CHAPTER THREE
Nevada
I feel like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole as I wander the two-story, red brick house I’ve come to think of as home. People think bikers live at the clubhouse and give all of our income to illegal gigs. That’s ridiculous, exaggerated television bullshit. We have nice homes and full-time jobs. Wizard has been in for so long, his place is bigger than most. The house looks like it should belong to a family, not one man. It reminds me of a model people show as an example of what you can buy.
The inside is bare bones. Plain beige walls create a blank slate, broken up only by club flags and pictures taken with members over the year. Spotting one of Wizard and Dad in his office, I pause. He looks happy there beside Wizard. It’s been a long time since I saw that expression on his face.
He and Mom are oil and water. They never mixed, but they could settle one on top of the other for significant chunks of time. When she decided to get out of the life and run off with some insurance salesman, it took a lot of his spark. I couldn’t fault him for leaving. It made sense for him, and I was used to his neglect.
Other than keeping me clothed and fed, he’s never been much of a father. I’ve come to terms with it over the years. All about living free, Hulk saw me as an anchor he didn’t always want to ground him. I still miss him. If he’d been an uncle instead of a father, he would’ve been my favorite one. Too bad you are my dad. Sighing, I move away from the photo to continue across the room and down the hall to the laundry.
Settling in has been remarkably easy. All of my things have been unpacked for weeks. They’re, hanging in my closet or stored in the new dresser he bought. Wizard. The enigmatic man is surprisingly easy to please. I keep his clothes clean, the fridge stocked, and food on the table or readily available three times a day. Life with nothing hanging over my head is a completely new experience. My insomnia has disappeared virtually overnight and I’m not looking over my shoulder every few minutes.
I enter the small room and sort through the hamper. It’s like black is the only color the man is interested in. His scent wafts up from the clothing, a heady mix of leather, sweat, and man. It brings a sense of comfort and safety. I bring the T-shirt to my nose and inhale deeply. He’s the closest I’ve ever come to having a hero.
The front door opens. I toss the T-shirt into the washer and shut the lid.
“Nevy.”
I jog out of the room. “I’m doing laundry, Wizard.”
“We got a problem.”
My stomach drops into my shoes. “Fuse?” The name chokes me on the way out.
“What? No.” He shakes his head. “He’s still licking his wounds. This is about Hulk.”
“Dad?” I ask, startled.
“Yeah, Stone let him know what happened. He thinks you could’ve done better and I should’ve talked it over with him.”
I snicker. “Too late to give a fuck now.”
“He doesn’t see it that way.”
“What’s he plan on doing from Florida?” I cross my arms under my breasts. The blissful bubble that had surrounded me has been effectively popped.
“Nothing. He’s on his way back.”
“No.” I shake my head. My ponytail thrashes around, slapping against my back like a whip. “I’m not going to let him do this to me, Wizard! This is the first time in years I’ve had a proper roof over my— head.” My voice wavers. I hate myself for the weakness, but the prospect of being yanked from a safe environment has sliced through my armor.
“Hey.” Wizard steps forward and holds my chin in his firm grip. His long, calloused fingers are cool and his voice is calm. “You’re not going anywhere. We’ll hash this shit out and he’ll let it drop.”
“B-but—”
He narrows his eyes. “It’s not for you to worry about. You think I’d let someone come in and disrespect me? Treat me like some punk ass Prospect who can’t keep what he’s claimed?” His nostrils flare and his voice deepens.
I shiver. I like being Wizard’s property more than I should. “N-no.”
“Exactly. None of this is your business. It’s mine to handle. I told you because I didn’t want you blindsided by Hulk, or someone else talking around the club. I’m showing you respect. In return, I expect the same.” His eyes have grown cold.
The change is off-putting for me. “How is it not my concern? It involves me.” I’ve never had the luxury of kicking back and letting another person handle my business. We’ve butted head a dozen times over it already.
Wizard growls and grabs my upper arms. “Am I your Old Man?”
My mind goes blank. Is this a trick question? Yes, he is, but we both know he never wanted this.
“Let me rephrase that. I am your man. I’m the one taking care of you, defending you, and giving you a property vest. That means your problems are mine. The only thing you need to do is worry about work and shit around the house. You’re not a free agent. The title Old Lady has pluses and cons. You know that. Remember, your actions reflect upon me now.”
His words were a bucket of cold water to the face. If I fuck up, it’s his rep that gets tarnished. When he releases me I take a half step back.
“I been in this shit too long to let it be fucked up because you want to act rash. You’re level headed, Nevada. More than most, because you had to be. I thought you could handle this role. Don’t prove me wrong after I stuck my neck out for you, kid.”
My face grows hot. I feel scolded. “I’m not a kid.”
“Then stop acting like one.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop the comments that wants to flow. Talking back would be pointless and make me look more immature. He isn’t the person who deserves my anger.
“Now that we’re on the same page, I want to talk to you about your job.”
My muscles tense. “What about it?” I ask cautiously. Would this become a game of control? Had I escaped one prison and walked willingly into another?
“You like it?”
I shrug. “It pays and the cash spends.”
“But you don’t love it?”
“I don’t think there’s anything to love.”
“You want to do something else?”
“Like what?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. He’s not the type to have a pointless conversation.
“Remember that favor I said I’d ask for?”
“Yeah.”
“Pres has been after me to start up another legal gig. If you’re willing to work under me, I’d be willing to consider it.”
“Depends on what you have in mind.”
“A pawn shop that specializes in jewelry.”
I lean back against the washer. “I don’t know anything about jewelry.”
“That’s what school is for. I need someone I can trust to be the face and deal with people. We know I’m not always the best…people person.”
I snicker. That’s an understatement.
I love my co-workers. We’re a tightknit crew, and it’ll be sad to leave them. But I recognize this is a chance for me. With a specialized skill, I’ll feel like I’m doing something with my life. Right now, I’m a boat adrift in a sea, letting the current take me where it will. The concept of having more control over my life thrills me. “If you want me to, I’ll do it.”
“Yeah? I’ll grease the wheels and get them in motion. For now, just keep doing your thing. What’s for dinner?”
The abrupt change in conversation tells me the discussion about my father is over. It didn’t bother me the way I thought it might. It doesn’t feel like a dismissal coming from Wizard, just a move to a happier subject. It’s the way he shows me respect, even as he remains firmly in a position of power. There are many different ways to rule and show dominance.
“Chicken enchiladas. They’re in the oven now. I’ll take them out and prep them to eat before I take off for work tonight.”
“Are you avoiding me?”
“What?” I ask, shocked he even noticed. We’re like two ships passing in the night. I thought he preferred it that way.
“I notice you make dinner and bail. I want to know why. Your shift doesn’t start that early. Are you getting cold feet already?”
“No. I just… I’m not sure how to proceed with this. I don’t want to cramp your style, or overstep any boundaries.” I worry the edge of my shirt. “You did something amazing for me. I want to honor your wishes.”
“If I wanted to keep eating alone in silence, or be with someone else, I would. Don’t get all weird on me now, Nevy.”
Relief rushes through me like a river. He drew a clear line in the sand I could work with. There’d be no crazy bitches lying in wait to scratch my eyes out. I’d seen that shit happen one too many times. I’ve been slipping into the house after work, looking for signs of another woman. Now, I know why I never saw anything. “I was just trying to be respectful by making myself scarce.”
“Don’t, I like seeing your face around here.”
His gruff voice makes me smile. He’s not a man who speaks a hell of a lot, but what he does say has merit. “All right.”
I am still thinking about his words as I walk into work. Before opening hours, the club is an entirely different place. With the lights up, the swank black leather couches, round smoky-glass tables, and matching leather chairs could be mistaken for an upper scale dance club. Except for the numerous number of platforms with poles in the center. I wave at Big Todd, the security guard already posted up front to watch who is coming and going. I can’t say every stripper brings drama, but I will say they seem to attract it like metal to a magnet. So, we spare no expense when it comes to keeping our girls and the rest of us here safe.
Rival clubs aren’t normally the problem— sometimes tensions run high —but it is people who arrive thinking they can treat us any kind of way that wreaks the most havoc. It reminds me of high school. In their minds, being the child of a biker means you have to be a slut who gives it out to anyone who pays you the smallest bit of attention. I walk past the bars being set up and into the office to play catch-up from my days off.
The minute I step inside, Miranda rushes in and shuts the door behind me. “What the hell is going on, Nevada?”
“Hello to you, too, Mimi.”
“Are you kidding me right now? I get a message from Riker that we’re having a party to celebrate you becoming Wizard’s Old Lady and I haven’t heard shit?”
I sigh. The bubbly blonde has been my best friend for years. The minute she started seeing Riker, we met at a club get together and clicked. “It’s not like that at all, Mimi. Trust me. It’s purely logistical.”
“Bullshit.”
“Look, I can’t get into club business. I’ll just say Fuse came on too hard. Wizard shut him down and took me on to make sure everyone knew I wasn’t some bitch with a bulls-eye on her back.”
“Oh my God. Why didn’t you tell me?” Mimi rushes over and wraps her arms around me. “I am so sorry.”
“Me too.” I clear my throat. “I’m over it now. He got what he had coming to him. We kept it hush until we had a chance to actually adapt to things. It’s been a process moving in and getting used to living together.”
“I can’t even imagine, Nev. Wizard’s a good guy. I’m glad he went after that arrogant prick. You don’t deserve that bullshit.”
“Yeah,” I huff. We pull back. “Wizard didn’t want to see me left out in the cold. No more, no less. We’re cohabitating. I keep up the house and make him food. We’re both happy. I wish I had a Cinderella story for you,” I snicker, “but we know that shit doesn’t happen.”
“Hey, just because we haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it’s not possible.”
I envy her glass half-full mentality. Riker saved her from a horrific situation. To her, he’s her deliverer. Plus, she hasn’t been in this life long enough to be jaded. I don’t even remember a time in my life where I wasn’t suspicious and slightly bitter.
“Yeah, you’re right,” I say, forcing a small smile. I can fake it for her. She deserves that sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops crap.
“I know you think I’m naïve, but I believe in happily ever after. I’ve seen what love is capable of changing... If it can happen to other people, why not us?”
Because shit never works out for me. Maybe for you it will.
“You’ve got a point,” I concede.
Mimi sighs. “I wish I could take away your hurt, show you how much you miss out on when you shut yourself off to the possibilities.”
I shake my head. Dreams have never gotten me anywhere. Nor has wishing or hoping. No amount of prayer brought my mother home or made my father love me the way he should’ve. I’ve wasted enough birthday wishes on those two to know they didn’t work. “Survival is the name of the game, Mimi. You know that. I do what I have to, and that means being realistic. That head in the cloud shit will get you crushed and beat down.” I scowl, thinking of the string of used up women. Depleted. Drained of all hope, ambition, and love over the years they were barely recognizable by the time they left. I watched them shrivel up and die inside, because they hadn’t guarded their hearts. I’ll be damned if I ever let that happen to me.
“Survival mode leads to living, not existing. Eventually, you have to move past that stage, or you’re going to end up old and full of regrets.” She holds up her hands. “I’m just saying maybe this thing with you and Wizard could be the best thing that ever happened to you. The man’s sexy as hell.”
“Come on, Mi. I mean yes, he’s attractive, but he’s like an uncle or something,” I say, playing down my crush. Our living arrangements aren’t the only things that have changed. The butterflies in my belly and sweaty palms that occur when I’m in his presences are complicating things. I’m seeing him as a man, not just one of my dad’s brother’s.
“Mmm-hmm.” She presses her lips together. “That’s a lot of denial for someone who feels nothing.”
Pursing my lips I remain silent. Anything else I say will only make it worse. “Did you come in here just to read me the riot? I have to check Carla’s paperwork over the past few days.”
“All right, I’ll let it drop for now, but don’t think for a minute I’m going to stop. I’m willing to fight for your happiness. The question is, why aren’t you?”
“I am happy.”
“Are you really?” She sweeps out of the room dramatically before I can respond.
Her words roll around in my head as I open up QuickBooks. Happiness is a flighty state of being I haven’t put much stock in. When you’re wondering how long you can stay somewhere, or where your next meal is going to come from constantly, it takes a back seat. Wizard has given me stability. Now what do I do with it?
***
Wizard
“Things still going well with the new Old Lady?” Stone asks.
We’re posted at the bar, shooting the shit while we hash out the pawn shop concept. I exhale the smoke from the cigar. I’ve been waiting for him to ask me this since the shit went down.
Stone is a good leader ’cause he knows each one of his men. He makes sure he’s up to date on what’s going on in our lives. Even when he seems like he’s just hanging out, he’s watching everything going down with a shrewd ass eye. We’ve ousted more than one rat.
I shrug. “Better than I was before. The laundry’s done, house is clean, and home cooked meals are in my belly. Every man’s dream, right?”
“Hmmm. And this new shit with, Hulk?”
I tilt my head. “You worried it might get out of control?”
“Not necessarily. Hulk can be impulsive, but he knows he’s always been wrong where Nevada is concerned. I think the fucker just needed an excuse to come home without losing face. He’s embarrassed you’re doing what he knew he should’ve a long time ago.”
“Why? No one told his dumbass to leave in the first place.” I have zero sympathy for him.
“Don’t ask me to understand the wasteland of that brother’s mind. Maybe he thought he’d be letting his Old Lady win if he was chained down? Once he caught wind of your coming out party he called me and put a kibosh on it. Said it wouldn’t happen until he talked to you in person. That’s why I pushed the date back.”
“She already did when she left without looking back. She’s off somewhere being happy as fuck, and he’s wandering like a nomad. This shit is stupid.” I scowl.
“Nothing wrecks a man like love.”
“If you’re stupid enough to buy into the bullshit,” I mutter.
“And you don’t?” Stone studies me.
His serious tone shocks me. “You think I’m going soft on you?”
“I think you’re living in a house with a hot young girl who thinks you fucking hang the moon. She always has.”
His words irritate me. “What? You think I did this shit ’cause I was hard up for pussy?” I ask, offended. He should know me better than that by now. She’s just a kid.
“No, I’m saying you’ve created the perfect storm. You’re getting long in the tooth, and Nevy is a good girl.”
“That’s why I wanted to help her out, Pres. Don’t turn this shit into a Lifetime special.”
“Look, you been edgy lately. I don’t want to lose another brother to the darkness. You’ve got a chance to get a hold of something soft and fucking pure. Grab that shit with both hands and don’t let go.”
I glance away. He’s seen the monster in me clawing its way up to the surface. It’s easier to be numb. It helps me process all of the ugly shit I’ve witnessed. We’re not big time. Our drama isn’t TV worthy, but it’s there and we always do what needs to be done to make sure we come out on top with clean hands. Some brothers balance that out with hard partying, drinking, drugs, or sex. I like all three as much as the next, but when you’re in your forties that shit isn’t as appealing as it used to be. There’s an emptiness in me that I’m not sure how to fill up. “What? You think I should make a move? Feels weird, man. I mean, Nevy is practically my niece isn’t she?”
He snorts. “You’re not that damn sentimental, brother. Give it time and open that thick ass skull of yours to the possibility of something more. You already have the responsibility. What’s wrong with reaping the benefits, too?”
“You got a point.” I take a pull off my cigar. The familiar action and scent steady me.
“I always do. That’s why I’m the one who runs this asylum. Now, let’s talk about this shit storm coming with Hulk. If you need to draw blood, I want it done swiftly. Right on the heels of the bullshit with Fuse, the last thing we need is more disturbance. That shit makes the brothers antsy.”
“I’ll talk to him. He left her in a bad way. If he’s mad at anyone, it should be himself,” I say.
“I know, brother. You’ll get no disagreements from me. If I had a kid I sure as hell wouldn’t leave her out to the wolves. Why do you think I always made sure we picked up the slack for Nev?”
I nod in understanding. “When do you think he’ll hit town?”
“Probably two, three days tops.”
“I’ll be ready.”
“Just remember, good women are important. They hold us down and keep shit legitimate when we don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.”
“I’m not going to turn Nevy against us, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No, but you need to be thinking about cementing shit between the two of you.”
“You ordering me?” I ask. It’s within his rights.
“Only asking you to seriously consider my words. Now, what about this shop?”
Just like that, we move on. “I thought on it for a while. We have a lot of varying businesses, and I want to do something different. A pawn shop will allow us to accept just about anything, and the emphasis on jewelry will make big bills plausible.”
“I like it. How do you want to set it up?”
“I’ll manage from the back and I’ll let Nevy be the face. She’s good with people. I’d rip someone’s head off.”
Stone nods. “Seems legit so far. Who are you thinking of taking on for a crew?”
“Figure I’ll talk it over with her. I like the thought of a mostly female crew with Prospects working security twenty-four seven.”
“I like where this is going, Wizard. It could be a place to turn a nice profit and it wouldn’t be hard to keep it looking legit. I want to get this shit in order. Find a spot for the shop, pick a name and give me the names of the crew you want working it with you. We’ll keep in touch.”
“Consider it done, P.”
“With you I always do.” Standing up, Stone slaps his hand on my shoulder. “Enjoy yourself. I’m going to hunt up some trim for the night.”
I glance around the clubhouse. It’s a slow night, but there’s a bevy of hanger-ons to pick from. They range in height, age, size, and hair tone. From olive to peaches and cream, their skin is on display in tight, revealing get-ups and their faces are heavily made up. It used to get my dick hard. Now, I’m indifferent. The same old shit gets old. A young girl with pale skin, a large rack, and the biggest fucking blue eyes I’ve ever seen sashays her way over to me.
“You want to have some fun?” When she tilts her head, platinum blonde locks fall around her oval-shaped face.
“I’ll pass tonight, sweetheart.” I drain the rest of my scotch, slam it onto the bar, and stand. The clubhouse doesn’t hold the same lure it did when I was a young man. I was born into this. So, I know for a fact, all that glitters ain’t gold. I make my way toward the exit, cursing Stone. My mind’s wondering, What if? Can I even do the relationship thing? All I’ve ever wanted was freedom, family, and a good time. The club had provided all of that just fine. Until now. I feel like an old man wearing a younger man’s clothing. As I step out into the night, my mind is on Nevada. Is it fucked up I’m seeing her as something more? I always knew she was beautiful, but you don’t let yourself go any further with thoughts when it comes to a brother’s little girl. Now, she’s a woman coming into her own. I get on my bike and head out of the complex toward the strip club.
The parking lot is half-empty, which is typical for a weeknight, unless someone’s getting together to talk business in a neutral place. I park up front and nod at Todd, who opens the door and lets me in. The loud rock hits my eardrums and the scent of the vanilla we constantly pump through our system assaults me. After the smoke-filled clubhouse, it’s almost nauseatingly sweet. I scan the club. The main two stages are open and have a small crowd drawn around each. There are three waitresses and none of them are Nevada. Frowning, I continue further into the dimly lit club.
“Hey, we got trouble?” the head security guard, Mike, asks.
I shake my head. “Nah, man. I’m just looking for Nevada.”
His eyebrows shoot up underneath his fringe of black hair. “Oh, she’s uh, in the office making change.”
“All right. I’ll go nurse a drink while she handles her business. It’s not a life or death thing.”
“Cool.” Mike disappears back into the crowd.
I spot a table with a view of the bar and weave my way through the crowd. Sinking into the black chair, I position myself to ensure I’ll see Nevada when she comes out, but she won’t see me. I want a chance to study her.
“Hi, what can I get you?”
I peer up at the buxom redhead and find myself unmoved by her cleavage and the copious amount of skin revealed in the booty shorts. “Two fingers of scotch straight up with a splash of water.”
“Coming right up, handsome.” She winks and walks over with an exaggerated sway of her hips.
If I were a girl, I would roll my eyes. Don’t waste your time. I ain’t buying what you’re selling. I’m too old to be led around by my dick. I spot Nevada walking from the hallway with a security guard beside her. For the first time, I try to look at her objectively. I squash the familial feelings and take in her lithe tan legs. Her thighs are juicy along with her ass. Her breasts are full and tempting in the low cut black T-shirt. Her dark hair tumbles around her face and my eyes linger on her pouty lips. She’d give Angeline Jolie a run for her money with those DSLs. She walks with confidence and an unconscious grace. It’s attractive. The thought is alarming.
The waitress drops off the drink.
I dig a twenty out of my cut and hand it to her. “Keep the change.”
“Thank you.”
Her bright tone falls on partially deaf ears. I can’t stop seeing Nevy as the woman I want in my bed and not Hulk’s daughter. She rounds the corner and I watch her ass flex. The black lycra shorts hug her round derriere like a second skin. My body heats, and I shift my weight to relieve the tension forming in my jeans. It’s time I admit I’m not going to be able to go back to seeing her any other way. It’s like a blindfold has been removed. Thinking she’s hot doesn’t mean I have to launch headfirst into anything. Sipping on the scotch, the tension leaves my body and I study her as she interacts with her co-workers.
She’s got a gentle touch, but she’s firm. They obey her without giving her shit and she smiles at the appropriate times.
When the drink is empty, I make my way over to her. “Nevy.”
She looks up. “Wizard?” she says, and leans over the bar. “Is something wrong?”
“No. I just got done talking with Pres. He wants us to work on picking out a site for the store and our crew.”
She blinks. “This is happening fast.”
“Yeah, you need to pick your replacement. He wants you as the manager there, which means you’ll have to go to gemology school.”
“I think Carla can handle it. Everyone respects her, she’s good at problem-solving, and her numbers are never off.”
“Good, let everyone know tonight that you’ll be leaving in a few weeks.”
“O-okay.” Her cheeks tint pink.
Automatically, my lips quirk upward. Despite her hardened shell, there’s a softness inside that’s appealing. Suddenly, I’m standing in the middle of quicksand and I’m not sure I have an escape plan ready.