Chapter 36

Cassie

I came out of the trailer and stretched my arms high over my head, wincing at the pain in my lower back. I put my arms down and sighed, feeling like I was ninety-nine years old. I walked over to the picnic table and sat down. I felt like I could fall asleep right there. My motivation for the day had gone right out the window, and there was nothing I could do to get it back. I just wanted to get through that internship and be done with it. I needed the money though, especially since my father still hadn’t spoken to me and I wasn’t sure he ever would again. I had to admit, the last few days had been hard on me. My mind was whirling around everything that was going on, thinking about my father, wishing my mother had been a caring mom, and generally feeling sorry for myself. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but with the hormones, nothing emotional was able to escape my brain.

“Hello, girlie,” Bill said, sitting down across from me. “You okay? You have been looking blue lately.”

“I’m all right.” I sighed. “Just tired, want to sleep all the time, and life keeps throwing me curveballs.”

“That is true. Life has a way of knocking you when you are already down,” he said. “Look, if you want to take the rest of the day off after lunch, go ahead. I got this. I won’t even clock you out.”

“Thanks, Bill,” I said. “I might take you up on that.”

“Good,” he said, standing up. “I’m going to go bust some heads and get them movin’.”

I smiled and watched Bill walk across the site. No one at work knew I was pregnant, but it wasn’t hard to figure out that something serious was going on in my life. I couldn’t hide it anymore. I felt like I was about to burst. I thought when I finally got Scott back in my life, I would feel better about everything, that things would go back to being happy and exciting. But when my father kicked me out of his life, I’d felt like someone had punched me in the gut, and I couldn’t seem to recover from it. It honestly was a terrible feeling, almost like depression, but I knew things would get better, or at least I hoped they would because I felt awful. I wanted everyone to be as excited as Scott’s aunt, to be there for us, motivate us, push us to do better, but instead, my side of the family gave up and walked in the opposite direction. It didn’t make any sense to me.

I had never felt alone like I did then. It felt like the only people I truly had were Scott and Whitney most of the time. My mother hadn’t talked to me in ages, and my father was off on his stubborn, angry kick, making me feel like total shit. Sometimes I started to think I only found happiness in the situation because I had to. My father only acted like he loved me when I was making the choices he supported, and there was no one else. Scott had stuck by me through all of this, but even he had been acting strange lately.

I went back to work, wanting to get the first half of the day done and over with. I was tired of thinking, tired of worrying all the damn time. The sun was hot that day, and I kept a bottle of water on me at all times, not wanting to pass out at the site. When the bell tolled for lunch, I opened my Uber app and ordered one over to me. I barely even said a word to anyone, just hopped inside and headed toward the Chinese restaurant close to Whitney’s parents’ house. We were meeting for lunch that day, and I needed a friendly face.

“Hey, girl,” she said from where she was standing out front. “Where is your car?”

“I left it at my father’s that one day, and now I’m too afraid to go get it.” I smiled. “It’s not a big deal. I’d probably fall asleep at the wheel if I were the one driving.”

“Yeah, let’s keep you in a cab,” she said. “You hungry?”

“I’m starving, like eat-a-rhino starving.”

“Wow, calm down.” She laughed and opened the door.

We sat down and ordered drinks and appetizers, and Whitney watched as I skimmed through the menu, picking out enough food for three grown men. She laughed and shook her head.

“What?” I said. “I can take home what I don’t eat and have it later for a snack.”

“I think it’s cute,” she said. “You are an adorable pregnant woman.”

“I don’t even look pregnant. I look like a really hungry small woman.” I chuckled, feeling better being around Whitney.

“So, how have things been?” she asked.

“Okay,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I met Scott’s aunt, who is the closest thing to a mother he has.”

“How was that?”

“It was great. She is an incredibly sweet woman, and I can tell Scott really does care about her. She was ecstatic about the baby, hugged me a million times. It was nice having someone like that around, although it did make me a little sad. It left me feeling kind of jealous and alone on my side of the family.”

“Did you try calling your mom?”

“Yeah,” I said. “No answer, no call back. And what’s even worse is that over the last couple of days, Scott has been acting weird. I can’t describe it, almost standoffish, making me feel like everyone—except you, of course—is against me. It’s a very lonely feeling.”

“Did you fight?”

“No. Not at all,” I said. “I don’t know, maybe I’m imagining the whole damn thing. Either way, I can’t shake this feeling that something is up, and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t go accusing people of things they didn’t do just to try to find the answer. My spidey senses are tingling though, girl. Something is up, and I really want to know what it is.”

“Okay, so has he said anything to you?”

“No. Nothing out of the ordinary,” I said.

“Has he stopped doting on you like usual?”

“This morning he seemed a bit distracted, so I kind of sat back and let him do his thing,” I said. “He almost left without kissing me like normal. Usually he makes it a point to tell me to have a good day and kisses me on the forehead.”

“Cassie,” Whitney said, flashing a smile, “that’s pretty weak to go off. I’m pretty sure that in the span of time you to will be together, he will have more than one distracted day, and I doubt him not kissing you good-bye will have anything to do with how he feels about you.”

“So I’m going nuts. Great,” I said.

“No, not nuts.” She chuckled. “But it might be the hormones playing tricks on you. Like PMS on crack, messing with your emotions and making you dissect every little thing. You need to take a deep breath, calm down, and think before you jump to conclusions. If I walked in here and said what you just told me, what would you think?”

“You were a crazy bitch.” I laughed.

“Right. So if that is the thought of a non-pregnant person, you can probably assume your obsession is completely based on the chemicals going crazy in your body,” she said. “It sucks. I’m sure when I get to that point you will be talking me off a ledge every five seconds. It’s normal to be that way, or so I’ve heard from everyone over the years. You aren’t going crazy, but you do want to watch yourself so you don’t do or say something you will regret later, especially to the man who obviously loves you so much.”

“You’re right.” I sighed. “I’m so glad I have you to talk to. If I didn’t, I don’t know how I would get through all of this. I would be trapped in my own mind, making enemies out of everyone. I want this stage to pass so I can start to feel normal again.”

“You were never normal to begin with.” Whitney laughed. “Just know that I am always going to be here for you. I will always be right here, waiting for your phone call. Even when I go back to school, I’m not that far away, and I can talk to you about anything.”

“I’m going to miss you when you go back,” I said. “A lot.”

“I’ll miss you too,” she said. “But I will call you every day and make sure you are staying sane.”

“You better.” I looked down at my buzzing phone. “It’s Scott. Give me just one second.”

“Of course,” she said.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey there, sweetie,” he said. “How is your lunch date with Whitney going?”

“Good.” I smiled. “She is the best therapist on earth.”

“Remind me to send her flowers for being such a good friend to my baby,” he said and laughed. “And for saving the day most days.”

“I know, right? How’s work?”

“It’s good, normal work, just trudging through it,” he said. “I wanted to call you and let you know that I won’t be home for dinner, but I will be home later on. I have something I have to take care of.”

“All right,” I said suspiciously. “I ordered enough Chinese for an army, so I’ll eat some leftovers.”

“I’ll have my phone on me, so if there is anything you need, just send me a text, okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” I said.

“Okay. I’ll see you later, sweetie,” he said.

“Right,” I replied, hanging up the phone.

I sat there tapping my phone against my lips, thinking about what Scott had said. It was strange that he wouldn’t be home for dinner. He always made sure to come right home after work. Whitney looked up at me and tilted her head.

“What’s up?” she asked.

I sighed. “I don’t know. That was Scott. He wanted me to know he wouldn’t be home for dinner and that he would see me later tonight. He didn’t tell me what he was going to be doing either. It’s strange because he never misses dinner.”

“I think you are over thinking it,” she said. “It could be drinks with new friends from work or dinner with the boss. Didn’t you say he was getting ready to open his hardware store?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Maybe he’s meeting with his best friend for that,” she said. “Just talk to him when he gets home. Find out the answer before you start overthinking everything. Don’t drive yourself crazy with this, okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “You’re right.”

There was probably a simple explanation for why he was leaving me alone for the evening, but I couldn’t help but be suspicious. In the back of mind, I worried I had made the wrong choice putting all my faith in Scott. Maybe he wasn’t ready to give up his freedom. Maybe all of this was too much for him and he needed to be away. I didn’t know what it was, but I did know that the feeling in my chest was telling me something different than the one in my head.