Chapter 13

Mandy

“I hope you don’t think this means a goddamn thing, little girl. You may be hot shit now but come talk to me in twenty years.”

Landry was on a roll, anger spitting from his pores over the less than stellar review he’d gotten while I was away.

“I’ve seen plenty of chefs like you come and go, then poof, obscurity.”

Spit flew out of his mouth and, unlike the other kitchen workers, I dodged that shit. The man had a compulsion about eating raw onions. No, thanks.

The wedding was a few weeks ago, and I had my head down since I returned to work. But my stoicism this morning only stoked his anger.

“You are the only one competing, Landry. I’m just working, nothing more.” Working him was exhausting and I didn’t feel like I’d gained much more than a headache. In fact, I was starting to think that leaving wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

“Just shut up and get back to work!” Arms crossed, he leaned forward with a scowl on his face but my gaze just focused on the one drop of sweat sliding down his forehead and around one of the red bulbous nostrils of his nose.

“There’s a cheesecake order for the Casino Owner’s Association luncheon being held here tomorrow and it sure as shit won’t bake itself! Got it?”

I nodded, not bothering to tell him that the cake was already done. That while he was blustering about the crepes he’d butchered this morning and the cookies that had crumbled during plating, I’d already baked it and had it cooling on a rack.

Because unlike him, I was a fucking professional. I planned to come in early tomorrow to finish the glaze and decorating, but again, not anything he needed to know. Luckily with his tirade over, I could get back to work and pretend I was somewhere else. Like the amazing chefs I’d worked with pretty much everywhere else, men and women who loved to teach, who got off on making sure they sent out well-trained chefs who might end up outshining them.

I spent the last few hours of my shift rolling out dough, piping, glazing and creaming. All the shit work Landry heaped my way that was usually left up to interns and preppers. All day. All week, really. I did it all, without complaint. Oh, I told him off in my mind. Imagined the worst things in the world happening to him, like my personal favorite, him getting caught in the industrial mixer as the paddle sliced through him. But I said nothing, just to piss him off.

I was so close to freedom when Landry stopped me again as I was heading out for the day. “I’m watching you, girl. I won’t let you come in here and steal my job. Better chefs, hell better men and women than you have tried, failed and lived to fucking regret it.”

I stared at him, spittle gathered on the rim of his bottom lip, the corner of his mouth and it struck me as funny. Hilarious, in fact. And I laughed. I knew I should have controlled it, and I would have if I could, but sometimes I couldn’t do shit about a laugh but let it happen. “I’m sorry,” I said but it was undercut by another fit of laughter.

“Laugh it up, Mandy.”

My eyes rolled so hard I’d thought I’d go blind for a minute. “Do what you have to do Landry. I’m not trying to steal your job, and that’s the truth. I came here thinking I could learn from you and then move on. But maybe I should just skip to the part where I move on.”

I wasn’t ready to quit just yet, but then again, fate had never left many decisions up to me anyway.

Landry just glared down at me. I shrugged and pushed the door open, waiting for him to speak.

He said nothing, so I left him with, “Let me know.”

I walked out feeling a little better, well, also kind of numb, but mostly better, because, fuck him.

When I got home, two pregnant women waited for me.

The tall redhead announced, “We’re going out to eat.”

Teddy leaned against the front hood, looking like a leggy preggo fantasy centerfold. Jana was smarter, getting out of the blistering heat and relaxing inside the car with the air blowing on her.

I blinked. “Okay. Congratulations?”

“Everybody’s a comedian,” Teddy groaned and pushed off the car. “We’re pregnant, we’re hungry and you probably haven’t eaten all day. Get in.”

“Sorry but I just spent all day sweating balls in a hot kitchen. If you want me to go anywhere, I need a shower.”

I glared until she rolled her eyes. “We’ll wait here. Jana’s too pregnant for stairs.”

I laughed, shaking my head. I envied the friendship they had. They’d known each other for longer than I knew anyone other than my family. I’d worked so I wouldn’t have to have roommates, but New York prices made that nothing but a pipe dream. I lived with people that I never knew, never made an effort to get to know beyond basic hanging out if our days off happened to coincide.

It took me no time to shower and change into jeans and a tank top, then get out there before the neighbors thought I was keeping pregnant women locked in a car. “Okay, want me to drive?”

Teddy glared. “You sayin’ I’m too fat to drive, pixie? Are ya?”

“Seriously? No, I’m saying I’m worried you might fall asleep at the wheel.”

“Oh. Don’t worry about that, I just woke up from a nap.” She flashed a devilish grin as she backed out of the parking space and drove too fast to an upscale burger joint I hadn’t eaten at yet.

“How are you a chef and you haven’t tried this place yet,” Teddy asked in disbelief as soon as we were seated.

I shrugged. “I haven’t had the time. Or the energy.”

“That’s a shame, these burgers are the bomb.”

Jana laughed, smacking the table, her eyes wide with shock. “Did you just say ‘da bomb’?”

“I did.”

“The nineties called, they want their slang back.”

Teddy rolled her eyes. “It’s called retro, bitch. I’m about to be a mom, I’m embracing old school.”

I laughed at their banter. It was sharp and sarcastic, but it was filled with a deep affection that resonated with every word. I listened for a long time as Jana talked about their honeymoon, they talked about pregnancy symptoms, too much in my opinion, but the salad starters were delicious.

“And what about you and Savior?” Jana asked. “What’s going on there?”

“Not a damn thing,” I told them honestly. “I haven’t seen him since he dropped me off after the wedding.”

That didn’t disappoint me, but it also didn’t surprise me either.

“How can that be?” Teddy sat up, full of outrage on my behalf. “I saw you two sneak off, probably to the same supply closet I dragged Tate to later. Much later.”

“You did. We did. And it was hot, really fucking hot.”

But it had also been incredibly intense, so hot and intense, so something I couldn’t name but I felt it down to my soul. It was too much, and it shook Savior even more. He’d pretty much shut down after that. Except when he reached for me in the night. Twice.

“But?” Jana was impatient, stabbing at her salad with more force than the arugula required.

“But what?”

I didn’t know what to say. That wasn’t true. I wasn’t sure how to say it to them. I kept my own secrets. I was my own advisor. But looking around the table, I knew if I wanted this friendship, I had to start somewhere.

“It’s easier if we don’t have to guess,” Teddy offered with no sympathy.

“Teddy,” Jana admonished her with a frown, still stabbing hungrily at her salad.

Teddy raised her shoulders as if she shouldn’t have to explain. “I’m just saying. This is what we do, talk. So, open up.”

She was right. So, painful as it was, I dipped my toe into this river called friendship and began. “It was intense, too intense. For both of us. Afterwards things got weird.” A small sigh escaped, as though I was breathless from sharing. The wading had turned into a deep dive into my emotions.

Two heads shook in unison. “Men,” Jana said, that one word dripping with disgust.

“Idiots,” Teddy added, equally upset. On my behalf.

“Thanks girls, but really, it’s not a big deal. I wasn’t expecting anything.”

“Yeah, well maybe you should.” Teddy stared at me, her gaze serious.

“Oh please!” Jana doubled over the table with laughter, pushing aside her now empty salad bowl. “Teddy likes to forget that she was all fuck ’em and dump ’em before Tate. Hell, even he was just some quick, convenient booty. Before they fell in loo-oove,” she sang, ending the note with a gag.

“How am I friends with such a bitch?” Teddy pondered out loud.

I laughed again. “You’re both nuts, that’s what I’ve learned today.”

“And that men — our men — would rather face bullets than emotions,” Jana added with authority.

“Your men,” I corrected. “I don’t have a man.” The server arrived with our burgers, cleared the salad plates and we all dug in, eating quietly for a few minutes. Well, I kept plowing through my slider sampler while they paused politely. To grill me.

“You know, Mandy, just because neither of you realize it, doesn’t mean he isn’t yours.” Jana gave words of wisdom around a bite of chili cheeseburger.

Her words nearly ruined my three bites of blue cheese and bacon slider. Nearly. “Or maybe it was just a few hot romps? That’s okay with me. I don’t do connections.”

Teddy snorted. “We’ve noticed.”

I rolled my eyes and Jana jumped in. “It’s not a criticism, we were the same way. Are the same way. We met at a support group for survivors, not college like most people. We were both too fucked up for that. Well, I was anyway.”

Teddy wiped the corners of her mouth with her napkin and then gave a piece of her story. “I wasn’t, but being a model meant I could fake it with the best of them,” she said with a teasing wink. “But we learned to do it because handling shit on your own is the worst.”

I shrugged, as if they were speaking a foreign language. “It’s what I know.”

Jana smiled. “Then we’ll teach you,” she said gently. “And don’t think you can get out of it,” she added with an attempt at a mean scowl.

“You don’t scare me, little girl.” I pointed at her face, shocking her.

“Little? You have what, half an inch on me?”

Teddy snorted. “Ask a man, they’ll tell you half an inch can make a big difference.” And just like that, the tension at the table burst as we all laughed. And ate. And laughed some more.

It was a good day.

A damn good day.

***

“Mandy, wait up!”

I recognized Krissy’s voice instantly and I didn’t wait. I sped up. Fuck her. I didn’t have time for her bullshit. Not today. Not when I hadn’t decided what I would do about my Krissy problem.

“Mandy!”

Her heeled boots sounded on the concrete, her heavy breaths coming closer.

“What the fuck?” she demanded.

“Take a hint,” I tossed back at her as I kept walking.

She grabbed my shoulder and I jerked away, pulling my arm back.

“Jeez, someone’s jumpy.”

“Don’t you fucking touch me girl,” I warned, facing her now so she could see the fire in my eyes.

“Fine, just slow down or stop for fuck’s sake!”

I stopped and glared at her while she explained.

“Look, I borrowed some money from Roadkill MC a while back and then shit went bad and I couldn’t pay.”

She dragged a shaky hand through her hair, proof it wasn’t just gambling getting her into trouble these days.

“You made counting look easy, but it’s not. The more decks they added, the worse I did.”

She pulled out a cigarette and lit it to stop her shaky hands. The hole she’d dug was impossible to pay back without a little luck. A hell of a lot of luck.

“I’m sure you could work it off somehow.”

Her brittle, bitter laugh almost made me cave, but I knew I hadn’t heard the punch line. I just kept listening.

“They’d have me whoring myself out or shoving drugs up my cunt, no thanks. Two hundred grand is a lot of cocks to suck.”

And there it was. That mercenary, selfish behavior that I hadn’t been able to recognize as a needy teenager, but now I saw that shit clear as day.

“So it’s okay for me to risk everything when, by my count, you’ll take all the earnings just to pay back your bikers? Same old Krissy.”

Her head darted around like she was high on something. I knew it was fear. “Come on, Mandy. This is my only shot.”

She sucked on the cigarette like she wished it was something harder, her eyes hard and wild.

“Then you should be practicing instead of bothering me.” I dug my hand into my purse, because that wild look in her eyes got a little too twitchy for my liking.

She was doing that dancing, pleading thing like she needed a fix. “Please, Mandy. Just do this for me. We used to be friends once.”

I laughed. “And back then I was too stupid to realize that I took all the risk and you reaped half the benefits. Now you want it all. As tempting as that sounds, I’ll pass.”

People didn’t change and I hated myself for having even one fucking flicker of hope that she was someone different. Someone better. My feet couldn’t carry me away from her fast enough.

She called after me, “Mandy, I already told them you’d help. These aren’t guys you say no to.”

I called back, “You shouldn’t have done that,” and sped up toward my car. I knew this probably meant I was in this shit knee-deep now, but no matter what I did, I would not help her or those fuckers.

I heard her coming after me.

“Just listen.”

She grabbed my shoulder and I spun around, aiming the container of pepper spray right at her eyes. “Dammit, what is your problem?”

I heard her startled intake of breath, saw the shock of betrayal in her eyes. Good. She knew how I felt after she’d worked me over.

I leaned into her face, my finger on the device. “Stay away from me. I mean it.” This time I knew she wouldn’t be coming after me.

Lately, leaving Las Vegas sounded better every day.