TWENTY-SIX
Leo had spoken to Roman every day for close to a week. They’d speak on the phone sometimes during the day, others in the evenings, or on quick breaks at work. It was important to him to feel things out. To make sure Roman wasn’t going to freak out over what happened.
He was surprised Roman hadn’t so far.
Sad that he had to feel that way.
There was a part of him that had to have known something major happened to Roman for him to do what he’d done. It had hurt so much that Leo had been in denial about it. He’d needed to lie to himself so he could move on, because waiting for Roman had hurt and that hadn’t been an option anymore. Now he knew the truth and also worried about the lasting effects of what Roman had been through. What happened…that was a big deal—physically and mentally. It wasn’t as though things were going to magically change or as if Roman had even worked through it.
Leo didn’t know what he wanted in regard to the two of them either. What he did know was they’d fallen into place almost as seamlessly as they had all those years ago. They just…clicked. Like they’d been missing something and then…oh, there it is, and everything just felt right and complete and normal.
He missed Roman during the week and wanted to see him again.
It was Friday, and Leo had to go to his parents’ house today. He fucking hated it there. He didn’t know why he let his mother talk him into visiting every once in a while. It wasn’t as though anything would be different.
But then, maybe there was a part of him that hoped it would—at least in regard to her. Or hell, maybe he was just an asshole and wanted to rub it in his dad’s face that he was nothing like him.
They lived in the same oversize house Leo had grown up in. It had been remodeled, of course. There was a gate now that hadn’t been there when Roman used to sneak in.
He didn’t have the code to get in. His father didn’t trust him enough for that. In his dad’s eyes, Leo had become the kind of thug he hated, though Leo wasn’t sure what he’d done to make him feel that way. Because he had different values than his father? Because he’d rather live in a small, beat-up apartment instead of a house like theirs? Because he was broke and spent time with people who didn’t put themselves above everyone else the way his dad did? Because he worked in a bar?
Because he’d once loved Roman?
It could have been any of those reasons.
He took a cab to their posh neighborhood. He wished he could ask the driver to stay so he could get out of here the second he was ready, but then, if he got stuck for hours, it wasn’t as though he could afford that.
He paid the driver and then walked up to the gate and pressed the button on the call box.
“Hello?” his mom said as though she didn’t know it was him.
“Hey, Ma. It’s Leo.”
“Oh! I’ll ring you in!”
Nerves made Leo’s pulse jump up a notch or two. He hated that being around his parents still affected him that way. It was hard to be around them and not feel traces of the boy he used to be. The one who felt less than and not important. The boy who never felt like he was good enough. He’d worked hard to get over that, and he wondered if having Roman in his life again might make those feelings resurface.
When the gate opened, he made his way inside. His mom stood by the door, her dark hair perfectly curled in ringlets down her back. She wore makeup—red lipstick the way she always did. Even if she planned to stay home all day, she always made sure she looked good. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but he had a feeling it was more for his dad than herself.
She looked younger than she was, skinnier than she should be, and had tired eyes that he wasn’t sure anyone else would notice. Leo did because they were his eyes.
“Long time no see, Leonardo.” She opened her arms, and they hugged stiffly. Jesus, they were screwed up. They couldn’t even hug each other like a normal family.
“Sorry. Things have been busy.” He stepped inside the house. “This is new.” He looked up at the chandelier hanging in the entryway. It was white and pale pink. They’d always had a chandelier here, but it used to be brass.
“I wanted to try something different.”
She got like that sometimes. She’d get bored and change everything in the house. Leo wondered if she hoped she would get a new life with those changes.
“Your father is here. He’s excited to see you.”
Leo watched her as she closed the door. “You don’t have to do that. I’m not a child anymore. I know he doesn’t care if he sees me or not. I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m not the son he wants. I’m okay with that.”
She waved her hand as though he was being ridiculous. “You know that’s not true.” She made her way toward the living room, and Leo followed her. “You’re both so stubborn—and different—but your father loves you.”
Maybe he did in his own way, but for Leo, when you loved someone, you showed it. He’d never felt love from his father.
“I have coffee. Do you want coffee?” she asked.
“No, thank you.” Leo sat on the couch and fidgeted. It matched the chandelier in front of the door. “So…how are…things?” Jesus. He didn’t even know what she was up to right now.
“Good. Your father is retiring at the end of the year. I can’t remember if I told you that.”
“What about you?” he asked.
“What about me?”
“I asked what you’re doing.”
“Oh.” She didn’t sit down, and he could tell she was just as uncomfortable as he was.
“You can be your own person without him, you know.” He’d always wondered if their relationship would have been different if his father hadn’t been around.
“Don’t start, Leo. You just got here. Please don’t start in on your father already.”
Because of course it was his fault. He opened his mouth to respond but heard a noise down the hall and stopped himself.
“Fred, Leo is here,” his mom called. His dad’s birth name was Frederico, but he didn’t go by it.
Leo sat up straight, felt his pulse, beat, beat, beat harder against his skin again. Damn it. Why did he let this man get to him?
His father walked into the room. If Leo wanted to know what he would look like as he aged, all he had to do was look at his dad. Other than his eyes, Leo looked exactly like him.
“Finally made time in your busy schedule to see your mother, did you?” were his first words.
“Funny, that’s how I felt growing up whenever I would see the two of you.”
His mom sucked in a sharp breath, but his father? He was pissed. The tic in his jaw was obvious even with the distance between them.
“You still overreact. You always have. There was nothing wrong with the way you were raised. We gave you everything. You chose to squander it.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Leo shot to his feet. Jesus, they couldn’t be in the room with one another for a minute without going at it.
“Please, don’t. Let’s just try to have a nice visit,” his mom said. “How’s work going, Leo?”
He breathed heavily. Didn’t want to have this reaction but couldn’t help it. They faced off with one another, neither willing to back down. It had been this way since he was sixteen, when he’d become his own person and stopped letting his father walk all over him.
His dad sighed. “You work at a bar. Do you realize what we sacrificed so you could have any opportunity you wanted? I don’t understand you, Leo. I can’t make sense of you. I’ve never been able to. Why don’t you want anything for yourself?” He sounded as though he genuinely didn’t understand.
“What makes you think I don’t have anything? My life isn’t empty just because I don’t have or want the same things as you.”
“Then what do you have? I really would like to know.”
“Fred,” his mom started, but one look from his father silenced her before he continued.
“What do you have that’s worth a damn, Leo? What have you worked for? You accuse us of being bad parents, of not being there for you, but what are you putting into the world that’s so much better than what we did? Serving drinks? Having relationships that don’t matter?”
He didn’t know how to answer that question. He had his independence. His pride and dignity. His self-worth. But saying any of those things almost felt as though he was saying he was like the man standing in front of him.
No. He was nothing like this man.