Chapter 39

Animal

Merck had been texting me in the two days he had to stew about meeting Ember again. He hadn’t changed his mind, but he wondered what to bring, what to wear, if he should provide a side dish.

It was sweet to see him so excited. When I approached Nix later in the evening after I got home to the girls, he was thoughtful for a while.

He asked my opinion, and I offered that I thought it was a good choice. Merck was a good dad. At least, from my standpoint. Nix brought up that having a cop in our house was a tricky situation. We wanted him not to be watched or tagged as our friend, and we didn’t want our people to think we had switched sides at all.

We settled on letting T smuggle Merck in. And Merck had left it up to Nix and me to decide what to do about Ember. We debated the merits of telling her and then letting Merck reveal it.

In the end, we decided it wasn’t fair to spring the news and the man on Ember in the same night.

It was late on Saturday when we all convened. Both Becca and T made themselves scarce. Nix and I had tipped them off to what was going down. They would be on standby if Ember needed some female interaction after the news we had for her.

Finally, when Nix and I had settled into the living room, Nix texted for Ember to drop downstairs.

She gave us both suspicious looks when she got to the living room and folded her legs crisscross on the sofa. “You’ve all been too nice to me lately. And now you’re staring at me weird. What’s going on? Are you kicking me out?”

Her phone was clutched in her hand. I had a thought. “You alone in that phone?”

“What do you mean?” She hugged it close to her.

“You don’t have any of your friends on FaceTime or anything, right?” I waited to see what her body language told me. Sure enough, I was right. She pressed the buttons to show me that she was no longer broadcasting the discussion to God knows how many people.

“I’m in trouble, huh?” She was starting to shut down.

“Baby girl, no, we have news, though. And we’re going to deliver it to you like people who care about you.” I sat forward and put my elbows on my knees.

Nix nodded. “It’s nothing scary.”

Ember nodded and looked from Nix to me and back again. “Okay, I don’t know what to expect, but okay.”

I waited for Nix. I felt like the news should come from him. If she had questions about Merck, I would share.

“You and I, we might not have the same dad—which you’ve known.”

Ember’s eyes grew wide.

“Well, it turns out, we know who Mom was involved with around the time you were conceived.” Nix cleared his throat. “His name is Merck. Well, that’s his last name. Animal said you met him the other day? His first name is Patrick.”

I watched Ember carefully. She was holding her breath and seemed reluctant to blink. Ember pursed her lips and took all her blinks at once.

“He’s a retired cop. Just retired this year—actually.” Nix reached out and held Ember’s hand.

She looked like she was trying to figure out a very hard math problem.

Nix shrugged at me. “If you have any questions, we’re here.”

Ember pulled her hand away from Nix’s and stood. “Wait. You know my father? How long have you known this?”

Nix stood as well. “A few years now.”

I didn’t like the turn this was taking and made sure I had some of the blame. “I’ve known since you were a kid.”

“Oh. Sure.” Her eyes filled with tears. She was mad. Really mad.

She seemed to start and stop a few questions before running her hands through her hair. “This is… something.”

Her face was getting red and Nix gave me an alarmed look.

“So, today is the day I get to know what you both have known all this time?” Her voice was thick with the tears she wasn’t shedding.

“Baby girl, it’s just the way fate laid it out the other day. Merck’s a great guy.” I held out a hand to her. I was used to her sneaking hugs with me. That she would turn down the contact made me realize that this wasn’t going to end well.

“Yeah, I’ve got to go.” She turned and walked out of the living room.

“Shit,” Nix and I said at the same moment.

We trotted after her. She went straight to her room and started to pack. This was not what I’d pictured at all.

Nix stood in the doorway. Becca came into the hallway and stood off to the side, waiting to see if she could help. I didn’t see T.

Ember was throwing things into the suitcase that she’d dragged into the house when she’d first arrived.

Nix tried to figure out how to approach her. “Listen, this is a shock—we get that—but what are you doing?”

She stopped with her back to us, clothes in each hand. We watched as her chest expanded with deep breaths.

When she turned to face us, she was composed. The tear tracks made a few pinstripes on her cheeks. “You knew this and didn’t tell me. All this time, I’ve been thinking I’m part of this family.” She walked slowly up to her brother, toe-to-toe. Nix looked broken. “And you knew who my dad was? And kept that from me?”

Nix slowly nodded. It was the truth.

“So, am I just a houseguest? A pet? I don’t deserve to have that knowledge?” Ember made two fists and held them straight down.

I tried to help. “It’s not like that at all. Nix loves you. We love you. And Merck—he hasn’t wanted to interfere with your life…”

She turned to face me now. The betrayal was deep. I instantly felt how wrong it all was from her point of view.

“I never had my mother. Not a day that I can remember. I was six months old when she died. Sometimes, I try to pretend I can remember. Aunt Dorothy would tell me that I looked like her, so I’d look in the mirror and pretend to be her—tell me she loved me. That’s how fucked up I was.” She wiped at her tears that flowed freely now.

Nix held out his arms to her for a hug. Now that I was thinking about it, she was hugging him all the time she was here, too. And I knew my boy. Opening up for a hug was a huge deal for him.

She pointed at his chest. “I would have given anything—anything—to know you. To not be so, so alone.” She took a second to sob before forcing herself to stop.

Ember backed up, turning to her suitcase and closing it. She didn’t take time to zip it, just held it in her arms. “And he was out there? In this town? Has he always been in this town?”

She looked from Nix to me and back again. Nix nodded, arms still open. He looked like he was going to cry, too.

Ember looked down at her suitcase. “I could’ve had a family. All this time.”

Nix and I were blocking her doorway. She stepped closer to the exit. “Please let me leave. I’m done here.”

Nix rolled his head to the side and dropped his arms, stepping to the side. He was crushed.

I held out my arm. She wouldn’t look at me. “Ember, you can’t go. It’s the middle of the night.”

Her chin started to quiver, and then she quietly added, “You’ve been trying to get me to leave since I got here. Some wishes get granted, Animal.”

I looked to Nix who nodded once, letting me know he wanted her to be allowed to make this decision.

She didn’t even have shoes on as she slipped by me. She was on the phone on her way down the stairs. “Jet? Can you come get me? I’ll be walking out on Route 8.”

Becca stood in the hallway. Nix’s jaw was twitching. He didn’t want to break down, but Ember leaving was killing him.

I felt my phone buzz. A text from T.

T: I’m on her. I’ll keep her in sight.

I showed my screen to Nix, who read it and handed it to Becca. Becca seemed to already know this was the plan.

“We figured.” Becca handed me back my phone. I pounded out a quick reply to T. I saw Ember’s canvas sneakers and grabbed them. Girls didn’t leave my house like it was on fire. I took the stairs three at a time and snagged one of Nix’s hoodies as well. I had to sprint to catch up to her, her suitcase dropping clothes on the driveway like she was leaving a trail on purpose.

I caught up to her and stopped in front of her. She was sobbing. I wanted to pick her up and bring her inside. I could overpower her, but that wouldn’t be fair. I tossed Nix’s hoodie over my shoulder.

I dropped to my knee and held out her left sneaker. She stared at it for a beat and then jammed her foot into it. I held out the right sneaker, and she did the same. I took the suitcase from her and stuffed the clothes that were falling out into it and zipped it up. Then I offered her the hoodie, and she slipped her arms in. I pulled the handle out of her suitcase. That way she could at least have shoes and some warmth, and her damn drawers would stop falling out as she walked.

“Ember, you don’t have to go. Be mad here. Come in and throw stuff at us. Please.”

After taking the handle, she maneuvered past me. I wanted to say more. Tell her that her brother was devoted to her. Crazy about her. He loved having her know him.

She looked over her shoulder and barely got the words out, “I thought we were friends.”

I put my hand to my chest. I hadn’t thought about this from her point of view. It had been a mistake to treat her like a privileged kid. She had a past that haunted her, too.

I let her walk away. Just before she was out of sight, T rolled her motorcycle past me, quietly following Ember.

I noticed T was packing heat and had a few knives with her. No one would hurt Ember. I turned and went back inside. Nix was in the foyer waiting. When I came back in alone, he stood rigid for a second and then put his fist through the wall.