Chapter Fifteen – Bryn

As I watch Rebekah walk away from me, I know that this is all kind of wrong but I can’t find the strength within me to yell at her to stop. I suppose somewhere deep in my brain I know that I need this moment alone, I have to digest it. I mean, I want to be with Rebekah, I’m really desperate to give us a try, but a baby? I don’t know if I can hack a kid that seems to have come from nowhere. Well, I suppose not nowhere, I’m aware of the risks of having unprotected sex which we did a lot when we got caught up in the moment, but still… this is insane. I’m wrecking my career over a girl, I’m already struggling to hold it together. How will I do it if I’m a father? I don’t think I can. I might have to choose one thing or another… which is a choice that gives me a headache.

I clutch onto my forehead, willing the pain to just go already. I can’t hack it, it’s crushing my skull. I need to talk to someone about it, and since Andrew, the closest person that I have to a friend, isn’t here, it’s going to have to be someone else. Someone who can tell me what to do. I have to speak to the Coach…

I stare up at the area where Coach’s office is, my heart hammering in my chest. He isn’t going to like this but I think it’s time that I’m truly honest with him about everything. He won’t like it, but at least he’ll understand. So, with frustrated tears pricking at my eyes I walk slowly towards the elevator with my eyes fixed on my feet. My brain needs proof that I’m actually taking action towards making this happen, that I’m stepping towards the office. It feels a bit like my body is floating up in the air, like none of this is real. Maybe it isn’t, perhaps I’m having a nightmare. This could quite easily be my brain’s way of coping with the idea of commitment.

I step into the elevator, falling backwards against the wall, and I slide my eyes closed in despair. I rub my forehead, noticing how sticky and sweaty I am. Then, just as a little test, I slap myself in the face just to see if I feel pain… and yep, there’s a definite sting. This is real alright, I’m one hundred percent awake.

As the doors ping open and I’m faced with the image of Coach’s door, I regret my decision to come here first. Maybe this isn’t the best plan, perhaps I should be thinking about this first, but I’ve made it all this way. I suppose now I might as well take the next few steps. I don’t know if I’ll be able to force myself up here again.

Breathe in… I remind myself as I step. Breathe out… don’t forget to breathe. Keep breathing.

It feels like a real effort to do so, I can barely get the air into my lungs. I don’t know I’m not on the floor in a heap right now, it’s never felt like such an effort just to keep myself alive. I must have some serious inner strength.

With a real heavy heart, I raise my fist and I bang it against the pine door. The sound is so loud, it echoes and racks through my whole body. I actually wince under the strain of it all. My heart hurts even more.

“Come in,” Coach calls, already sounding unimpressed. This isn’t going to go down well at all!

I peer my head around the door and give him an apologetic look. The expression I get back is very cold, there’s no friendliness to him now. Well, I suppose we might as well start as we mean to go on.

“Can I speak to you?” I rasp. “Do you have time for me to chat to you?”

He pauses, twisting his hands together while he regards me curiously. I can barely stand the weight of his look, it crushes through my entire body. I find my eyes flickering up and down like I’m guilty of a crime.

“Sure, Bryn,” he finally replies wearily. “Take a seat. Let’s have a talk, shall we? This is becoming very common, don’t you think?” He waits for me to answer, which I don’t. “Come on then, what do you have to say?”

I realize that I’m shaking as I take a seat, my whole body is trembling violently. I wonder if Coach notices.

“Coach, I…” I don’t know where to start, I should have planned this. “I’m sorry, I have done something…”

He sighs noisily. “What have you done, Bryn? Have you broken a bone, or something? Can you not play?”

“No.” I shake my head rapidly, not wanting him to worry. “No, nothing like that at all.”

“Oh God,” he groans. “Does that mean it’s going to be a PR scandal then? Do I have work to do?”

I don’t know how to answer that, because it might very well be. I haven’t even thought about how this is going to affect us all if it comes out. I’m sure it won’t be good though! “No, I don’t think… well, I’m not sure.”

“Yep, okay, you’re officially killing me with curiosity here. Will you just tell me already?”

“I have been… having a relationship of sorts with Rebekah…” Urgh, how cringy.

“Rebekah?” Coach furrows his eyebrows, not sure what this means. “Who is Rebekah?”

“She’s…” My entire face heats up. “She’s on the cheerleading team. She’s the new girl.”

“Oh, fucking hell.” Coach drops his pen hard on his desk. “Do you know what you’ve done? This is unacceptable bullshit. You can’t keep seeing her. You have to end it immediately.”

Wow… I guess I didn’t really think that might be the biggest issue. Now, what I have to say next is even worse. “I have already, but that isn’t enough. She’s…” My blood runs ice cold with shock. “She’s pregnant.”

Coach is silent for far too long. He leaves me uncomfortable in my seat. I keep shifting awkwardly while I wait for his reaction. His face isn’t even showing off any emotions. He looks like a statue, completely frozen, made from stone. I almost want to get out and walk from the room, to give him time to deal with this. Maybe he needs some time to process the madness of the situation just as much as I do. I can understand that.

“Bryn,” he finally says quietly. “This is absolutely unacceptable. All of it. I can’t even wrap my head around how you allowed this to happen. You are my smartest guy, the one who I’ve always been able to rely on. I don’t understand how we’re in this situation now. There are others I wouldn’t have been so shocked with, there are some guys I expect this from, but you… you are different.” He shakes his head, disappointed in me. “And it isn’t working out for you, is it? This affair you’re having with one of the girls is not only forbidden, but it’s distracting you as well. You’re playing like absolutely shit at the moment and I can’t have it.”

I part my lips, ready to argue my case. I’m willing to tell Coach that I’ll do anything, I’ll work harder, I’ll find a way to make it okay again, but I know that won’t be the truth. I can’t have it all. I need to decide what’s more important. Everything that I’ve been through races and darts through my mind everywhere.

“I don’t know what to do with you, Bryn, I really don’t.” He looks down like he can’t even stand the sight of me. “How am I supposed to make a decision here? Tell me, what do you think I should do?”

I don’t know how to answer that, so I don’t say anything. I raise my shoulders in a half-hearted shrug and Coach’s eyes bore hard into me. It’s almost as if he’s daring me to argue with him.

“Well, at the very least I’m going to have to suspend you while a decision is made…”

“Suspend me?” The thought of losing out now while I’m so close to finals kills me. “No, you don’t…”

“Of course I do!” Coach sounds utterly bewildered by my reaction. “What do you expect? The cheerleaders are off limits, I can’t have this story getting out and I haven’t done anything about it.”

“Are you serious?” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “All the guys hook up with cheerleaders.”

James has, for sure. He didn’t sleep with Tia and keep quiet about it. he bragged to us all. Even Coach must know that happened. He can’t seriously believe that everyone has been well behaved? I give him a glare right back, knowing that at least as far as this is concerned, I’m definitely in the right.

“Are any of the other guys having a baby with a cheerleader?” He cocks his head and sneers. “Are any of them playing like shit because they’re so distracted by some pretty girl’s legs? No, didn’t think so.”

“But you can’t kick me off the team now.” A passion fills my tone. I can’t give up that easily. “I came here to be honest with you, to tell you what I’ve done. I don’t want to end up kicked off the team because of it.”

“I’m not kicking you off. But I absolutely have to suspend you.”

“But it’s so close to finals, this can’t happen now..,”

“Yeah, well unfortunately you didn’t think about that when you were screwing around, so it’s too late to think of that now. You didn’t care about basketball when you were knocking up the cheerleader…”

I hate the way that he’s talking about me, so I scrape my chair back and push myself into a standing position. Coach’s reaction is infuriating me. I came to him for help and advice and he doesn’t care about me at all. Yes, I’ve made a mistake, but that doesn’t have to mean anything. Other basketball players have families, so why can’t I? Not that I think I’m ready for it, but it doesn’t seem fair that I’m singled out and punished.

“What am I supposed to do now then?” I demand. “Since I’m fucking losing everything.”

“I don’t know,” Coach admits. “This isn’t a situation that I’m familiar with. I would suggest that you go home for now and you wait for communication. This all needs to go through a lot of people before a formal decision can be made. This might involve a press conference and everything so I would plan for that…”

Urgh, I hate all the media stuff more than anything else. I much prefer to keep my private life to myself, but I suppose that’s what happens when you mix business with pleasure. This should never have happened.

“Right, fine.” I sound sulky, but I don’t like this outcome. For now, I need to let the argument lie though because rowing further will only infuriate Coach. I’m going to have to give him to calm the hell down. “I’ll go then. I would like that you keep me up to date though, so I know what’s happening.”

Coach doesn’t reply. I guess he doesn’t feel like I deserve to know which only confirms how mad he is. So, I turn slowly and I trudge out of his office, feeling like a lost little child. Basketball is my identity, I don’t know what I am without it, I don’t know how to cope at all. And as for the other thing that I need to think of, the idea of becoming a father, well that’s just unbelievable. At the moment I don’t know what to do with it.

That thought will have to wait.