TWENTY-FOUR
They were quiet as they lay in Leo’s bed. Roman’s scent clung to his skin, and Leo liked it more than he wanted to admit. He hadn’t expected this. Hell, it had only been a couple of hours ago that Roman was crying while he gave Leo a blowjob. He’d gone from that to fucking the man. Being the first man to ever do so.
The more time that went by, the more Leo wondered if he’d screwed up. If this was a mistake and Roman hadn’t been ready. The man was a mess—dry tears still clung to his face—and there was a part of Leo that worried he’d taken advantage of him. He’d wanted Roman so much back then, loved him so fucking much, and then to lose him the way he had… He’d spent his life angry, and now Roman was here and Leo wanted everything Roman would give him, but was that the right thing?
Leo looked at him. Roman lay on his side, facing Leo. It was almost as though they were looking through each other instead of at each other. It felt like an eternity before Roman spoke. “What happened to you afterward?”
Leo sighed. He knew this was coming and he wanted it to, wanted Roman to know the truth. “I was pissed. So fucking angry at you that I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted everyone else to hurt the way I did. I told my father.” Roman’s eyes went big, but Leo ignored it and pushed on. “I told him I was gay, and that I was in love with you. Told him that we’d been sneaking around for a year.”
His father had wanted to hit him. That had been the only time in his life that he thought his dad might, but he hadn’t. Not the way Roman’s dad and brother had beaten him. Again, Leo cursed himself for not looking deeper, for not making phone calls that could be made or working to find out why Roman had walked away instead of just letting himself be angry.
“He tried to send me to boarding school on the East Coast, but my mother wouldn’t let him. That’s the only time she’s ever stood up to him. I was hurting, they both knew I was hurting, but he didn’t care. He said…” Leo trailed off, not sure if he should continue, but if they were going to do this, they needed to go there one hundred percent. Needed to be honest.
“Go on,” Roman told him, confirming Leo’s thoughts.
“He said that’s what I got for spending time with trash. He didn’t care that I was gay—not really. He cared about his image. Cared that he’d worked so hard to get out of the gutters he’d grown up in with your father, he couldn’t handle a son who would want to be with someone like that.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.” Roman’s hand rose, and he touched Leo’s hair. He seemed unsure at first, but he didn’t pull away. He wiped a bead of sweat from Leo’s forehead with his thumb.
Leo shrugged. “What’s done is done.” And it was. There was no going back and no use in dwelling on it. What he’d lived with was nothing compared to what Roman had lived through.
“I left when I graduated high school, left it all behind—my parents, my church. I didn’t go to school like you, I just fucking lived. I hitchhiked and partied and fucked men I didn’t know. I stayed away because I didn’t want to be around my father, but eventually I came back. I love Los Angeles, and fuck him if he thought he could chase me away. Plus, it’s fun to see him sometimes. For him to see I’m nothing like him and I couldn’t be happier about it.”
Roman frowned, but Leo wasn’t sure why. He’d always known Leo wanted to be nothing like his old man the same way Roman hadn’t wanted to be like his.
“My mother…she tries more now. Not enough to anger him, but she tries. They’re getting older, and the two of them are different—their relationship, I mean. They’re growing apart, at least he is, and I think she sees that. Sees that she’s losing him and she lost me. They’re alone because of decisions they made.”
“Do you think you could ever be close to them? Or her?” Roman asked, and Leo felt himself shutting down. He didn’t have it as bad as Roman had, but he’d felt alone for eighteen fucking years. The only person in his life who hadn’t made him feel that way was Roman, and they hadn’t cared that Leo lost him. Leo didn’t know if he could forgive them for that.
“No. I considered looking for you. It wouldn’t have been hard to find you, but I was so fucking angry…so angry and hurt.” Roman had been hurt too, and Leo had let his own pride, his own pain come between him and the truth.
Before Roman could ask him anything else, he continued, “That’s enough talking for tonight. How’s your ass?” He looked at Roman and grinned. Damned if the man’s cheeks didn’t flush.
“It’s tender. You…you fucked me.”
“I did.”
“I’d…I’d like you to do it again and again and again.” Roman smiled. “I want you to live inside me.”
Fuck if Leo didn’t want that too. He couldn’t believe his prick started to stir again, but they couldn’t. Not tonight. “I will, but not now. You’ll be sore. Let’s get some sleep. I’ll ravage your ass again soon.”
The smile on Roman’s face was almost enough for Leo to say, fuck it, and spread him out right then. To get his dick hard and do just as Roman said and live inside him.
Instead, Leo got up and turned out the light. They climbed under the blanket together. Roman’s hand slid to the back of Leo’s neck. He wrapped his arm over Roman’s torso and fell asleep with his head on his chest, the way they used to dream about doing.