CHAPTER SIX
Time to Begin
Blue
I open my eyes and slowly become aware of the arm encircling my waist. Shit. I screwed up badly last night. There’s nothing I want to do more than bask in the feel of Shadow’s body pressing against mine. He smells of leather and something uniquely him. I close my eyes and inhale, holding onto the magical moment. I’ve dreamt of this for so long, part of me wonders if this is some sort of very realistic dream.
He grunts in his sleep, and his morning wood presses against my ass.
No, definitely not a dream.
I curse my moment of weakness. The last thing I needed to do was muck things up. He’s got enough to deal with coming back, adjusting, getting back into the swing of things with the club, and dealing with Bolton. Bolton! What did he think of me not coming home? My face burns with shame. I haven’t done the walk of shame ever, and I’m about to do it in front of everyone I’ve grown up with. My stomach rolls and I wiggle free of Shadow’s arms before slipping to the floor. I gather my clothing quickly, glancing at the sleeping man in the bed.
He looks happy. His face is relaxed in sleep, making him appear younger. To people who don’t know him, Shadow is imposing, large and deadly.
I’m not naïve about the men in my life. I know they’re dangerous, but only when provoked. He stirs, and I freeze. I need to put as much distance between us as possible. I have to get my head cleared before he comes home.
God, this never should’ve happened!
My hands shake as I pull on my jeans and shirt, forgoing the bra and panties I can’t find. I’m racking my brain on how I’m going to get home. Bolton took the car, and I sure as hell won’t be calling him. Ruthie. I thank God that my cell is still in my pocket and rush into the bathroom. I splash water on my face, rinsing off what’s left of my makeup, and tame my hair into a semblance of order. Taking a deep breath I hit the third speed dial.
“Woman, do you know what time it is?” Ruthie rasps.
“I need you.”
“What’s wrong?” she asks sounding more awake.
“I fucked up so bad last night, Ruthie.” My voice quavers. My throat swells, and I choke on the lump forming in my throat.
“Calm down, babe. It can’t be that bad. What happened? Something at Shadow’s welcome home party?”
I snort. “Yeah, you could say that. I’m in his bathroom right now. I slept with him.”
“Hallelujah, it’s about time!”
“No, this is bad, so bad, You don’t understand. What the hell is this going to do to Bolton? And I don’t know how many people saw us sneak into his room. Jesus, I acted like some slutty King chaser.”
“Hey!” she barks. “You could never be like them. No one’s going to think anything. Let alone say something. I know Shadow gives you the warm and fuzzies, but he’s damn scary, and so is your father.”
I laugh. “Not to these guys.”
“If they upset you, I’m sure they would feel some fear,” Ruthie says. “What do you need me to do, babe?”
“Come and get me.”
Ruthie sighs. “You still running?”
“Please don’t lecture me right now, Ruthie. I’ll ask one of the brothers to do it if that’s what you want to do.”
“No, don’t do that, Blue. Give me ten to get dressed and to the car and I’m on my way.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, resting my head against the cold wall.
“I love you, Bluebell, but I won’t lie to you. I’ll keep my mouth shut now, because it’s what you need, but this isn’t over. And knowing Shadow, I won’t be the only one who thinks so.”
“I’ll deal with it later.”
“Hmmph. I’m going to get dressed now.”
She disconnects and I straighten to peer into the mirror. What kind of woman sleeps with her sister’s ex, the father of her child? He said it was always supposed to be me. But does that matter? It’s not what the rest of the world will see. It’s a small town, and people have long memories. It’s like we lost out on all the glitz and glamour from L.A, and missed the laid back carefree vibe of San Diego, the bigger city we bordered. A dark mark on my neck stood out like a scarlet letter. I lean over the sink and stare at the shell-shocked woman in front of me. Get it together. You’ve got a child depending on you. The last thing he needs is another significant change. Shadow had fun last night, but he may have been thinking more with the head in his pants.
“That’s right, baby. I’m the only who gets to touch you like this.” I ignore the butterflies his words from last night cause and hurry out of the room, slowly closing the door behind me. It’s just past sunrise, and the clubhouse is a ghost town. Dark and silent, it offers me an anonymity I’m grateful for. Bodies lay on couches, pool tables, and floors in various states of dress. I tiptoe over the prone figures until I reach the door. Once I step outside I lean against the wall. Shadow is everything I ever wanted, but I can’t justify having him. Closing my eyes, I remember the feel of his calloused fingers running over my flesh.
“How you’ll sound, what your scent will smell like mingled with mine. I’ve already had you a million different ways in my mind.”
I shudder. I could orgasm from the memory alone. His husky voice whispering in my ear, telling me I’m his. It’s all I ever wanted. So why am I running? Because it’s what best. My temples throb as the internal war rages on.
The sight of the familiar silver sedan pulling up to the gates fills me with relief. I stride toward the gate waving at the prospect. “She’s here for me.”
“Okay, Ms. Blue.”
I roll my eyes. Poor bastards were so afraid of pissing someone off, they ended up being crazy formal. “Just Blue, Ralphie.”
He gives me a tiny smile, and his gray eyes light up. “Okay, Blue.”
“You don’t have to let her in. I’ll go out.”
He pulls the gate back, and I slip out. I open the passenger door, ease my achy body into the seat, and sigh. I made it. “Please drive.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice. I don’t want him to come out here and see me helping you with the getaway.”
“It’s not like I robbed a bank,” I say.
“Hah! I don’t know if he’d see it that way,” Ruthie replies.
“Dude, it’s not like I’m his Old Lady.”
“Hmm.” She pulls out of the driveway and floors it.
“What?” I ask, irked.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit,” I spit.
“Look, don’t get pissy with me, Blue. I love you, but you have some serious issues with allowing yourself to be happy. You put everyone else first, and it burns you out. I think it must be pretty serious if the minute he gets out, he goes for you. He could’ve had just about anyone, no strings attached, and he chose the one woman he’d be seeing every day for who knows how long? That says a lot.”
“I was a warm body.”
“If that was the case, you wouldn’t look like you saw a ghost right now,” Ruthie says.
I turn my head away to look out the window at the scenery passing by.
“What are you so afraid of?” Ruthie asks after a moment of silence.
I examine the questions. Everything and nothing? “Of what this will do to the people I care about. How are people going to take this? Am I going to seem like a complete traitor, and,” I swallow hard, “how will I be any different than my sister?”
Ruthie swerves the car a little with her shock. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No, I slept with her ex, the father of her child who I’m going to be living with.”
Ruthie huffs. “God, you could fuck half the people in the club and be nothing like that evil bitch. She sets out to hurt, manipulate, and use people up, Blue. I know she’s your sister, and you love her. But I’ve watched this happen time and time again over the years. She’s jealous as shit of you. Always has been. Always will be.”
“But why? She’s the pretty one. She’s the preferred one. No matter what I do, they’ve handled her with a special level of care I’ve never received. She has everything.”
“Except respect, focus, a degree. That girl has one screw up after the other. If it weren’t for you, Shadow, and your parents, Bolton would be a mess, and she knows it. She hates you for that, too.”
I cover my face and struggle with the tears. “It fucks with my head. It always has.” My voice cracks. The ugly truth comes rushing out of the fissure that’s formed in my soul.
“Honey, I think they just knew she needed more. It was never a reflection of their love.”
I laugh. “No. You don’t know, Ruthie. Y-you haven’t seen how much of a bastard my father can be. He never comes at Calla the way he does me. I was stunned when he didn’t front the bail money. It’s the first tough love I’ve ever seen from him when it comes to her, and that was what? Thirty-four years in the making? I can never be enough. I can’t please him. So this? God. What would he think of this?” My chest aches and my body shakes with each sob. This is why I kept my distance. The club has a way of breaking people down.
The car stops, and Ruthie wraps her arms around me. “It’s not you. Whatever they choose to do is on them, and for their own selfish reasons. You’ve been holding this in for far too long. I wish I could take the pain away. Because you are amazing, kind, and brave. Don’t put this on yourself.”
I hiccup as I suck down air. I hear her words and understand the logic, but it does nothing to assuage the ache in my chest. I’ve always known there was something off about me. Maybe I never fit in the club right. Not like Calla, who lives and dies KOC. I close my eyes, wishing I could forget the way I feel. It’s a bleeding wound I’ve never been able to close. Shame fills me. I shouldn’t have shared this with Ruthie, it is my cross to bear. I sniffle and wipe at my eyes. “Ignore me. I’m exhausted and emotional.”
“Bullshit. I don’t want you to be alone right now, Blue.”
I blink and study our surroundings. We’re parked outside of my house. “I’m okay.”
“I don’t think you are.” She frowns. “Listen, I don’t know your world, so I won’t pretend to. But there has to be someone you trust who does. I want you to call them.”
“No.” I clear my throat. “This is not what we do. Falling apart over silly shit.”
“If it hurts you, it’s not silly,” Ruthie responds.
I can hear the exasperation in her voice. By her standards, feelings and hang-ups are important and should be dealt with so you can be a well-adjusted, happy, functioning member of society. In my family, things are different. This is small and petty. If it hurts the club, it gets squashed. This could cause an upset. I don’t want to be responsible for that.
“I’m not leaving you alone right now.” Ruthie’s face is set in a stern, stubborn expression.
It’s a look I know well. “This is nothing new, Ruthie. I live this daily. It just…spilled over because of what happened with Shadow. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. That’s why this melt down occurred. No one is a fortress, Bluebell. Everyone needs help sometime. It’s okay to ask for it.”
I compose myself, and give a shaky smile. “You don’t know my family very well. Thank you for the ride and listening, Ruthie. I promise you I’m okay. I won’t do anything stupid, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
She frowns. “I don’t like it. You should talk about this to Shadow.”
“No. This isn’t some fairytale that will end with a happily-ever-after,” I say with a sneer.
“It could be.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t want to fight with you, Ruthie.”
“Yeah, because I don’t understand how things work. I get it. But I also know that this isn’t going to go away, and with Shadow back you’re going to face your demons sooner or later. If you need anything, I’m a call away. Who else would I get out of the bed before eight in the morning on Saturday for?”
I lean in and hug her once more. “Thank you for being an amazing best friend.”
“Ditto.”
I feel like a fawn on new legs as I leave the car and make my way to the front door. I’m not used to feeling out of control like this. It’s terrifying and strangely exhilarating.
***
The minute I wake up alone—I’m pissed. Did she fucking leave me? I ease from the bed and find the bathroom empty. I ball my fists. She’s going to have to get used to our new roles. I’m not going back to that wistful motherfucker watching her every move. I slam my hand into the wall. I spill my guts to her, she sleeps with me and then leaves in the morning like she’s some one-night stand? I clench my jaw.
This shit ain’t going to fly.
I turn on the shower and step under the spray trying to get my emotions under control. She wanted it. I saw it in her eyes and felt it in the effortless way we came together. I’ve slept with more women than I could count, but none made me feel the way she did, and none were bare after Calla. Lying bitch. Even now, she’s cock blocking me from her prison cell.
I bow my head, and the water washes away some of the anger and the grime of yesterday. She’s scared. If Blue had a bad quality, it’s that she cares too much about everyone. Even if they could give a shit less about her. It’s not completely her fault. I’ve watched the way her parents push her into this role of the keeper and perfect child extraordinaire. As if what she does right could make up for all the wrong Calla has done. That shit stops now. She’s always needed someone to stand up for her. Now that I’m here, things are going to change. I want her happy. She deserves that. As I think of how much she’s done for Bolton, and in turn me, the anger recedes.
This putting everyone before her shit stops. I’m going to show her how it should be and will be.
Pleased with my decision, I finish up my shower. I dress in the clean clothes Blue has been thoughtful enough to provide when she made up my room, and make my way out. The club is slowly starting to stir. I locate the first prospect I can find. “Prospect, I need my wheels and keys now.” I snap my fingers.
“Y-yes sir.”
I know they’d been storing my bike, keeping it maintained and driven to keep it ready for me. I’m aching to get on her and feel the wind on my skin. There’s nothing like being on the back of a bike and becoming one with the road.
A few minutes later, I have my keys in my hand and my bike beneath me. I grip the handlebars and let her purr. “I missed you, baby.” I pull out of the lot and take the long way to the house. This moment is what I’ve been waiting for. The open road, my cut, and my family all accessible. Pulling up in front of the house I try to let go of all the negativity attached to it in my memory. Calla is gone, and this is where Bolton has grown up. Maybe it’s fitting that I establish things with Blue here to erase all the ugliness. After killing the engine I walk up to the front door.
It opens and reveals a sleepy looking Bolton. “Figured it was you. No one else comes by this early on a bike.”
I smile. “Morning to you, too, son. You got a minute to talk?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He scratches his head. “Everything okay?”
“I think it will be.” I gesture for him to follow me with my head and walk over to sit on the porch railing.
He follows, and leans against the wall of the house across from me.
“I want to run something by you.”
“Okay.”
“What do you think of me and Aunt Blue getting together?”
His eyes bulge.
“That bad?”
“No, that’s good. Like very, very good.”
I smile. “Nothing’s set in stone yet. I’m just putting feelers out there.”
“Dad, you guys have pretty much been my parents. Let’s be real.”
I smirk. “True enough, though I bet Blue won’t let you get away with saying that.”
Bolton rolls his eyes. “She always says Mom did the best she could by me. I think it’s bullshit.”
“Those two got oceans full of baggage between them, kid. It gives her a serious blind spot.”
“You think you can do something about that?” he asks.
“Why you worried about it, kid?”
“I don’t want to see her. She’s gotten enough of my time and energy. I know she’s not going to change, and Aunt Blue, she doesn’t get that.”
I nod. “Well, son, you’re old enough to know what you want to do and don’t. I’m not going to push the issue. I’ll talk it over with her.”
“Good, ’cause I hate feeling like I’m letting her down, you know?” Bolt asks.
“Yeah, your aunt has a way about her.”
“You, um, you really like her?” he asks.
I narrow my eyes. “Spit it out, kid. Say what you want to.”
“It’s not just messing around, right? ’Cause Aunt Blue, uh, she deserves better than that.”
I grin, proud of him for sticking up for his pseudo mother. “Anyone else asked me that and I’d have kicked their ass,” I say with a laugh. “No, this is for keeps shit. No games.”
His shoulders relax.
“So, we’re square?” I ask.
“Yeah, Dad.”
“Now, I have to tell you the reality. Your aunt is stubborn as shit, and it’s going to take some time to get this hashed out between us. Whatever you hear or see is our business. You try to get in the middle of it, and we’re going to have a problem. All you need to know is I’d never hurt her.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“We’re grownups with big emotions, kiddo. There are going to be some knock down drag outs in this house along with other things. You’re old enough to know the way it is between a man and a woman. I’m not going to lie to you or sugar coat it. I never have.”
“And I’ve always appreciated it,” Bolt replies.
“I want you to trust me, Bolton. Anything you need or want to know, bring it to me. That’s how it should be. But this thing between me and Blue? It’s been building a long time. So, I ask that you respect and trust us while we work this out, okay?”
He pauses.
I can see the wheels in his brain turning. My boy is smart—crazy smart—and empathetic like his aunt, but my boy knew when to turn it off.
“You’re going to talk to her now, aren’t you?”
“Yep, and I imagine it’s going to get pretty loud. But afterwards, we’ll go on that ride I promised you.”
His smile lights up. “You didn’t forget.”
“I’m not your Mom, Bolton. You don’t get cast aside or forgotten.” I squeeze his shoulder and walk through the front door.
“I think I’m going to grab breakfast to go.” He snatches the keys off the key ring and rushes outside to the car.
His quick retreat makes me laugh. Smart kid. I lock the door behind me and walk through the living room to the bedroom in the back. As I open the door I hear the shower going. The thought of her rinsing evidence of me away irks me. I sit down on her bed, undo my shoes, and shrug out of my clothing.
Lesson one, anywhere you run… I will follow.
I walk inside the steamy bathroom and stare at her shape through the glass. “You forget something?”
Jumping, she spins to face me, covering her breasts and pussy.
“Don’t worry, I’ve already memorized every inch. What the hell were you thinking?”
“That we made a mistake and not everyone needed to know about it.”
“A what?” I hiss.
“A mistake. We can’t do whatever this is. It’s not right.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. We can and will.”
“Shadow—”
“No, don’t act like you didn’t want everything I gave you last night.”
Her eyelids flutter. “I never said I didn’t.”
“We fit together. Do you know how rare that is, Blue?”
“I—” She clamps her mouth shut and shrugs.
The nonchalance lit a fire in me. I lean forward and bite down on her lip hard.
She hisses.
“I’ll take your anger, fear, and doubt. I know this is a huge move. But I’ll be damned if I accept your indifference.” I pin her body to the wall. Her wet skin slips against mine. My dick swells and my hips rock instinctively.
Blue whimpers.
“Doesn’t sound like you’re unresponsive now.”
“W-why are you doing this?”
“Because you’re mine. You agreed to me claiming you last night. You remember that?”
“Yes, for the night.”
“For as long as I want. You know the rules, little girl. No backing out now, because you’re getting cold feet.” I lean in and nip at her neck. Her body molds to mine. “Your body knows who you belong to.” I drag my hand down her body and cup her breast. “This.” I trail my hand down and cup her pussy. “And this are property of Shadow.” I massage her lips, careful not to touch her clit. Last night I gave her everything. Today, she’ll have to ask me for it. “I want to hear you say it, Bluebell,” I whisper against her ear.
“Say what?”
“Who you belong to.”
“No. W-what will people say?”
“You think I give a fuck about other people?” I growl.
“No, but I-I do.”
“Then we’ll have to cure you of that.” I suck her earlobe into my mouth, and she arches her back. I continue to taste her flesh as I manipulate her slick lips. “I’ll take you anywhere any time, and you’re going to let me because you’ll love it, and you’re mine to pleasure.”
Her breath comes in fast pants. The air caresses my face. I bend down and capture her pert, brown nipple into my mouth.
She cries out, “Shadow.”
I hum my approval, gently biting down on the hardened peak. A river is flowing between her legs.
She presses her thighs shut, and raises on her tiptoes, seeking more friction.
I pull away.
“No,” she whimpers.
“I want to hear you say it, Blue. Tell me who you belong to and I’ll give you what you need.”
She grits her teeth and shakes her head.
I remove my hand from her pussy and bury my fingers in her hair. Angling my body to block the spray of warm water, I push her down onto her knees in front of me. “If you don’t feel like speaking I have something else for your mouth to do.”
Her eyes widen, and she blinks at me owlishly.
“Open those beautiful lips and take your man deep.”
She rubs her thighs together and opens her mouth.
“That’s my good girl. You’re going to learn to accept the changes, aren’t you?” I thrust deeper. “What’s that? Can’t talk with your mouth full?” I increase my speed, and she takes it, opening her throat. She suckles me and our eyes lock. I will her to surrender. She bobs her head in time to my rhythm and my balls draw up. A hum vibrates down my shaft. I pull from her mouth spraying her chest with my load, marking her. “You look so pretty in white.” I cup her chin. “Stand up, so we can rinse you off.”
She blinks. “T-that’s it?”
“For now. I promised Bolton I’d ride with him today, and I’m a man of my word. Unless you have something you want to say to me? Then I could make time.”
“No!” she shouts.
“Hmm.” I grab her body wash, squeeze some on to my hand, and begin to soap her down, paying extra attention to her nipples, breasts, and inner thighs. She’s so hot I’m surprised the water doesn’t turn to steam. When she’s clean, I guide her toward the exit. “Go get dressed. I’m going to finish up here.” She steps from the shower, and I force myself to turn away from her. I want to get out, pat her skin dry and pamper her, because fuck—she’s my Old Lady. But I can’t. Because that would be letting her think the way things are is okay. I won’t be satisfied until she admits she’s mine and has no qualms telling the world.