TWENTY
Dinner had been nice. It was the most relaxed Roman had felt around Leo since their worlds collided again. He still had no idea what he was actually doing, but he was here. That was something, as far as he was concerned.
He’d enjoyed listening to Leo talk about Mama Vito, her family, and the restaurant. It made Roman curious about Leo’s family, but he knew things would take a turn for the worse if he brought them up. Neither of them wanted to delve into their past. If Leo was anything like Roman, he wanted to keep it there.
Now, they’d just gotten out of a cab and were waiting to head into Full Throttle, and the heaviness returned to Roman’s gut. It was weak of him. He fucking hated it. But it was true.
“Leo! Hey, man. What’s up?” the bouncer said when they got to the door. Leo and the guy with the Mohawk gave each other a half hug.
“Nothing. Took the night off. Just looking to have a little fun tonight.”
The bouncer grinned, and the rock in Roman’s gut got heavier. “I have no doubt you’ll find it,” he told Leo.
Leo nodded to Roman. “This is Roman. Roman, this is Hawk.”
Not a very creative name, Roman thought as he held out his hand and they shook. As soon as they let go, Leo had his hand at the small of Roman’s back and was leading him into the busy bar.
“This place is always crazy!” Roman said to him.
Leo leaned in. “It is. I fucking love it.”
It amazed him how different they were. That wasn’t anything new, but their dissimilarities stood out in a different way to him now.
They made their way to the bar, and Leo ordered them both shots. Roman took it with no hesitation, hoping it would calm his nerves. He wanted to be here, needed to find a way to set himself free.
One person after another approached Leo. They’d laugh and talk. Leo always introduced him—not as an old friend or even a new friend—just as Roman.
They each had another drink. They talked during the downtime, in between visits of all the men who wanted to talk to Leo.
“Have you ever been in a relationship?” Roman asked when it was only the two of them—well, if you could consider it that way. The bar was so packed, his body touched Leo’s as they spoke. He didn’t let himself think about how that felt.
The corners of Leo’s mouth wrinkled as he frowned. “No. It’s not really something I’m interested in.”
Roman wanted to ask him why. Was it because of them? Because of what happened between them? That thing that Roman still hadn’t worked through? Or was Roman making himself more important than he was? It wasn’t as though Leo’s whole life and view on relationships was altered because of something that happened between them when they were sixteen.
“Oh,” he said ridiculously.
“Let’s dance.”
Roman shook his head. “I haven’t danced in years.”
“So? People are just having fun. That’s what we’re supposed to be doing, right? Enjoying ourselves.”
Roman looked around, watched all the bodies move together. Watched the go-go dancers on tables shake their dicks for everyone watching.
He felt a stir in his own groin, and then a wave of nausea rolled through him. “No…I’m sorry. I just—”
“Leo, come dance with me!” a man called from their right. It had to have been a coincidence. There was no way he could have heard what they were talking about.
“Maybe later,” Leo called back, and Roman felt a pinch in his gut.
“If you want to dance…”
“I want to dance with you. Come on. We’re having fun tonight, remember? No one here will care. Look around.”
Roman did look around. Of course Leo was right. Of course Roman knew he was. Without letting himself think about it, he pushed to his feet. Leo grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around Roman, pulled their bodies flush together, and started to move.
Roman was tense, couldn’t stop his eyes from darting around the room.
“Loosen up. I’m trying to dance with you, not kill you,” Leo told him with a smirk.
Roman tried, he really did, but the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and his stomach rolled uneasily.
This was the first time he’d danced with a man.
“Roman?” Leo said.
He looked at Leo, really looked at him. At the unique green of his eyes and the kindness that had always been there. The strong cut of his jaw. He remembered the feel of Leo’s skin against his. Roman’s eyes traced Leo’s mouth as he licked his lips. Then, it was Leo’s taste he recalled, how sweet he was, and Roman wished he had the balls to lean forward and capture Leo’s mouth.
But then Leo did it for him. His tongue darted out and into Roman’s mouth. He tasted so good and smelled so good and felt so fucking good.
He stumbled when something hit him from behind, and suddenly it was his brother shoving him. Roman’s heart raced. Leo must have been able to tell because he said, “It was just an accident. They ran into us.”
He started shaking, looking around as though someone here would have a problem with him. Sweat dripped into his eyes; they fluttered because they stung, and the rapid, flashing lights hitting them made it worse. Someone bumped him again, and he whipped around, then whipped the other way.
He was losing it. Jesus, he was fucking losing it.
Somewhere in the background, he heard Leo saying his name, but Roman ignored him. Still, it managed to bring him closer to the present, to reality.
What if someone saw?
It’s okay if someone sees.
Right now, it didn’t feel like it. “I have to get out of here.”
“Roman.”
Leo wrapped a hand around Roman’s wrist, but he jerked away. “Don’t! I…I have to get the fuck out of here.”
He shoved his way through the crowd. He couldn’t breathe. It felt like the room was closing in on him. He gasped a lungful of smoggy air the second he stepped outside.
“Hey. It’s okay, Roman. Don’t worry about it. It’s okay. Come on. Let’s go back to my place,” Leo told him, and without a word, Roman went.