room by the window, but even if she could crank the window open, there isn’t enough air to rid this stench.

“She didn’t die, did she?” I’m half serious as I grab the wheelchair. The roommate is nowhere in sight, and the bed is made to military specifications.

“No, but they did take her to the hospital, I assume.”

“We’re not staying inside.” I set the chair beside her and assist her into it. “It’s a nice evening anyway. Fresh air will do you good.”

“What kept you? I was beginning to think you ditched me.”

“I had a few things to get done this morning.” Like, prepare for a quick trip. “Took a little longer than I thought.”

She eyes me a moment before motioning me forward. The one thing about my grandma, she knows when to pry and when not to. She’s perfected the art of nosiness. Besides, I can’t wait to get the hell out of this room.

We end up in the garden on the back property where the air is cleaner. I park her wheelchair by the wooden bench nestled among full-bloomed daylilies and rest beside her. The petals glow a bright yellow from the angle of the evening sun. It’s times like this that make me slow down and reflect on what life is really about. On what I lost, or maybe never even had.

After a few minutes of enjoying the silence, my grandma lets out a long sigh. “What’s up with you, boy?”

“What do you mean?”

“Cut the bullshit. You’re slumping big time. Something’s going on. Either you’re hurt physically or you have emotional issues.”

“By all means, don’t hold back.”

She pins me with a look that has me spilling my guts.

“Jocelyn and I broke up.” Feels so juvenile to phrase it that way, but that’s essentially what happened.

“What did you do?”

“Why do you assume it was me?” I raise my voice but lose steam when she quirks an eyebrow. Her silence screams louder than her words. “Nana, can I ask something personal?”

“Spit it out, boy. You’ve been shilly-shallying about the question since you got here.”

“When Papa cheated on you, how did you forgive him?”

She sucks in a breath. “That girl from the blog is telling the truth?”

“No! She’s crazy. I didn’t sleep with her. She seduced my roommate, and—wait, you knew?”

“How could I not? I watch the sports channels. They’re getting as bad as the daytime soap operas. Instead of commenting on your shitty performance, they’re more concerned about your extracurricular activities.” She harrumphs. “Bad reporting if you ask me.”

“Seriously, Nana, don’t hold back.” God, I love this woman.

“Jocelyn doesn’t seem unreasonable. What’s going on?”

“Between her ex threatening custody and our history, I think it’s too much for her to handle.”

“Why don’t you start at the beginning, then I’ll explain how I could forgive your grandfather.”

I proceed to tell her what transpired from the miscommunicated kiss in college to the false accusations of the blonde, and all the circumstantial mishaps in between. By the time I finish, the sun has practically arced into the background, and darkness takes hold.

“This is fixable”—she places her hand on my forearm—“if she loves you.”

All hope inside me fizzles as I look up to the sky. “I know she loves me, but honestly, I don’t know if it’s enough.”

“When I found out about your grandfather’s infidelity, it almost killed me. I wondered how he could be so weak as to succumb to another woman. So many thoughts played through my mind.” She takes a deep breath.

“Nana, you don’t have to—”

“No, you need to hear this. So, I questioned everything. Why wasn’t I good enough? Was I the problem? Was I unlovable? And the worst one…the one that kept me up late at night…was this entire marriage one-sided?”

Jesus, that’s a lot of self-doubts.

“When your grandpa came back, begging for forgiveness, it wasn’t his words that won him back. Lord knows that man was good with words, but he didn’t need to say anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“His unspoken truth said enough.” When I still look confused, she lowers her voice. “The truth, my boy, was in his eyes as he looked at me. I could tell he was sorry, and I knew he loved me, regardless of his stupidity.”

I close my eyes, shutting away the pain her words cause. Is this how Jocelyn feels? Shit, she’s been cheated on by not one but two men in her life. Then add all the crap that is called my life piled on top, and it’s no wonder she took a step back.

“Look at me, boy. What I have to say is important. I loved your grandfather despite his flaws. People can judge me all they want for taking him back, but what’s important is what came next. He made a crucial mistake, and in time, I forgave him. Does it still hurt? Yes, I don’t think that’s something you ever get over, but the years that followed were some of our best years. He was devoted to our marriage because he knew what was at stake. And he never strayed again. He fought for us.”

I hardly ever cry. The one time when my dog got cancer and had to be put out of his misery and last year when my parents died are the only two instances I recall. But listening to Nana’s pain has me on the verge of tears. All those years after Papa did that, I thought he wasn’t a man. But he’s more man than me. At least he fought for her. What have I done to fight for the woman I love? Nothing. Fuck, I’m an idiot.

“Your situation is different than mine. You didn’t cheat, and she knows this, but the girl has an open heart, which has been trampled on twice. That’s enough to make anyone gun-shy.”

“She’s worried for her kids, too. Her ex is using this scandal to push his own agenda. He wants her back, but she doesn’t love him. That I’m sure of. I’m just afraid she’ll sacrifice herself for the sake of her kids.”

“Which brings up another point. I know this lady isn’t pregnant with your child, but you need to be honest and ask yourself if you’re ready to tackle three kids. And does Jocelyn want any more?”

“No. I get the feeling she can’t have any more kids, but these past five weeks has been hell. Not only did I lose her, but I also lost her kids too. They’re great, Nana. The twins are so smart, and Trenna has just opened up to me. She’s a daddy’s girl, through and through, but she finally warmed up to the idea of having me around. And Melanie… God, she’s adorable.” I pause as a smugness descends on Nana’s face, and I don’t try to stop the smile, knowing all good and well what she’s going to say. “Spit it out.”

“It’s time to step up to the plate.”

“And swing for the fences?”

“And swing for the fences.” She nods, her eyes tearing up as she recalls my dad’s saying. My parents had a deep love for each other, and my dad was like a son she never had. She lets out a long breath. “Your parents would be so proud, and they would’ve loved Jocelyn.”

“They would’ve.” I rise and kiss Nana on the head. “Love you, Nana.”

“Love you, too. Now, bring me back in and go get the girl.”

I chuckle as I push Nana back to her room. Any lingering humor dies when we near her door and the overwhelming stench greets us. “Nana, you want to stay somewhere else?”

“No, I’ll be good.”

As much as I hate to leave her there, I walk out of the home with a better feeling than I came in. This is my time to fight. I lost to the prick once. I’m not losing out twice.