Refreshed as if I’ve spent a lifetime with girl blue balls, I can’t stop smiling and even giggling while resting in bed next to Cap. The answer to every problem I’ve struggled with is now so clear. I’ve sabotaged so much in my life because I felt unworthy based on the say-so of a dipshit in fourth grade! If I couldn’t be as amazing as my parents, I didn’t see the purpose of being anything at all. I floated in mediocrity for the simple fact that I wasn’t worthy to be a Johansson.
“I’m an idiot,” I tell Cap who rests with his eyes closed.
“Don’t make me kick your ass for talking shit about my woman, Pip.”
I grin at his threat and then roll over to reach for my bag on the floor. Before I retrieve my phone, Cap tugs me back against him.
“No,” he whispers in my ear. “If you want to leave or get dressed, just no.”
“I have no interest in wearing clothes around you ever again, and I can’t leave you when we’re both naked. Now leave me alone so I can get my phone.”
Cap smiles at my response, reaches over me to grab my phone, and hands it to me. I take my phone and turn toward him.
“I’m emailing the twins to apologize for the way I behaved,” I say as my toes caress his calf.
“What brought that on?”
“You inspired me tonight.”
“To make an apology?” he asks, opening his eyes a crack.
“Yes. When they called at the bar, I still felt such resentment toward them. Instantly, it was all or nothing. They had to be completely loyal and never leave me, or they were bitches and abandoned me.”
“And I changed your view how?”
“With Colton. You demolished him without stealing his dignity. I know you could have wrecked him. It would have probably felt good to fuck him up in front of all the club guys and prove how you’re the alpha male. I probably would have done just that if I was you, but you always find the middle ground. Even if like tonight, you got pounded on when you could have beaten him from the first moment. I want to be more like you and stop feeling as if there are only two answers to a problem.”
“I’m glad I inspired you. Honestly. That’s not my ego talking. I want you to be happy, but a part of me thinks you never can be because of how you turn your every triumph into something you should have done better.”
“Be honest, Cap. If you had met me without knowing who my dad was, would you have still wanted me?”
“Fuck, Audrey, I would have wanted you more.”
“Screw you.”
Cap laughs. “It’s true. You come with a family that can’t be tossed aside. Audrey Smith would be easier to win over than a Johansson, but I have to have you so here I am.”
“I believe that you want me because I’m hot and bitchy and not because I have a family with power or money. I think that’s why I’m so nervous about being with you. If we don’t work out, it’s on me, not on my family’s reputation. I got you, and I’ll be the one to lose you.”
“Not going to lose me. I mean, really think about who I am and how women treat me. Imagine how little effort I normally need to put into getting a woman into bed. I have a phone tree of divas willing to serve me. But I’m not with them. I’m here with you in Kentucky of all places. I’m getting pounded on by your fat-head brother and taking shit from your fat-head father. I’d only do that if I knew you were worth it. So when you think this relationship is a fun exercise on my part, think again. I’m here a hundred percent. When we fight in the future, and you know we’ll throw down sooner or later, I’m not going anywhere. When we have problems, and everyone does, I’m not going anywhere. That’s not how I work. When someone is important, they are worth all the shit they put me through. Those who gain my loyalty, get it for fucking life.”
“That was so beautiful that I’m not going to point out how you said my pop has a fat head.”
“You just did.”
“Yeah, but he’s my pop. I can’t not say something, you know?”
“I know. Now, why don’t you send your email so you and I can focus on soothing my tender ribs?”
“He got you in the face too.”
“My head’s indestructible. Even your uncle couldn’t break it.” When I frown at his comment, he smiles. “What, too soon?”
I roll my eyes and focus on my phone before he distracts me with his hot body. With the way he stretches and examines his bruised ribs, I doubt I’ll be able to keep my hands off him much longer.
“I’m sorry I refused to take your calls and acted like an ass when you left. I felt abandoned even though I knew I could go with you. I’ve always felt like the third wheel, but that was me feeling that way and not because you made me feel that way. I should have been a better friend and understood why you wanted to get away. You were always happy for me when something good happened, and I should have been happy for you. Thank you for knowing I needed comfort tonight during the fight and for not writing me off after I acted like a huge bitch the last few months. Love, Audrey.”
I set my phone on the side table and roll over to reach for Cap. Despite having his eyes closed and seeming half asleep, he instantly slides an arm around me and nuzzles me closer. His silence invigorates me. Cap believes I can handle life. He doesn’t baby me because I’m not a child. However, I know if I fail, he’ll help me back up, and we’ll move on. Cap helped me realize life isn’t all or nothing. No, happiness is as simple as being brave enough to take one fantastic step after another without always worrying about the consequences.