Chapter Eleven — Cooper

Allie’s dad woke up the next afternoon, and after a brief introduction, I left her and her family to have some private time and went back to the house. Back in Allie’s room, the memories of the night before rushed back to me, filling me with a mixture of emotions. The harsh comments she’d made during our argument in the shower were still haunting me, and even though we’d come together for an explosive night of passion after she’d apologized, the words wouldn’t get out of my head—and neither did the feelings they’d evoked.

Perhaps the most chilling of all, was the small seed of doubt. I would deny her accusations all day long, and say whatever it was I thought would reassure her of my feelings for her, but somewhere in the back of my mind, there was now a nagging voice asking if maybe there wasn’t some truth to what she’d said. Since the moment I’d seen Allie—and definitely from the first conversation with her—I’d known she was a firecracker. She wasn’t afraid of anything—at least, that’s how it looked from the outside—and never backed down from a challenge. Her rough and tumble personality had been such a huge turn on, making the chase to get her even more exhilarating, but now…in what I hoped would be a long term relationship, I was struggling to see how our strong personalities would ever fully co-exist with each other. Would it always be this way? A constant source of tension and frustration? I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I didn’t even want to try. But, at the same time, as it was, were we really happy? Could you have a happily ever after without the happy?

Granted, in terms of relationships, this was my first real attempt to be with a woman for more than a week, so who was I to judge? In all my wild oats years, I’d apparently lost all grip on what is, and therefore isn’t, normal. If there was such a thing.

I went for a long run, taking in the sights of the small town, many of them familiar because of Allie’s mother’s animated descriptions from dinner the night before. When I returned to the house, I was drenched with sweat, but the thoughts and worries were all there waiting for me as soon as I went back to Allie’s room.

I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of gym shorts before sitting down on the edge of the bed and dialing Angela’s number. She answered on the second ring with a chirpy “Hey big bro!”

I smiled, thankful for the warmth and energy in her voice. After months of seeing her weak and beat down with disease, it was nearly enough to bring tears to my eyes to have her happy and healthy again, sounding like her old self. “Hey Angie, whatcha up to?”

“I’m actually going on an audition this afternoon,” she exclaimed.

My smile froze in place. “Oh, wow. Congrats,” I said, trying to infuse an air of enthusiasm I didn’t quite feel. Even though she sounded like her old self, she was still recovering, and I didn’t want anything to upset her miraculous progress.

“Jeeze, try to sound a little happier about it,” Angela scoffed. “It’s a small role, but I really like the script, and I think it would be the perfect project to get me back in the game.”

I hesitated, I’d really called her to talk about Allie and get her advice, but since the conversation had been started, I knew I needed to tell her my thoughts. “I’m happy for you, Angie. I just want to make sure you don’t get in over your head and have a setback. You know how it gets, even on small sets, it’s long, relentless hours with little to no down time and it gets hard to find time for things like working out, eating right, and all the things that are essential to you making a full recovery.”

“Coop, I know you’re worried, and I appreciate it. You’ve been by my side for everything, and I know you’re just being protective big brother, but you have to trust me and let me figure things out for myself. I know my body and I know what I’m capable of. It’s just an audition. If I get the part, it will still be months away before I start filming.”

Her tone was soft, and her words gentle, but for some reason, it triggered the memories of the argument with Allie. Some of the things she was saying were almost the same as what Allie had said. “Fair enough,” I replied, sinking back further on the bed.

“How are things over there? How’s Allie holding up?” Angela asked, her voice filled with concern. I’d called her before boarding the plane to let her know I’d be out of town for a while and had been keeping her updated via text messages since landing in Kansas.

I caught her up on the day’s events, leaving out the argument with Allie from the night before. I wanted her advice, but wasn’t sure how to explain it all to her.

“That’s great that he’s awake! I bet Allie feels so much better. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose a parent,” her voice trailed off. “Cooper, I’m sorry, that was a stupid thing for me to say. Obviously, you’ve been through this too,” she said, an edge of panic in her voice.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” I assured her. As my half sister, we shared our mother, and she still had her father in her life, although he and our mom had divorced years ago.

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m all right, I haven’t really thought much about losing Dad,” I answered. It was the truth. The circumstances under which I lost my dad were much different and didn’t have a lot of cross points that would trigger memories. I still missed my father all the time—especially when business dealings got dicey and I wished he was there to ask for advice. I often wondered what he’d think of the things I’d done with the company he’d spent his life building.

“Well, that’s good, I guess. You know I’m always here to talk when you need me,” Angela said.

I took a deep breath, it was now or never. “You know, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Of course!” She almost sounded surprised. It wasn’t often I asked anyone for advice, and I definitely had never asked anyone for relationship advice.

I blew out the breath I’d been holding and launched into the explanation of the argument with Allie, recapping the conversation to Angela.

“Yikes,” she said when I tapered off.

“That bad, huh?” I shifted, pushing off the bed and beginning to pace the room.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. It just sounds like there are a lot of different issues that all came out at once, which is never a good thing. Were you guys having problems before Allie found out about her dad?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. She was really stressed with all the legal issues, and work has been really busy, I guess we haven’t connected in a while, but I thought everything was more or less heading in the right direction. I mean, I was having some crazy thoughts, you know, about the future.”

“Crazy how?” Angela asked.

I hesitated, suddenly wishing I’d left that part out. I didn’t need Angela getting too excited before anything had even been decided. “Well, I was thinking about the long term, the things I want to do with her, the places I want to go, things I want to see and experience. The idea of marriage was definitely there.”

“Was?”

I sighed and raked my free hand through my hair. “Is? I don’t know. I love her, Angie, I really do. I can’t lose her, but if she’s not happy with me…I don’t want her to feel like she has to be something she’s not or try to fit into some mold of what she thinks I want. If she changes herself for me, she’ll hate me later, and I couldn’t deal with that.”

“So, let me ask you this, do you want her to change? I know you love her, but sometimes that’s not enough. You know I think the world of Allie and I love the two of you together. I think you’re good for each other. But, is there maybe some truth to what she’s saying? Do you want some Stepford wife?”

“No!”

“Then you need to tell her that. Cooper, I love you, but let’s be honest, you’re more than a little bit of a control freak. Most of the time, it seems like Allie’s handled that well and has taken it all in stride, but with everything else piled on top of her, it sounds like she’s feeling suffocated. You need to show her that you love her just like she is, and that you’re not looking for her to contort herself into anything else. If she needs more time before she can give up her apartment and move in with you, then let her. If she wants to ride her bike instead of hopping on a private plane, let her.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense to me. Why does she want to stay in her cracker-jack box apartment when she could live in a penthouse? Why would she want to ride her bike across three states when she could be there in a few hours on a luxury plane? I’m only trying to make her life better—easier!”

“It doesn’t necessarily matter why, Cooper. You can’t question every decision she makes. Come on, you’d freak the hell out if you had someone questioning your every move and thought! Remember that you fell in love with her because of her unique, feisty spirit, so enjoy it, and stop trying to tamp it down. I know you mean well and only want to help her and spoil her, but I don’t think she can see it that way right now.”

Angela’s advice hit me square in the chest and I nodded along. Growing up, my parents had always given us the best of everything, and less than the best was looked down upon. With Allie, I’d been treating her life choices as second rate, and even though it hadn’t been out of malice, I could see where making her feel she was settling for second best, when it came to things she loved and treasured, was not acceptable. “Thanks Angie. You’re the best. Now, go knock ‘em dead at that audition!”

“Thanks Cooper. Send my love to Allie.”

“I will. Thanks again.”

We hung up and as I set the phone down on the bed, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. It was easier to breath and my mood was lighter than it had been in days. I debated going back to the hospital—not wanting to be apart from Allie for even another minute—but in the end, decided to give them more time alone as a family.

* * * *

By the time Allie and her family arrived home, they were all more relaxed and happy. Being there the moment her father had stirred and opened his eyes, seeing his family for the first time since the accident, was a moment I knew I’d never forget. I was in the kitchen, returning the favor her mother had given the night before, by plating a spread of food. Allie rounded the corner and my heart nearly stopped at the broad, beaming smile on her face.

“Hey!” I greeted as she sailed across the kitchen. I set down the container I was emptying onto a large serving platter, and took her into my arms. She popped up on her toes and pressed a kiss to my lips. “How’s he doing?”

“Amazing!” She exclaimed.

Her mother joined us in the kitchen. “What’s all this?” She asked, looking at the containers of food.

“You were so kind to serve us dinner last night, I thought tonight I’d take care of it,” I explained. “I’m not much of a chef, but I’m pretty good at ordering in.”

Allie’s mom ran a comforting hand across my back and shot a knowing look at Allie. “I’m telling you, Allie, you found a prince! Thank you, Cooper. This looks wonderful!”

I nodded and bit back a laugh as Allie looked over at me. “I swear, in her head, she’s already picking out wedding dresses!”

“Is that such a terrible thing?” Her mom asked, shrugging before leaving us alone in the kitchen.

I cut a glance over at Allie, trying to read her mind. Thinking back to my confession to Angela, about having my own thoughts of marriage, I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d think about that idea? Was marriage something she wanted down the line? With me? We’d never talked about it, and a sharp sting reminded me how little we still knew about each other. Before I could ask her, she pressed a kiss to my cheek, “Thank you for doing this, Cooper. Really.”

Allie washed her hands at the kitchen sink and then turned back to help me finish plating everything. We worked shoulder by shoulder as she recounted the conversation with the doctor. “—so, it looks like he could be released tomorrow if this continues.”

“That’s great,” I smiled over at her.

She returned the smile, but then it faded slightly. “There is one thing though…”

My heart jumped into my throat.

“He’s going to need a lot of care for the first few weeks, or even months, as he works on recovering all the way. My mom can’t take much more time away from work and someone needs to be here around the clock…”

“That’s not a problem,” I jumped in. “We’ll hire the best of the best and make sure he has someone here twenty four, seven.”

Allie’s face fell. “That’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

“What do you mean?”

She turned towards me and took my hand. “I meant me. I told my parents I’d move back home.”

At her words, everything inside me welled up, ready to lay out a hundred reasons why that was the wrong decision and present her with a list of other options, but the conversation with Angela was fresh in my mind, her advice ringing in my ears, as I forced a smile on my face, and told Allie, “That sounds even better.” Even though the idea of her moving back to Kansas ripped my heart into a million tiny shreds.