TWENTY-THREE
Roman had been in the shower so long, the water started to get cold. He’d been in the bathroom itself for nearly thirty minutes before getting into the shower. His head was a mess. Everything that happened since meeting Leo again was a cluster of a hundred different emotions and thoughts. When he added their past, what he’d admitted, what he’d realized about himself…Jesus. How could he have lied to himself for all these years? How could he have made himself believe those lies?
How could Leo ever forgive him?
The thing was, he knew who he was now. That truth had hit him hard as he knelt before Leo tonight and took him into his mouth. It was a truth he couldn’t deny anymore…nor could he deny the fact that he wanted Leo. Craved him in ways he’d never craved another human being.
The hunger was stronger than the weakness he felt at the memories of what happened twelve years ago. Stronger than the honesty in what happened when he left Leo’s house that day.
He’d been scared and young and confused, but he wasn’t now. He was a twenty-eight-year-old man, and it was time to start acting like it.
Roman turned off the shower and grabbed a towel from the rack. His pulse jackhammered beneath his skin, beating with all its strength as though it wanted to burst free. He ignored it, ignored everything except for his truth while he did a rush job at drying off. He wrapped the towel around his waist and then shoved through the door and into the room. Leo lay back against the headboard, lost in thought. Roman met his eyes but couldn’t read the emotion there.
His short, dark hair that curled at the top looked like he’d had his hand knotted in it. A frown marred his lips. Roman wanted to kiss it away. Wanted to kiss the past away, if he could. “I’m sorry,” he said and then took a step forward. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry about everything.” It wasn’t the first time he’d apologized, but he felt the need to do it again. He owed that to Leo.
“I know.”
“I want you. I want you so fucking bad, I hurt. Ache with it.” He took another step closer and then another. “Maybe it’s wrong. Maybe it’s selfish of me to ask you this after everything I’ve done, after all the pain and years of silence, but I’m asking you anyway. Let me have you, Leo. Take me. Please take me.”
When Leo didn’t answer, he repeated his words, softer but with urgency. “Let me have you, Leo. Take me. Please take me.”
“I don’t want to do the wrong thing,” Leo admitted.
“Do you want me?” Roman held his breath, waiting for Leo to answer.
“You know I do.”
“Then this isn’t wrong. Please, Leo. I need this.”
Leo gave a quick nod and said the only word Roman needed to hear. “Yes.”
He was shaking, fucking shaking as he closed the distance between them. Shaking as he dropped his towel. Shaking as he climbed onto the bed and tried to figure out what he should do, or where he should go, or how he should lie down.
“Hey.” Leo grabbed his face and held it so Roman had to look at him. “It was you who kissed me first. It was you who first sucked my cock. You know what you’re doing. Act like it.”
A low rumble started deep inside him, an overpowering need. Roman straddled him, buried his hand in the hair at the back of his head, and pulled Leo’s mouth to his. He devoured him, swept his tongue from one side to the other, kissed him deep and hard as he tried to taste every part of his mouth. The rumble turned into a growl, and then Leo was moaning, and it vibrated through him.
Fuck yes, fuck yes, fuck yes. Roman gripped his hair tighter, kissed him deeper as his cock grew tall and hard between them. “So long,” he said as he kissed his way down Leo’s throat. “I’ve needed this for so long.” How could he have shut this part of himself down? Made himself believe it didn’t exist?
Leo’s arms wrapped around his waist, and they were kissing again, devouring each other. His tongue would dip into Leo’s mouth and then Leo’s into his. It wasn’t enough. His body craved more. Every part of him craved more.
Roman pulled one leg from around Leo without breaking their kiss. He lay down, pulling Leo with him, their mouths still fused together.
Leo’s weight rested completely on top of him, his hard cock against Roman’s. “Yes” was all he could say. “Yes, yes, yes.” Leo’s weight on him was everything. How solid he was. How very male he was.
He groaned when Leo thrust against him, making their erections rub against each other. “More,” he managed to say, and Leo gave it to him, thrusting again. Roman’s hands slid down, and he cupped Leo’s bare ass, felt the muscles tighten as he moved.
It was a man’s ass, a man’s body. Leo’s lips on his. Leo’s tongue in his mouth. Leo’s face rubbing against his face. None of it was enough. He’d denied himself so long, he wanted it all. Needed it now. Needed to cement who he was and what he wanted. What he’d told Leo he wanted all those years ago—to be filled, possessed, taken.
Leo’s mouth left his, kissed a trail down his neck, licked his collarbone, one nipple, then the other. “Yesss,” Roman hissed. “Show me, Leo. Show me what it’s like. Give me what I want.” He needed it. Needed it more than he needed breath. Needed to take what he’d denied himself for so long. To own himself and his desires.
“Maybe you should fuck me first,” Leo told him, and maybe he should, but it wasn’t what Roman wanted, what he needed.
“No,” he replied simply.
Leo looked at him through thick lashes, and his tongue circled Roman’s left nipple one more time. “Yes.”
Leo leaned over him, Roman’s hand tickling his back as he reached into his bedside table. He pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube.
A jolt of panic went through him and then…just want. The fear was still there, of course, but he wanted this. He’d always wanted this.
“Open your legs,” Leo told him, then settled between them. “Have you ever put anything in your ass? Anything at all?”
Roman felt a quick flush of embarrassment before deciding it had no room here. They already had too many things standing between them. “I wanted to. I’ve thought about it, but no.”
Leo looked at him with sad eyes. “Just let go, Ro. Just be you.”
Leo pushed his legs, making Roman spread them farther. He opened the bottle of lube, and Roman watched as he coated his finger. From his spot between Roman’s thighs, Leo looked at him as he rubbed a finger over Roman’s hole. Leo had his finger against his asshole…and he wanted it.
He flinched at the cold and then gritted his teeth as Leo worked the tip of his finger inside. “Relax,” Leo whispered and then leaned forward, laving Roman’s balls with his tongue.
Roman’s bones melted, his body went limp, and then he felt Leo push his finger in deeper, felt him fuck him with it. He watched as Leo sucked his balls into the heat of his mouth, groaned as all the electrons in his body went wild.
“You get my mouth on your cock when you can take a second finger in your ass,” Leo told him.
Yes! He wanted it right now, wanted his dick in Leo’s mouth. Wanted to know what it felt like to have his hole stretched by Leo’s fingers. “Now…give it to me now.”
Leo’s mouth left his sac, and immediately Roman wanted to push him back, to hold him there. Leo didn’t go far, though. He grabbed the lube and added more to his fingers, one still buried deep inside Roman.
And then Leo’s fingers were gone. He was empty before Leo worked his way in again, adding a second finger. At the same time, he sucked Roman into his mouth. Pleasure rolled through him, the sensation of being full, stretched, as Leo’s fingers rubbed against his insides.
Leo sucked him deep, pushed his fingers deep, and then pulled them out again, and even though there was some discomfort there, all Roman could think was yes, thank you, and more.
He fisted his hand in Leo’s hair, pulled him closer, wanted Leo as close to him as he could get.
“Jesus, it’s so hot inside you. I’m going to lose my mind when it’s my cock. Will you? Will you lose your mind when I’m inside you, Ro?”
Roman heard Leo’s words but didn’t answer; he couldn’t—all he could do was feel.
“Tell me you’ll lose your mind.”
“Yes.” He closed his eyes but then pulled them open again. He wanted to see this. Wanted to see Leo—the first boy he’d ever kissed and who would now be the first man inside him.
He reached for Leo when Leo pulled away. “I’m not going far. Trust me.” He smiled and then added, “Get up. Turn over. Get on your knees for me.”
That’s when the reality hit him. He was going to do this. Finally going to get this. It had been long enough, hadn’t it? He’d lived a life of denial for long enough, and he wouldn’t do it anymore.
He needed to live. To be free.
Roman sat up, but before he could turn, Leo pulled him in for a kiss. Their mouths collided, teeth clanking, tongues tangling, and it was just what he needed.
Leo pressed his lips to Roman’s once more before pulling away. Roman turned, got on his knees, leaned forward with his weight on his elbows and forearms, which rested on the bed. Leo’s hands rubbed his ass, squeezed it.
“This ass…it was made to be fucked, Ro. Thank you for giving it to me. I can’t wait to make it mine.”
Neither could he. He wanted it so fucking bad, he could hardly stand it. “Then take it.” His words came out braver than he felt.
He heard the package open and then looked back to see Leo rolling the condom down his thick erection. He squirted lube right onto his cock and spread it around, then used his fingers to add more to Roman’s hole. On reflex he clenched.
“That’s it. Do that. Clench for as long as you can, and then when you can’t hold it, let go and tell me.”
Roman did as Leo said, tightening until his body screamed against him. “Now,” he said and then let go. The second he did, Leo was there, the head of his dick breaching Roman’s body.
And it fucking hurt. He wasn’t going to lie. His body rebelled against it while at the same time, everything else—his mind and soul—clicked into place.
“Give it a chance. Let it feel good,” Leo told him softly as he pushed in deeper. The stretch got tighter. Roman closed his eyes, then felt Leo’s hand on his dick, his thumb rubbing over the head before he ran his fist up and down Roman’s shaft.
The sensation of both…it was what he needed. He moved against Leo, fucked Leo’s hand as Leo was finally able to bury himself all the way in Roman’s ass. It was then he realized he was crying. Tears ran down his face—tears of peace and contentment. Tears that set him free.
“Hey…shhh…it’s okay. Do you want me to stop?” Leo asked.
Roman shook his head vehemently. “No. I need it. I just…so long. It’s been so long.”
Leo ran a hand down his back, caressed him, comforted him. Gave him what he desired.
“Yes…God, yes, Leo. Finally. Fuck me.”
And he wanted that. To be fucked. Hard. He’d always been the one to do the fucking, taking Amy or whomever else he was with, but this? This was what he’d been waiting for. He’d wanted someone inside him. Wanted to know what it was like to be taken. He always wondered why he didn’t enjoy sex the way he thought he should, and it was because of this right here and the joy and content he felt at someone inside him.
Leo pulled almost all the way out before slamming forward again. He was still stretched, uncomfortable in some ways as his body adjusted to Leo inside him. But he wanted him there too.
Leo’s hand sped up as he jerked Roman off faster. He changed his angle. The head of his cock rubbed against Roman’s prostate with each thrust forward. “Oh fuck,” Roman said. His whole body moved, jerked with each of Leo’s thrusts. Every time his dick hit Roman’s prostate, a tingle shot through his balls, building more and more intensity each time.
“You feel so fuckin’ good, Ro. I’m gonna lose it. Jesus, I’m gonna fucking lose it if you don’t come soon. Give it to me. Let me feel you come apart, let me feel your hole milk my cock.”
Roman’s balls tightened, and then they exploded as his orgasm ripped through him. Come shot on the bed, slipped through Leo’s fingers while he kept jacking Roman off.
“Oh fuck. I felt it. I’m gonna come.” He thrust harder, deeper, and then Roman felt him tense, go rigid, while still fucking and still stroking Roman’s dick. His movements were slower, deeper, as he no doubt rode out his orgasm, and then he pulled out and slumped forward, his lips on Roman’s back. “Thank you. God, that was so fucking good. You were so good, Roman.”
All Roman could think was Leo just fucked me, and it was good for him too. It was everything.