He had some nerve! Coming over here and saying all that crap and then kissing me. IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER!
Oooh. I want to just smack him. Over and over again. Then kiss him. Sweet mother his kiss made me crazy.
“Wow. That was some kiss, Evony. I bet he’s real good in bed. Just looking at that tight body. Mmmm, mmm, mmm! Smoking fucking hot.”
“I didn’t notice. Now, I need to get some damn sleep. I have that class in the morning. Good night, mother.”
“Well if you don’t want him, I’m going to try and see if he’ll loosen up for me.”
“God, you are so damn sick.”
My mother got off the couch and staggered. She had smoked a full doobie and she had vodka on her breath that I could smell it from where I was standing near the door. I already knew what kind of night this was going to turn out to be.
“Hey, now. I’m still as beautiful as I was when I was your age.”
When she wasn’t drunk or high or both, I would definitely agree with her. She would be just as stunning as I remember. Except her long hair was now short. Which she hated, but when one of the old girls at the club had given her lice she had got infected bad and ended up cutting it super short.
But when she was sober and fixed her hair, she looked like she could be more my sister than my mother. She was only sixteen years older than me. Only forty-one. Gavin was only ten years younger than she was.
“Then by all means, go for it. I’m not standing in your way. You’re only what? Ten years older than him? That’s not really that big of a difference.”
“Exactly! Right?”
I turned and went towards my end of the trailer. Leaving her with her plotting and planning.
When I left the Winters trailer and came inside, I had to know what really happened. Did he really send me letters? Money I didn’t give a shit about now but still. I had to confront her about what Gavin said. I knew she could lie with the best of them. But this time she went ahead and told me the stone cold truth.
“You didn’t need it, you had a roof over your head. Clothes on your back and food in your belly. What else did you need?”
What else did I need indeed? To be anywhere but here. I should have been put in therapy for one. Maybe I wouldn’t have dropped out of school. But then I didn’t have much choice. Bills had to get paid and with mama out of commission that had landed right on my shoulders. My father surely hadn’t left us anything so we had barely scraped by.
I didn’t want to be a stripper all my life. I had made myself a promise to be out of Dayton—out of Texas—by the time I was thirty. A hundred grand would ensure that. Even if I had to rent an apartment somewhere and get some drab job, I would be fine with that. I had no intentions of ever getting married or having children. I sure as hell wasn’t going to put a child through the hard life I had lived. Those nine years I had Gavin in my life were nice and he did his best to be there for me but they were still hard. And after he left? I thought dad was bad? When mom began drinking and smoking—occasionally harder drugs if the mood called for it—it was even worse. I’d rather have my dad back. And that was saying something.
I wanted the fuck out of this town. Even if that meant leaving mother here starving and poor, well that was just a fact of life. She didn’t do anything but stay home and become my father reincarnate.
All the shit he put me through and she just felt the need to continue on in his place once he left.
It was like my father wasn’t twenty-four hours gone when my mother started in on me about how useless I was and how I had nothing going for me. I was never going to amount to anything. When I had confronted her about the other five babies she had killed was the first time she ever laid a hand to me. Then she had taken her fists to me in a fit of rage. Yelling and screaming about how I would always be ugly and stupid and worthless. And afterwards, she left me crumpled on the floor while she got all fixed up and left the house, not coming back until who knows when.
I stopped caring about anything after that point. School just wasn’t important anymore. I barely skated by before finally dropping out.
I was fifteen when Mrs. Winters got into the town council. It was like she transformed into this woman every mother, grandmother and girl ever wanted to be.
I didn’t blame her for having Gavin sent away. He was her only child. She wanted to protect him. Any good mother would. I was nothing but white trash. Still am. Always have been, always will be. I was fine with myself. I lived my life honestly and didn’t give a fuck what others thought about me. It was just how life was here in the sticks. My hand of cards weren’t going to get any better until I was ready to change them.
Stripping was making that happen. When I taught classes, the owner, Stacey, paid me forty percent of the day’s income. Six hundred a day wasn’t too bad and I did it five times a month for the past few years. I loved teaching pole dancing.
I loved working the pole. From women big too small to even small kids. There were other parts of the studio that taught different types of dancing and I hadn’t brought myself to actual join in with them, but I watched sometimes and it was like watching dance-offs. It was amazing.
I was telling Gavin the truth when I said I didn’t need him. I didn’t. I had my own thing going. Did I respect my body? Yes. I kept it in fine condition. I worked out. I didn’t treat it like a revolving door.
Like tomorrow, I promised to bring a new routine to the group and I had it all planned out for them. The class was full of women of all ages, colors, and shapes. I didn’t care what they looked like. They paid and I made sure they did their best and had fun while doing it.
I took a shower and got the hot sweat of the day off of me. I shouldn’t have went to that damn funeral. I’m sure Gavin must have heard those whispers. Seen the stares. If he thought he was going to get anywhere with me, he was out of his damn mind.
I’m sure he knew exactly what to do with what God gave him but kissing me was crossing the line. I wasn’t going to ruin his reputation by letting him hang out with the town whore and black sheep. How I was labeled the town whore? Well they all knew what my mother did probably thanks to his mother and well rumors flew around this town like dirty underwear. But everyone knew my mother gave it up to anyone who was willing to pay her and I was just sucked into the same never ending cycle.
I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but thank God she wasn’t around anymore.
I didn’t care if they called me that because I most likely performed for a handful of their husbands. Me and/or my mother had. What I wouldn’t give to go back and tell them before I left that church was that I’d be seeing their husbands later. Because sure enough I recognized at least four men from that church inside Gentleman’s Fancy. Probably supposed to be at poker night or whatever men did to get the hell away from their wives. Ha. Pathetic.
But I wasn’t going to disrespect Gavin that way. He really had no idea what kind of hell it’s been here for me. His mother told him lie after lie after lie. Poor guy.
When I got to my room, there was a stack of envelopes wrapped in a rubber band on my bed. I threw my hair up in a towel and walked naked to the bed, scooping up the stack.
Addressed to me from Gavin. There had to be about a hundred letters here. I got back up and slammed my door shut. My heart raced frantically in my chest. My breath shortened. I hugged the letters to me and my eyes began to burn. Sweet Jesus, he hadn’t been lying. Somehow, these letters scared the absolute crap out of me. I couldn’t read them. I just—no.
Be strong. He left you. He left you all alone. Be strong, Evony. You waited for him. He promised he would be back. He crossed his heart promised and he broke it. These meant nothing.
I looked at these letters and threw them across my room and I heard the thump of them hit my closet before turning around, trying to hold it inside. Hold myself together as pain riddled through my body. The hurt I felt then resurfaced and I hated it. I didn’t like feeling that way. It’s been a long time since I cried and the last time was because of him.
I waited too long for him to come to my rescue. I wasn’t going to let him or anyone ruin what I wanted for myself. It might not be the grandest plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. I dreamed of getting out of this town for way too long to just let him storm into my life like a fucking hurricane.
He destroyed me once. I couldn’t take more if I got too close just to see him walk out of my life again like a cloud of dust. He would destroy me if I got too close once again. His promises meant jack shit. He was just a man trying to control me.
Not ever gonna happen. I know with his kind of job he wasn’t sticking around and I had no intention of starting anything with him. Even if his kisses did taste nice. Better than nice. They were swoon worthy and I didn’t do swoon.
Gah. I got up from my bed, taking deep breaths. Calming down enough to get into Zen-mode where I didn’t think about anything. I flipped the light off and went underneath my covers. I didn’t take the sleeping pills all the time. That shit could get addicting and I wasn’t that type of person.
He was the first man to ever kiss me. It was something I knew I’d never forget. But I wasn’t going to forgive him for leaving me without even a good-bye. I might be nothing but a waste of space, but I didn’t deserve to be just shoved aside like I meant nothing to him. I thought I meant more to him than just the girl next door. He had been my entire world.
Not anymore.
Didn’t help either that all night the only thing I dreamed of was him.
⤧
When I got up, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. The dreams I had of Gavin were erotic and filled with long, slow kiss and dark, sensuous hands. Last night when he had kissed me and his hands roamed over my body, it made my breasts ache and I felt my nipples peak beneath the material of my sports bra. And I won’t even mention the wetness I felt seeping from my pussy as his kiss had turned passionate.
I couldn’t imagine what the real thing would feel like. I was never interested in the opposite sex like that. Besides, most men knew how I looked naked anyway.
I felt well rested though. Looking at my old but still working alarm clock, it was just after ten am. The class in Houston was at noon. No time to waste then. I got up, and walked over to my drawers pulling out the outfit I was going to wear before pulling on my robe and going to the bathroom.
After flushing, I brushed out my hair and braided it down my back. Ever since I could remember I’ve been braiding my hair. It was my staple in life. I never let it loose. And a part of that is because my dad loved to drag me around by the hair and pull on it. Keeping it in a braid I could have it in front and not easy to grab as one might think. Then a small part of me did continue braiding my hair because of Gavin. He’d always brush and braid my hair when I snuck over to hang out with him. After that one night where I stayed at his place, I stayed over a lot. It felt safe. He’d tuck me in before finding a spot on the floor. Sometimes though I had nightmares and he’d sit on the bed and hold my hand. Those times were the happiest of my life. There was a closeness I felt with him that I’ve never felt with anyone else since.
Then it was ripped away from me in the blink of an eye. The woman I thought would be there for me when my own wasn’t turned out to be a very different woman indeed. I never would have expected it from her. When Gavin was here she was nice. Even caring. Then Gavin was gone and it was like her true colors came shining through. And I was poison. I was the reason Gavin went away. Which was total shit because he could have stayed with me. My father would have calmed down enough to not care about whipping me. But Gavin told me to stay put. I don’t know where he went but when he left, my father took off and everything that I’ve come to care about was gone.
Fuck me. I hate thinking about the past. It did no good dwelling there. I washed my face and put my primer and lotion on before giving my body a once over. I liked my body. I kept in shape. There wasn’t much definition but I didn’t want it like that. I had heavy breasts and a tight round bottom that men salivated at and my thighs nearly touched. I couldn’t help the way my body was made but I made sure I took care of it. I was proud of what I had and made good money from it.
I’m sure I could have made more if I did extra at the club but no way was I going to sell my body like that. I was desperate to get out of this town but not that desperate.
I walked back to my room and pulled on my cheeky panties I loved and wiggled up my Cleopatra leggings and finished it off with a black button up sleeveless shirt over my sports bra. I looked around for my bag when I remembered where I had left it.
Shit.
Gavin’s mother’s place. I know he brought it in but I forgot in all the kisses he gave me. I practically ran back home last night.
Fuck me.
Get it over with.
I pulled out a few items of clothing for later and pushed my feet into my tennis shoes and left the trailer. My mother would stay asleep until at least noon, so I didn’t have to worry about her. I walked over to the blue trailer with purpose.
My heart was hoping I’d see his big ass truck there, but no sign. Just as well. The door was locked, but that never stopped me from getting into where I needed to go. Taking out two bobby pins, I opened the door easily. I walked through the house and to his room. Looking around, he really had never came back. His room was still the same way he had it twelve years ago. I grabbed my bag off his bed and made my way back through the house so I could hit the road. I was day dreaming about the ass when I made it to the living room.
“Ma’am?”
“AH! Jesus!” I threw my hands up in a defensive stance and when my vision finally cleared—fuck.
Cops.
“Ma’am, you are breaking and entering.”
“No, I wasn’t. I left something here last night.” Bringing up my bag to show John, one of the nicer county cops in the area, but it would be in vain because his partner chose that moment to come waltzing in.
Ugh.
My nemesis—if you wanted to call him that—was also here.
“Do you live here?”
“John, you know I don’t. But I wasn’t doing a B and E. I was here with Gavin last night and left my work bag.”
“Hmm…well we’ll have to see about that, Evony.”
“Just arrest her, Forrester.”
“Ugh. Great. Officer Fuckhead.”
John coughed trying to cover what I said, but his partner heard me just as clearly as I wanted him to.
He slid by John and started coming towards me with one purpose. A slick smirk plastered to his face.
“You are not arresting me. I have a class I have to get to.”
“Yeah, stripping 101.”
“In fact, yes. Now let me go.”
But noooo—Officer Fuckhead pushed me against the wall, my face slamming into it where my eyes blacked out for a second, before he pulled my arms back and put hand cuffs around my wrists.
“Breaking and entering, resisting arrest. Threatening an officer.”
“Threatening? I didn’t threaten nobody.”
His mouth got real close to mine. “Maybe if you let me have a piece, I’ll take those last two off.”
“HA! Fucking arrest me then, you sick motherfucker.”
He slammed me hard against the wall, taking the breath from me before turning me around to push me outside.
“You are going to regret touching me. I guarantee you that.”
I didn’t take fucking bribes. Sick fuck. Ethan Womack, aka Officer Fuckhead went to the strip club many times and always wanted a piece of me, but I always refused. When I turned him down after he asked me out a few years ago, he’s been trying to come after me the only way he could. Lawfully.
And now he finally got his wish.
Fuck my life.