CHAPTER ELEVEN
Skull
“Are you excited?” I ask running my hand over the belly that seems to have popped out overnight.
“I am. Nervous too, I think. Are you going to be disappointed if it’s not a boy?”
“Hell, no. I remember all the trouble I got into growing up. If I could avoid that, it’d be a plus.”
She giggles and I give her a kiss on her forehead. I’m doing my best to keep my nervousness from showing. It’s been two days since the wedding, and I haven’t heard anything about her father. He’s a slippery eel. I wouldn’t put it past him to be hard to take care of.
“I’m glad you say that. I know most men want a boy to pass on their legacy to,” she says.
“Don’t know if I’d want this life for my kids. I’m thinking college and a life outside of the insanity would be the way to go. As much as I love the club. I’m fully aware of the fact that it shortens many lives.” I lean back against the headboard and study her as she slips from the bed. She’s beautiful right now. Her hair has grown longer. It grazes her breasts and curls around her nipples when we make love.
She slips on a white skirt and flowy white blouse with pink flowers on it. “Can you believe this?” she asks turning toward me cupping her belly.
“I think the secret is about to be out, love,” I say.
“Yeah.” She sighs and pulls out a light pink blouse with a flower pattern. She ties the shirt in the center and turns to me. She’s a maternal goddess with her glowing skin and Mona Lisa smile.
“Beautiful.”
She wrinkles her nose. “We’re only four months in. I’m going to be huge.”
“No, you’ll be pregnant.”
She huffs, unties the shirt, and slips on a bra with a white tank top.
It’s insane how normal watching my woman dress has become. The days of staying in the guest room are long gone.
“How are you sessions with Dr. Reichsight going?”
“Intense, but good. There’s a lot to clear out of dark spaces, but I feel like we’re getting there,” I answer honestly.
“So you’re glad you went?” she asks.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Are you still worried about the baby having schizophrenia?” she asks.
“I’ll always be worried about that, but I’m seeing it’s not the demonized condition I made it out to be.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that.”
My phone buzzes. I reach over to the dresser. “Hello.”
“It’s done, brother,” Stone says.
I release a shaky breath. “That’s a good thing.”
“We need you to come in and debrief, and make sure our asses are covered.”
I close my eyes. “You there?”
“Yeah, was about to take the Old Lady to her doctor appointment.”
“Everything all right?” Stone asks.
“Yeah, today we find out the sex of the baby.”
“Sorry, brother. This is important.”
“I know, I’ll make arrangements,” I say hanging up.
Ruthie stares at me with glassy eyes. “You have to go?”
“Yes, I’m sorry.”
“I’ll get the doctor to put the sex in an envelope.”
“I’m sorry, babe.” I slip out of bed and hug her from behind.
“Maybe Rochelle will go with me?”
“Have you talked to her?”
“No, but I figure this way, I can bribe her with baby crap.”
I laugh. “Good plan.” I force myself to move away from her and pull on a clean white t-shirt and my jeans. I grab my cut off the chair and shrug it on. “Call her now, so I know you’re not going to be alone.”
She sighs heavily.
“You want to see who’s more stubborn?”
“No.” She grabs her phone off the nightstand.
I wait and then cringe as she holds the phone away from her ear and a shrill voice from little Rowan comes out of the earpiece.
“You want to go to my gyno appointment? I’m finding out what the baby is today,” Ruthie yells.
“Really?” Rochelle asks.
I pat Ruthie’s back to let her know I’m leaving. She’ll be fine. She looks up at me and I mouth, “Boundaries.” She nods her head. I pat her ass one last time and leave the room before she sucks me back in. I want to know what happened to this shit stain.
Twenty minutes later, I walk into the clubhouse and Shadow cheers.
“Pay up!” He holds his hand out to Echo who scowls and slaps a C-note into Shadow’s open palm.
“I miss something?” I ask.
“Just betting on what you’d roll in here looking like,” Shadow explains.
“Dixie Rose gave me hell when I had to leave her in that plush honeymoon suite. She understood why, but damn she was going to make sure I had an ear full.”
“No, Ruthie rolled with it. Called her sister up and said she’d put the sex of the baby in an envelope, so we could find out together.”
“Everything good between them now?” Shadow asks.
“I have no clue. This was the first time she’s called her up. I hope the olive branch works. It’s just the two of them, and family should stick together.”
“As long as their crazy ass mother doesn’t get involved,” Echo says.
“I know. She knows to tell her she needs boundaries. Ruthie is a good girl. She’ll do the right thing,” I say.
The door opens and I straighten as the Hell’s Dominion crew begins to file in. With their blackout cuts, they blend in well. All their patches and information are done in black. I’m impressed. It’s a smart idea.
Stone stands. “Alright boys, let’s start taking this into Church.”
I study the other club as we make our way inside the room. Their faces tell a story of violence and cruelty. Scars line sun weathered skin, and the rotted out teeth speak of the meth they consumed to stay up for days at a time. They are hardcore. The top of the food chain when it came to money, cruelty, and power. It was like looking at an order of black knights. It’s standing room only by the time we close the door. I prop myself against a wall between Echo and Shadow to wait.
“I want to thank everyone for being here tonight. This isn’t my story to tell, so I’m going to hand it over to friends, to the club HD President, Scar.” Stone take a seat, and the room goes silent.
Scar is a fifty something man with meaty shoulders. A crooked nose, cold black eyes, and long brown hair threaded with gray. The jagged deep set scar that travels across his left eye explain his name. “I want to thank the Kings for their hospitality. HD appreciates you guys reaching out to us. It seems our problem fell off the wagon, binged on a cocktail of drugs, crashed and decided life wasn’t worth living in a cheap hotel. He strung himself up with his own belt. If I was there, I’m sure it would’ve been satisfying to watch the fucker that exposed our organization squirm like a worm on a hook until he pissed and shit himself and took his final breath. Now, we were all at the wedding, so as much as the pigs have a hard on for us. The alibi is solid. We plan on getting out of dodge tonight. If they want to track us across the states, they can, but we sure as hell ain’t going to make it easy on them.”
Laughter rumbles through the room.
Personally, I’m happy the bastard is gone. There’s just certain shit you don’t do. He crossed too many lines and it caught up with him. I’m worried about the effect it’ll have on my girl though, and how I’m going to pull her out of the funk I know will follow. Pregnancy makes women mental. It makes me worry about her like a parent with a teenager. Jesus, Christ, I’m going to be someone’s dad. I take in the rest of Scar’s speech, but my mind is on my new family. She’s going to come home with an envelope that’s going to make this that much realer.
Time is ticking down. She’s four months. In five more months or less, he or she will be arriving. I’m not ready. A creeping panic rises up and winds its way through my body. I’m still a work in progress. How the hell am I going to successfully raise a little person? I blink. The training from therapy kicks in. I take a deep breath and think about the things I can control. She has not one, but two potential homes. We both make good money. We need to start getting shit ready.
Shadow nudges me with his elbow. “You, good?”
“Yeah, just making a shopping list.”
“O-kay,” Shadow replies with a sideways glance.
“Let’s get these boys stocked and on their way,” Stone calls out.
There’s a flurry of motion as men move to the door.
I wade my way in and over to Stone. “Pres, do you need me right now?” I ask.
He smirks. “Naw, go be with your girl and that babe. I want to know what it is.”
“Me too.” I clap his shoulder. “Thank you.”
I walk out front and text, Ruthie.
How did the doc go? –S
Great. The baby is fine. I got the envelope. –R
Where are you now? –S
Home. Rochelle is here- R
On my way. I need to take you somewhere. She can come too – S
I pocket the phone and get on my bike. I have to do something to put my mind at ease.
***
I walk inside the house to find Ruthie and Rochelle sitting on the couch.
“Hey. Everything okay?” Ruthie asks.
I stare at her and shake my head.
She stands. “Skull?” Her voice wavers.
I want to tell her I’m fine, but I can’t speak past the lump in my throat. I walk over to her, bury my fingers in her silken hair and pull her to me. I press my lips to hers. “I love you.”
“Whoa. What happened?” She cups my face and tilts it to the left and right. Her hands run down my body.
“What are you doing?”
“Checking you for an injury.”
I laugh. “I had an awakening. I knew I needed to return home and come clean. I love you, Ruthie Gregg. Life is crazy. I have no clue what’s going to happen from one minute to the next. So I needed to tell you that.”
“I love you too.” Tears glisten in the Peridot jewels she calls eyes.
I smile.
Rochelle’s squeals make me flinch and ruin the moment.
“You guys are like some romance novel.”
I grimace. “Fuck that. This is real. Speaking of real. Get ready to go. We need to shop.”
Ruthie’s jaw drops.
“For the baby.”
“Oh, I take back everything I said earlier,” Rochelle says.
“I don’t know if I like you or not,” the words are out before I can filter and I wonder if the baby brain shit is catching.
“Hah. At least you’re honest,” Rochelle says.
“I know a man ain’t supposed to get between sisters, but I need to know where you stand with my Old Lady. When she needed you, you sided with your mom.”
“Damn, you called it, Ruthie. I wasn’t choosing a side. I love them both. Mom had just revealed a painful, dark secret. I couldn’t leave her alone. I knew Ruthie was hurt, but she’d be okay. I couldn’t say the same for Mom. I had to see where her head was at.”
“Obviously still up her ass, seeing as how she’s still acting like a crazy bitch.”
Rochelle flinches.
I stare her down daring her to defend her mother in my home.
“I don’t agree with what she’s doing. That doesn’t make her any less my mother.”
“Keep that shit separate from Ruthie. You don’t play messenger, or pressure her. You start stressing her out, and I’m going to step in.”
Rochelle looks to Ruthie.
“No this is between you and me. Cause she’s too nice for her own good when it comes to the whole lot of you.”
Rochelle huffs. “I’m not going to do anything to hurt my sister or her baby. I can keep them separate.”
“See that you do. Now you coming shopping with us or what, baby sister?”
She blinks.
I wink. I don’t dwell on shit. I speak my mind, and move on.
“Now that I know the two of you aren’t going to kill each other, I have to go pee.” Ruthie’s comment breaks the tension.
***
Ruthie
“Why did we buy porn mags, and expensive scotch?” I ask as we leave the store.
“I have somewhere to take you. I meant to do it earlier, but life’s been pretty insane for us.”
“So true. Do you want to tell me what the shopping spree the other day was about?” I ask. The bedroom that once belonged him had been converted to a nursery with an Expresso colored changing table, glider, and matching crib. We’d picked a monster theme for the crib sheets, baby bumpers, and curtains since we had yet to discover the sex.
“I realized how unprepared we were. I didn’t like it.”
“Are you sure that’s it?” I ask studying him.
“Yeah. Now that we’ve made a dent in the massive to do list before the bean comes, I’m feeling a lot better. You don’t need to worry about me, Ruthie. I’m supposed to be looking after you.’
“We look out for each other,” I reply.
He pats my hand. “When do you want to find out the sex?”
“I was leaving that up to you,” I answer, careful to keep my tone light. The visit had been enlightening. There were things I needed to tell him. Problem was, I didn’t know how to even approach the topic. We’d been moving along swimmingly. Rocking the boat seemed disastrous. I smooth down my black skirt, and look out the window in an attempt to ignore my guilt. I had a few ideas about how to tell him. “I’ll think of a fun way to do it. In front of everyone or just each other?”
“Seeing as how half of them don’t know you’re pregnant that would be hilarious. We should do it. Plan a party and have everyone over.”
“A baby reveal party?”
“If you have to label it,” he says sounding offended.
I giggle. “Yeah, I’ll put it together.”
I notice we’re pulling into a retirement community. “I thought your grandparents were dead.”
“They are. This is someone else who was close to both of us. My grandpa’s best friend, Ray. The one I told you about. He’s sort of taken over where Grandpa left off. I come to see him a couple times a month and keep him stocked up on the essentials.”
“Yes, because these…” I shake the plastic bag with the porn mags and liquor. “…Are the must haves.”
“Damn straight. Closest he’s going to get to a girlfriend.”
“Gross, babe.”
“Honest. Then again, maybe there’s some old babe here who’s caught his eye.”
“Stop. I think you’re making it even worse,” I grumble.
“One day, that’s going to be us. I’m still going to expect to be getting in,” he quips.
“You would,” I say dryly. I lower the visor and smooth down my hair. “You could’ve told me we were coming here.”
“You look perfect, Mama. Don’t go getting all nervous on me now.”
“Too late.”
We exit the car, and he wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Ray is the most laid back man you’ll ever meet. He’s going to be ecstatic to meet you.”
We enter the facility and I take in the clean floors, the active men and women. There’s a group of them at a table reading the paper. Another group is painting on the lawn. It’s a far cry from what I think of when a retirement home is mentioned. “This is a really nice place,” I whisper.
“Only the best for Ray. I’d kill a nurse if they dared mishandle him. His wife passed years ago, and his only child, a son, was lost to drugs back home in Chicago.”
“So, you’re his only family,” I say as understanding dawns.
“His grandkids just got in contact with him, and they’re thinking of moving. I hope they do. It’d really lift his spirits. They keep him busy here with activities, and trips, but I’m not able to get here as regularly as I’d like. He understands, but it’s still not an ideal situation.”
We stop at the desk.
“Mr. Skull, it’s good to see you again.”
“Thanks, Ms. Bev, I bought a guest who’ll be coming with me. This is my girlfriend, Ruthie.”
I lean in and shake the fair haired woman’s hands. “It’s lovely to meet you Ms. Bev.”
“Same here, Ms. Ruthie. Never thought I’d see the day a woman caught our Skull.”
Her sweet tone would be at odds with his image, but I know the man who wears the cut.
“You think you’re surprised, imagine how I feel,” he replies playfully. “How’s Ray doing today?”
“Really good. The visit with his grandchildren boosted his moral. I think he needed that. I think he’s outside right now.”
“Thanks, Ms. Bev. We’ll find him.”
Skull takes my hand and leads me through the facility and out the side door that opens to a well-manicured lawn and garden area full of benches, patio furniture and people.
A tall, slender, black man with gray hair waves at us.
“That’s Ray,” Skull says.
The adoration in his voice warms my heart.
The man, Ray, stands. A wide smile turns his thick white mustache up at the ends. “You brought someone to see me?” Ray asks as we approach. Dressed in a pair of crisp pressed khaki pants and a light blue bowling shirt with a black and white stripe, he exudes cool. He’s the Grandpa we all want.
“I did. Ray, this is my Ruthie. Ruthie, this is Ray.”
Ray steps forward and offers his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, young lady.”
“Likewise,” I say. I reach into my purse, and pull out the plastic bag I’d smuggled in. “We brought you some essentials.”
“Willing to bend a few rules for your man, huh? Oh, yeah, she’s a keeper.” His dark brown eyes light up.
I now understand why Skull brings them.
“I know,” Skull says.
“I stick to the nutritional plan they’ve set. But sometimes, an old man needs to indulge a little.” He winks at me. “Let’s sit. Fill me in on what I’ve missed.”
We sit to his left and his right.
“We moved into Grandma and Grandpa’s house.”
“Well now, they’d love that. How are you getting along there?” he asks.
“Good, it’s brought back a lot of great memories,” Skull answers.
“I love the vintage feel. It was like moving to a dream home,” I add. I also like the effect it has had on Skull.
“What’s going on with your grandchildren?” Skull asks.
“They’re submitting resumes now, and preparing to move. I told them they can live in my home if they can pay for the utilities. I think they’re both looking for a fresh start. I know what that feels like. I want to help them. Wanted to ask you and your lady friend a favor.”
“Shoot,” Skull urges.
“Help them adapt and adjust. Be a friend?”
“Of course, Ray. Any family of yours is my family too,” Skull says.
“Appreciate it.” Ray nods. “Boy is a mechanic. He can fix anything from bikes to cars. I figured it’d be a good fit for your crew. I know you said y’all are opening up the circle to others.”
“You want me to take him on as a prospect?”
“I think it could be good for him. You’ll have to feel him out of course,” Ray says.
“I’ll see what I can do, Ray. When will they be headed this way?” Skull asks.
“Over the next three months.”
It’s exciting listening to them talk. He’d be KOC’s first African American member. It’s a title that’s past due.
We spend the rest of the afternoon keeping Ray company. A few rounds of Bingo and lunch later, we leave. As we drive home, I plot in my mind planning a way to deliver the news burning on my lips.
My phone rings and I see my sister’s name flash on the screen. It’s good having her back in my life. We’ve agreed to leave Mom out of our relationship. We’ve always had different experiences with her, and the boundaries I’ve set are necessary. If she can’t put aside her bigotry and play nice, she’ll stay away from us. It was a tough decision to come to. I feel for her. The things she went through are unimaginable. If she wanted to get help, I’d be with her every step of the way. Instead, she’d let it bitter her, and ruin what should’ve been an unbreakable bond with me, her daughter.
“Hey sis, what’s up?”
“Dad’s dead.”
“What?” I sit up in my seat.
“He went on some fucked up binge, and hung himself in his hotel room in some seedy motel.”
I cover my mouth. “Oh, my God.”
“I don’t—I don’t even know how to feel right now. There were things I wanted to ask him. Answers to questions that died with him.”
I bite my tongue to keep my thoughts to myself. There was no such thing as a straight story with him. He always had a slant, an angle, or a lie. After all the drugs, I doubt his recall was anything to write home about. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. I glance over at Skull. Did he know about this? My father was many things, but a coward wasn’t one of them. More like too stupid to know when to quit. I saw him going out in a blaze of glory. This was too much like a whimper. “How’s Mom?”
“I don’t know. She went cationic when I told her. I’m still over at her house.”
“You need anything from me?”
“Not yet. Once I know what his wishes were, then the funeral planning begins. We’ll go from there. This is going to hit the news. I wanted to give you a heads up.
“Jesus, it never stops,” I say.
“I know. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say hanging up. “My father is dead. He hung himself in his hotel room.” I study Skull’s response.
“I’m sorry, Mama.” He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Are you going to be okay?”
“You’re not surprised by this, are you?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“No.”
“Did you do this?”
“No. Told you his past was going to get him. That’s exactly what happened, and it stays between us.”
His voice has a hard edge I’ve never heard him use with me. “Of course.”
“Good. I know he was your pops, so I’m not going to speak ill of him.”
“No he was more a sperm donor than anything else. Media is going to have a field day.”
“We’ve got your back with that. I’m glad we made the move to my house when we did. Now, we won’t be moving abruptly.”
His nonchalance is chilling. Dealing with death and betrayal is something he’s had to do who knows how many times? I place my hands on my belly to steady myself as a war begins in my head. What kind of a person am I that I can stay with the man who had a hand in killing my father? The man was a fleeting presence in my life. He caused nothing but pain and heartache, but he was still my father.
“You’re quiet.”
“I don’t know how I should feel.”
“There’s no right or wrong. Are you happy he’s dead?”
“No! Of course not.”
“Then I’d say anything else you have going on is appropriate. He wasn’t some father of the year. He did some fucked up shit. Left you and your family high and dry, and played a huge role in what happened to your mom. That’s heavy.”
“I should be sad. At least a little bit. But I can’t even can shed a tear. I’m more worried about how it’ll affect us. Is the media going to stalk me down? Will they seek me, Rochelle and Mom out? My God, what would that do to her?”
“You have all these worries and concerns, but are they anything you can control?”
“No.”
“So all you can do is wait, see what happens and deal with it.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“No, I never said that it would be easy.”
His calm acts like nails on a chalkboard. “Maybe I don’t want to wait. I’m sick of feeling like my life is a series of chaotic events.”
“I think that’s the definition of life, babe,” he states calmly.
I lean back against the headrest and grit my teeth. I don’t want to lash out at the wrong person. None of this is his fault. I’m furious because I know I’ll never find closure. Why couldn’t you just leave, you stubborn bastard? You knew the risks better than most. Maybe that was it? Were you just tired of running? I don’t believe for one second he didn’t know HD was going to come for him. My throat tightens and I swallow. Even dead, the man is upsetting the balance my life holds.