CHAPTER ELEVEN
You’re A Sociopath
Blue
I’m flying high after my talk with Dixie, until I realize why Shadow left. They’d been keeping him legal and out of the game, just in case the cops were watching him. Six months back, that had worn off. This is what it means to date an enforcer. Late night calls, long trips, and secrets. I sink down onto our bed. Thank God, it’s a weekend or there’d be hell to pay tomorrow. I run my fingers through my hair, and stand. A cup of tea sounds about my speed right now.
I’m on my second cup when my phone rings. My heart speeds. I see Jamie’s number and relief floods me. He’s been a ghost since the incident at the high school. I close my eyes and let his call go to voicemail. The ringing starts again. His number flashes almost angrily. A sense of unease sets in. I let the phone go to voicemail again.
Almost immediately, he calls again.
I reach out with a shaking hand and answer, “Hello?”
“I tried to do this the easy way and be nice. But I should’ve known you liked things rough.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Jamie? Are you drunk?”
“No, I’m fed up. We’re going to play this my way. Do you want to know where I am right now, Blue?”
Everything in me is screaming no. “Do I?”
“I think you do. Right now, I’m trailing your outlaw boyfriend. I bet he’s up to something interesting.”
“Why would you be doing that?”
“Because I’m all out of options.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“You will soon enough. If you want to keep lover boy safe, you’ll do exactly what I say.”
I hesitate. Shadow is smart. He’ll see a trail coming a mile away.
“Trust me, I’m not the novice you think I am, and I don’t have a damn thing to lose. I’ll run the bastard down and let you listen to his death.”
There’s a lack of emotion in his voice that makes me sick. I lick my dry lips. “I’m listening.”
“Good girl. You’ve always been a smart one. You and I are going to play a game of Jamie says. You’ll get dressed, get into your car, and follow my directions. I’m timing you, Bluebell. I’ll know if you linger. And I’ll be on the phone the entire time. Place me on speaker.”
My heart is pounding in my chest. I have to get a message out fast. Something that hints toward what’s happening to me. “Okay.” I place him on speakerphone. “I’m moving to my closet now.” In my family, we have a code word if shit goes down and we can’t talk about things. It’s Bogus. I grab the note pad on my nightstand and move to the closet, rifling through my clothing to cover up the sound of my scribbling. “I’m setting the phone down to get dressed.”
“Good, wear that low cut black shirt I like.”
I cringe mentally, wondering how I missed this. This couldn’t be about our breakup. We’d been together for a year, not five. I’m missing a huge piece of this puzzle. I pray I’ll be alive long enough to figure it out. I put on a pair of bootcut jeans and the black shirt, tucking the knife my father bought me into a bootstrap. It was the first piece he’d given me for protection. I rarely wore it, but right now, I’m grateful for it. I slip my feet into a pair of worn cowboy boots, and call myself dressed. “I’m dressed, tell me what to do next.”
“Go to your car and follow my directions.”
I walk out of the house and get into my Charger. It’s the only time I wish I had a slower car. The engine purrs to life.
“Get onto the 1-5 down toward the Pendleton exit. Just past the turn off, you’ll find a viewing area, turn into it, and park in the middle and wait. Stay on the phone, so I know you won’t be making any other calls.”
My stomach cramps. What does he have planned for me? How long until they realize I’m missing? I wrack my brain for a way to get a message out. The note doesn’t seem like enough, and I have no clue what he has planned or how we wronged him. I’m sickened knowing I’d let this man inside my body and my life. Was I so desperate for a life away from my family, I failed to notice I was dating a sociopath? I pull into the parking lot and keep the engine running. My entire body is tense. I take deep breaths.
“I’m almost there, baby. You ready to have some fun for old time’s sake?”
“I’ll pass thanks.”
“She didn’t have a choice, why should you?”
“Who?” I ask, latching onto the comment.
“Shannon.”
“Who’s Shannon, Jamie? Come on, talk to me, Jam. It’s Blue. We were friends long before we were anything else.”
“Who was Shannon? My sister and your precious club ruined her. You disappoint me, you know. I thought you were different. That I could get my revenge in a different way. I had you there for a while. You backed off from them, spent all your time for me. I started really liking you. But when I tried to move it to stage two… Your jailbird came back and you broke free.”
“You know it had nothing to do with him—”
“Yes, it did! I had you, Blue. You wanted that life with me. It would’ve been enough. They could’ve felt what it was like to lose someone, but it would be worse. Because you would’ve chosen it of your own free will. Now, I have to get nasty.”
“You don’t have to do anything, Jamie.” I shift my car into reverse. I’ve bought Shadow enough time. Now, I need to save myself. I hit the gas and barrel into the car behind me.
“Too late,” Jamie crows.
“No.” I continue to press down on the gas, but I’m no match for his 4x4 truck. He forces me forward into the guardrail. Pinned. I remove my seatbelt, throw open my door, and take my chances. I pump my legs and arms, running full out. If I have to run into the freeway, I will. I can hear Jamie behind me. With his height, he’s eating up the ground separating us. I climb the guardrail that separates the road from the highway. I prepare to jump, but I’m snatched back by my shirt. I kick my legs and swing my arms, trying to break free.
He wraps an arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. Even though I scratch at his forearms, he wraps his other arm around my neck and squeezes.
The world spins around me. I fight to remain conscious. I dig my nails in, and it all goes black.
***
I wake up, wet, aching, and on the verge of explosion. I blink and cry out. I open my eyes, smiling sleepily. “You’re home. I had the weirdest dream.”
“I don’t think it was a dream.”
Jamie’s voice is ice water. My stomach churns. My eyes focus on the hand still rubbing my clit. My eyes fill with water, and I choke back the sobs climbing their way up my throat.
He slips two fingers inside of me.
“Stop this.”
“Oh no, I want you to feel the way she must’ve felt in the end.”
I glance away at the wall, trying to distance myself. He tilts his fingers at the spot that makes me jerk. The fucking bastard knows my body. I can’t ignore him if I try.
“Always so wet and tight. I would’ve treated you so good, Blue,” he whispers, kissing my head.
I want to lash out and pull away, but he’s bound my hands behind me and any movement would just help his cause.
“Why fight it? I’m going to get what I want from you anyway.”
We’re in a shelter. It’s cool, and the walls are gray brick.
He hits the spot again. Tendrils of pleasure spread through my body. He’s turned it against me. I picture Shadow in my mind and hold him close.
“The worst part is…no one’s coming for you. They don’t have a clue where you are. The phone was left in your car.” He kisses my neck and increases his speed.
I force my hips to remain still, but the pressure builds up and explodes. I cry out and the tears escape, rolling down my face.
“Don’t cry, darling, we’re just getting started,” Jamie says. He removes his fingers and sucks them into his mouth. “You still taste sweet. I have something for you. Come on, open up.” I purse my lips together. “Don’t fight it, babe, it’ll be better for us both if you don’t.” He kisses my lips.
I jerk away.
He fists my hair and pulls.
Pain explodes in my neck.
“Be still, or I will hurt you.”
I obey him.
“There’s a good girl.” He reaches to the right.
My gaze follows him to a tiny white pill. “Open up,” he coos at me.
I keep my mouth shut tight.
Something dark passes over his face. He backhands me.
My ears ring and my vision flickers like a television struggling to stay on. I come back to myself and I’m gagging on a pill he shoves in my mouth. With his massive hand clamping my mouth shut, I have no choice but to swallow. My cheek throbs, and I can taste the metallic tang of blood. “What did you give me?”
“Something to help you loosen up. They found this in Shannon’s system, too, along with the semen of three other men.”
My body shakes.
“No, I couldn’t defile you that way. I told you, Bluebell. I like you.” He strokes my hair like he hadn’t just drugged and attacked me.
I can see the insanity in his gaze. It terrifies me. Please find me soon, Shadow.
“Do you think he’ll still want you after he knows I’ve been inside of you again?”
I close my eyes. He’s all but admitting he plans on raping me. The fact that the drug will lower my inhibitions doesn’t change the ugliness of the act. “Please, Jamie. Don’t do this.”
“I don’t want to, Blue, I really don’t, but I have to for Shannon. You should’ve seen her. She was beautiful, smart, and talented. She could’ve been anything she wanted to be. Then she hit sophomore year of college, met a King, and let her life go to shit. Drinking, drugs, and whoring. I tried to get her clean, and back on the right path. She didn’t want it. She seemed to think your little club was her family.” His anger and bitterness are venomous. His whole face has changed. The sweet man has twisted into a maniac with nothing to lose.
“You think she’d want you to do this?” I whisper.
“It doesn’t matter. You know the score. Family above everything else. I’m going to set things right.”
“A-are you going to kill me, Jamie?”
A Jack-O-Lantern smile stretches out on his lips. “Where’s the fun in that? I’m going to change you forever. Every time they look at you, they’ll remember me.”
My skin turns to fire. Sweat forms on my upper lip and forehead.
“It’s starting to kick in. Soon, we’ll have fun before the hurting starts. One last go with the Blue everyone knows and love, before I disassemble you and put you back together.”
The glee in his tone scares the hell out of me. The drugs are starting to kick in when I remember the knife. I peer down. He left my boots on. “My arms hurt, Jam.”
“Oh, did I tie them too tight?”
I slump forward, playing up the effect of the drugs.
“Oh, it’s hitting you now, isn’t it?” He strokes back my hair. “I’ll make you more comfortable.”
I force myself to remain limp, mentally counting the seconds, and waiting for my chance. My tongue is heavy in my mouth and time is distorted. The rope falls away and blood rushes back to my wrists making me wince.
“I’ll help.” He massages my wrists. It’s sweet and that disturbs me more than his violence. I slump forward, chest to my knees. I cautiously pull my right arm to me, waving it.
He continues to work on my left arm, distracted.
I creep my hand toward my boot, eyes trained on his face.
He’s oblivious.
I know it’s him or me, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I have one shot at this, but my father taught me well. You don’t come from Psycho Strong and not know how to kill a man. Slipping my hand inside the boot, I grasp the handle of the blade and breathe deeply. Hurry before the drugs kick in. I pull it out and aim for his armpit.
He twists away, but it doesn’t stop my momentum. The blade slips in deep. “Fucking bitch.” He shoves me back.
The side of my head slams against the hard floor. I roll away and watch as the blood drains from his face. A dark stain spreads out over his green polo. I want to look away, but my gaze is trained on the monster in front of me. He stumbles forward and I push to my feet. He latches onto me, squeezing my arms. I struggle against him, but he dead weights me and we fall to the ground. A death gurgle begins in his throat, and a red splotch appears in the corner of his lips.
The drugs take hold and I’m screaming and shoving, unable to think straight. I manage to pitch his body to the side. I just killed my ex lover! I roll onto my side and retch. My vision is hazy. I’m having a hard time focusing. I don’t know where I am or how to get help. My heart races. I wrap my arms around my knees to rock back and forth, riding out the high.
***
Shadow
“Fuck!” I kick the tire of the empty car abandoned on the side of the road. The techs tracked her cell here and now the trail has gone cold. It’s been three hours, and she’s still missing.
“Calm down, man, we’re going to find her,” Stone says.
“Yeah, will she be alive when we do?” I bark.
“Hey, cool the fuck off,” Wizard warns.
I stalk away from him and run my hands through my hair. I’m supposed to protect my woman. He nabbed her right under our fucking noses. My pocket vibrates. I pull the cell from my cut and frown at the unfamiliar phone number.
“Hello?”
“I killed him, Holt. I fucking killed him.”
“Blue, baby, you gotta tell me where you are.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Her voice is shaky and her words are a garbled mess.
“Who did you kill, Blue?”
“Jamie, with my knife. Oh God, the things he did.”
I want to rip him apart with my bare hands. Anger wells up inside me. I grit my teeth. She doesn’t need this right now. I can tell she’s teetering on the edge of control and lunacy. Drugs do crazy things to people. Last thing I need is for her to go on some bad trip and hurt herself. “Good girl,” I croon. “You did the right thing.”
The brothers gathered around me have gone silent.
“Can you look around and tell me what you see?”
“Y-yes.”
I hold my breath as she goes silent. “I-I’m in a…shed?”
‘Get the Doc. She’s been drugged,’ I mouth to Psycho. “See what’s outside for me, baby.”
“O-okay.”
I hear the creak of a door. “Oh my God, all this time he had this fucking t-torture chamber right outside his h-house.” Her voice breaks.
“Hey, focus on your man. Tell me the address, so we can come and get you. You hear me?”
She rattles off the address.
I continue to talk her down between relaying it to the brothers and requesting a cleaner. This will not blow back on her. “I’m coming for you, girl, you believe me?”
“Hurry, please, the drugs. They… I don’t like what they do to me.”
“I’m on my way.” After hanging up, I clutch the phone so tight it groans in protest. “Son of a bitch!” I stalk toward my bike.
“Whoa, we can’t roar up there. It’ll draw too much attention,” Stone says.
I grit my teeth. “I’ll take her cage. It shouldn’t raise any suspicion. She’s a regular,” I say.
Stone remains quiet. His gaze turns to Psycho.
“I need to get to my woman. She’s scared as shit, and pumped full of God knows what. I need to be the first face she sees.”
“Psycho?” Stone says.
“He’s her old man now. It’s on him,” Psych replies.
“All right. Go get her and bring her back to the clubhouse after she’s cleaned up and flushed out,” Stone says.
“You got it, Pres.” I slip inside of her car, push the seat back, and fire up the engine. The front is fucked, but it’s still drivable. Plugging the coordinates into my phone, I follow the robotic voice’s directions.
I pull up in front of the two-story cookie cutter house in a prestige neighborhood and park. Slipping out of the car, I walk to the gate and see a shell-shocked Blue sitting in the middle of the yard.
The moonlight caresses her skin. She’s like a specter in the wane beams of light with the darkness surrounding her. She stands on unsteady legs and walks toward me slowly, with an extra sway to her hips.
“Blue.”
She looks up at me with large eyes. “S-shadow? Is it really you?”
Her giddy tone alerts me instantly. Not a truth serum, something else. Not GHB, she’d be out of it. “Yeah, girl, it’s me. Come here.” I gesture her toward me.
She maneuvers over the terrain, pausing to twirl. “H-he’s in there.” She points to the red shed with white trim in a singsong tone at odds with her disheveled appearance and fright filled eyes.
“He’s not important right now, you are. Let’s get you home.”
“Home?” She laughs. “I can never go home. I don’t know who I am.”
She’s like a newborn colt as she shyly wobbles to me.
I open the gate and pull her to me, cupping the back of her head.
Blue wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes hard. She rests her hands on my chest. “Do you know who I am, Shadow?”
“You’re, Bluebell Strong, my woman. Bolton’s surrogate mother and one bad ass mother fucker. You’ve got the blood of Kings running through your veins, baby. It takes more than this to break you. The drugs are fucking with you, girl. Let’s get you coming down.”
She rocks her hips against me and leans back.
I grunt. Conflicting emotions run through me. As the adrenaline fades, I want to take her to remind myself we’re both alive and safe. But I’d never take advantage of her when she’s so vulnerable. “I got you, girl. Ain’t no one else is going to touch you. Ever.” I kiss her forehead.
“I stuck him. Just like Daddy taught me. But I’m still scared he’s going to come back like some monster in a horror movie.”
It’s creepy as hell listening to her gleeful tone as she spills her heart. I can fix this for her. “Well, let’s go make sure he won’t be coming back.”
I set her down and hold out my hand. I can’t coddle her when she just did a warrior’s job. She deserves to be treated as an equal. She twines our fingers and leans against me, like we’re out for a couples stroll. Her skin is too hot. I rake my eyes over her and pause at her jeans—they’re popped open and the zipper is busted. My gut aches. We enter the shed and I take in the rope, duct tape, and pills scattered on the workspace. I walk over and find the little E imprinted on them. Ecstasy. No fucking wonder she’s acting like this.
“See what I did, Holt? Look.” She’s like a child pointing to Jamie’s prone body.
His eyes are cloudy and the blood that stains his shirt and runs onto the floor tells me he’s not alive.
I walk over and toe him. “He ain’t coming back, Blue,” I tell her gently.
“He hurt me. I didn’t want him to touch me, but he did. He tied my hands behind my back and rubbed my pussy until I came over and over. I hated it, but I kind of loved it, too. M-my body liked what h-he did. But I didn’t, Shadow. Don’t be mad at me. I love you more than anything. You know that, don’t you?”
I nod dumbly. What else can I do or say to that?
“He wanted to rape me, too, Shadow.”
My ears buzz. My face is on fire. I pull a gun from my holster, screw, screw on the silencer I keep inside the pocket of my cut and empty all twelve rounds into his body. The blood splattering up onto my face feels like a baptism. This fucker hurt my woman, I couldn’t rest until I have his blood on my hands. I glance over at her.
Her face is speckled with his blood. Her lips tremble.
I tense. Fuck, she’s going to lose it.
The laughter that comes from her is chilling.
I replace my gun, step forward, cup her face, then I silence her with my mouth to stop the hell born sound.
She eagerly responds. Her fingers lace around my neck and her body molds to mine.
I kiss her with everything I got, grateful to find her alive.
We pull apart and she grips my cut. “You came for me.”
“I’ll always come for you, girl, don’t you know that?”
“I knew you would. But I–I had to stop him. He kept talking about his sister, Katie, and how he was going to make everyone know what it felt like to lose me. He was going to rape me and worse. He said every time you looked at me—you’d r-remember him.”
“Fuck him,” I spit. “You’re mine, girl. Ain’t nothing or no one going to change that. You feel me?” I wipe away the tears running down her face.
She fingers one, looking shocked. “How can I be so sad and feel so good? I want you, Shadow.”
“Babe, it’s the drugs.”
“No, Holt. I want to forget his hands on me. The way he used my body against me… Please.” She wiggles her ass and rubs against my crotch.
We’re both covered in the blood of our enemy and it turns me on. She’s everything I wanted and more. A woman who can stand on her own when need be and keep her shit together when the crazy hits.
“Please, Holt. There’s this ache,” she whimpers.
“I know there is, baby. It’s a side effect of the drug. You ever take E before?”
“No, I’ve only smoked weed. Oh God! I’m on fire. My pussy is so wet.”
I’m floored when she sticks her hands in her pants and starts to rub her pussy right in front of me.
“I don’t want to remember his hands anymore, Holt. I want yours. Come here.” She pauses. “Or was he right, do you not want me now?”
It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her be demanding. How can I not respond? I drop to my knees. If my woman wants me to make her forget, that’s what I’ll do. I yank her pants down. “I’ll always want you, girl.” I spread her legs, grip her thighs, and attack her glistening pussy. This is madness. I’m eating her like a ripe fruit with a body less than a foot away, and my brothers due any minute. I flick her clit and circle her entrance.
She rocks her hips, and thrusts back hard. “Yes, Shadow, eat me, baby.” Her fingers dig into my hair; her nails scratch my scalp.
I suck her nub into my mouth.
She’s wild—bucking, scratching, and screaming.
I curve my finger and hit her spot.
She splinters, gushing on my hands like a river with a broken damn.
I lap her up and pull back, righting her clothing, before she can ask for more. I’ve done E. I know the way it makes you feel. No amount of sex is enough. I kiss her stomach and stand. “Come on, cleaners will be here soon. You don’t have to be here to see what comes next.” Wrapping my arm around her, I guide her outside to the car.
The ride to our house is silent and I want to go back and fill the fucker with holes all over again for making what was once perfection…awkward. With the drugs coursing through her veins, I have to walk with caution. I don’t want her to feel rejected or used. It’s a shitty place to be and a thin line to walk.
I take her to the house and help her upstairs where I run a shower. She’s quiet. The content expression on her face tells me she’s still rolling. She’s going to crash once she comes down. “Let’s get you clean, baby.”
“Are you coming in with me?” she purrs like a sex kitten.
“As soon as I take care of our clothes.” I strip her down, get her into the shower, and take off all my clothes. Butt naked, I gather everything into a trash bag, and grab the bleach, going over everything we could’ve contaminated. I’ll have someone burn the clothes at a designated site we own. Sure I caught everything, I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and return to the bathroom. I pop the cap, throw it into the basket, and step inside. “Here, babe, I need you to drink this for me.”
“The water feels so good on my skin. It’s never felt like this before.” She raises her face to the water and turns her head from the left to the right.
“The drugs are making everything sensitive.” I kiss the side of her head, grateful she didn’t get a bad batch.
“Oh.” She accepts the water from me and begins to drink.
I use the time to do a quick scrub down.
“All done,” she sings.
“Good girl. Rinse off, so we can get dressed. We need to get to the clubhouse. They’re doing lockdown and I have church, Okay?”
“All right, Shadow,” she says docilely.
I miss my spunky spitfire with a sweet nature. The drugs need to pass soon.
***
“Where’s your girl?” Stone asks as I walk into church.
“Sleeping in my dorm room finally. I’ve been plying her with water, and checking on her every thirty minutes or so. The fuck gave her E.”
“You think she’s going to be okay?” Stone asks.
“Of course she is. Did you see what she did to that fuck?” Psycho asks. “It’s in her blood. I raised them to take care of themselves.”
“Sure, she’s whole, but her head?” Doc interjects. “She’s going to need a wizard, and I’m not talking about the one we have.” Doc—an ex-medic—does patch jobs for the Kings with a side of counseling.
“Hey, if she asks for it, we’ll do it. But no one’s forcing shit on her. She deserves the right to choose,” I say.
“Damn, look at you stepping into the role of old man, never thought I’d see the day,” Stone says.
“I was just waiting on the right girl,” I say with a grin.
“Guess so,” Stone replies.
“Enough with this shit, what are we going to do about this mess?” one of the brothers asks.
“It’s already been done. Cleaners are in,” Stone answers as he glares at the brother who just cut in. “None of this is going to be traced back to us. Private eyes have enemies, and Joshua has been off the grid since he left the PD. I doubt anyone will be surprised when either come up missing.”
“Someone must know what they’ve been fucking with,” I reply. “I know they tipped those FBI fucks off.”
“As long as they can’t prove it. I couldn’t give a fuck less,” Stone replies. “Your girl is going to need her shit together, though. That we can’t hide. They’re going to be on her for info.”
“She can handle it,” I state.
“Make sure she does,” Stone says.
“My girl always does what she needs to. We all know that,” Psych interjects, his face looking like stone.
A murmur of agreement goes around the room, and I can’t help but feel proud of her.
“We’re going to come off lockdown tomorrow. I’m hoping with these fuckers out of the way, the tips to the FBI will stop. They stirred up a hornet’s nest. But I figure after their last raid was a bust they’ll step off, instead of risking losing more face,” Stone says.
“We’re going to have someone come over and sweep your house before you go back,” our VP speaks up, “make sure there are no more bugs. We cleaned everything out of his house. But I still don’t want loose ends.”
“We’re done here. Go be with your families. The crisis is over and shit goes on.” Stone nods at everyone.
I stand, feeling ancient. Everything hurts, from my brain down. I move to the dorm, strip down, and crawl into bed behind Blue. At the end of the day, she’s safe. Bolton is blissfully unaware of what went down for now, and we’re all together. I can’t ask for anything more. All I can do at this moment is make sure Blue comes through on the other side as well as could be expected.