Current Day

Fear paralyzes me in place. I barely breathe. I don’t even blink from the realization of baring my soul. For a beat, I think I lucked out and the meaning of my words never registered. But when the rare glimpse of vulnerability in his stare turns heated, I know he’s right there with me. He erases the distance and presses his lips to mine. His deep, guttural moan vibrates against my mouth, my chest, my core and awakens every desirable need I have.

The light touch from his fingers cupping my face magnifies the intensity between us as he pours every ounce of emotion behind his effort. I snake my hands around to his back and close my eyes, surrendering to the moment. Surrendering to him.

I’ve seen Jax flirty. I’ve seen him angry. But I’ve never seen his emotions so exposed. So raw. I’m not sure he realizes what he did, but his willingness to sacrifice his own needs and desires for my kids’ happiness doesn’t go unnoticed. The man thinks I’m unselfish, but he can’t be more wrong. He’s the selfless one. He just doesn’t see it.

Breaking away too early for my liking, he nuzzles against my neck. “I have to have you.” He nips and sucks along my skin.

“Yes.” I wrap a leg around his and rub my foot against the back of his calf. His hardness presses against my middle, and it takes all my restraint not to attack him. He drops his hand to my hip and cups my ass cheek.

“Tell me.” His fingers slowly work the skirt material up my thigh as his mouth peppers small kisses along my neck. “Do you still masturbate?”

He swallows my gasp with a kiss. This one is a little harder with more intent. His palm skates across my bottom to the back of my thigh, holding it in place while his free hand lands on my other leg. He breaks the kiss and stares down at me. “Do you?”

With the slightest inclination, I nod, my chest rising and falling.

“Mmm.” His fingers sweep to my inner thigh leaving a wake of goose bumps. “Do you still think of me when you rub yourself?”

My “Yes” comes out in the form of a whimper.

“Good girl.” He skims his fingertips along the edge of my underwear, and it takes all my willpower not to scream take me now. I’m lost in an overwhelming sensation of need and a bit of desperation. True it’s been awhile, and I’m beyond ready, but this man brings out my most inner desires. I need him inside me.

“Tell me, Dixie. Do you scream my name when you come?” His fingers dip underneath the barrier and don’t stop until they’re coated with wetness. My wetness. I’m so fucking turned on, a moan escapes before I can rein it in. Shit, this is going to be way too fast.

“I knew you’d be deliciously wet.” His finger swirls and barely brushes against my core. My insides quiver with anticipation.

“Then take care of the problem.” I thrust my hips toward him.

His chuckle tickles my ear, heightening my nerves. “Bossy, huh? I like it, but I’m in charge tonight.”

Not giving me time to respond, he slips his finger inside my opening so fast he about sends me over the edge. I cry out in surprise, and I close my eyes while riding his hand. I’ll gladly hand over the reins tonight because I don’t want to worry about what to do. I don’t even want to think. I just want to feel.

His finger pumps back and forth a few times before he slips in another one. The extra fullness causes his name to fall from my lips in a half plea as I fist the back of his shirt. Heat builds in my lower half, until the pressure works its way upward, right on the brink of spilling over.

“That’s right, babe. Let go.” His thumb presses against my clit and rubs in a circular motion. A few more strokes, and euphoria ripples through me.

“Yeah, baby, come for me. I want to feel your quivering pussy against my palm.”

Shit, his dirty mouth. His lips find mine again while I ride the last of my orgasm out against his palm. When the last pleasurable wave pulses through me, my knees buckle.

His hands drop to my bottom, and he lifts me up onto him. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I hang on to his broad shoulders and revel in his bulkiness. He really has filled out nicely since college.

“As sexy as fucking you against the counter sounds, I’ve waited years to have you again. Show me your room, Dixie.”

“Down the hallway,” I say between pants.

He locks our mouths together as he carries me through the kitchen, across the living room, and over to the hallway. I try to break away but his tongue holds me captive. My words first and left come out garbled, but Jax’s second language must be gibberish because he has no problem understanding. He toes my bedroom door open wider and carries me to the bed, taking my skirt with him as he sits me down.

“Fuck, Dixie, I’ve waited so long for you.” He backs up and stares down at me, his eyes smoldering.

My breaths come quick and short as I lean back on my elbows and absorb his words. I’m not sure what they mean. I don’t ponder too long, because hello, sculptured abs within reach. I drop my gaze to his chest and practically moan with pleasure. I lean back up and start unbuttoning his shirt from the bottom. When the two halves fall to the side, I run my hands along each glorious, hard ridge on his stomach and lean forward planting my lips at the junction right above where the glorious V ends. He lets out a moan and then backs away against my approval. I had the taste of him once, and I want it again.

“The first time will be hard and fast, but I promise round two will be slower. But I need to be inside you, now.”

Round two? Jax’s hands rush along the remaining buttons, and he shakes out of his shirt. And sweet Jesus, it should be a crime to look this good. His pecs flex just a sliver as he unhooks his belt buckle and jeans button, but it’s enough to make my mouth water. Not to mention other areas. I tighten my hands on the bed linen to refrain from touching him again. But it’s hard. His happy trail leading to the gigantic bulge in his Jockey briefs has my body aching for his touch. He steps out of the jeans and underwear in one big movement, his cock springing free. He offers a half smile at my gasp.

“Like what you see?”

Yes! Very much. I don’t say that though. I offer a half shrug instead, which earns me a chuckle. But really, I forgot how big he is, and all this glory is mine. All mine. At least for tonight.

“You’re wearing way too many clothes here, Dixie.” He spreads my shirt halves apart and then starts unbuttoning the rest. The problem is, I’m sitting down on the edge of the bed, and he’s standing in front of me, naked. It’s not my fault when I reach up and place his engorged cockhead in my mouth. His hands still as an appreciative moan cuts through the air, but he soon backs away.

“Not tonight. Tonight, I need your sweet pussy.” My outer shirt falls along my body, and he lifts my cami up and over my head, my lace pink bra and underwear now in full view. He sucks in a breath and runs a finger along the top of the exposed skin, brushing along my nipple, and cups the breast.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

His lips crash upon mine, and I don’t have time to react before he unsnaps the bra and scoots me back up the bed. He breaks and then dips his head, taking in my nipple. Tingles shoot everywhere; my body is so ready for him. He moves lower on the bed and wraps his fingers around my underwear. He slowly wiggles them off, and my hands reflexively splay across my lower abdomen. In the haste of everything, I forgot about my scar and the other imperfections that come along with childbearing. Too many years have passed since he last looked at my body.

He stills, seemingly understanding my self-consciousness, and raises his gaze to meet mine. My mouth dries as my heart beats wildly—part from being turned on, part from not knowing his reaction.

“Don’t hide yourself.” He places his hands onto mine and gently nudges them away. “You gave life to three adorable children. Life doesn’t get much better than that. You’re beautiful.” He leans down and kisses my stomach. “Every.” Kisses my scar. “Single.” Kisses even lower. “Inch.”

Heat courses through my veins, and I’m so turned on I don’t even realize he wrapped himself with a condom until he’s hovering above me. The barrier’s necessary to protect me from sexually transmitted diseases, but that’s the only use for them. The complications took more than my flawless skin, it took my fertility. I shut down the last thought, blocking the reason behind his inevitable breakup and concentrate on the glorious body on top of me.

He places his tip right at my entrance and stares into my eyes. “I’ll make this up to you later.” I don’t have time to respond as he pushes inside. He stills, allowing my body to adjust to his intrusion. He’s bigger than what I’ve been used to. Bigger than the vibrator that’s been overused since the divorce. I haven’t felt this full since…freshman year.

My inner walls clamp around him, a sign I’m ready. He takes the hint and starts moving. Slow for a couple of pumps before increasing speed.

“Ah, fuck, Dixie. You feel so good.” He pulls out and flips me to my stomach. I don’t have time to react before he wraps his deft fingers around my hips and lifts my bottom so he can better position behind me. I’m caught in the moment of raw, exposed passion. All inhibitions disappear as the tip of his penis sits at my opening. My body begs for him to enter. In a swift movement, he thrusts forward. The headboard shifts, the loud thud reverberating off the wall. My hands claw at the sheets, the material bunching in my hands, as my vision blurs. He’s so deep inside; I swear I feel him everywhere. There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain, and I’m right there at the border.

My hips in his hands, he withdraws and slams back into me, the thump of the headboard increasing along with his tempo. I’m lost as the scale tips to all carnal desire, and I know after tonight Jax will have ruined me for all men. Heat builds upon itself until my entire body is on fire, filled with the need to let go. I’m so far consumed with lust and desire.

He leans onto my back and reaches his hand to cup my breast. His thumb grazes my hardened nipple back and forth, and the sensations are too much. My body quivers in his hand. The thumping against the wall, his pounding into me, all things that make me cry out. His hands return to my hip as he pumps faster.

“Fuck, Jocelyn. You feel so fucking good.”

Evidently, encouragement is all it takes to send me unraveling. Pure pleasure ripples through me, and every inch of my body writhes beneath him. His mouth lands on my shoulder, and he bites down softly, just enough to feel him as he drives in one last pump, one last thump against the wall.

We collapse on the mattress, spent. At least I am.

“If we’re going to keep doing this, I’m going to have to move the bed away from the wall,” I say between pants. The bed has been in this exact location since we moved here. It’s never been a problem before. I’d tell him, but I doubt Jax needs a confidence booster. I don’t want to think about how much he improved.

He scoots back on top of me. “You better believe we’ll keep doing this.” The side of his mouth lifts to his sexy smirk. “I’m never letting you walk away again.”

Before his words puncture my heart, he slams his mouth on top of me as I feel his length growing again.

“Your stamina is rather impressive, Mr. Carrigan.”

“I hope you’re impressed with more than that by the time we’re through.”