THIRTY-THREE
Roman had been at Leo’s apartment nearly every day for the past three weeks, going to work from there and coming back there after. He stayed while Leo went to work. It wasn’t something they’d discussed. It just happened, and neither of them mentioned it. He knew they probably should discuss things, but for the first time in his life things felt easy, and he didn’t want to screw it up.
He needed some easy…some happy…some real.
It was close to the end of his workday. He sat in the office when Polly stuck her head inside the door. “Roman?”
He looked up at his secretary and smiled. “Yeah.”
She gave him a strange look then, making him ask, “Is everything okay?”
“It is. You’re just…different. I don’t know what exactly the change is, but you’ve been different lately.”
He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. No one in his personal life knew about Leo except for Amy—not that he had many people in his personal life other than her. It was a big step to tell someone and one he knew he had to take. Roman opened his mouth, unsure of what would come out, when he heard, “He’s happy,” from Amy, who must have been standing behind Polly.
“I am,” he confirmed, before Polly stood aside for Amy to come in. Then Polly closed the door behind her, leaving him alone with Amy.
“Hey, you.” His ex walked over. Roman stood and kissed her cheek before sitting back down in his chair. She sat in the one on the other side of his desk. “I figured I should stop by here if I wanted to see you. Every time I call, you’re at your boyfriend’s house.”
Boyfriend. His pulse jumped at the word but not in the way he expected. For the first time in too long, it was his truth, but at the same time, it almost felt as though the word wasn’t strong enough either. Leo felt like more than that to him. He always had.
“Wow. I didn’t even get an argument. This must be serious.”
Roman grinned at her. “He’s not my boyfriend. We haven’t discussed exclusivity.”
“Eh. Excuses, excuses. How’s everything going?” Amy leaned back in the chair as Roman weighed his words.
“It’s great. Exciting and new but familiar too. I feel like a child again at times, though. Like I don’t know what I’m doing, or I’m worrying about things a man my age shouldn’t worry about. I’m twenty-eight years old, and I feel like I’m hiding my relationship but also wondering if it really is a relationship or not. Part of me wants to question everything I do while the more dominant part needs to jump right in, to soak it all up, every single experience that I can. I don’t want to wait.” He didn’t want to lose Leo again…or to lose himself.
“Have you talked to Leo about any of the things you’re feeling?”
Roman shook his head. “Of course not. That would be too logical.” Some things were easier to discuss than others. He guessed part of him feared what Leo’s response might be. Maybe they were moving too fast. Leo had made it clear before that he didn’t do relationships.
“I’m going on record saying that I think talking it out with him is the best thing. I love seeing you happy, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I worry too. You’ve been through a lot mentally and emotionally, Roman. Please don’t forget that. Make sure you’re doing what you need to do for yourself outside of just being with Leo.”
“I’m fine,” Roman answered without giving it a second thought. “I’m being honest with myself about who I am. That’s the only thing that matters.”
Amy nodded slowly, and Roman wasn’t sure she believed him. When she opened her mouth to speak, he thought she was going to argue with him, but instead she said, “I’d like to meet him. Maybe we could have dinner at your apartment one night. I would cook. If you don’t feel comfortable, I understand, but…you’re family to me. You always will be. I’d like to know the man you’re in love with.”
He didn’t bother trying to deny it. He’d probably always been in love with Leo. Roman had given himself to Leo when no one else in the world knew the real him, when no one knew who he was. Something like that bound you to a person. Leo would always be a part of him.
“Roman?” Amy said his name, reminding him she’d spoken.
His instinct was to tell her no. As long as they kept what they had just between them, nothing could take it away from them, but he knew that wasn’t logical. Knew he couldn’t hold Leo so tight that no one could pull him from his grasp. Leo couldn’t live that way. Roman knew he had to make it so he couldn’t either. “I’ll talk to him. I’m sure he’d like that.”
Really, he had no fucking clue how Leo would feel about it, but he didn’t want to say that.
“Okay. I’ll let you get back to work. I just stopped by to be the annoying ex-girlfriend who’s overly invested in her gay friend’s life.”
Roman couldn’t help but bark out a laugh at that. He loved this woman. Hoped that one day she found the man she deserved. “Thank you,” he told her.
She winked at him. “No problem, sweets,” and then she got up and walked out of his office.
The second she left, the urge to tell someone, anyone, about him and Leo hit him so hard, he nearly lost his breath. He needed to do this just to prove to himself that he could. It was one thing spending time at a gay bar with Leo, in Leo’s apartment, or hell, even at the park, where they likely wouldn’t see anyone they knew. It was almost as though he was still trying to hide the fact that this was real.
How honest was he really being if he kept all this to himself?
So Roman picked up the phone and called for Polly. She made her way into his office less than a minute later.
“What did you need?” she asked with a smile. Now that she stood in front of him, he felt like an idiot. He’d called her in here, why? To say, Hey, just in case you’re curious, I’m gay?
“I just wanted to let you know there might be a gentleman stopping by to see me at some point. His name is Leo and…and I’m dating him, so treat him as you would if Amy were to stop by, please.” There. That hadn’t been difficult. It had been pretty damn easy, actually.
“Oh…okay. Congratulations. Is that why you’ve been so happy lately?”
He smiled at his secretary, who was beaming at him, and he felt…content. “Yes, it is. He makes me very happy.”