Current Day

The harmonizing sound of the twins’ laughter warms my chest while the clean, crisp air breathes fresh life into me. The twins run the vastness of the yard and fight each other with tree-branch lightsabers. Melanie’s wedged between Jax and me, enjoying the rhythmic movement of the wooden porch swing. The setting—an old two-story farmhouse tucked away in a field surrounded by trees—mirrors my grandma’s house. Even though I’m content, a piece of me wants to cry; I miss Grammie so much.

“I think the kids have crossed to the dark side.” Jax’s deep voice cuts through the late afternoon air.

“I think you’re right. Ever since I let them watch The Force Awakens, Tristan has been obsessed.”

“Should we take them to see the latest movie?”

“Are you crazy?” I half-laugh. “I may take them to see the last one. They’ll be another year older then, but I can’t handle them now.”

“He seems to really like it, though.”

“It will be on DVD before too long.” I stifle a smile. I think I’ve smiled more these past few days than I have all year. But, damn, he wants to take my kids to a movie. The swing sways lazily while time stretches on. I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed in ages either. “I had no idea this is where you grew up.”

“Yeah.” His eyes skim across the property, and he nudges his head to the right. “Over in that field there, I had a makeshift ball diamond. Lots of practice games with friends.”

“Do you get out here often?” It’s a couple hours’ drive from Brooklyn but almost four hours from Philadelphia.

“Not too much. I have someone to look over the property for me. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it yet.” He shrugs. “I can’t bring myself to sell it.”

“That’s a tough decision to make.” I want to ask if he ever considers moving here, but that would lead to him envisioning a family. The thought alone tightens my chest. Futuristic wife and kids only highlight the temporariness of any relationship we can have. A fact I’m not willing to think about yet.

“I never asked. Do you live right in Philadelphia?” There is so much we have to learn about each other.

“Yeah, it’s convenient for now.” The makeshift baseball field draws his attention. “I hardly get out here anymore.”

Melanie yawns and leans next to Jax, which earns a soft smile from him. Overwhelming emotion smacks into me with the force of a stinger ball. But this isn’t an imaginary dodgeball game. It’s hardcore life. I swallow past the lump in my throat while my eyelids blink back the developing moisture. I’ll never know what would’ve happened had we stayed together or what our children would’ve been like. I’ll never ask for a redo because I love my children. They’re mine. But, yeah, the could have beens are a bitch. “Thanks for bringing the kids here. It’s exactly what they need.”

Those dark brown eyes turn toward me, and the richness swallows me whole. He’s like a magnet that keeps pulling me in, and I’m tired of fighting this draw. It’d be so easy to give myself over to him. To see where this leads. But I shouldn’t. I fell hard for him the first time, and I fear this time will be worse. I’m not sure my heart can take it, but I’m not sure I can stay away either.

“In life, we’re forced to make decisions that end up determining our fate. Sometimes, the wrong choice turns out to be the correct one in the end. No matter how sad the circumstances were that led to that point.” His gaze drops to Melanie, and a hint of a smile crosses his lips as he drapes an arm around her. “I’ll always regret the day we broke up, but these three lives here? Makes me hate myself less for screwing up.”

I think I just died a little.

“So, we try…to be together, I mean?”

“I’d like to. If you forgive me for my past stupidity.” His knuckle brushes against the back of my hand, and my fingers jerk, aching with the need to be touched. He takes the hint and clasps our hands together. I stare at our fingers intertwined and bask in the enjoyment the simple gesture makes. But then I take in the whole scene, the swing rocking back and forth, Melanie crashing on Jax, and the kids playing. It’s almost too much.

“Do you know what I fear the most?”

He doesn’t answer, only shakes his head.

“My kids becoming attached, and you walk right out of their lives. It’s not only my life I have to think about.”

“I understand. And I don’t hold the crystal ball that predicts our future. What I do know is I’ve been fighting the urge to win you back the second I heard you were getting a divorce. Now that I’m here, I’m not going to stop trying.”

Okay, then. I don’t think the tremor running through my body is completely from the cold.

“Let’s get you guys inside. Marty stocked us with hot chocolate supplies.”

If he realizes I never responded, he doesn’t let on as we round the kids up.

I bite my lip at the dirt clogs on the floorboard. His meticulous—rather expensive—truck isn’t used to the abuse from kids. The twins dart from the back seat and race to the front door. I shoot a concerned look toward Jax, who greets me with a smirk.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I can clean it after the kids go to bed.” I unbuckle Melanie and lift her out of the car seat.

“It’s more than okay. Do you need help?”

“Nah, I do this all the time.” I drape Melanie over my shoulder while Jax unhooks the car and booster seats. What takes me two trips, his large hands manage all three items at once.

“She’s crashed.” Jax chuckles.

“It’s her bedtime, but she took that long afternoon nap. I’m surprised she’s still asleep.” I pull out the keys and unlock the door, juggling her on my shoulder.

“Sure you don’t need help?”

“You’re cute.” I unlock the door, and the kids make a break for the bathroom. They know the routine well. I point to the safety seats. “You can place them by the closet. I’ll take care of them tomorrow.”

I excuse myself while I tend to Mel. I’ll have to wake up extra early to draw her bath. But after the day we had, it’s worth it.

“She still out?”

“Like a light. I feel sorry for poor Ms. Neely. Going to bed this early, Mel will be a wild child when she watches her tomorrow. You want some wine?”

“Sure.” He follows me into the kitchen. “Are you nervous about starting your job?”

“Yes.” I grab two wineglasses and remove the Merlot from the cabinet. Tonight calls for something strong yet fruity. “I know it’s a mundane job, but it’s been years since I punched a time-clock.”

“Hey”—he wraps his arms around my hips and pulls me against him—“no job is mundane. Some may be boring, but they’re all important. Otherwise they wouldn’t exist. They can’t all be as glamorous as mine.”

“They can’t, can they?” I laugh and lean in closer. He’s a wall of muscle, firm and strong. It feels great leaning against him.

“No. They can’t, but I know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’d eat anything you’re willing to serve me.” He smirks as his fingers press into my hips, and my heart ticks a few paces faster. Flirtatious Jax is back. I always adored Flirtatious Jax. He dips his head, his lips millimeters away from mine. Tingles shoot everywhere, then—

“Mommy,” Trenna says.

His hands immediately drop, and he steps away. Every raging hormone swarming through my body screams in protest.

“Yes, sweetie.” My voice comes out an octave too high, which draws another chuckle from Jax.

“Tristan didn’t brush his teeth.”

“Thank Jax for taking you to the country today, and I’ll be right up.”

She looks torn. She had a good time, but she doesn’t want to like him. It’s so evident in her expression.

“Thanks,” she mumbles, then spins, and races to her room.

Jax fakes a cough, tying to cover his soft laugh. It’s a good thing he’s good-natured about this. The guy never had siblings. He knows nothing about kids and the little attitudes that come with them.

“I’m sorry. She’s a huge daddy’s girl. She’ll come around soon.”

His eyes soften. “It’s fine. She has her momma’s spunk. What’s not to like?” His wink makes me smile and leaves me a little breathless.

“I’ll be right back.” I walk away, clutching my stomach. I didn’t expect this sudden rush of nerves and excitement.

After Tristan thanks Jax for the trip and then crashes for the night, I enter the living room to find Jax on the couch with our wineglasses on the coffee table. The nervous flutter returns. This gorgeous guy, who turned around my kids’ crappy weekend, sits and waits for me. My mouth dries.

“All settled?”

“Yes.” Unsure of my next move, I remain standing while our gazes lock on each other. I don’t think I’ve ever been this unsettled. When he pats the seat next to him, warm tingles replace the nervous flutters, and I cut across the room and snuggle next to him.

He hands me my glass of wine and sighs. “I have to go back home this week.”

“Back to Philadelphia?”

“Yeah, hard telling what AJ’s been up to.”

“You live with your catcher?”

“Mmm-hmm, ever since I joined the team. He’s rather interesting. You know him?”

“Yep, I met him…before.” I almost slip and say at Zach and Lacey’s wedding—the night Jax’s parents died. I have a feeling today was tough enough for Jax without mentioning that evening.

“I’ll be back for Thanksgiving though. What are your plans?”

“I don’t know.” I sip the wine. “This is the first court-ordered holiday I have to spend away from the kids. It’s hard.”

He drapes his arm around me and leans down to kiss the top of my head. “You’re welcome to eat with Nana and me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Nana would love it.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to impose.”

The little growl he does is sexy as hell. He removes the wineglass from my hand before turning toward me. His eyes burn with a hunger that has me shifting in my seat.

“Don’t you get it, yet?” His fingers trail along the side of my face, my chin resting against his palm.

“Get what?”

“You’re never imposing.” In a beat, his lips crash upon mine, and I’m transported back to a time when it was just him and me before life got in the way. He sweeps his tongue across my bottom lip. My mouth naturally parts, and he pushes inside. When our tongues connect, every nerve ending inside me awakens. It’s been years since I’ve felt this turned on. Ten years to be exact. Holy shit, I forgot how good of a kisser he is.

It feels great having a man’s touch, but not just any touch. His touch. It was he who made sure my kids had room to run and play today. He who listened to my concern about the kids missing out. He who gave me a small piece of my history back. It’s always been him.

His hands roam up my side and land right below my breast. My nipples tighten in response, begging for more. As if he understands, he brushes his thumb across before cupping a handful. Fire erupts inside me. His arm slides behind my back, and with gentle pressure, he lowers me until I’m lying flat against the couch cushions. His muscular body hovers above me, and I run my hands against his taut back, my fingers tracing along every triangular layer of muscle. Damn, he feels incredible. His knee wedges between my legs, and I automatically spread them wider for him.

His lips leave mine and pepper me with small kisses on my chin, down my neck. His hands lift the bottom of my shirt, and I freeze.

He lifts his head with a slight tilt. “What’s wrong?”

I bite the bottom of my lip.

“Would you rather wait? I can slow down.”

“It’s not that. I…”

He brushes his fingers along the side of my face. “What’s bothering you?”

“I’ve had three kids, Jax. I-I’m not quite the same as you remember.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“I had complications when I delivered the twins. Then when Melanie was born, they had to do a C-section.”

His face softens. “What do they call them? Battle scars?”

I look away. I’ve never been naked in front of anyone since Carl. Another guy besides Jax, I probably wouldn’t care, but Jax remembers the old me—the perky eighteen-year-old.

“Listen to me. You’re sexy as fuck. But you know what makes you so fucking hot?”

I shake my head at his question.

“This”—he places his hand on my heart—“right here. You’re the most unselfish person I know. That’s what keeps me wanting you. Your body could be riddled with scars, that doesn’t change who you are. Your good looks are just a bonus.”

I smile and nod. I don’t quite believe him, but his sentiment is sweet.

“Now, where were we?” he asks.

“I think you were getting ready to round first base.”

This moan is more predatory like I’m the last piece of chocolate during a sugar rationing. That’s exactly how I feel when he crawls back on top of me and consumes my mouth. His tongue strokes mine, playfully, teasingly. Instead of taking advantage of the green light I gave, he slows the tempo, dragging each kiss out as if he’s still savoring that piece of chocolate. The damn thing should be melted by now as hot as I’m feeling. He keeps this excruciatingly slow pace until I can’t take any more, and I moan into his mouth. The vibrations ricochet between us, and he takes notice, deepening the kiss.

His deft fingers inch down my side and slide across my midriff, and this time, I give myself over to the moment. His fingers work to unbutton my jeans as his mouth continues to work mine. Caught in a pool of desire and heat, I cry out his name as every inch of my body craves more.

“Yeah?” He prods.

“I want—” My breath quickens as his fingers slide under my pants, his fingertips right above the area screaming for attention.

“What do you want?” He inches lower and swirls his finger teasingly around my clit. A ripple of pleasure darts through me, giving me a small sample of what’s to come. All I have to do is take it.

“What do you want, Dixie?”

The constant teasing drives me crazy. My heart pounds.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I—” God, he’s going to make me say it. But it’s hard to think as my body bucks underneath each teasing stroke.

“Tell me what you want.” His voice strains as if he’s practicing great restraint.

“Fuck me, Jax. I want you to fuck me.”

His lips find mine as his hands go to my waistband. I lift my hips, and he starts to slide them off when someone cries “Mommy” from a distance. I close my eyes and groan. “Mel’s up. Looks like Ms. Neely’s off the hook, and I’m the one in for a long night.”

“So, this is what it’s like to have kids.” His tone is half-joking but sincere. If he stays with me, he’ll have so much to learn.

“Something like that.”

“I have a sudden empathy for Zach. Next time he whines, I may actually care.”

I can’t stop the laugh that escapes. “The poor guy.”

He smiles and kisses my forehead. “I’ll let myself out while you tend her, but I’ll be back on Thanksgiving. Rain check?”

“Is that a promise?” I tease. The arousal flickering to life in his eyes has my fingers aching to pull him back on top of me.

“You can count on it.”