THREE
Leo couldn’t believe Roman stood in front of him. There had been a second, one brief second, where he’d wanted to reach for him, to pull him close because fuck, all these years and he hadn’t even known if the man was alive or dead. Knowing his family, it could have been either. But then he remembered what happened. What they’d gone through together. What he would have done for Roman, and how Roman had responded to Leo with his fist. That’s when fire engulfed him, burned to fucking ash any nostalgia he felt at seeing the man again. And from the look of him, the man to whom, apparently, life had been very good.
They stood there staring at each other. Roman had said his name, and then just…nothing. He had a woman on his arm, and he wore what was obviously an expensive suit. It was so far from the Roman he’d known that, for a second, he thought maybe it wasn’t him. But it was.
“Do you need something?” he asked, even though he knew Roman didn’t. Hell, he wasn’t even inside the bar but standing on the sidewalk, a short, black barrier separating them.
Roman opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “I…I have to go.” And then he turned and fucking walked away, dragging the woman behind him. She looked back to Leo, confusion in her stare, and then they disappeared into the crowd.
Roman.
He’d just fucking seen Roman.
An ache tried to form in his chest, tried to grow and spread, a nick in a windshield spidering out, but Leo stamped down on those feelings.
Fuck Roman. No matter how much Leo thought he’d needed Roman, he hadn’t twelve years ago and he sure as shit didn’t need him now.
“Ex-boyfriend?” the customer at the table asked, snapping him out of whatever trance he was in. How long had he been standing there?
“Nobody important.” He winked at the guy, his muscles suddenly going tight.
“Well, that’s good to hear. We can help you forget him if you want.” The guy was sexy—African-American with buzzed hair and a goatee. Leo looked from him to the man sitting at the table with him. He had pale skin, bright blue eyes, and plump lips that looked like they’d be fun to nibble on.
Yeah, this was exactly what he needed. He wasn’t that same kid he’d been at sixteen. He didn’t hide who he was anymore, didn’t try to conform to what society, his family, or God wanted from him. He was out and proud. If he wanted to fuck, he fucked. He wasn’t the suit-and-tie man his father was, the man his father wanted him to be…the person Roman now was.
He shook his head, wanting Roman out of it. “How late are you staying? I’m actually out of here early tonight.”
“Leo!” One of the bartenders called him.
“I’ll be right there,” he tossed over his shoulder.
“We’ll wait for you,” the first guy told him.
“Okay.” He grinned at the man. “It’ll be midnight.”
The guy gave Leo a quick nod, and he walked away to finish out his night. It wasn’t often that he didn’t stay until closing, but he was an extra tonight.
He continued his shift, ignoring the little voice in the back of his mind that wondered things about Roman that he didn’t want to wonder about.
When his shift ended, he changed and cleaned up in the back, and then made his way to the table where the couple waited for him. As soon as he reached them, the black man stood, his partner pushing to his feet right afterward. “Your place or ours?” he asked.
“I live within walking distance.” He could leave his bike here and get it tomorrow.
“Yours, then.” The first man smiled at him.
They hardly talked on the way to Leo’s apartment. This wasn’t about talking, though. It was about sex.
The second they made it inside, the black man asked, “What’s your name?”
“Leo.”
“I’m Bill, and this is Mike. Can my husband kiss you, Leo?”
He eyed Mike, those lips he wanted to taste earlier. “Fuck yes.”
The guy’s mouth came down hard on his. They stumbled to his bedroom, Bill following along. Leo went down on the bed, Mike on top of him as they ground their bodies together.
It went quickly after that—clothes gone; three mouths and cocks playing and teasing each other. Leo was always adamant about condoms. He used one when he fucked Mike, and Bill used one when he fucked Leo.
An hour and a half later, he closed and locked the door behind them, and a twist hit his gut. He dropped his forehead against the door, closing his eyes.
Roman. He’d seen Roman tonight.
The first boy he’d ever kissed.
The first person who knew he was gay.
The first person he’d had in his mouth.
The only boy he’d ever loved—a boy who was now very much a man.
The man who’d hit him.
Who’d verbally assaulted him.
Who’d broken him.
Who was dead to him.
No. He didn’t care. Not about him. They were fucking kids back then. It was too many years ago, another lifetime.
He forced himself to open his eyes. He took a deep breath and wished he’d asked the couple to stay.
He made his way to the bathroom, turned the shower on, and stepped under the spray, but his fucking brain wouldn’t step out of the past he thought he’d forgotten. His legs wouldn’t hold him up anymore. Leo slid to the shower floor, water and tears mixing as they ran down his face.
♦
Leo saw the baggie sticking out of Roman’s pocket. “What’s that?”
“You don’t want to know. My dad asked me to try and sell it for him at school today. He’ll kick my ass if I don’t do it.”
Leo’s stomach cramped. He’d been secretly seeing Roman for close to a year now. They’d been fifteen when they started, so he knew enough about Roman’s dad that this shouldn’t surprise him, but it did. His own father was an asshole, yeah, but he was the kind of asshole who thought he was better than everyone else and expected Leo to be perfect the way he was. He was the kind of asshole who was a judge and would lose his fucking mind if he knew there were drugs in his house right now. He wasn’t the kind of man who would make his kid sell them.
“I’m sorry,” Leo told him.
“No reason to be. It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t okay. Not really. None of it was okay. The fact that they had to hide, not just because they couldn’t let anyone know they were gay, but because of who their families were. Even if his dad were okay with his only son being gay, he definitely wouldn’t be okay with him loving someone like Roman. He’d think Roman was like his father. Would call him trash, not worthy, would say he’s what was wrong with society…and Roman’s dad would hate Leo on principle too.
They were from two different worlds. No one would understand them. No one.
Sometimes Leo himself didn’t understand them…he just knew how he felt when he was with Roman: he didn’t have to be perfect; he only had to be himself, and that was enough for Roman.
“I probably shouldn’t stay too long. I need to sell this pot…”
“How much?” he asked.
“No.” Roman shook his head. “I’m not lettin’ you do that.”
It wasn’t like Leo wanted it. He didn’t smoke weed. Both of them knew that, but he also knew Roman wouldn’t take the money. He had too much pride for that. And there was a part of Roman that would also want to do this to make his father proud. Sometimes he told Leo he hated his dad, but he wanted his dad’s respect too. Maybe he was scared not to have it.
“Just take the money so you don’t have to leave early. We can get rid of it or whatever. Plus, I don’t want you to try and sell it. What if you get caught?” What would happen then? If Roman somehow ended up in his father’s courtroom? Even if not, his name would be in the system.
Roman laughed that off. “You know where I live, right?”
Yeah, yeah, he did. It was a miracle they even knew each other. Their second meeting nearly two years after the first had been an accident, a chance meeting—Leo’s church’s outreach program to Roman’s church. Leo’s place of worship was a whole lot nicer than Roman’s. Leo went to school there too.
They’d listened to Father Calori speak, and Leo hadn’t been able to take his eyes off Roman the whole time. There was something about him. He was different. He looked alone. He still looked that way sometimes.
“Take the money, Ro.”
Roman’s brown eyes softened. He stepped closer to Leo, then closer still until he stood between Leo’s legs where he sat on his bed.
“One day we’ll get the fuck outta here. We’ll run away if we have to. I’ll find a way to go to college and get a good job and be the kinda man you deserve.”
Leo didn’t want any other kind of man, though. He just wanted Roman. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Roman replied. “No one will ever take you away from me.”
In the end, Roman hadn’t let anyone take Leo away from him—he’d walked away on his own.