Age 9
It was surprising when Mama came home this early. She was never home until I was already asleep.
My father told me to make myself some dinner, that he had to go out for a while. He always went out when mama worked. I was always glad when he did. The first few months I had timed it to see how long he stayed gone, but knowing what time my mom came home from work, he usually came home after I fell asleep, but before mom came home I guessed. It gave me a few hours free time and I usually just went over to Gavin’s and his mom would a plate ready for me. I always ate so good when I was over there.
Gavin always made sure I was alright when I came in and sometimes we’d played on his Sega or PlayStation. That was until he got a part time job at a food place called Chili’s. He was a host. Then I sometimes went over and had dinner with his mom. But it felt weird without him there although he said I could come over anytime to eat or if I wanted to play with his video games or whatever I wanted. He was always so nice to me. I didn’t have many friends in school and I was sometimes made fun of because of where I lived and how I dressed.
Gavin always tried helping out, but as he grew, he grew bigger and he changed just little bit. His voice was deep like a man’s. Whenever I rode the bus, he was always sitting with different girls. I wished he’d sit by me. Keep me company. But then I knew I’d have him all to myself later so I didn’t mind.
But tonight, before I put the microwavable dinner dad set out on the counter for me back in the freezer and sneak out my window to go over, the front door opened.
He was back? It was too soon! I wanted to go hang out with Gavin and his mom, Mary. She was always so nice to me, too. Nothing like my parents.
“Josh, Evony! I’m home!”
My mom?
“Where is everybody?”
I was in the kitchen, I knew a wild-eyed look was on my face when she walked in. My mother wasn’t a mean woman, but she always seemed depressed and tired. She was nice enough, but she never willingly came to me like she did when I was a little girl.
“Evony? Where’s your daddy? What are you doing?”
“I was about to eat dinner.”
“And daddy? Where is he?”
I shrugged my shoulders, because I never knew where he went so I didn’t have an answer.
“He’s not here?”
I shook my head, hoping I didn’t get in serious trouble for telling the truth.
“Well where is he? Did he go to the store? When did he say he’d be back?”
“He didn’t tell me.”
“Is that so?”
This mean, angry look came over her face and with clenched teeth she asked, “Have you had dinner yet?”
I shook my head and she just nodded her head then walked to the fridge. I moved away quickly and she started pulling stuff out.
It didn’t take her long to cook and then we were sitting down eating spaghetti. When I was done, I took my dish and seeing that mama was finished, I picked up her plate and took them to the sink to wash them.
“Do you do this often, Evony? Does he leave you alone a lot?”
I shrugged my shoulders in response. I really didn’t want to get into trouble.
“He does, doesn’t he? That son of a bitch.”
I washed the dishes and picked up the pot of spaghetti and put it in the fridge.
“Do you have homework?”
“No, ma’am. I did it when I got home.”
“Please go to your room. I’m going to get in touch with your daddy.”
My eyes widened and I hurried to my room. I went to my nightstand dresser and opened it, revealing the royal blue jewelry box Gavin gave me when I was younger. Inside held a heart shaped locket and it took a few months, but he was able to get a disposable camera where he took his picture and my picture and with his help, I had put those photos in the locket.
He was my best friend. The only true friend I had. I took it out and sat on my bed, opening it to see our pictures. He looked so different now. His face was leaner, his shoulders were broader. Like he exercised a lot. He was a sophomore in high school. Each school year, he gave me a picture of himself and watching him change into a man was like a flower blooming. He was still the same, sweet boy from next door, but he was growing up and doing more grown-up things. I sometimes hated it, but then I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could leave here.
I laid down, keeping my eyes on the locket until I heard the front door slam. I looked at my clock. The time read after nine in the evening.
Then I heard glass breaking, both of them yelling and screaming. Sounded like they were having a contest to see who could be the loudest.
“EVONY! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE! NOW!”
I hurried to stuff the locket under my pillow when I heard his heavy stomps coming towards my room.
“You leave her out of this, you useless cripple.”
With a growl, he threw my door open, slamming it against the wall. He came over to me, gripping my long hair, practically dragging me outside.
“Let her go, Joshua!”
“Shut the fuck up, whore.”
He shoved her and she hit the wall, the few pictures we had rattling, but thankfully nothing fell down on her.
“You wanna tattle, stupid? Wanna see what your daughter really does? She just loves causing trouble. See this?” He held up a beer bottle, and shoved it at me. “She likes drinking with me.”
“No I don’t, you make me because mom’s right, you’re a useless cripple who likes making others feel bad! I hate you!” Before my mom could get up, my dad had backhanded me, but with his hand still gripping my hair, he was able to keep me up.
“Don’t worry, you were nothing but a whore’s mistake.” Then he took the bottle and poured it all over my head.
“AHHHH!!!” My mom ran over and shoved him away. “You wanna be an alley cat, no skin off my back. Get the fuck out. You’re sick.”
“Get your stupid ass to your room if you know what’s good for you, worthless. I don’t wanna hear a peep out of you the rest of the night.”
I ran back to my room, shutting the door behind me. I ran to grab the locket from under my pillow and hurried over to my closet. I buried myself between the clothes inside. I knew they wouldn’t bother me for the rest of the night but the closet only drowned out some of the noise. Not that it mattered.
Their shouts grew louder and I could hear them moving all over the trailer. I clasped the locket around my neck, wishing and praying I was anywhere but here. I wish they were just faking and playing around. I didn’t hear them fight very often, but there was no way to turn them off. But they were like guns going off.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
One louder than the next. I shoved my hands over my ears, tears streaming down my eyes.
“Please, God. Save me. Save me, God. Please. Just take me from this place. I hate it here. Please, just take me away from here.”
I heard a tapping on the window, but I didn’t dare move. No way could I let Gavin see me like this. I prayed he just went away. Please, just go away. I opened my locket, looking at his picture. The only person who was ever really there for me. The only one I could count on.
The tapping stopped and then I heard the window being pushed up.
“Evony?” His deep whisper rang out.
Don’t answer. He needs to leave before he gets me in trouble.
“Evony? Where are you, honey?”
He was so much older now. But there wasn’t anything he could do for me. I was trapped here in this horrible place.
“Dammit. Evony, honey! Come on! Don’t stay here right now! Don’t make me come in there. Where are you?”
My foot slipped and his head whipped over towards the closet. The look on his face was something close to shock and his eyes widened as he got a good look at me. I looked bad and I smelled even worse. I needed a shower, but I knew leaving this room would get me in bigger trouble.
He shot out his hands, “Come on! I’ll take care of you, Evony. I promise.”
Gavin always kept his promises.
“Pinkie promise?” I whispered.
“Evony,” his voice almost sounded as broken as mine, “Pinkie promise and cross my heart.” He crossed his heart with his pinkie and I couldn’t help but snap the locket closed and I ran to him. His hands shot under my arms and he helped lift me from the window. He must have smelled the beer on me and he whispered, “I’m going to kill him one day, I promise you, sweetheart.”
He carried me like a little child over to his window, where he lifted me inside and onto his bed; not caring if I got his bed dirty. He climbed inside and shut the window.
He closed the blinds and let the blanket that hung as a curtain go, leaving the room in darkness. He walked away and flicked on his light. The light was dim but he could see me just fine.
Tears clouded his own eyes and his hands fisted tight by his sides. He saw how nasty and dirty I was.
“You should take me back, Gavin.”
“I'm not letting you stay there a second longer. Which one hit you? Your mom or dad?”
I bent my head down, hiding my face and I heard a growl escape his lips.
“Did he spill his beer on you?”
I shook my head no.
“Evony, talk to me. Please.”
I shook my head no again.
“Fine. You need a bath right now anyway to get that all off you. Come on.”
“I wasn't supposed to leave my room. I couldn't shower.”
“That's why you're gonna take a bath here. Mom’s sleeping at the opposite end of the trailer. I just got home from work, she’ll think it's me if she wakes. Come on.”
He held out his hand and I took it. It just came naturally to me to take his hand. That and I didn't want to be dirty. I had school tomorrow and I knew there wouldn't be enough time.
He held my hand as we walked down the hallway to the small bathroom. It just had a sink, toilet and tub. He closed the toilet bowl lid and waited until I sat on it before releasing my hand.
He sat on the edge of the tub, turning on the water. He waited until it was high enough before he turned the knob and stood up.
“I'm going to get you some clothes to wear, okay?”
“I should get home. I don't want to get in trouble.”
He stood at the door and I could tell he was trying to hold back his anger. Hopefully it wasn't anger towards me. He turned his head slightly and said, “You’ll stay here. That's final. I'll take you back home before they even notice you're gone.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, Evony. I promise.”
While he left the room, I peeled off the sticky clothes and folded them on the floor. I didn't want to get anything in here as smelly as those clothes. I badly needed to use the toilet and I went pee before I stepped into the tub. The water wasn't burning hot and it wasn't cold. It was perfectly warm and when I heard his footsteps, I closed the shower curtain so he wouldn't see my naked form.
My face hurt. My head hurt from where he was dragging me around. My whole body felt sore. If I had a bruise on my face, mama wouldn’t let me go to school until it was healed. I really hoped I didn’t have a black eye. I didn’t want to stay at home. Not with him.
Gavin’s knock was soft but he didn’t wait before opening the door. He peaked in, noticed the blue curtain hiding my body and he said, “You can wear this shirt. It’s huge so it’ll probably go to your knees. I have some shorts that if you roll up should fit you fine.”
“Thank you, Gavin.”
I heard a heavy sigh and it sounded like he was sitting down. Was he going to stay in here while I bathed?
“Gavin?”
“Evony. What happened tonight? I’m surprised mom didn’t wake up they were yelling so dang loudly.”
“Did you hear what they said?”
“No, honey. I didn’t. Please, Evony. You know your secrets are safe with me. Just tell me. Please. Evony, I’m begging you. Didn’t I promise you I’d take care of you and be there for you? Your secrets are only for my ears, you know that. You’re safe with me. Always.”
“Dad left a little after mom. He does that. You know, just leaves. I don’t ever know where he goes, but he doesn’t come back until I’m asleep. I think he’s home before mom is though. He always tells me to make myself dinner and to make sure the house is clean or else. But tonight, my mom came home too early. She was super mad that I was there alone but when I thought she might hit me, she calmed down and made us dinner. After I washed the dishes and put the pot of spaghetti away, she asked me if I did that a lot. Like clean up and stuff. Of course I did. The nights I didn’t come over here and eat dinner.”
“Does your dad go out every night?”
“No. Maybe like four nights a week. Sometimes three. Mom’s never come home early before. She told me to go to my room and stay there. But when dad came home I heard some glass breaking. Then my dad was yelling for me. I tried my best to stay in my room but he barged in. He grabbed my hair and yanked me towards the living room. Mom tried fending him off, but he’s so strong, you know? He said I was some whore’s mistake.”
“Evony. Never let me hear you say that again.” His voice was deep and hard like steel.
“It’s true though. I was nothing but a mistake. A stupid, worthless, useless excuse for a human being.”
The curtain was yanked back. I covered my body with my hands, but I don’t even think he noticed anything because his dark brown eyes looked right into mine. They were blazing with anger, just like his face. My hair covered most of my face so he couldn’t really see if I was bruised. I prayed I wasn’t.
“You are not worthless or useless. You’re one of the smartest people in your class, right? Right?”
I nodded my head yes because he was right. I was the top in my class. Sometimes kids called me teacher’s pet.
“Right. And Evony, if you were a mistake, then you’re the best damn mistake they ever made because you’re my best friend and I never want to lose you.”
“You’re mine, too. I’m not a mistake though, right?”
“Never. Evony Summers, you’re my girl. Friends always.”
“But you’re so much older than me.”
“So. Friends forever. And as long as you keep that locket close to your heart, I’ll never be too far away, okay?”
“Okay.”
He closed the curtain and said, “Good. Now go ahead and wash up. It’s already too late. We both have school and if I’m going to sneak you back into your room in the morning, we need to get some sleep.”
I did as he said. My hair took the longest because the beer was sticky and I had to wash my hair twice. I hope he didn’t mind. I washed my body with his soap which smelled like fresh mown grass and something else I couldn’t describe.
I pulled out the water plug and stood up.
“I’m ready.”
He stuck a towel inside the curtain. I wrapped it around my body and then I peeled the curtain back.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
“What?”
“Your face. Your eye isn’t black but your cheek is blazing red. We need to get something on that.”
He held out his hand and helped me from the tub.
“Get dressed. I’m going to grab something real quick.”
I nodded and pulled on a purple shirt. Looking down, it said, Dayton Bronco’s on the front and I pulled out my long hair, letting it fall down my back. I pulled up the shorts and he was right, I had to flip it over several times before they’d stay on.
I waited for him and he knocked once again.
“I’m dressed.”
He opened the door and held out his hand. I took it and he brought me back to his room.
“Sit on the bed, Evony.”
I did and I crossed my legs, wondering what we were going to do now.
“Turn around.”
I narrowed my eyes, but I trusted him completely so I turned around. The next thing I knew, he had the towel I used in his hands and he was damp-drying my hair. When he stopped, he took the end of my hair in his hands and I couldn’t help but flinch when I felt a slight tug.
“Sorry, Evony. I’m just going to brush your hair. Okay?”
“Okay.”
It took him a while to brush my thick hair and all the tangles but he was super gentle. Only brushing small parts at a time. Then he brushed all my hair back and laid down the brush at my hips. He took both hands to my hair and it took him a few minutes but he braided my hair all the way down my back.
“You are a strange boy, Gavin. Do you like playing with hair?”
That brought out a chuckle from him and he said, “Lord, I hope not. But I know you hate it being in your face. You’ve never cut your hair, have you?”
I shook my head no. “If I did it was before I could remember.”
“Never cut it. It’s beautiful.”
“Okay.”
“Promise?”
“Pinkie promise.”
Our pinkie’s locked and I said, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“That’s it?”
“I would never poke myself in the eye with a needle. Ouch.”
A loud laugh came out and he moved to turn down his bed.
“I would never want you to poke your eye out. They are such pretty eyes. Like blue ice.”
He grabbed one of the two pillows and dropped it to the floor. He walked over to his closet and pulled down a big fat blanket.
I got under the covers and he drew them up and over me.
“No bad dreams, tonight. I’m here.”
“I’ll try.”
He got down on the floor and got comfortable.
“Sweet dreams, Evony.” Then he turned and closed his eyes.
It wasn’t long before I did too. But the wish of sweet dreams wasn’t meant to be. Because all I saw was my father, chasing me and yelling out, “You’ll never be free of me, whore! Just like your mother. You’ll never be anyone. Useless. Worthless! Stupid, stupid nothing girl.”
‘Evony.’
‘Evony, wake up, honey.’
Who was that? That gentle voice calling out to me? Wake up? Was I sleeping?
“Oh, little Evony, you’re going to get it real bad when I find you, you stupid brat.”
‘Evony. Wake up, now! Dammit, Evony. I’m right here. You’re safe now.’
Everything faded and all I felt was warm and safe. I felt so safe. Like I was in this bubble.
‘Rest, Evony. I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I’ll never leave you alone.’
But he did.
And I was never the same after.