Chapter 28
Nicole
Allen left to go to work the following morning after Noelle arrived home to spend some time with me as I recovered on the couch. Nobody was willing to leave me alone right now even though Ricky was dead. I accepted her offer of more coffee. Noelle brought us each one and grabbed the remote to turn on Netflix, gushing about the show we always watched together.
I wish I cared about it, but I couldn’t get last night out of my mind. I remembered everything that Allen did to me as I tried to focus on the couple on the television, shivering as my body heated up just at the memory. It was so hot but I felt something else between us as well. I felt him pulling away from me.
I played back the experience with Ricky reluctantly, sipping the coffee. I knew how much worse it could have been. I knew all of that but I could still feel the dirty mattress underneath me as I shifted on the couch.
I could still feel his fists hitting me as Noelle laughed at something that happened and I blinked as she looked at me.
“Are you okay?” Noelle asked me as I blinked and nodded slowly. “Oh, honey. You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”
“I can’t help it. It’s like a movie in my head that won’t stop playing. I know that I’m so lucky but I thought I’d never see you again.” A tear slid down my cheek.
“You’re here. Allen saved you.” She sniffled and hugged me gently.
I replayed him moaning my name last night. It was so passionate but he rolled away from me too easily, excusing himself to get some water and disappearing for a little while.
“He was a wreck while you were gone, Nic. He barely slept and I had to force him to eat when I wasn’t falling apart myself. He did so good going to get you. Brandon told me that he never acted like that over a woman before.”
“I didn’t see him at all. I was already unconscious but there was so much in his eyes when he walked into the ER. He looked tormented, Noelle. He still did last night even after we, you know.” I sighed as she rested her head on my shoulder.
“He’s crazy about you. I’m certain he’s probably more in love with you as you are him.” Noelle lifted her head to look at me. “He hasn’t left your side since he found you.”
“I know something is different now, Noelle. I can feel it.” Fear pierced my heart as I played back the kidnapping and everything afterward. I stared at the floor in dismay.
“It’s just a few days after your rescue. It’s okay to feel this way, and we’ll work through it together. I’m working as little as possible for the next week or so and I’ll be here a ton.” She stroked my hair calmly and I remembered Allen brushing my hair out so gently on the bed.
She tilted my head to look at her. “Remember when we were little and I used to wake up from bad dreams?”
I nodded, wondering where she was going with this.
“Do you remember what you did to calm me down?” she asked.
“I sang to you,” I responded as we both started singing the lullaby softly. Noelle wrapped her arms around me and I cried as a sang, slightly uncomfortable with the way the tables turned in just that moment. I was supposed to protect her and keep her safe but she covered me with the warmth of her embrace in this moment. She was protecting me.
We worked through our tears and then settled in to watch the show together. I was still distracted with my thoughts but I knew that Noelle was supporting me no matter what. I knew she loved me. All I wanted that entire time was to come home to her and keep living my life and I was here. I made it home thanks to Allen.
I read the story on the news and learned that Ricky and his men were shot to death by the police. I cried when I read that Ricky was preparing to kill me and Noelle hugged me through that. I felt like she was going to be the constant in my life despite Allen being here so much with me. I wasn’t experienced and I didn’t understand the thoughts that I was having, the doubts. I didn’t know where they were coming from.
Brandon dropped by with some pizza for an early dinner.
I glanced at the door behind him. “Where’s Allen?” I could see the darkness in his eyes as he walked to the kitchen for plates and stared at Noelle.
“He’s at the station. He needed to handle something but he’ll be here soon.” Brandon sat beside Noelle and handed her a plate as she reached for the box open on the table.
“Thanks for this,” she told him as she gave him a smile.
I’d seen my sister date before much to my disapproval, but this was different. This had something more to it and I wished that I felt that way with Allen instead of worrying what was about to come.
I nibbled on a slice of pizza and sipped a soda as Brandon caught up with some scores on TV. I observed him quietly, noting that he had a tough exterior but was compassionate underneath it all. He obviously cared about my sister and Allen was blood to him. That was apparent in the little time we had spent together. I knew that Brandon had an idea of what was going on with his friend, but he wasn’t going to tell me. That wasn’t how the code worked, or at least what I assumed.
I handed my plate to Noelle as she asked if I was finished and she took it to the sink. It made me proud that she worked without even thinking about it and I thanked God that I raised her right. I had no idea what I was doing as we grew up together but she was a good person and I wiped at another tear as I heard a knock at the door.
“I’ll get that,” Brandon told me, standing, and walking the short distance to the front door. I stared forward at the basketball game on the screen, waiting for footsteps to come back into the room. I did hear the door close and hushed voices for several minutes before Brandon and Allen walked into the room.
He looked good but his shoulders were tense as he glanced at me. Noelle walked in and gave him a plate for some pizza and Allen sat down on the couch after he grabbed two slices. He ate as they talked casually about work, filling me in on some of the newest happenings on my case. There was obviously no court to worry about in the future but they were digging up some more details about Ricky. They found some of the girls unharmed and Bennett had been cleared in her role. She wanted to see me soon and I realized I needed a new phone. I never saw mine again after Ricky kidnapped me.
“I’ll need to get a new phone. I think I lost mine,” I murmured as Allen looked at me with a chill in his eyes. He didn’t offer to take me and I shrank back into the recliner as Noelle gave me a curious look. She looked as confused as I felt and Allen took one more bite of the pizza before he set the plate on the table and cleared his throat.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” His voice broke into my thoughts as I looked at Allen. He raised his eyebrows and I nodded slowly as we both stood. He helped me and then tucked my hand into his arm as we walked back to the bedroom. He sat me down and started to pace the small room as he stared at the floor.
I forced the memory of us making love into my head as I watched him with worry flooding my heart.
“Are you okay?” I asked as he let out a harsh breath and turned to face me. He moved to sit on the bed beside me and I stared at him as pain crossed his face.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he told me. “I can’t see you anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I asked in shock as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
“Every time I look at you, the guilt takes over. I see your bruises and the way you have to move slowly and I know it’s all my fault.” He looked up at me and I saw the sadness in his eyes. “If I had left you alone, you could have been able to move on with your life. You would never have been taken by him and hurt the way that you were. I thought I was doing the right thing in what I did, but I made things so much worse for you.” Guilt filled his eyes and I shook my head.
“It’s not your fault. Ricky was crazy. He was greedy. I’ve never blamed you for any of this,” I assured him with tears in my eyes as I struggled with the reality of him leaving me. “Allen, I need you.”
“I need some space. I need to think this through away from you where I am always feeling so bad. I can’t see you like this anymore.” His voice rose as I let it sink in that this was happening. “I can’t see your broken body and not hate myself.”
“I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you.” I insisted as he closed his eyes for a moment.
“Brandon is going to be around to keep an eye on you. He’ll keep me posted because I need to know but I can’t be with you anymore.”
I reached out and caught his arm as Allen’s eyes shot open. They were shimmering with tears and I felt the moisture on my cheeks as I gripped him tightly.
“You changed my life, Allen. I never knew what it was to worry about anything more than taking care of my sister. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. I can’t lose you.” I started to cry as he stood and shifted from one foot to the other nervously, losing the confidence that I’d always noticed about him. “You don’t even want this, do you?”
“I do,” he insisted as I moved to reach out for him again. “It has to be this way, Nicole. I have to walk away.”
“You’re a coward, Allen. You saved me that night like some knight in shining armor and now you’re walking away. I thought a cop could handle things a little better,” I was shocked at the words coming out of my mouth and I covered it with my hand as tears flowed down my cheeks. I wasn’t this cruel. But he was cruel for leaving me. “Oh, God.”
He walked out of the room as a sob escaped my throat and I rested my face in my hands. In the books, trauma always brought couples closer together. In those cases, it seemed like the more drama the better but I just lost Allen. He couldn’t stand to look at me.
I heard a door and then Noelle was on the bed beside me, hugging me. I clung to her through the pain that filled my heart. “He left me,” I cried as she held me in her arms and stroked my hair. “He saved me and then he left me.”
“He’s scared, Nic. He’s full of guilt. He would never have done this otherwise.” Noelle assured me as she held me tighter.
“Can you sing to me?” I asked as I started to cry harder. She started in softly, her voice getting louder as she got further into the familiar song. Noelle eased me down to the pillows, comforting me as she sang the song over again to calm me.