“EVONY! EVONY!”
I was sleeping so peacefully, when Rhona shook me awake. It was Monday morning and the library was closed for Veteran’s Day.
“Ugh. What Rhona? It’s too early.”
“Well, the sun is awake, so I’m awake and therefore you’re awake because we…drum roll please! GOT YOUR TEST RESULTS IN!!!!”
That woke me up better than any shot of espresso could. I sat up, instantly alert.
“Fuck. Oh, my gosh. I don’t even I—I am totally about to freak out. You look. You look at them. Please.”
I thought I did okay on them, probably barely passed, but I just kept my head down, my eyes closed tight and let the adrenaline surge through my veins. I heard Rhona opening the envelope. It was like a thousand little pin-pricks were poking me.
I heard shuffling and then silence. It seemed like forever since I heard her opening the damn envelope.
“Rhona? Oh, God. It’s bad, huh?”
I felt her stand up and then her shadow pocketed the light from the window.
“Evony? Open your eyes and look for yourself.”
I didn’t hear either excitement or pity in her voice so I was totally scared shitless as I opened my eyes and she had the paper right in front of my face.
Miss Summers, you have passed—
And that’s all I got to when I screamed with excitement. I got it. I got my GED!
I stood and hopped in the air.
“Evony! Wait. You didn’t read the rest of it. You like aced it. You are like super smart, girl. Every section you like got every question right. That is awesome! ALLLLSSOOOO! We got letters from the guys!”
She passed me my test results, where I looked at what she was talking about. She was right. I passed every part with flying colors.
“Letters?”
She opened a bigger envelope and two smaller envelopes slipped free. She passed me one, while she walked over to her lady recliner and opened up Rayden’s letter.
I plopped back down on the couch staring at Gavin’s handwriting. He really had pretty handwriting for a guy. All of a sudden I was super nervous. More nervous than I was getting the test results in. I peeked up at Rhona to see her face slowly lifting into an exuberant smile.
I turned away, so she only saw my profile and I opened the letter, my hands shaking slightly, my heart pounding so hard I heard the thump-thump in my ears. My hand automatically went to the locket I hadn’t taken off since that night a month ago. It was the only way I felt close to him. It was unfounded the way I just walked from his life like that, but when he was here and he came to the library, sometimes we talked. I filled him in on my day and what Rhona and I did. It was like I was getting to know him again. I was getting to know the man Gavin was now.
I unfolded the letter and took a deep breath before I looked down to read it.
Dear Evony,
Congratulations, baby. I knew you’d pass with high flying colors. I never doubted it. Not even for a moment. You should just be getting your results just about now. So hopefully you see the results before reading this. Even so, I know you did great. You are so damn smart, baby. I’m not breaking my promise to you when I say this, but that celebration is going to be delayed a bit. We’ve had some problems here and our stay has been requested. Strongly.
I miss you, Evony. Even if you want to be nothing more than friends—hell, I want us to be more than just friends, but if that’s all I’m allowed to be for now, I’ll take it. But I miss feeling my arms around you. I miss your laugh and those beautiful ice-blue eyes of yours. I miss your gorgeous mane of black silk hair and I would love nothing more than to run my fingers through it.
The feel of your lips as they lick and mate with my own. Your nails tickling and scraping on my body as you hold on to me. I need you, Evony. I just want you to know that. No matter what happened in our pasts, I will always regret that I was never there for you and I hope you know I never willingly abandoned you.
Never on my life. Cross my heart. You are everything to me. Always were, always are and always will be. You are my match in every way. But until that day comes, when you’re ready, I’ll be there. Waiting for you.
With all the love I possess,
Yours always,
Gavin
p.s. Look inside the bigger envelope…you and Rhona go celebrate. Oh, Rayden says ‘no kissing allowed until we get back.’ Hell, as long as it’s not with any man, kiss away, baby. That was hot as hell and just thinking about it is making my dick hard as fuck. ILY.
"Oh. Em. GEE! What the hell is this, Evony?” Rhona exclaimed as she held up a thick envelope. “It says, ‘have fun ladies, and be safe.’ This is some serious green, Ev.”
I got up and walked over to her. Taking the envelope, I turned it upside down.
Holy shit. Hundreds, fifties, and twenties spilled out of the opening and onto the floor.
“Holy crap.” Rhona bent and picked up the money. “This is like…two grand. What are we supposed to do with this?”
“Gavin said we should celebrate my passing the test.”
Her eyes widened and she looked up at me with amazement. “Are you serious? Who needs all this money though? We don’t need all this to celebrate!”
I knew why he sent so much. “Rhona, it’s so we can go shopping, then go out. But I think we should invite the girls from work. I mean, it was because of all of them and you that I passed so well.”
“Sixty-forty then. Sixty being you. You are really smart and that much closer to making your dream come true! Okay. Let’s do this…
When I wrote back…it was only the beginning.
Dear Gavin,
Thank you so much for the congratulations. It figures you would think you know that I passed. I’m sorry to tell you this, but—I PASSED! I totally freaking passed. The girls from the library and Rhona were such a big help. I mean, it’s been a little hard at times, but it’s not like I had much to do after work but study. Now I’m going to be starting personal—then group instructor training. Should be about six months or so. Then there is a Pole Instructor training program in Vegas before I can really begin teaching. You were right about that. I did like teaching those classes and I think it could be a great career, you know?
That really was too much money you sent. But we did use it. I got a few library appropriate clothes and I totally gave Rhona a little makeover. Kinda. Tell Rayden I didn’t change her, but she is going to blow his mind. Yes, we did celebrate. Sans kissing. We went to the city and kinda just bar hopped. The other girls from work came with us. Danced a little bit before just buying a big freaking bottle of champagne that Mrs. Rodes said would be perfect to celebrate with and we were just up talking and gossiping. Weird for me, but they are really a nice group of women. Never had women friends before.
I’m sorry you’re having to stay. I hope everything is okay there and that you’re being safe.
I actually didn’t think I was going to write. Honestly. I was scared shitless. I read all the other letters of yours. I’m sorry you thought there was someone else.
I missed you. I miss you now. Which is hard to admit because I don’t want you to think there could ever be anything more between us. I want to be your friend. You were my best friend, Gavin. I don’t know what else to say.
Evony
Dear Evony.
How little faith you have in me. You knew growing up when I was determined to have something I went all out. Well, I am now. You’ll see. I’m not going to let you down. Never again.
And baby, there will be more. There’s always been an us even when there wasn’t. My mother’s deception cut us deep. I’m trying to mend that. Don’t give up on me, Evony.
And of course I knew you’d pass. You’re brilliant, baby. Always have been, always will be. There isn’t anything you can’t do if you put your mind to it.
I’m glad you’re making friends. I know Tom, Mrs. Rodes husband. He’s here with us as we rebuild. There was some casualties but we got here in time to save as many as we could.
Yes. My mother. I honestly don’t know what to say to make what happened the last twelve years any better. They weren’t. I was off mostly fighting wars and you were in Dayton, stripping. I am not proud of the man I was. The shit that happened after your dad, well. I didn’t deal with it right. You were too young for me to take with me. But I would have. I wanted to. There just wasn’t something right about that place.
Forgive me, Evony. Forgive me, please. Let us start over. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, Evony. Everything good in my life starts and ends with you. Every morning I wake up, you’re my first thought. At the end of the day it is your smile that sends me into my dreams and they’re filled with you. I told you before I’m not giving up on you. I’m not giving up on us. I love you just the way you are. I miss you. Please take care.
My love always,
Gavin
Gavin,
Thank you for the flowers. The sweet notes that came with them. They are so pretty. They started coming in after your last letter. I have no idea how you did that from where you are but thank you.
Okay. You are asking for faith, it’s been over two months since your last letter, so I’m giving it.
I see Rhona as she opens Rayden’s letters and there’s this spark about her that I find myself getting in when I know there is a letter from you in with his. So, okay. I’ve given it a lot of thought. And also, Rhona suggested I see someone. So, I’ve been seeing someone. A therapist. I’ve been learning how to deal with the stuff from my childhood and then over the last twelve years. I never blamed you, Gavin. At that time when you left I felt that a little bit, but if I’m honest with myself, I am happy you got away. You needed to live your life. I knew you’d go to the Army like your dad. You always told me how much like your dad you wanted to be.
My therapist, Ms. Cavanaugh, is really nice. She doesn’t rush me and I guess treads lightly because of my ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude. That’s a hard attitude to break when it’s been that way for the last nine years.
I do miss you, Gavin. I need you, Gavin. I don’t know if I’m ready for more, but I want to at least try. What’s the harm, right?
Rhona’s changing. The light airiness of love is in the air whenever she hears from Rayden. He calls her. I wish you could call me. To just hear your voice, even if it’s just a whisper. Sometimes when I lay on this couch, right before I go to sleep, I see you in my head and how I saw you last at the library.
You smelled delicious and I wished I could’ve just stayed there in your arms. Soak up all that light you have. Because that’s what you’ve always been to me, Gavin. This beautiful bright light, leading me out of the dark. There’s so much you don’t know about my father, my mother. You were a kid, too and then you worked, making a life for yourself so I didn’t burden you with much.
You never pressured me into telling you whenever I came over. But it got bad. Really bad at times. He never like molested me or anything like that, but that night when you rescued me, wasn’t the first time that’s happened. It was just the worst one because mama came home early.
I’m working through it though. I need to work on me, before I even try to work on an us. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but when is life ever easy huh?
I miss you.
Evony.
That was the last I heard from him until two months later. I had just finished getting my certificate in personal training and was going for group instructor now.
Rhona was becoming such an amazing friend and when I had broken down about the letter he wrote about his mother, I spilled what little bit I hadn’t shared to her right then. Then she suggested I see someone. More like she said she wanted to surprise me and I let her drive me to this doctor’s office. She had me keep my eyes close and when she told me to open them I was surprised, shocked and then I was angry. I hadn’t wanted to see anyone. I was fine. But she blocked my exit and told me just one visit. Just one. That one became two and then three and then once a week.
She had prescribed me some antidepressants, which kinda freaked me out but after a few months, I felt a difference. I hadn’t felt so sick with self-hatred. Dr. Cavanaugh told me it could be a slow process. But things would get better. I admitted everything to her. My deepest darkest secrets that I was afraid to voice. That I couldn’t control the storm that was raging inside of me any longer.
I knew I had a long road ahead of me, but being alone, or well mostly alone, I had Rhona, but not having anyone who wanted something from me. Like my mother, and then Gavin, who just wanted to be with me.
I was learning that I needed to love myself. And I was getting there. Going back to school and going through all these classes to get to my end goal was helping me focus on myself a lot.
Although sometimes I wished Gavin was here so I could tell him all about it. I wanted to see him. My only picture of him was the one in my locket and that was of a ten year old boy.
“Rhona, I have to go to class now!”
The phone was ringing and I hoped she would pick up because I was on my way out.
“EV! Can you get that before you go, I’m just now getting out of the shower!”
Ugh. The voicemail had already picked it up but when his voice came on, I rushed to snatch the phone from the wall handle.
“Gavin?”
“Baby, it’s so good to hear your voice.”
His voice was sandy, rough and sexy as hell.
“It’s good to hear yours.”
“I can’t stay on long, but I know you wanted to hear my voice. There is something I need to talk to you about. It’s serious.”
“Okay, I was just on my way out the door for class. Oh, thank you so much for those beautiful flowers. I’ve been getting them once a week for the past few months. How did you know I liked calla lilies?
“I didn’t. I’m not the one that’s been sending you anything except these letters, baby.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“Evony, what do the notes say?”
“Wait, if you’re not sending them, then who is? I don’t know anyone here. I don’t talk to guys.”
“Thank God for that, but baby, tell me what the notes say, please.”
“Alright, let me get them.”
I went over to where I kept all his letters and shuffled them until I got to the small stack of note cards.
“Okay. ‘I miss you beautiful.’ ‘I can’t wait to see you again.’ ‘You have such a beautiful smile.’ ‘You are so perfect, can’t wait to finally get close to you.’ ‘So close and yet so far away.’ That was a weird one. Uh, ‘Remember what I said, you’re mine.’ Gavin, all these aren’t from you?”
“I wish to hell they were. Have you noticed anything strange or weird lately? Feel like you’ve been being watched or anything?”
“No. I haven’t. I’ve actually been pretty happy. Missing you.”
“I miss you too, baby. But that means someone’s been following you. You still have the rugger I gave you?”
This was starting to really creep me out. I told him yes and there was a heavy sigh that came over the phone.
“Evony, be strong for me right now, okay? We have maybe a week left and then we get to come home. Just try not to look like you know you’re being watched. I knew I should’ve had someone there watching your back. Fuck.”
I couldn’t help but sit down heavily on the couch. Shit. I had a stalker? This was not happening. I heard a lock click and a gasp flew from my lips when I turned to see it was only Rhona opening the door.
“Oh, looks like Gavin sent you a package!”
“EVONY! What is it?” Gavin’s voice turned frantic.
“Nothing, Rhona just opened a door. Did you send me a package?”
“No. I didn’t.” His voice had angry and hard and I heard a little bit of fear in it.
“Should I not open it?”
Rhona came to sit next to me, her face full of concern. “What’s going on? Of course you should open it if it’s from Gavin.”
“Gavin’s on the phone. It’s not from him.”
“What? That’s crazy!” She took the box from me and put it up to her ear. “Well, it’s not ticking. Should we open it?”
“Gavin? Should I open it?”
“Go ahead, baby. Just be cautious.”
We opened the small box and it was covered with gift tissue. Inside was a small rectangular jewelry box.
I took it out, and shook it. Something hit the sides and I looked over to Rhona who was patiently holding in her breath.
“Here goes.”
I flipped open the lid and—“AH!!!” I shoved it away from me. Dropping the phone in the process as we both screamed.
“Holy shit. Is that what I think it is?”
EVONY! ANSWER ME, BABY!
I heard Gavin calling out for me but I was frozen in place.
“Yeah. It is.”
A finger. A female finger with a big ass diamond ring on it. I looked more closely at it. I recognized that ring.
“Oh. My. God.” I got up and paced away. The realization breaking through the shock, “Oh, fuckity fuck fuck. This isn’t good.”
“EVONY!”
I scrambled to the floor, picking up the phone.
“Gavin. This is bad.”
“Baby, talk to me. What was in the box?”
“A finger.”
“WHAT?”
“I know whose it is.”
He was quiet for a long time before he asked, “Whose is it?”
“My mothers. And I’m pretty sure this is from Ethan.”
“Ethan? Why would—what the fuck did he do to you when he stopped you? What did he say?”
“After he groped me—
“WHAT?”
“—would you just let me finish?”
After a surly growl he said, “Go ahead.”
“He told me not to leave town, yada, yada.”
“What the fuck is yada, yada?”
“Basically just—hey, I thought they were just empty threats and I definitely hadn’t thought I was going to be leaving town anytime soon, so what the hell was I supposed to do? Ethan’s always been like that ever since I turned him down. He’s a creepy, vile little creature with a dick the size of Rhode island and an ego the size of Africa.”
“Evony, you amaze me.”
“Yeah, well. If I ain’t got laughs in my life—especially right now—then what the hell else do I have?”
“Me. Always.”
“You’re not here though.”
I could hear him sigh heavily and Rhona got up, and left to the kitchen before come back with gloves on.
“What in the world are you doing, Rhona?”
“Picking it up before I barf.”
“Let me call it in for you, Evony. I’ll call my guys. Be very careful. Keep the rugger in your purse and near you at all times, do you understand me?”
“Gavin?”
“What, baby?”
“I need you.” Even I could hear the crack in my voice.
“I know, baby. I’m going to do my best. Be careful, okay? I’ll get you help, okay? Be strong right now, Evony. Can you do that?”
“Yeah, don’t really have a choice.”
“Yes, you do. And I know you. Stay close to Rhona.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I love you, Evony.”
“I—I—
“It’s okay. Don’t say it until you’re ready. And I really want be there when you say it in person.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, baby.”
“Bye, Gavin.”
My shoulders sagged in relief. I didn’t know if I was ready yet. I had no idea what I was doing anymore. Just when I thought everything was going good, a shit storm began heading my way and it was nonstop until it poured all over me.
I didn’t even know what to think about my mother. I was afraid to call her. Would she be dead? What if the police start calling?
“Evony! Put your head between your legs, girl. You’re hyperventilating.”
“It’s not every day you get a finger and ring from a guy.”
“Nope, sometimes you get the guy.”
“Not. Helping.”