My tears dry up as soon as I’m on the highway, following Cap in my El Camino. I try to distract from my nerves by listening to music. Skynyrd and the Stones make me think of all the times Pop took us kids somewhere and he’d put on his favorite music. No, I don’t need to cry more, so I switch it to something Pop would hate like Frank Zappa. Halfway through “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow,” and I’m bummed about my family again. Pop used to complain so much about the song, and Mom said it gave her a headache. What once irritated me about them, now makes me miss them more.
I finally settle on the Ramones since Mom and Pop had no particular fondness or hatred for the band. Listening to music makes the drive faster, and I’m surprised by how soon we cross the state border. Soon after, we’re entering White Horse and heading to Cap’s house. My house now. A place I’ve never seen in a town where I know no one except Cap and his father.
My stomach knots up as I begin to overthink what to say to Cap’s mom, sister, brother, best friend... I’m not good with new people. They tend to find me either too loud or too quiet, either oblivious or secretive.
Taking a deep breath, I remember how life isn’t one big decision and event. It’s many smaller ones. I might get along with some of his family and not others. I will have good days and bad ones. Nothing will be decided today. It’s just one piece of a larger puzzle.
Stop panicking!
Cap slows down once on a side road and stops in front of a security gate. A moment later, it opens, and he pulls down a stone driveway toward a gigantic contemporary-style home. I follow him and park next to his truck.
“We’re home,” I say to myself before turning off my El Camino.
Cap walks to my door and waits for me to get out. A massive dog appears near the front door but doesn’t run toward us.
“That’s DB,” Cap says once I’m next to him. “He’s harmless.”
“I have big dogs and know they’re not harmless.”
“You have Rottweilers and shepherds. DB is a Leonberger. He’ll act as a large wall between his people and any threats. If you expect him to attack a scary person, you’re out of luck. Though he does scare most people so much that you’ll have time to leisurely locate a weapon.”
“Good to know.”
“Mom and Dad are at the office,” he says, taking my hand and walking toward the now open garage. “I thought you’d do better if we had the house to ourselves while we unpack.”
“That’s smart.”
“It’s what I do.”
Despite rolling my eyes at his cocky swagger, I grab hold of his hand as if my life depends on keeping him close. We enter a hallway with sterile white walls lined with framed baby pictures. I think I spot one that must be Cap but say nothing. There’ll be time to tease him about his big ears later.
The hallway opens up to a large, open living room and kitchen combo. I’m a little taken back by how contemporary and male the house feels. My parents’ designed their home with a mix of his woodsy style and her quaint country influences. Soft and hard didn’t always melt together effortlessly, but Mom and Pop both got a say.
Cap’s mom is either a pushover or tough as nails. I’m guessing the latter since he talks about Candy Wilburn Hayes as if she takes no guff and I should be prepared to let her bitchiness roll off my back.
“The kitchen is always packed with crap. You and I can go shopping tomorrow for anything you like that we don’t have,” Cap says, still walking as we move past the kitchen and down another hallway. “My parents’ room is on the other side of the house. You’ll be in the guest room, which is next to mine. Feel free to visit naked any time you want.”
For whatever reason—most likely nerves—I find this suggestion hilarious and hysterically giggle long after we step into the guest bedroom.
One wall is a covered in a dark gray wallpaper, nicely contrasting to the three white ones. The bed is covered with a crisp white comforter, and the floor is a dark hardwood.
“Feels like a hotel room,” I mumble while running my fingers down the glossy wallpaper.
“Mom refuses to let anyone feel at home when they visit. She figures they won’t get too comfy and never leave.”
“I do love gray.”
“It was fated, Pip.”
Turning to him, I don’t know what to do next. He smiles and takes my hand back into his. “Let’s check out my bedroom where you’ll spend much of your time snuggled against me.”
Grinning, I follow him into a black and white male extravaganza with a massive bed in the middle of the room. I collapse on the mattress and gesture for him to join me.
“I’m nervous about meeting your family. I need you to transfer your courage into me through your lips and possibly hands under my bra.”
“Meeting my family will be the easiest part of this move,” he says, climbing on the bed and lowering his lips to my throat. “They talk so much you won’t have to say a word for most of the evening.”
My mind returns to my family’s dinners on the back porch with my gram, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Before my homesick takes hold, I wrap my arms around my gigantic hunk and focus on the future rather than the past.