When I woke up, there was a solid knock on the door. If it was any louder I’d think it was the big bad wolf intending to blow the house down.
Grumbling, I got up and answered the door. A uniformed guy with a mover’s logo on his chest said, “Gavin and Evony Winters?”
My last name wasn’t Winters.
“Uh, my last name is Summers. But yes, Gavin Winters lives here.”
The guy rolled his eyes and handed me a clipboard to sign. I signed it and he handed me a set of keys. Nodding, he left in a big moving truck.
I looked down to the keys in my hand.
“MY CAR!”
I ran down the steps and towards my car. I laid down on the hood of the car and just hugged the crap out of it. Hey, this car saw me through years of good and bad. It was my baby.
After making sure nothing was messed with I went back inside, the newness of the day and my car being here made me excited for the day. And I was going to make sure tonight, both me and Rhona were looking hot as fucking lava. I knew exactly what I needed.
I didn’t have a phone, so I couldn’t call her with my excitement, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I went up to the bags Gavin set in the guest room and opened them all. I would have to alter hers a few sizes smaller. She was an eight to my twelve. But that was fine, I looked through the stripper outfits I had and found exactly what I was looking for. I wonder how she was in heels. Tonight, we were definitely going to have a drink. Or two.
Maybe Gavin would be coming home soon. After altering both our outfits, I cleaned Gavin’s house like a maid to keep myself busy. I dusted, waxed, swept, vacuumed and mopped. Anything to make this day go quicker. I washed and dried my clothes and thought about what it would mean if I stayed here. Maybe not with Gavin, but here in this town. Even if it meant getting my own place. I had a friend at least. Outside of Gavin. I had a feeling Gavin wanted more. I didn’t know if I was quite ready for that. Now that I wasn’t stripping for money—and the money I was being paid was hundreds less than what I normally made, I needed to find out who I really was. I would not go back to stripping.
I liked the job at the library. Rhona talked non-stop about her favorite things. Mainly the stars, planets, the universe. She was so knowledgeable about so many things, I sometimes felt really stupid.
Maybe getting my GED wouldn’t be so bad. I couldn’t actually go back to high school. That would be so weird. But one of the girls said I could get my diploma from online so that might be okay.
I didn’t really want to be a librarian. I had missed going to the dance studio of Cherry’s and actually dancing.
Gavin mentioned me doing just that and maybe he was right. Why couldn’t I just do that? Make some money just doing what I love? Dancing and teaching other women to like themselves as they are and teaching them how to express themselves through dance. Did I need professional degrees or something? I’ll ask Rhona. She knew all about the internet and looking stuff up. I had thought about it before Gavin ever came; about having my own dance studio, but to do what I really wanted, pole dancing, that would take more than I had. If I had the money I had saved, I might look into it, but right now I could only concentrate on the here and now.
It was already later in the day but early enough I didn’t have to leave yet. I went to living room, popped in a movie and ended up falling asleep.
⤧
Opening my eyes, I took a long yawn that popped my jaw and I looked at the clock on the cable box. Six forty-five. Shit!
I tried to fly from the couch but ended up tangling my feet and face planting on the wood floor.
“Ow.” But I didn’t let that stop me. I got up and slid on my fuzzy socks to the master bedroom where I had our outfits set out. I threw them in my backpack along with some heels and I hurried out the door.
When I got to Rhona’s and up to her room she was buzzing with just as much as excitement as me.
“I feel so excited about this. I mean, I’ve never really went clubbing before.”
“Neither have I. I just stripped at one. Just a regular dance club slash bar is different. No awkward stripping.”
Clapping and laughing, she said “So! What are we wearing? You said it was a surprise and that I should just trust you no matter what. I’m not going to be weird looking right? I mean next to you I would you’re like three inches taller than me with a long torso. I’m not jealous but let’s face it, I have no fashion sense.”
“That’s fine. I brought everything we need.” I dumped the contents of my backpack.
Along with the clothes, Gavin’s letters and the locket he gave me slipped out. Shit.
I went to grab them but Rhona snatched them.
“Oooh! Love letters! What are they about? Oh, look they haven’t even been opened.”
“I know. I haven’t had time to look at them.”
“And the locket?”
“A gift from Gavin when I was four years old.”
“May I?”
I shrugged my shoulders. It wasn’t a secret, but I hadn’t meant to let anyone know about the letters or the locket. Gavin knew. That was good enough.
She opened the locket and looked at the picture of me when I was four and him ten.
“Y’all were so cute. It’s beautiful. And the locket is really intricate. You don’t see this kind of pattern anymore. They rarely use constellations as patterns on things anymore.”
“Constellation?”
“Yes. This one is…” she turned it this way and that way. “The Archer. Technically Sagittarius, but it could be something else. Lemme think.” She tilted her head to the hide, thinking about what it meant. As if she was looking in some memory back in her head. “Oh, yeah! Your name! Evony. It means archer. Wow, that’s something for a ten year old boy to search for. That’s…wow. I’m sort of crushing right now and I don’t even know what this guy looks like. You should definitely wear it.”
She handed it me and I opened it, looking at two people who have changed so much. My hair was braided and over my shoulder. Gavin had always took time to brush my hair and braid it. He had always known how much I hated it in my face but mother had never let me cut it.
Why not wear it? It wouldn’t hurt anything.
I clasped it around my neck where it fell right to the top of my collarbone. She passed me the letters with an inquiring gaze, like she wanted me to open them.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Just one. You can do it. I’m right here. If you want I’ll read one to you.”
I could feel my heart racing, pounding at the thought of actually reading one. Rhona looked at me with tenderness and sympathy. She had no idea the battle raging inside of me.
This would change things. I didn’t want things to change because I knew I could never give Gavin more than my body. I could never give away my heart. Although I’m pretty sure my heart was half way there anyway.
A tear slipped down and she wiped it away. “We don’t have to if it’s really hard for you. I overstepped.”
“No. It’s okay. Just one though.”
She smiled softly and unwound the rope. Taking the first envelope, she put the rest aside. She held it up to the light before tearing the side. She slid out the paper. My hands were twisting in my lap. I couldn’t help but close my eyes tight. Breathe. Just breathe.
“‘Dearest Evony, I know you must be wondering why I broke my promise to return to your side. When I went back, things happened that would change both our lives forever. Hopefully, yours for the better. I hope this money will help you in some way. However you need it. Save it for college if you’d like. Or for whatever. You’re almost fourteen, I hope you are being careful at school and having as much fun as you possibly can. I have missed you so much. You had become my best friend. Even though you were six years younger than me I had always imagined you being there in my life. One day, we will see each other again. But for now, I leave you this. You are never far from my heart as I hope I’m not too far from yours. Cross my heart, Evony. I will see you again. Yours always, Gavin.’”
Whoa. That letter was from the age of twenty.
“Read the last one.”
Now that the first one wasn’t too bad, maybe the rest would be kinda of sweet like that one. I could read those. But Gavin said I had never responded. What would that last letter be like?
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” A shaky breath escaped. She could see how nervous I was getting but didn’t respond to it.
She just rifled through the stack and grabbed the right one. When she opened it, she must have skimmed it because she passed it to me quickly.
“What is it?”
“That’s too personal for me to read out loud. Nothing bad, I think. But maybe you should be the one to read it. It’s okay.”
I took the letter from her, my hands shaking, my knee bouncing with nervousness. I looked at the date, it was six years later.
My dearest and beloved Evony.
I know now that you will never write back to me. I hope and pray that you are building a happy life for yourself. Mom says you couldn’t be any happier than you are right now. I can imagine you with maybe a little girl in your arms, hair black as ebony, eyes blue like clear ice. Or maybe a little boy in a few years but I wouldn’t be the man you gave them to. And that makes me want to break something in half. I always wanted to believe that it would be me and you. You were never far from my mind. I wanted to come and see you so many times. But my mother always told me how hard it was for you when she mentioned my name in front of you. My heart is torn, Evony. I wanted to believe any children you had would be my children. Funny, right? I mean, you were so young when I left. It definitely wouldn’t have been right, but I knew I’d wait for you. However long it took. My plan had been to get my life here settled and come and get you. Take you somewhere new where we could move on with our lives as man and wife. But now I know that might never happen. I looked it up, you know? That ‘Cross My Heart’ promise. It’s supposed to be some religious oath kind of thing. I’m so happy for you, Evony. I want nothing but the best for you. So this will be my last and final letter. I leave you with this.
Cross my heart and hope to die
Stick a needle in my eye
Wait a moment,
I spoke a lie
I never really wanted to die
But if I may and if I might
My heart is open for tonight
Though my lips are sealed
And a promise is true
I won’t break my word
My word to you
Cross my heart
Hope to die
Stick a needle in my eye
A secret's secret
My word is forever
I will tell no one
About your cruel endeavor
You claim no pain
But I see right through
Your words in
Everything you do.
Teary eyes
Broken heart
Life has torn
You apart
Cross my heart
Hope to die
Stick a needle in my eye
I loved you then
I love you now
I’ll still love you
Though I’ll break my vow.
I can't hold this secret
Any longer
It’s hurting you
Not making you stronger.
You’re my friend
So I’ll risk your respect by hurting you
I can protect
I’ll save yourself
Since you will not
You might hate me
But I’ll give it a shot
I’m willing to risk
Our bond that we own
So long as you're safe
You won't be alone
Cross my heart
Hope to die
Stick a needle in my eye
Break my promise
Tell a lie
Save my friend
Though, maybe it's 'bye'.
Evony, you have my heart, before, now and always.
Your Gavin.
Oh, God. Tears were spilling down my cheeks in force now.
“How could he? I mean? He really had no idea. None at all. The lies his mother put in his head. He must be feeling so betrayed. Oh, God.” I fanned my face, trying to get rid of the tears.
“Evony. It looks like Gavin has loved you for a long time. You’re his heart.”
“That doesn’t change anything. I can’t be what he needs. I’ll never be able to give him what he wants. Not in the long run.”
“Why not? I mean, surely you must feel something for him, right?”
“Of course. I loved him when I was a little girl. But he left me. That day had been so bad. In so many ways. Things that can’t be changed. I’ll—
“It’s okay, Evony. Why don’t we just table this for now and go have fun, yeah? Have a few drinks? Dance our hearts out?”
“Yeah. Let’s.” I set the letter down and took a deep breath. I wiped my eyes, knowing I couldn’t change the past. I could change how my future will turn out but I needed to be me. The free me. To find myself without leaning on anyone. Especially Gavin. I couldn’t be dependent on him. I needed to stand on my own two feet first. Then maybe…I don’t know. Maybe is for another day.
I got up and grabbed what I tailored for her and when I showed her her outfit, her eyes widened with surprise. “I uh—I don’t know.”
“Yaaaasssss. Do you have heels?”
“Not tall one’s like yours.”
“That’s fine. Let’s get hot and tight and go have some sexy fun.”
Anything to not think about the letters. And Gavin. Some things can’t be changed.
I did our hair and make-up, making us look like warrior Viking women—hey, I had a thing about braids…and Vikings. Hello, have you ever watched Vikings on Amazon Instant Video? Travis Fimmel all vikinged up was hotter than hell.
With braids in our hair and fixed where they were out of our face but not tight to our heads, I thought they would look really good with our outfits. I was right. I picked out a sailor-type outfit for her, but I made the top fall to the hem of the pleated skirt instead of just below the breasts. The skirt dropped a few inches below her bottom. Long enough to be semi-modest, but short enough to be flirty.
My own was my Army pleated skirt, and the top was tight, coming to my belly button with the word Army across the chest. I felt it appropriate since hey, Army town, why not.
“Ready?”
“Uhm…ready enough. I don’t look too—naked, do I?”
Laughing, I shook my head. “You look hot and maybe, just maybe some hot guy is going to ask you to dance.”
“Maybe.”
We left her apartment, my heart actually felt lighter than before I read those letters and something about making someone else feel sexy made me happy.
She had told me on the way about the club and when we rolled up in my mustang, it was packing. Being a Saturday night, I hope we were able to get in. We got out of the car and when we got closer to the front, of course there was a line. Oh, great.
“Maybe, maybe we shouldn’t.” Rhona’s voice sounded disappointed and sullen.
“Hey! YOU TWO! With the skirts!”
At the deep voice, I turned and I saw this big bruisin’ bouncer motion us over. I nudged Rhona and took her hand, hurrying us over to the gate guy. He took a good long look at us with lust in eyes and said, “Go in.”
He opened the gate and I hurried us in. Hey, never look a gift horse in the mouth.
The music was tantric. Thumping and pulsing. Vibrating my body into a loose mood.
“LET’S GET DRINKS FIRST!” I kept Rhona’s hand in mine and went to the bar. A woman came to us and asked what we were having and I said, “Whatever is strongest.”
“That kind of day, huh? Feel that shit, bitches. Here ladies, first one is on the house.”
She mixed and poured and put it in front of us.
Rhona looked at the drink and then back at me, “All at once or sip?”
“This time? All at once.”
Taking a deep breath we put the glasses to our lips and practically chugged the alcohol down. Sweet heaven that was nice.
“Wow. That actually tasted really good.”
“Yeah, want another one?”
“Yeah, then we’ll dance.”
I ordered us two more and gave the girl a generous tip. “Thanks!”
We found a spot to sit and drink and we scanned the room.
“I know we don’t normally drink and after this it will get to our heads a little bit but I think we’ll be okay. We will be here for a while to drain it all out on the dance floor.”
“Do you really think someone will ask me to dance?”
“Yeah. I mean, why not? You look so fucking hot tonight, Rhona. That and if not, it’s okay. I’m not here to dance with anybody, unless it’s you.”
“So just girls’ night out then huh?”
“Yeah. But if someone does wanna dance with you, go for it. And move and shake it like it’s your money maker. I got your back. I won’t take my eyes off you.”
We both laughed and finished our drink.
A Beyoncé song was starting and it was one of my favorites. I stood up and took Rhona’s hand. “Let’s dance. This is one hot freaking song!”
I took her out to the hopping dance floor and let the music sway us. Most of the people on the dance stage were women, a few men who wanted their women to gyrate against them but it was like one big chick dance, I had Rhona’s body turned so we danced against each other tightly. Doing my best to make her look hot enough a man would come and take her away to dance.
The drink I had was already working, the hot liquid running through my veins and most of the women out here were rubbing and sweating against each other as we danced. Rhona’s palms were caressing my thighs as her ass sashayed against my crotch. My hands were up in the air and I just let go. Nothing was in my thoughts except feeling the drink and the dance.
An hour later I knew my calves were burning but this felt amazing. Rhona and I danced all over the floor with the other women. We had about five little tube shots of various alcohol and while it might not be smart, it sure put us in a languid mood.
“Evony.”
Mmmm…it was like I could hear his voice. So close. It was soft, like a dream. Like a hot, erotic whisper.
So I danced for him. For the Gavin in my head. He’s never really seen me dance like this. Stripping was so different. I touched all over my curves and Rhona’s. Giving him a small tease. I could picture the hot-ass smirk on his face. Thinking I was going to let him have his wicked way with me, but then I’d back away, showing him I wasn’t done yet.
“Evony.”
Hmm…yes. His dark, sexy voice would come over me, his lips moving all over my body. Wanting my body like a starving man needed food. His warm hands would find my hips and I’d feel the hard length of dick against the thin material of my skirt and barely there panties I was wearing. What would he say if I kissed Rhona? Would he get angry? Would he think it was hot? Maybe just a small one? The songs they were playing were nothing but fuck songs. I already knew I was damp with arousal. I needed Gavin. I needed him home to fuck me like he’s been dying for me. A Chase Rice song came on, and it was like I couldn’t help myself. I pulled Rhona’s braids to the side, and I licked up the salty, smooth skin of her neck, before tugging on her earlobe with my teeth. Her breathing quickened and my hands roamed over her body, squeezing her hips and pushing my front up close to hers as we moved against each other.
Rhona turned, and her lips brushed against mine. Once, twice, and then our tongues met as we felt each other’s dancing bodies.
I felt a hand that wasn’t Rhona’s on my shoulder and a hard body brushing up against mine as I felt a hot mouth licking the slick flesh of my shoulder before sucking it hard between their mouth. Then kisses trailed up my neck until I heard them whisper in my ear.
“My naughty baby. My Evony is full of all sorts of surprises.”
My mouth left Rhona’s and I twisted my head to look up into dark chocolate eyes full of burning need.
“Gavin.”
His hands squeezed gently on my hips before he brought my ass up to his thick, hardened, fuck-ready dick.
“Oh, yes. Please.”
“Love this little outfit, baby.”
That’s when I felt Rhona’s body disappear from mine. I turned and saw her dancing and moving with this guy who was almost as big as Gavin. I began walking over to make sure she was okay, but Gavin stopped me.
“He’s one of mine, Evony. She’s safe. Cross my heart.”
I turned to face him and let the next song, a slow easy song ease us into getting closer and it was the way he held me. I felt—brand new in some way. Maybe it was the letters, the liquor sloshing threw my veins that made me see him in some different way. But then it felt like my heart was breaking.
God, not now.
“I needed you.”
“I know you did, baby. I’ve been gone for quite a few days.”
“No.” I backed away from him, his eyes narrowing. “I needed you. You left me in a dark place, Gavin. I needed you. I missed you every single day for twelve years. My heart stopped beating when you left me.”
“Evony. Baby. Let me take you home. Let’s talk about this in private, honey.”
“No! I don’t care where we are. I needed you. I cried out for you in the dark. My head and heart screamed out for you and you never came home. I mean, come on. Twelve years and you think some letters are going to what? Satisfy that ache that you left behind?”
“Not here.”
“That’s fine. But I need some time.”
“What? You just 180’d me and what?”
I turned, the people on the dance floor opened like the red sea. I hurried through and it was like all this shit was ready to burst from inside me. I couldn’t—God. I can’t believe I said all that. Liquor talking. Had to be. I didn’t mean any of it. First I wanted him to throw me down and fuck me into oblivion and now I couldn’t stand to look at the love I knew burned in his dark eyes.
“Dammit! Evony, wait! Don’t walk away from me.”
I needed to, before I really let what I was feeling out. I couldn’t. Not here. I couldn’t show him how badly he destroyed my heart and shattered it into a billion pieces. I was almost to my car when he spun me around.
“You sure as hell ain’t driving drunk, crazy ass woman.”
“Like if I died, it would matter? I am nothing but white trash trying to live in a place where everyone has already been poisoned against me. I knew it was such a mistake coming here.”
“Evony, shut up. That’s not—
“No. You have no idea what I have endured.”
“I know. I was there remember?”
“Not when it mattered most. And I needed you. I needed my best friend because I had no body. My mother? My mother was already turning into a junkie. Who the hell knows about my dad and your mother, when she dropped me off at the hospital saying ‘I hope you are happy now’ before she got in her vehicle and left me there like I was just some random hitchhiker she couldn’t wait to get rid of. I thought of her as a mother. She had always been nice to me, but it was only for your fucking benefit. She always thought I was nothing but a white trash, no-good daughter to a child beater and a stripper mother who fucked for money on the side. And she was right. Because I ended up just like her. Stripping for disgusting fucks. I’m sorry she lied to you, but my life was not easy. Will never be easy and there is no possible way I could ever make you happy. You deserve someone so much better than me, Gavin. You have no idea. I could never make you happy. Not fully. I’m nothing, Gavin. I am worthless. I don’t even know where I stand in my own life. I’m nobody. I just want to find who I am. Without being dependent on anyone. Including you and that’s what I am. I’m dependent on you. And I need to stand on my own. I need to walk before I run.”
Tears were falling down both of our eyes, and it took everything I had to not just run into his arms and tell him how much I missed him.
He sniffed, and wiped the wetness from his eyes. “You about done?”
I looked down because I just couldn’t look into his eyes anymore. Any liquor that was in me, burned out and I was pretty much done. Except for that one little secret I’d been holding onto for so long. Some secrets are better left unspoken.
“Good. I killed your father.”
Or maybe not.