Chapter 34
Nicole
I talked to Noelle over coffee, telling her about what Allen told me after dinner last night. She hugged me and told me she knew all along that he loved me. She was happy for us but here in my own element, I felt uncertain all over again. “What is he pushes me away again? I don’t want to get involved just to be dumped when he gets scared.”
“I think that he was pretty honest with you last night and I can see his point. Brandon told me something very similar about his job. It’s risky.” She sipped her cup and looked at me, a frown on her face. “Don’t you trust this?”
“I guess.” I shrugged and looked at the talk show on TV. I needed to contact some clients and get some work set up but I was feeling tired after the night before.
“We both need some fun in our lives. Let this be that. We have two hot guys that are willing to take us out in Vegas!” Noelle giggled as I shook my head at her.
“That’s true.”
“If he tries to back out on you again, just tell him it won’t be that easy again. Stand up for yourself.” She smiled. “I know he loves you though. Brandon already suggested as much and Allen has never told a woman that before.”
“I just have so many thoughts going around in my head. I’m still dealing with the kidnapping and the triggers I have from that. Allen makes me feel a lot better about it when he’s around but I’ll never forget how tormented he was about everything either. What is he gets overwhelmed by that again?” I knew I had a lot of stress over everything and needed to take this one day at a time. “It’s exhausting to think about. Noelle.”
“I know. None of us are forcing you to get through this overnight. Everyone has their own time frame.” She wrapped an arm around me. “I am just so glad that you’re home. I was so scared even though I tried to hide it from everyone.”
“I just kept hoping for Allen and Brandon to take care of you if I didn’t come home. I knew they would keep you safe.” I hadn’t spoken in detail about the kidnapping but Ricky’s words about killing me played through my mind a lot. He was that close to doing so. Noelle didn’t read anything about the case, insisting that she was just happy that I was home.
She sniffled and sipped her soda.
“I don’t think I’d ever be the same if that happened.” There was a pause and I felt her lean her head on my shoulder. “Have you thought about therapy? I got a card for the one that’s free based on income. Everyone says great things about the counselors.”
“Yeah. It makes sense to just air it out to someone who isn’t involved. I’ll give them a call.” I let my voice drift off. “What do I do if I get too scared with Allen? I think that I’m okay where he is concerned, but I worry a little about him jumping ship. I worry about myself jumping ship.”
“You two need to communicate. I mean, everyone does but you two are a special case with everything that happened. You’re bound to have struggles along the way and even fights, but you talk it out.” She shrugged. “I think that it will only work if you feel comfortable going to each other when you have doubts.”
“How are you this healthy when we had our parents?” I asked her as I closed my eyes.
“I had you as a big sister.”
“I never felt like I did that good of a job,” I admitted as she laughed softly. “Like any parent, I suppose?”
“You worked with what you had. You did great. It’s kind of nice taking care of you for a change.” Noelle giggled and I smiled.
“I’ll bet. I am so used to taking care of you. You’re a grown up now, though. You are doing so good, Noelle. I’m proud of you.” I felt the tears in my eyes as I sighed. I had been so emotional since the rescue and everything made me cry. I tried to hide that as much as possible but I was so grateful for my life, even with the remaining emotional pain.
“I am proud of you. You’re back here and living your life. You’re looking toward a future,” She assured me as I turned my head to meet her eyes. She was looking at me with awe in her eyes as I laughed.
“Yeah, a future of contacting my old clients for work.” I sighed and dropped my head back on the couch.
“Hey, it’s a start. You’re good at that and you enjoy it,” she defended my part-time job as I forced a smile to my face. “We can afford this place working our jobs. It will give us a chance to save up for a better apartment. Goals, right?”
“What if it gets serious for us with the guys? What then?” I asked as she gave me a surprised look.
“Like moving in serious?” Her eyes lit up as I nodded. “In a way. I’d love that. I feel like we’d all continue together. You know it will be you leaving this apartment before me though.” She gave me a meaningful glance. “He’s crazy about you.”
“I’ll need to give it some time. That’s such a big move, Noelle. He’s my first anything.” I frowned and shook my head. “I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
“I kind of think that he’s new to this as well. You’ll figure it out together. I think that’s romantic! People don’t do that anymore.” She sounded like she was going to bubble over with love and I glanced at her.
“We had the worst example of a relationship. I wish I had your hope.”
“You should. Anything is possible.” Noelle reminded me in a singsong voice before she got up to make us some sandwiches for lunch. I laughed and stared at the movie, thinking about how everything changed for me once I arrived in Las Vegas. It was both awful and wonderful at the same time, making me wonder if everything I’d been through in life was to get me to this place. It seemed cruel to me but as I watched my gorgeous sister dancing in the kitchen as she got us some chips to go with lunch, it was great. People went through all sorts of different things and made it, and we had done that. Even if it didn’t work out with Brandon and Allen, my sister and I would be just fine.
We ate watching a different show as we talked and she messaged a coworker about the newest routine. Noelle beamed as she responded to her, and I knew that she was doing what she loved. I needed to figure out what I loved and I played back last night with a soft smile.
I did love Allen and I had so much hope for the two of us. I heard that people who made it through hard times were stronger for it and it was a nice thought to prove that theory true. I wanted the fairy tale, just a little bit. I finished the show before dozing off against the pillows as Noelle cleaned up after the meal. I felt peaceful as I slept off and on through whatever was happening around me and turned here and there through my nap.
I was recovering physically and eventually my mind would catch up. It was completely normal to be a little messed up mentally after the ordeal I’d been through but I was safe now. I didn’t have to worry anymore. I just needed to get the help needed to work through my fears and insecurities and fall back on the people in my life that loved me.
I woke up a bit later to the sound of laughter in the bedroom and stretched. Brandon must be here and I smiled as I sat up and looked around the apartment. It appeared to be late afternoon and I yawned happily as I slowly came back to life. If Brandon was off, I wondered where Allen was.
Not that he needed to see me the second he got off work. It wasn’t like that at all and never would be. I wanted us both to have lives apart from one another though I needed to make one for myself first. Noelle was growing up and I could do something for myself now.
I realized I didn’t know too much about what Allen did outside of work. I could tell he was close to Brandon and likely spent a lot of time with him. I knew he at least slept with women before me though not in a serious relationship, from what he told me. He was gorgeous though and lived here. I noticed how glamorous some of the people were here as well as stunning to look at. I always felt like Noelle fit in more than I did.
Allen probably had women throwing themselves at him all the time. I told myself it didn’t matter because he loved me now. He was committed to me. I could trust in that after seeing the way he went about saving me, putting his own life in danger.
It was one of the sexiest things I’d ever see in my life.
I stayed out on the living room and grabbed some cookies before pouring a glass of milk. I heard my phone ringing and walked over to see Allen’s face.
“Hey there.” I greeted him as I sat down and set my snack on the table.
“Hi, Nicole. How are you feeling?” His voice was low and made my body ache for him as I almost laughed at how pathetic I’d become. This man had me in a big ball of different emotions that were pulling me in a million different directions.
“I’m good. I just woke up from a nap. The pain is pretty low right now.” I frowned as I waited for him to talk. Allen seemed nervous and I wondered what was going on.
“Good. That’s good.” He cleared his throat and I raised an eyebrow. “I wanted to stop by and talk to you. Are you free?”
“Well, Brandon is over here but yes. Is everything okay?” I asked, sitting up as worry flooded me.
“Yeah. I just need to see you.” I instantly felt ice in my veins as fear hit me like a freight train. One day after we told each other that we loved each other, Allen was going to end things. It was over. I sucked in my breath and told him to come over in a scared, soft voice. “I’ll be there soon.” Allen ended the call and I set my phone down on the couch.
All my hope from before changed into something else as I blinked. I worried that my heart was going to break again, making me wonder if I could even do a relationship at all. I didn’t know if I had the strength for it and felt envy as another laugh floated down the hallway.
Brandon didn’t meet Noelle in the same sad circumstances that Allen met me and I longed for something so simple. I looked down at my clothes, still wearing the same clothes that I left Allen’s house in earlier. I wandered to the hallway bathroom and checked my hair, securing it in a low ponytail before I splashed some cold water on my face.
I walked out into the living room just in time to hear a knock and looked over with a worried gaze. Here went nothing.