CHAPTER FIVE
Changes
Blue
This is it. I preview my empty apartment and try not to let the water spill from my eyes. This place had been my shelter. A haven against the storms life threw at me. I learned a lot about myself behind the safety of these walls. There was no protocol or reputation to worry about. Now I was going back into the belly of the beast I’d spent a year weaning myself away from. It was stupid to think keeping my distance and living in denial with Jamie would change what was in my heart and running through my veins.
“That’s it, Blue.” Jamie sounds like a child who’d had his candy taken away. I suppose in a way he had.
“Thanks for helping me move. You really didn’t have to,” I say.
“Yeah, I did. I want you to know you’re not alone. I get that you’re all about family, but I’m always here if you need anything.”
“I know the party freaked you out. But they’re my family, Jam. I don’t see them the same way you do, and they’d never hurt me.”
“I’m more worried about you getting caught up in the crossfire.”
I roll my eyes. He’d been like a dog with a bone about the club recently. I imagine it was because he blames them for taking me away. “Someday soon, some girl who’s perfect for you is going to make you very happy. I’m just not that girl. I know we want to stay friends, but I think some time apart would be a good thing, yeah?”
“If that’s what you want.” He runs the backs of his knuckle across my cheek. “Remember, I’m always here.”
“I know, Jam, thank you,” I say, gently resting my hand on his shoulder. “You were more than I deserved. I wish I could have loved you the way you needed me to. You’re my best friend, but what you need is more.”
He presses his lips together and gives a curt nod. “At least let me walk you out.”
“Of course. I’m not trying to push you away. I just…this isn’t healthy for either of us. I’m struggling to deal with all the new responsibilities laid at my feet, and you’re waiting in the wings for me to miraculously change my mind.” I shake my head. “It’s not right.”
“I get it. The party was…eye opening. After all of this dies down, maybe we can try the friend thing again.”
I smile up at him. “I’d like that.”
We leave the apartment behind, and I lock the door behind me for the last time. With the return of my keys and my final good-bye to Jamie, I’m brought back to square one. In a way, I’m rebuilding my life. I should be terrified and at least a little sad. Instead, I’m nervous and excited. What I had going before didn’t work. It’s time I figure out what does.
***
“How are you?” Ruth asks.
I take a sip from my beer, letting the porch swing I had installed swing back and forth a few more times before I answer. “I’m good.”
“Thanks for the bullshit answer, now how about the real one?”
I laugh. Ruthie Price has been my best friend since college. The firecracker has never hesitated to speak her mind. It’s what I love and hate about her. She’ll lay your shit bare if she thinks it’s in your best interest. When I need tough love, she’s the first one I turn to. “I’m dealing. Being a full time parent to a teenage boy full of angst, anger, and the need to feel unconditionally loved is heavy.”
“I can only imagine, but he loves you, and everyone knows how crazy you are about him. It’ll settle.”
“I hope so. I’m terrified of screwing up and making things worse for him.”
“Not possible, babe. You’re here every day, all day. That’s more than I think Bolt has ever had.”
“I know you’re right, but it’s different when you’re in it,” I say, trying to neutralize the fear threatening to creep up and ruin our girls’ night in.
“Always is, babe. That’s why I’m your voice of reason. I’m far enough outside to be objective, but close enough to get what’s going on. How are things with the family?”
“Crazy, overwhelming. It’s amazing how moving twenty minutes closer can change everything. The boys are always over to check on us or doing drive-bys. My father seems to think I need to be over there every other day, and my mother,” I picture the withdrawn woman with sad eyes, and a fake smile, “she’s not taking this well at all. I don’t want to say Calla is her favorite, but they connect on a different level. One I know she misses.”
“Can’t Calla have visitors?” Ruth asks.
“Yeah, but she’s refusing to see my parents. She’s furious they wouldn’t post her bail.”
“Which leaves you running interference, like usual. I hate that they do this to you.”
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
“It’s been broken for a long time. Is she seeing you at least?”
“Oh yeah, she loves seeing me.” I roll my eyes.
“Meaning she’s a total bitch the entire time. Has Bolt gone to see her?”
“No.” I shake my head. “He doesn’t want to, and I’m not about to force him. You reap what you sow.”
“I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear you say that. She’s gotten away with so much shit over the years.”
“And look at her now. We all got to pay the Piper sometime.”
“Truth. How are you dealing with the Jamie break up?”
“Better than I should be. I swear I’m such a bitch. I actually feel relieved.”
“You should, he wasn’t right for you. You need someone more…” Ruth furrows her brow. “Masculine?”
“He was plenty masculine.”
“Not in the make your toes curl take-charge way.” She shudders dramatically.
I laugh. “Why do I get the feeling you’re picturing a particular man right now? Maybe you need to be the one sharing with me.”
“I wish there was something to tell. I’m in a serious dry spell.” Ruth shakes her head.
“No one interesting in the ad department? You get some cute hipsters coming through,” I say, remembering the last long haired, pierced, tattooed man with black frames she brought to a get together.
“Ugh, that’s the problem. If you’re even more sensitive than me, I can’t see long term. I’m over the sowing my wild oats stage. I want to get serious. It’s changed the way I look at men.”
“I never thought I’d hear you say the S word.”
“S word?” Ruthie lifts a pencil thin eyebrow over her deep set brown eyes and purses her slim lips. Her high cheekbones stand out on her heart-shaped face, and her corkscrew curls tumble down her back. She’s beautiful without trying and down-to-earth.
I’d like to see her settled with someone who could handle her. She’s always run circles around the men attracted to her magnetic personality. An image of Skull flickers in my mind. Skull manages one of the King’s legal businesses—Chaos’ Bar and Grill. They would balance well. Except she wants serious.
“Yeah, serious.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, we’re getting scarily close to mid-thirties.”
“You sound scared,” I exclaim, stunned. She’s always so fearless.
“I think we’re all afraid to end up alone. I’m no different in that aspect. I know I’m not the only one who’s noticed we’re attending more baby showers, and one of the few left from our crew who are painfully single. Well, I guess you were excluded until recently.”
“Does it matter? One thing I learned early on in life is there’s no right or wrong way to do things. We all have a path to travel. There’s no status quo we need to struggle to meet. You have to be happy. Trust me, life is fleeting at best and tomorrow isn’t promised.” I picture the faces of those who’d gone before me and close my eyes tight. Too much loss does funny things to a person.
“You’re right. I just…have you ever looked at your life and realized it’s not where you wanted to be by now?”
I laugh as bitterness wells up inside me. “Are you kidding me? Every damn day! I just hurt someone I care about badly, because I couldn’t stop lying to myself. Jamie might’ve been what I swore I wanted. But he wasn’t what I needed. ”
“Did he do something you didn’t like?”
I laugh. “No, he just wasn’t…” I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud.
“Who you wanted?” Ruth finishes my sentence.
I bow my head. “I have to shake this sickness. It’s fucked up, and it’s going to ruin my life if I let it.”
“Why?” Ruthie asks.
“The man that I want—”
“Is a free agent,” she interjects. “You have to get this out of your system or you’ll never be able to move on, because you’re always going to wonder what if. It’s easy to place him on a pedestal when it’s all been in your head.”
“I don’t. It’s not like that. I’m not pining for him,” I splutter.
“Aren’t you? I think you owe it to the both of you. I’ve seen you two around one another. Shadow is into you,” Ruth says.
“I don’t think so.”
“Prove me wrong,” she challenges.
“It’s not that easy, and you know it.”
“Soon, you won’t be able to say that. The two of you will be living under the same roof.”
“For Bolt. I mean, what would that look like? Your dad gets home from jail, your mom goes in, and your aunt starts dating your dad?”
“What? He would be ecstatic. His two real parents together.”
“Ruthie,” I whine.
“What? I remember how many times you didn’t go out in college because Bolton needed you and Shadow was off doing whatever he does for the club.”
I smirk. She caught on real quick to the whole not asking questions thing. I loved her for it. No matter what happened with the club, she never saw me differently or isolated me. There’d been many friends before her who couldn’t handle it. I reach out and grab her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Thank you.”
“For what, being painfully honest?” Ruthie asks.
“No, ass, for sticking by me.”
“You should know by now I’m not going anywhere, babe. You’re stuck with my crazy ass now.” She wraps her arm around me.
I allow myself to soak up her support and affection. This was exactly what I needed, some tough love and a chance to vent. Time was ticking by fast, and my anxiety was off the charts.
“You ready for tomorrow?” Ruthie asks.
“No. I know the judge is going to throw the book at her, and when her last bit of hope is snatched away, she’s going to go down in a blaze of insanity. You’ve seen her melt down before. It’s not a pretty sight.”
“Shit, is Bolt going to be there?”
“I think he wants to be. I’m torn between protecting him, and overstepping my boundaries. He’s seen so much already, I don’t think I have the right to keep him from going.”
“Did he say why he wants to go?” she asks.
“No. I think in his own way, he wants to lend support and accept his new reality. Right now, we’re in limbo. This will put an end to all that. I think we both need the closure.”
“Promise me one thing, Blue.”
“What?” I ask cautiously.
“You’ll allow yourself to truly be happy. Whatever that means, whoever it hurts. Because you deserve that.”
I know what she’s saying. I look down at my hands. “If it comes to it, I will.” It’s more than a vow to a friend, it’s an agreement with myself. Shadow may have pressed my buttons during our visit, but he was right. We’re not getting any younger, and I’m sick of playing the role of doormat.
“Oh, it will, baby girl. Trust me. I got one of my feelings.” Ruthie nods her head.
“Then God save my soul! Every time you get one of those feelings of yours, it hits the fan.”
“It’s not always bad,” Ruthie protests.
“No, but it’s always something to watch. Jesus, why did you put that curse on me?” I moan.
“You need a little crazy in your life.”
“No. I think I have plenty of crazy going.”
“Not the good kind.” Her eyes glitter with mischief.
“You’re so evil.”
“Shut up, you love me.”
“Love and fear,” I say.
We both burst into giggles and continue to rock back and forth. For a moment, I could let all my worries fade into the background and enjoy the peace that always came when I spent time with my best friend.
***
Shadow
The gate closes behind me with a final clank. I’m on autopilot as I pass the guards, and collect my belongings. I’m on three years’ probation, which means piss tests and check-ins with my parole officer. It’s a precarious situation to be in when you’re an enforcer.
I’ll have to make sure I’m not caught again.
After I sign my paperwork and change into something not orange for the first time in what feels like forever, I leave behind the concrete and stone that encaged me without hesitation. I don my sunglasses and step out of the building into the sunshine. The heat rolls over my skin, and I take a huge gulp of fresh air, relaxing for the first time I can remember in all those days that blurred together.
Wizard—my one time sponsor when I became an enforcer—is waiting for me, leaning up against a black SUV. He pushes away from the vehicle, and we meet in the middle to exchange a hug. He clamps me on my back. “Good to have you out, brother. You’ve been missed.”
“Good to be out.” We pull from the hug, and I head to the passenger side, eager to be as far away from my living hell as possible. I climb up, close the door behind me, and lean back into the comfortable seats. “You going to fill me in?” I ask.
“Just the basics. Most of that important shit will happen in Church. Bolton wanted to come with me, but he knows the drill. He and Blue are waiting at the clubhouse for you.”
I can feel his eyes on me, but I remain silent.
“You going to finally make your move on that?”
I spin my head to look at him. “Say what?”
“Come on, you’ve been eye-fucking her for years. Now, you’re going to be under the same roof, and Cal is locked up and can’t cock block you.”
My throat goes dry. “Does anyone else know?” I ask.
“Nah. I knew what to look for. Don’t know why you decided to go for Calla that night though. I wanted to deck you every time I saw how sad it made Blue. You do it right this time, or not at all.” His voice is devoid of warmth, and his words are flat.
“It wasn’t a choice, Wiz. She slipped into my room in the middle of the night, pretended to be Blue, and told me to keep the lights off because she was shy. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I should’ve called her on it when I had the chance, but then she was pregnant and I didn’t want that hanging over my kid.”
His eyes narrow and he nods his head as if he suspected something like that. “Fucking bitch.”
“You don’t know the half of it, brother. There’s a hole inside of her she keeps trying to fill up. I spent two years trying to help her and make it work. She’s too lost in her crazy. I think she feeds off drama ’cause she needs that shit like water.”
“I don’t know where they went wrong with that one,” Wizard mutters.
I shrug. “Beats me, man. But I’m done with her. She’s in for three, and Bolton will be eighteen in two more years.”
“He’s going to patch. He’s got Kings in his blood.”
Pride fills my chest. “Yeah. I think so. He’s a good kid. I know he’s been giving Blue some trouble, but his relationship with Calla has always been rocky and tough to deal with.”
“You did good with him, considering,” Wizard replies.
His praise meant a lot. “Thanks, man. I hear you’re a daddio now. How’s that going?”
“Man, she showed me that as smart as I thought I was, I don’t know shit.”
I laugh. “Sounds about right. They don’t come with instructions, do they?”
“Fuck no. My Old Lady is crazy over her though.” Wizard chuckles. “Never thought I’d see the day I’d be married and someone’s father.”
“Things change.”
“That they do. You got out during a good time. Shit’s quiet. Internal and external drama is at an all time low. After Fuse and his hang-around whore turned on us, we banded together and came back stronger.”
“That whole thing was fucked up, Wiz. Glad to see you up and about.”
“It’ll take more than a dance with the ground to keep me down permanently.”
I silently agree. Wizard is a legend. KOC wouldn’t be the same without him. “Is the club cleaned up now?” I ask, wondering if they are still flushing out rats.
“We think so. We’ve been easing back into things bit by bit. Got an account transfer coming up soon, but we’re focusing on growth and expansion of new money.”
Clean money.
He spoke in code as a precaution. We’d gotten paranoid after a few of the bigger clubs were toppled by Feds and undercover agents, then tightened up our operating procedures. I only went down on arms because I’d stayed behind to see a wounded brother off after the shit hit the fan, and he took three to the chest.
We slip into a comfortable silence, and I enjoy the feel of the tires on the pavement. I can’t wait to get back to my bike. There’s nothing that matches the feeling of the wind on my face, the sun on my back, and the rumble of my lady between my legs. It was the closest thing to freedom I’ve ever found. Life has always been simple to me; freedom, family, and my bike. Three years behind bars hadn’t changed that. I study the familiar terrain, making note of the changes. Businesses have opened, closed, and expanded. It’s like waking from a dream.
As we pull up to the clubhouse, I can’t help but scan the crowd gathered. I spot the two people I care about most, and my heart begins to speed.
Bolton is standing beside Blue, her arm around his waist. He towers over his aunt by a good four or five inches.
I wish I’d been there to see my boy growing. I see more of myself in him now. He’s lost the baby fat. The angular planes give him a lean, mean look. Dressed in a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt he’s like a mirror into the past. This was me at that age. I can see the anger glinting in his blue eyes. It makes me want to strangle his mother.
Blue squeezes him, and his gaze softens as he peers down at her.
This is how it should’ve been from the start. The three of us. I’m a hunter by nature and trade. Once I set my sights on something, I won’t stop until I have it. Right now, Bluebell is my prey. The car comes to a halt and I exit, locking gazes with my son. I walk over to Bolton and envelop him in a massive hug. For a minute, he holds me a little too tight, and I can see the thirteen-year-old boy I left in this sixteen-year-old young man.
We separate and he smiles up at me. “Good to have you back, Dad.”
“Good to be back. You take good care of your aunt Blue?”
“Yeah.” His nervous expression melts away as he grins.
All my boy ever wanted was to feel needed and wanted, especially when it comes to women. His mother mind fucked him with her selfish behavior. I’ve done my best to curb and fulfill that desire in him, but a man can’t take the place of a mother any more than a mother can take the place of a father. It’s another reason now is the perfect time for Blue and I. Together, we could have something. I’d been dreaming this shit up for a year.
Bolton steps aside, and I smirk. “Hey, Blue.”
“Welcome home, Shadow.” She opens her arms.
I pull her body to mine, lifting her off the ground, and she squeals. Whoops and hollers went up from all around us.
Damn, it’s good to be home. I set her down on her feet and reluctantly move forward to mingle. I want to wrap an arm around her waist and keep her by my side. But I don’t have the right…yet. The King chasers are eyeballing me like I’m a free meal. It’s been three years since I dipped my wick in anything. However, I’m not about to fuck myself out of my future by detouring with them when I know Blue is my endgame.
“All right, church in ten minutes,” Stone bellows. “But first, we have something that belongs to you, brother.”
My father, Reb walks out, holding my cut, and he gives me a nod of his head.
I can’t help but feel I’m regaining a piece of my soul. I turn and ease my arms into the leather vest. Finally, I’m whole. The cut is more than a decorative article of clothing—it’s who I am.
Harold ‘Reb’ Barrett then gives me a rare smile as he takes a step back.
Stone claps me on my back. “Church. Afterward, we party.”
I grin. I need a nice long night of drinking and shooting the shit.
The meeting is short and sweet as they cram the highlights in and tell me to enjoy the weekend. Monday I’ll be back on the job, ready to do the Pres’s bidding at a moment’s notice.
“Hey, Psych, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask as the others began to pile out.
“Yeah, man. I figured you’d want to at some point. Figured I’d let you have your fun first.”
I pat his shoulder. “I appreciate it, brother. But I like to take care of business first.”
“That’s why I like you, Shadow,” Psycho says, nodding his approval.
It means a lot coming from a lifer. I grew up wanting to be like these men, and now that I’m among them, their praise and support is necessary. It’s almost like having a bunch of surrogate fathers.
“You want to do this here or does the bar work?” Psych asked.
“Here.”
“So, it’s personal,” Psycho says. He sighs and runs his hand down his face. Suddenly, his stoic and staunch face looks years older.
I can see the shit with Calla is getting to him. I wait until the door closes behind the last person before I start talking. “Look, you know how Calla is. I tried with her. The shit that went down never should have, and while I won’t blame it on her completely, ’cause I should have been smarter about shit, I will say she had a hand in misleading me.”
“Been wondering ’bout that for years. You ain’t the type to fall for her bullshit.”
“No, but once Bolton came along, that was it. I had someone else to worry about. I tried to keep shit civil with her, but she didn’t want that. That girl lives for the drama. I did my best to protect my boy from it, but… He has his scars. I’m going to do my best to set him right before he’s out there as an adult. I think Blue living with me full time will help.”
“My Blue is a good girl.” Pyscho’s lip turns up into a small smile.
Somewhere an angel must’ve died. The gruff biker didn’t often show huge displays of emotion.
“Yes, she is. That’s who I want to talk about.”
Psych narrows his eyes. “Proceed with caution, boy. That girl doesn’t need to be fucked around. She’s no warm body or good time.”
I hold my hand up. “I know that. Look, it’s always been Blue for me. I never wanted Calla. She knew that, too. I told her straight up. She only got as close to me as she did because she pretended to be her sister.”
Psych’s nostrils flare.
“She’s that vindictive, brother. You know I’m speaking the truth.”
His jaw ticks. He blinks, and the killing light in his eyes goes out.
I relax slightly. I’m getting through.
“So you want to sister hop?” His voice is quiet; full of anger and gravel.
I proceed cautiously. “No, I want to claim my Old Lady. I waited. I tried to get her out of my system. The shit didn’t take. Seeing her with this yuppie fuck killed me, knowing he might lock down what’s mine.” I grit my teeth and clench my fists. “I’m not going to wait any longer. I want your blessing, brother. You know I respect you, and I want to do this shit right. But I don’t need it.”
“You willing to go toe-to-toe with me on this?” He arches an eyebrow.
“Yeah, I am,” I answer without hesitation. “I’ve spent the past three years in a cage, defending myself, and fighting for the things I needed. I can’t go back to being the passive man who kept his feelings secret. Life is too fucking short.”
“She’s not going to go for it,” Psycho says.
“You let me worry about that.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Psych asks.
“As a heart attack. Blue was always meant to be mine. I need her to realize that.”
Psych rubs his chin between his thumb and index finger. “I got to tell you, brother, I’m not sure how I feel about this. People are going to talk and judge. I don’t give a shit, but Bluebell will. How you going to protect her from that? You going to make it all worth it for her? She knows how things work. You going on the road while she’s back home waiting and being broken down little by little? My girls, both of them, are strong in their own way. But everyone has a weakness, and for Blue, it’s emotions. I know brothers come first, but this is a personal matter, not a club matter. I don’t want those lines blurred.”
“I don’t need anyone other than Blue,” I state bluntly. A lot of men aren’t faithful. That’s never been a problem for me.
Psych scowls. “You make a convincing argument, and talk a good game. I’ll allow it. But if you hurt my little girl… I’m going to crush you. Don’t forget who taught you how to do your job,” he says. His voice is even and laced with the promise of violence. He and Wizard are damn good at their jobs.
I don’t want to be on the receiving end of punishment from either of them. “I hear you. Thanks for giving me your blessing.”
“I want to see Blue happy and with someone who understands this life. That chump she was bringing around rubbed me the wrong way.” Psych frowns. “Anyone would be better than him.”
I snicker. “His loss, my gain.”
“We’ll see. She ain’t going to be easy to win over, boy.”
“You know what they say about anything worth having,” I remark with a shrug and nod my head. I then head to the main room, ready to start chipping away at her resolve.
Rock music is blaring over the speakers while the scent of leather, alcohol, and smoke welcomes me home. I inhale the unique blend of sin. Scanning the crowd, I spot Blue and Bolt in a far corner with a group of other old ladies. I approach just as the old ladies say their good-byes and begin to leave with friendly waves.
“It’s good to have my family together,” I say loudly to be heard over the music. I wrap my arm around Blue’s waist, pull her body close to my side, and throw my other arm around Bolton’s shoulder. “The house ready for me?” I ask.
“Yeah, Dad, we fixed up the room next to Aunt Blue’s really nice,” Bolton replies.
“We got a lot of your things out of storage from your old place. I hope that’s okay?” Blue asks.
“It’s perfect. Anything you did will beat my last room,” I answer with a wink.
Bolton laughs, and Blue gives me a tiny smile.
“Well, I don’t want to keep you. I’m sure you’re going to celebrate, so we can get out of your hair whenever,” Blue says.
“The two people I want to party with are right here.” I catch her gaze.
She gasps slightly, and I squeeze her waist.
“W-we could s-stay a little bit longer,” she stammers.
“Good. Now catch me up to speed on you, Bolt.”
I listen as he rattles on about his classes and about what he thinks he wants to do out of school. I’m like a dehydrated sponge, soaking up the knowledge like water. The visits were never enough to make me feel fully involved with his life. I missed some important years, but I would make it up to him. Because he was my top priority. With no crazy-ass-baby-mama to fight, I could do things the way I wanted. It’s all about damage control at this point. I don’t want him to turn into one of the angry brothers who take too many risks and turn cold.
I glance over at Freeze. The brother had ice in his veins. It was good for taking care of business when we needed it, but it made many people uneasy. Probably why he’s a nomad. I don’t know if Bolton plans on taking after the family position as an enforcer, but I want to prepare him for life inside KOC. It requires a certain perspective to flourish. “You still got the dirt bike I left you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Tomorrow you and I are going to take a ride.”
His face lights up, and my heart squeezes. You don’t understand the true depths of love until you become a parent. It’d make the hardest motherfucker soften.
“That’d be awesome, Dad.”
I rub the back of his head, relieved that he’s made it through three years without me, relatively unscathed. We shoot the shit for a while longer, and the party starts to pick up. I see club girls begin to integrate with the crowd. “What do you say we call it a night, kid, and I’ll catch up with you tomorrow?” I ask.
Bolt nods his head.
Blue attempts to step away from me, and I tighten my hold. “Not you. We’ve got some conversations to be had.”
“Now?” she asks. Her eyes are wide, and her lips are parted just so.
I want to lick them, thrust my tongue inside of her mouth, and discover her flavor.
“It’s your night, Shadow. You don’t need me here cock blocking.”
I laugh. If you only knew the only place my cock wants to be buried…is inside of you. “You won’t. You good to drive home, kid? I’ll bring your aunt when I come.”
“What? And leave him in the house solo?” she protests, weakly.
“Kid’s old enough. Aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I got this,” he assures her.
“There you go,” I say.
She opens her mouth to protest.
“It’s my first day back. This is what I want to do. You really going to deny me, darling?”
She clamps her mouth shut and shakes her head no.
“Good. You need anything from me, kid?”
Bolt looks from me to Blue, and I swear I see a hopeful expression blazing in the blue eyes that are identical to mine.
“Nope. See you guys tomorrow. I’m glad you’re back, Dad.” He flashes a large smile and slips off into the crowd.
“He’s grown up a lot,” I say.
“Yeah, he’s always been wise beyond his years, though,” she replies.
“Yeah. Club has a way of making you grow up faster than you should.”
“Mmm-hmm.” She looks up at me. “What’s so important you have to talk to me now? This is your night.”
“Like I said, I’m spending it with the person I want to be with.”
She visibly swallows.
“Come on, let’s go somewhere a little more quiet.” I guide her through the writhing bodies dancing to the music and down the hall. Pausing outside of my room I pull out my key. “I’m not sure what I’m walking into, so bear with me.”
“It’s clean. I, um… I went over it the other day,” she says.
Already acting like my Old Lady. “Thank you, Blue.”
“Hey, least I could do.” She smiles, while the tension leaves her face and her body.
When I push the door open, the scent of pine teases my nostrils. I inhale and step inside. There are clean, crisp sheets folded down over a black comforter that’s neatly tucked into my full size bed. The place looks like I left it. I let my eyes wander over the few family pictures I had hanging on the wall. I mentally shake my head and refocus my attention. “Have a seat.” I gesture to my bed. She does as I ask, and I take a deep breath. “I’ve had nothing but time to think about things. The mistakes I’ve made. The choices I wish I could change.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, Shadow, least of all me. Why are you doing this?”
“So you can understand what’s about to happen.”
“What? You moving in?” Her brow furrows and her eyes darken with confusion.
“Let me get through this and then you can ask questions.”
“Okay.”
“The one regret I kept returning to was you.”
“Excuse me?”
“You, Blue. I never wanted Calla—”
“No! You don’t get to say this.” She jumps from the bed and stalks toward the door.
I grab her arm, spin her around, and place both my hands on either side of her head, pinning her to the door. “Yes, I do. Because it’s true. It was supposed to be you, Blue. That night she came in and pretended to be you.”
“W-what?”
“I kept this to myself for a long time. I wanted to keep Bolton safe, but he’s well on his way to being a man and has formed his own opinions of his mom. Nothing I do now will change that. I’m free to go after the one thing that’s been forbidden to me.”
Her chest heaves as she stares up at me. “I—why?”
“Because you care about people. You’re strong, but so fucking sweet I could get a cavity just from staring at you. Because I’ve been wondering what your eyes will look like when I make you come. How you’ll sound, what your scent will smell like mingled with mine. I’ve already had you a million different ways in my mind.”
“S-Shadow.”
“Tell me I’m alone in this.” I press my hips against her and rock, letting her feel what she’s done to me.
“I…I.” She shakes her head.
“You can’t, because you feel it too, don’t you? What’s always lurked beneath the surface between us?”
She closes her eyes and whimpers.
“Eyes, Blue. I want to see the emotions swimming in those browns.”
“We can’t.”
“Why?”
“It’s not right,” she whispers.
“Why? Everyone knows what I had with Calla was a joke. That vengeful bitch isn’t even here now. There are no more excuses.”
“Shadow.”
Impatient, and tired of being put off, I move forward and connect our lips. Lightning shoots through my body and fireworks flash behind my lids. I moan, plying her lips with my tongue.
She lifts her arms and wraps them around my neck, molding her curvy frame to mine.
My cock twitches, and I devour her. She tastes sweet, like mint and a hint of something more sugary. I tilt my head, deepening the kiss and she moans, allowing me entrance. When I rock against her, desperate for more friction, she rocks back, and I lose it. Stumbling back, I grip her thighs and lift her up, slamming her body against the door. If she had a skirt, I would’ve been balls deep by now. I was a patient man by nature, but right now, I was frantic to see, taste, and feel every inch of the woman I’d been jacking off to for three years. I thrust against her, swallowing her whimpers and moans. Her nails dig into my back. Our lips separate, and I suck in air.
She thrashes against me like a wild thing. “Oh my God, I’m going to… I’m going to—”
“That’s it, baby, let go for me. Let me make you come.” My fingers are digging into her flesh so hard I know there will be bruises. The thought makes me happy. I want every motherfucker who sees her to know she’s mine.
She throws her head back. Her body shakes as a keening wail spills from her full lips.
I latch onto her neck, sucking hard. I release her skin with a loud pop moments later, as she leans against me shaking. My dick is hard as a rock, and aching to experience her. If I move too fast, I could lose her. I grit my teeth, torn between blind need and morality. Walking away from the door, I carry her to my bed and place her limp body on it. “I need more, Blue.” I unbutton her top button. “I waited too long. I can’t slow down, babe.”
She lifts her hips to help me remove her jeans, and I can’t help but growl. “I’m going to make you forget everyone else.” Her aroma makes my mouth water. “You smell so fucking good, baby. I can’t wait to taste that tight little pussy.” Her neatly trimmed curls glisten in the light. “You’re already so wet for me.” I shove her jeans and underwear down around her ankles, then I spread her legs. Waiting to undo her sneakers isn’t an option. I’m ravenous, and she’s a chocolate cream pie begging to be eaten. I trail my finger down her slick slit and moan as she coats my finger. “You got such a pretty pussy, baby.” She props herself up on her elbows, and I suck on my finger. “Best damn thing I’ve ever tasted.”
Her eyes are hazy with desire, and trained on me.
“Keep those eyes on your man.” I lean down and lick a path up her cleft. She bucks her hips, and I pin her down, lapping at her nectar. Fire races through my body as she coats my tongue.
Her eyes grow unfocused. She falls onto the bed and buries her fingers in my hair.
I dive between her legs and nudge her swollen clit with my nose. She cries out as I nip, lick, and suckle her to orgasm. I slurp down her liquid, ravenous for her flavor.
“Oh, Shadow.”
“That’s right, baby. I’m the only who gets to touch you like this.” I pat her pussy.
With the action, she damn near jumps out of her skin. Her long fingers twine in the sheets and she moans deep in her throat.
“So fucking responsive. You’re a wet dream right now. Do you know how often I dreamt about you here like this?” I stand, unbuckle my pants, and shove them down.
She licks her lips. “H-how often?”
I stroke my cock. “Every single day.”
Her lower lip trembles and I can’t help but wonder how good her lips would be painted with the pre-cum dripping from my dick. I step forward, and she sits up like a good girl. Fuck, she’s hotter than hell. “Come here, baby, let me give you a little taste.” She scoots to the edge of the bed, and I run my tip over her perfect lips. “Look at my beautiful girl’s lips covered in my come. You like that?”
Her tongue flicks out to sample my flavor and she nods her head.
“Then be a good girl and open up for me.” Her jaw lowers, and I can’t help the tremors that begin. This is finally happening. I ease myself into her mouth. She hallows out her cheeks, and I’m in heaven. I wind her thick hair around my hand, and we find a rhythm. I hit the back of her throat, and she takes it, gagging slightly. I swear to God, I’m going to fucking marry her. “Fuck, we need to stop. I-I can’t last.” She grips my ass, digging her fingernails in, and bobs her head in a fast rhythm that has me spilling down her throat while I call out her name. She takes me down and cleans me with that delicate pink tongue of hers. I untangle my fingers from her hair and catch my breath.
“You taste so good, Shadow. I could drink you down for days.” She presses her thighs together tightly.
I can see the lust in her dark eyes. My dick is already recovering, and I’m dying to get inside of her. I nudge her back onto the bed and pull her to the edge. “You safe, babe?”
“Yes.” She nods her head. “Are you?”
“Clean as a whistle.” I slip my cock between her moist lips, bumping her swollen clit with the head over and over.
“Oh, Shadow.”
“You like that?”
“Yes.”
I smirk and grip my base. Then I tease her, dipping into her entrance and pulling back. “You ready for me?”
“God, yes,” she whimpers.
I push in, and we both cry out. I force myself to slowly work my way inside of her. She’s tight, hot, and so very wet. I grit my teeth to keep from pounding into my newfound paradise. “You are mine now, little girl.” I push her hands over her head and link our fingers. She flexes her muscles, and I get lost in a haze of need and passion. The slap of our bodies, the mingling scents of our lovemaking, and the feel of her soft, warm body envelopes me. I’m gritting my teeth and forcing myself to hold out. Her muscles contract and I’m flying, filling her full of my seed. I release a guttural war cry.
This shit is mine, I claimed it and I’m never letting it go.
I collapse on top of her breathing heavily. When I get a second wind, I pull out and roll to her side.
She’s beautiful and blissed out with her heavy-lidded eyes, mussed hair, and swollen lips.
“More beautiful than I ever imagined.” I reach out and trail my thumb over her lips, marveling at the events that just happened. I need to make sure she knows she’s more than the first fuck I’ve had for three years. I kiss her forehead and sit up. “Stay there, baby, I’m going to take care of you.” I slip out of my cut, lay it on the bed, yank my T-shirt over my head, and stand, pulling up my pants. I move to the bathroom and find out it’s cleaner than I can remember it ever being. The scent of lemon and the fresh towels shows a woman’s touch. The thought of her tending to my needs has my cock gearing for round three. I grab a washcloth, run it under warm water, and return to Blue. Sinking onto the bed, I wipe her down, leaving the majority of my essence inside of her, where it belongs.
“This wasn’t a one-time thing, Blue. It was the beginning.”
She opens her mouth to speak.
I shake my head. “Not tonight. Tonight is ours. Everything else will wait until tomorrow.”
Blue closes her mouth and nods, allowing me to undress her.
I pull back the sheets and follow behind her. Her body fits against mine like it was handmade for me. I wrap my arm around her and bury my nose in the nape of her neck, inhaling her fresh scent. I drift off, relishing the peace she brings.