Chapter Eight
In the course of a week, I had turned into the very person I had sworn I would never be again.
“What is the matter with me, Sam?” I rolled over in my bed and questioned the squished feline face that was staring at me from the pile of pillows on the floor. After fleeing Cooper’s office, I had taken a cab back to the pastry shop to get in my car and go home. I spent the rest of the day nursing a bottle of wine and ended the night with a shot of cold medicine. I woke up tangled in the sheets, makeup smeared all over my pillows, and I got pissed all over again and threw them all over the floor and went back to sleep. When I woke up again, Sam had nested down and was watching me intently. At my question, he offered a slow blink and then flopped back, signaling he would like his belly rubbed.
I rolled my eyes but smiled as I scooted over to the edge of the bed and extended a hand to pet him. “Thanks for taking my problems so seriously. You’re a real lifesaver.”
My internal disappointment wasn’t with the act itself. Even in the midst of my self-loathing, I had to admit it was the hottest sex of my life. Not that I had been with a million guys, but nothing had ever come close to the heat and power of the interlude with Cooper.
Cooper.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. His dark eyes were waiting for me behind my closed lids. There was no escaping him. He was in my thoughts, my deepest fantasies, and now in my most passionate memories.
His hands on my bare skin, tracing the outlines of my tattoos. Kissing my face, not missing one single freckle. His teeth nipping at my lower lip. The way he filled me and the power behind each thrust.
I groaned and dug my fingers into the sheets as my body heated up all over again.
“Fuck!”
I shoved up out of bed and stalked off to my bathroom to take a—very cold—shower, desperate to scrub away the tingles all over my skin.
Two hours later, I was back in my cubicle, doing my best to keep Cooper as far from my mind as possible. This proved to be quite the challenge since my entire job currently revolved around him. Luckily, Bryce was in meetings all morning and no one else in the office would dare talk to me. About me seemed fine—but not directly to me.
I spent most of the morning on the internet, poking around and not really doing anything productive. My inbox was empty and around lunch time, I started to wonder what the point was. I was literally being paid to sit and play Sudoku on my phone. I know a lot of people who would love that gig. However, I found it really boring. When I worked at the coffee shop, I was always busy. There was always cleaning to do, restocking to take care of, product displays to fix. Never an idle moment. The days flew by and I went home tired from an honest day’s work.
This was just pathetic.
I checked my email again.
Nothing.
I debated going to refill my coffee but I didn’t want to risk running into the reception brat pack that usually congregated in the break room this time of day.
All I knew was that if I didn’t get something to occupy my brain soon, Cooper was going to take over again and I really couldn’t let that happen.
For the tenth time in the last twenty minutes, I hit refresh and frowned when no new messages pulled up. A flutter of disappointment flashed through me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was wishing for him to send me something. Anything. Anything to prove that he actually cared about me, in some small way, and that I wasn’t just another conquest on his list. For all I knew, he could have a personal goal about banging every new associate under thirty-five, or something like that.
Even at the thought, I rolled my eyes. I knew better than that. I didn’t know what was happening between us, but somehow I knew it was more than that.
Wasn’t it?
I hit refresh again.
“Argh!” I pushed back from my desk, flinging my arms up in frustration.
Logically, I knew this unresolved feeling hanging over my head was my entire fault. I was the one who ran for cover at the first chance. I had spent the better part of a day trying to figure that whole thing out. I had been hit with a huge wave of anxiety over my appearance, my unapologetic need for this man I hardly even knew, the stress of him being tangled up with my company and causing unrest in my job security—and the job security of a friend. All the frazzled, half-baked thoughts rattled around my brain as I sat, like a complete loony, hitting refresh, wishing and hoping…for what? Was I waiting for a declaration of love and commitment? I decided that wasn’t the case, when the very idea sent a blast of nausea to my stomach. Did I just want him to be honest with me, for once, so I could stop feeling like such an idiot around him, like he always had the upper hand? Possibly. Or at least, that seemed more likely than the first idea.
I leaned back in my chair and lay my head back, shutting my eyes against the harsh light of the fluorescent lights above me.
A new idea popped in my head and I straightened up in my chair and scooted back to my computer. I clicked New, and started to furiously type. I kept it professional—well okay, ninety-nine percent professional—and wrote a convincing argument against BHA, inserting a long list of links to research at the bottom of the page.
Even if Cooper was done with me and never wanted to see me again, I still wanted to use my last little ounce of influence to try and make a difference. On the plus side, it also kept my brain occupied and made me look intensely busy to any lurking managers or co-workers.
Once the email was finished, I re-read it to myself, whispering the words under my breath as I went along. I made a few changes and then hit Send. I brushed my hands against each other and leaned back in my chair.
“What was that all about?”
“Shit!” I exclaimed, almost falling out of my chair at the interruption of Bryce’s voice. “How long have you just been lurking there?”
“Long enough to watch you type the better part of that novel you just sent off. What’s going on? Are you getting in more trouble? Because let me tell you, doll, I can’t handle anymore drama this week. I got my ass handed to me this morning. Good thing I promised Rita I’d watch over you. That seemed to calm her down for the most part.”
“I’m sorry, Bryce. I promise no more drama. It was just some research that Coo—I mean, that Mr. Brighton asked me to do,” I answered, fibbing ever so slightly.
Bryce scanned me for a moment, acting like some kind of human lie detector.
“What?” I asked, giving him my best doe-eyed expression.
“You’re up to something. But you know what, the less I know, the better. Keeps me out of trouble that way. I can deny, deny, deny.”
I laughed and he smiled back at me. Finally, things seemed to be back to normal between us.
“Listen, I do appreciate all the help you’ve given me. I hope I haven’t caused any long-term problems for you here.”
He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Nothing irreversible.”
“All right.”
“So I actually came by to drop off these training packets.” He extended his hand and held out a thick packet of paperwork for me. “I figure it’s time we get you back on track for your actual job. I checked in with the ads department this morning and it sounds like Mr. Brighton gave his approval to all the new ads you helped with and he won’t need anything until next quarter. So you’re off the hook.”
“That’s great!” I smiled, but inside I felt a stab of disappointment. I guess that was the confirmation I had been looking for all morning. But it was less satisfying than I’d imagined. It all seemed so anti-climactic. That was it? It was just over now?
The sadness morphed into a flicker of anger as I wondered if yesterday in his office had been the goal all along and it hadn’t been about ads in the first place. I mean, really, how stupid was I to think that he would just swoop in and handpick me to take on such an important task, with no experience, training, or track record?
Well, consider me played.
“Are you okay, Allie?” Bryce asked as he studied the shift of emotions play out on my face.
I did my best to snap out of it. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m glad I finally get to do my real job! I was about to die of boredom over here in the cubicle wasteland without any real direction, now that Mr. Brighton isn’t spoon feeding me instructions. Thanks.”
He still seemed skeptical but he left me alone. “No problem. I have another meeting I have to get to,” he checked his watch, “now. But catch up with me later if you have questions.”
I was filled with questions. Sadly, none of them were things I could expect any help on.
“Sure thing,” I answered. He scampered down the hall and I turned back to my computer. I opened the pack and started to scan the instructions, following the steps on my computer, but my eyes glazed over and made it hard to read, much less understand, the information in front of me.
When five o’clock hit, I tossed it all aside and knew I would have to start from the beginning the next morning. I made my way out of the building, doing my best to avoid the pockets of people busy making happy hour plans. When I first took this job, I knew I was way out of my league, I knew it would be a challenge to ever fit in with these people. However, as I wove around the clusters of co-workers I caught hints of their whispers and the daggers in some of their eyes as they watched me pass by. I put my head down and shut it out, waiting till I got into the safety of my car to release the frustrated tears that had been building up since leaving Cooper’s office the day before.