Chapter Fourteen

The restaurant was breathtaking. It took up the entire top floor of a very fancy hotel downtown and boasted a five-star celebrity chef. We had to take a very long elevator ride to the top, but it was more than worth it—the walls were all windows that allowed a 360-degree view of the city, as it sparkled in the night. I couldn’t seem to get enough and Cooper caught me staring. “Fantastic, isn’t it?”

All I could do was nod in agreement. Somewhere between exiting the limo and stepping into the gorgeous restaurant, my champagne cloud had lifted and my mind was at odds with itself again. It was like being back at square one with Cooper and unsure how to proceed. He was so damned sexy and it seemed anytime he poured on the charm, I fell for it—hook, line, and sinker.

“This is one of my favorite places. It’s amazing.” He set his hand on my waist. “Come on, our table is ready.”

I looked back to see a hostess was waiting for us. I set aside my mixed feelings and let him lead me to the table, his hand gently on my low back until he went to pull out my chair and help me get seated.

“Thank you,” I said as I sat down. He didn’t say anything, but the smile he offered was devastating. I was very aware of my every move. Even with my shapewear on, I felt exposed without my panties, and knowing that they were wet and sitting inside the pocket of Cooper’s undoubtedly expensive pants was making me insane. I fidgeted in my seat to get comfortable and watched him across the table, wondering if he could read my unease.

Cooper didn’t seem to notice. He kept his eyes trained on me as I got situated and then immediately ordered a bottle of—I’m assuming—very expensive wine and put in an order for some appetizers to get us started.

“I want you to try one of everything,” he said once the waiter had left the table.

“Not a good plan, if I ever want to fit in this dress again,” I said, desperate to break the spell he had somehow managed to cast on me.

He laughed. “Then take it off...”

I instantly felt my cheeks blush. “Cooper!” I hissed as the waiter approached to drop off the wine.

He shrugged and kept laughing.

“Someone is going to hear you,” I added.

“I can’t help it. You bring out this side of me,” he replied.

“Apparently, a lot of women do.”

He groaned. “Back to that again?”

“Did we ever really leave it?” I asked. Shot fired, I took a sip of my wine and waited for his response.

“I thought so—or at least I was hoping so. Allison, what is it going to take to convince you that I’m not the womanizing dirt bag that you make me out to me?”

Frustration bubbled up inside of me. I felt like this whole debate might as well be recorded and then we could save ourselves the words, and just hit play. It was the same thing over and over again. “It doesn’t really matter.”

“Obviously it does, since you keep throwing it in my face every other day. It’s like this automatic defense for you. You just throw up a wall because you’re afraid of actually feeling something.”

“I’m not afraid. But you know, even if I was, even if your little shrink speech was right, at least I’m afraid because I actually let myself care, you know, once upon a time, and…” I stopped, letting my words fade into the background chatter of the busy restaurant. If I said one more thing, I was going to break down and Cooper had already seen me way too vulnerable.

“So that’s it, huh? One guy treats you like shit and you think the rest of us are all the same as him?” Cooper’s voice was harsh, but not raised.

I looked away, staring into the distance, praying the tears in my eyes wouldn’t slip past my lashes.

“Not just one guy,” I whispered. “Every, single, one.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, Allison.”

“It’s fine.” I dabbed my napkin at my eyes and then dropped it back into my lap and finally met his gaze again. They were deep and I could see little concerned lines creeping in at the corners as he stared at me. “I’m tough. I’ll be just fine.”

Neither of us seemed to know what to say. The waiter came by and dropped off several plates of the appetizers. Cooper thanked him and automatically dished up a plate and set it in front of me. I grabbed my fork and picked at the food, not able to bring myself to actually take a bite. A few minutes of silence passed, the low buzz of the restaurant filling up the background, but not a word or sound exchanged between the two of us. I wracked my brain, trying to find some smooth segue that would get us back to where we were but everything I turned over in my head would sound stupid or hollow if I were to let myself speak it out loud. The fact that I didn’t even know what I wanted was only complicating things further. Did I want to explain myself, unpack all the horrible things that had happened to me in my past life? But what would be the point of that? I didn’t want him to pity me and I wasn’t dating him, so he really didn’t need to know. But it felt like a bottle of wine that already had the cork popped. It felt weird to just leave it like that. I wracked my brain, trying to find a bridge back to a safer topic of conversation, but couldn’t find anything to get me started.

So I sat, playing with the food presented in front of me, not saying anything.

“I was engaged,” Cooper confessed out of the silence that had settled between us.

“What?” My eyes flew up to his.

“Yeah, her name was Kayla. We were college sweethearts, back before all this.” He cast a gaze around the restaurant. “Anyway, we got engaged when I was still in grad school. But we never got married.”

“Why not?” I asked, my eyes glued to him.

“She got into an accident a month before the wedding. The doctors kept her on life support for a while, but there wasn’t anything...There wasn’t anything I—uhm—could do to bring her back.” He stopped to clear his throat. “That was four years ago.”

“I’m so sorry. God, that’s awful.” I placed my hand over the top of him, holding back my tears.

“After Kayla died--I don’t know, I got lost for a while. About a year later, my father passed and I didn’t have time to grieve anymore, for either of them, because I had to take over the company. I couldn’t let it fall apart, so that meant I had to keep it all together.”

“Cooper, I had no idea,” I whispered.

He smiled at me, but it was a sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You mean in all you’re stalking, you didn’t bother to Google me? I’m sure all this is right there on my Wiki page.”

I appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood but my heart was in a twisted ball and I couldn’t even force a smile.

He waved off his own comment. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad for me— I just wanted you to know. I don’t let those tragedies define me, but they are a part of who I am, for better or worse.”

“Wow. Thank you. It really does mean a lot that you would share your life with me.” My heart warmed with sympathy and something deeper as I thought about what he’d just shared with me. I had never seen him so vulnerable and soft. I squeezed his hand and brushed the back with my fingertips as I withdrew my hand from his.

“In the years since their deaths, I’ve done a lot of good, but I will admit that I’ve also done some things I’m not proud of, as well” He dropped his eyes to the tabletop, as if embarrassed by his confession. “But I never mean for anyone to get hurt and I’m sorry if my behavior has hurt you in any way.”

I was speechless. I wanted to rush forward with some all-encompassing blanket statement that forgave him for everything and that I would open my heart and give him another chance. But I couldn’t untangle my thoughts from my emotions and didn’t trust myself to speak. Cooper’s eyes searched mine, sweeping back and forth from his place across the table. I couldn’t stop the racing pace of my heart as it thumped against my chest or the tremble of my legs as they bobbed anxiously under the table, and I couldn’t help the swept-up, overwhelming desire to let myself fall.

Suddenly, a bolt of anxiety swept over me, and snapped me back. “Sooo…let me ask you this. What was your intention the other day when you kicked me out of your house and stopped answering my calls? That was a pretty douchey thing to do. How do you expect me to trust you, when you pull shit like that on me?”

To his credit, he didn’t back away from the conversation. His eyes darkened and, at first, I expected him to lash back with anger. “I had a meeting. It was non-negotiable for me to be there. As for your calls, Allison, I’m a very busy man. My phone rings from sun up to sun down, and most days, well into the night. I wasn’t avoiding you.”

I wanted to ask about the late night visit to the actress, but realized that if I opened that box, it would require a lot of explaining. Not to mention that the way I had found his location was unethical—and, quite possibly, illegal.

I nodded, choosing to accept his explanation. “So, I guess we’re both a couple of hopeless basket cases, huh?” I asked, desperate to lighten the mood. I dropped my eyes, and started to pick casually at my meal. I couldn’t handle the feelings that he was stirring in me.

He laughed. “Well, I try not to use the word hopeless, but yes. Safe to say, we’re both pretty fucked up.”

I laughed and it came out like a snort as I had just taken a sip of my wine. I dabbed my smile with the cloth napkin before raising my eyes back to Cooper, wanting to share in the amusement.

“In the name of full disclosure, I have to admit I did have ulterior motives when I asked you to come to dinner with me tonight.”

My eyes widened and my heart started to race, wondering what bomb he was about to drop on me now.

“I want you to come and work for me. For Brighton Enterprises.”

“What?” I set my fork down. “Work for you?”

“Don’t act so surprised. I’ve offered you the job before, you just weren’t willing to take it.”

“And what makes you think I’ll take it now?”

“Because you’re a smart girl. You need a respectable job, with benefits and good pay.”

“Speaking of benefits…what’s up with paying my rent? Why would you do that? I can take care of myself.”

“Yes,” He laughed and took a sip of his wine. “You proved that to me when I pulled you kicking and screaming from the strip club.”

He was right, but I hesitated. “What’s in it for you?”

“I get you.” His voice was low and his words soaked into me, sending a rush of excitement and anxiety down my back.

“What does that mean? You get me? Do I have to walk around your office in my bra and panties all day?”

He laughed. “Would that be so bad?”

I cocked a skeptical eyebrow in his direction, waiting for a real answer.

“No,” he said, serious again. “As alluring as that visual image might be, no. The job would be a position within the IT department. I know you have crazy computer skills and I need someone to work on a special project. It relates to the Plush line and doing some formula changes. I figured that would interest you as well.”

I took another sip of wine, buying myself a moment to consider his offer. He watched me as I sipped and then grabbed his phone from his jacket pocket. He typed at the screen and then turned it to face me.

“This would be your starting salary,” he explained.

I nearly choked on my wine. I sputtered for a moment and covered my mouth.

The amount was obscene. It was nearly triple what I had been offered— starting salary at Spotlight and even that had been more than I had ever dreamed possible for myself.

“Cooper…” My voice trailed off, my thought not fully developed.

“Take the job Allison.”

“But what about…us?” I asked, immediately wondering if I sounded stupid using a term like “us” to describe Cooper and me.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

I paused, unsure how to explain my thoughts without presuming something that hadn’t been spoken. While Cooper and I had shared some dark things, and certainly had a moment of real, emotional connection, that didn’t mean he was interested in anything more than a physical fling when all his other options were shut down. I still didn’t know what he was up to with the actress, and God only knew how many other women were lurking in the background, waiting to get their claws into him. At my brief employment at Spotlight, I had seen firsthand how many women were ready and willing to throw themselves at him.

“I mean, how would it look to hire someone you have been, you know…” I got hung up midway.

“Sleeping with?” Cooper suggested.

“Yes. Sleeping with. I don’t want another fiasco like at Spotlight with people talking shit and making my life a waking nightmare.”

He shook his head. “First of all, my employees know better than to gossip about me. And secondly, it’s not something that I’m planning to broadcast around. I don’t want anyone to feel like they have dirt on you. Not that what we’re doing is dirty.”

“It’s not?” I asked, smiling.

“Not yet.” His eyes gleamed with suggestion and I felt myself getting aroused again. I thought briefly if I’d left a wet spot on the seat, or God forbid—my dress!

I looked down at the number again and then back up at Cooper.

“Okay,” I whispered.

His face lit up with a satisfied smile and he reached over to shake my hand. I laughed at his professional gesture, which seemed absurd, considering my wet panties were still bundled up inside his pocket.

“Now that we got that out of the way, I want you to come home with me,” Cooper said, suddenly deadly serious. His eyes locked back on mine and I knew, this time, I couldn’t look away.

I hesitated for a moment, my eyes searching his as my mind teetered back and forth.

“Allison.” His voice was low, barely above a whisper, and my heart wrenched at the sound.

As he waited for my answer, he pulled the panties out of his pocket and laid them out on the table between us. “What happened in the car was only the beginning,” he said, leaning over to whisper the promise into my ear.

My pulse quickened and my mind raced with curiosity. I couldn’t speak—my lips wouldn’t form the right words. All the things I’d wanted to say were flying around inside my head, but I couldn’t capture any of the thoughts long enough to explain it to him. I was afraid to fall, but the thought of saying no and losing him scared me even more.

I stared into his eyes and I had the overwhelming sense that I didn’t need to say anything. There was no explanation for the thing, the force, the need, the craving between us. In that moment, I knew that it was pointless to fight it. I wanted him. Every fiber of my heart and soul and my body wanted him.

“Yes,” I exhaled.

Something flickered in his eyes, a deep satisfaction, but he didn’t smile. Wordlessly, he took my hand and led me out of the restaurant and into the night.