Cooper’s growling and glaring lessen considerably after Audrey shows the tattoo on my wrist. He does give me a dirty look as if I stole his idea in the same way I stole his daughter. Likely remembering when Cooper had her name tatted on his wrist, Farah gets teary-eyed and hugs her man. Audrey peeks at me and winks. Her confidence around them today is double what I saw weeks ago. She finally views her worth in the way the rest of us have all along.
Before returning to Ellsberg, Audrey’s parents visit the contemporary house. Farah clearly thinks it’s a clusterfuck, but she smiles a lot for her daughter’s sake. Cooper again explains why the house is a dump. Audrey claims she has the entire redesign planned in her head.
“It’ll be perfect,” she announces and hugs Farah.
Three days later, Audrey and I return to the house to begin writing up our plans for the remodel.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” Audrey admits as we stand in the mismatched kitchen.
“It’s easy. First, we need a theme. The house is contemporary, so that narrows it down. Next, we think colors. Once we think colors, we have to decide what flooring stays and what goes.”
“The Spanish stuff doesn’t fit,” Audrey says and runs her fingers over the tile backsplash.
“Nope, but I think we can save a lot of the tile for reuse in another house. The real question is do we keep the black and white tiles in the living room. If we keep it, do we expand on it or go with different flooring for the rest of the house?”
Audrey looks over the room for what feels like five minutes but is likely much less. “We need carpet for the baby. Babies fall down, and this floor will be brutal on his body.”
Her words inspire me to see the house entirely differently. No longer is it the cool contemporary with character. Now, it’s a fucking deathtrap waiting to kill my kids!
“What was I thinking?” I mumble, stepping away as if the house became toxic. “This place is all fucking wrong. The fireplace has those sharp edges. The stairs are narrow. It has a step-down kitchen which is a fucking concussion waiting to happen.”
“No,” Audrey says in nearly a whisper while she takes my hands. “This house just needs a new vision.”
“It’s not safe for a kid. I hadn’t even considered that. Sure, it wouldn’t occur to me when I first showed it to you since kids weren’t on my mind. But this last week, I never gave it a second thought.”
“Your sister’s house has hardwood floors. Your brother’s house has those wide stairs and a giant fireplace. Their kids survived because they baby-proofed the houses. We have the luxury of starting from scratch here. We can make it cool but also suited for a family. I mean people lived here before, right? Kids even.”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re so smart about these things, Cap. If you can’t figure something out, I know your dad can. Or Cricket. You said she’s smart about design. We’re not alone with these decisions.”
Smiling at her calm tone, I take a deep breath and try to exhale my tension. “I rarely feel overwhelmed. I’m the calmest fucker you’ll meet, but I’m so overwhelmed right now that I want to puke.”
“Because you’re used to being the baby, and now you’re planning on having one. It’s okay because I feel that way too, but we can do this. Even if we have to bubble-wrap the entire house to make it work, we’ll figure it out. I’m not worried.”
“What if we change everything and it fucking sucks?”
“Then we move somewhere else,” she says while fighting laughter. “Or just keep living with your parents. I can’t imagine they’d have any problem with that.”
Throwing my head back, I chuckle at the thought of sitting down Mom and Dad to let them know I never plan to move. No doubt they’d nod agreeably before immediately plotting how to lock Audrey and me out of the house. As entertaining as that cat and mouse game might be, I want to bring home my not-yet-conceived baby to this house.
With Audrey’s calm soothing me back into my ordinarily calm self, I see only opportunity where minutes earlier I was ready to burn the place to the ground. Fatherhood and home ownership freak me out, but I know now Pip will keep me sane.